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Jaeyun wouldn’t exactly categorise herself as psychotic. Maybe a bit dearranged, sure, after all, there’s a reason why during Freshman Year she got a two-day suspension when the fanfiction of her chemistry and P.E teacher she wrote became public knowledge.
But that’s past gone; she’s a 21-year-old, mature and smart girl who doesn’t get hung up on stupid shit, like getting trash-talked behind her back or who’s liking Heeseung, her soon-to-be-boyfriend, on Instagram. She’s reached a zen state; that’s what studying physics does to a person: it makes everything feel a bit insignificant. The sun is gonna blow up anyway, she used to think, better seize the day and shit.
Jaeyun wouldn’t categorise herself as psychotic. At least not until now.
When Heeseung invited her to one of his friend’s birthday party, she didn’t think much of it. Like usual, it was at this one club they used to go before midterms started, with pretty decent music and expensive drinks that she didn’t think were worth the fifteen bucks for a Mojito, but whatever. School has been on her ass lately, and the only thing that could fix her is to make some irresponsible financial decisions and have a good laugh out of it.
By nine, he goes to her apartment, while she’s finishing the look; she’s wearing her favourite low-waisted jeans with a black tank top, with a couple of stacked chains she found all around. On the top of her lids, there’s a light layer of shimmer from the eyeshadow palette she stole from Sunghoon’s time as a figure skater and some peach blush on the high part of her cheeks. When the doorbell rings, she’s halfway through straightening her blonde hair.
Heeseung brushes his lips against hers, softly, and the closeness makes Jaeyun smell his wooden perfume that drove her crazy the first couple of times they saw each other. Now it makes her a bit dizzy. “I’ll be ready in five,” she says, “I promise.”
Heeseung hums and lets himself fall on her bed. From the bathroom, she’s telling him a little bit about her day, to fill in the silence that’s only broken by the sound of the bulbs, even though he doesn’t seem to be very interested in it, making some noises from time to time, to make it seem like he’s listening to her, but clearly more interested in whatever is on his phone.
When her hair is all nice and straight, she goes to unplug the straightener and finally brushes her teeth. While she’s on it, she feels how Heeseung hugs her from behind, cold hands around her naked waist. He rests his forehead on the nape of her shoulder, and his hair tickles, so she lets a little laugh.
“What’s with you?” She asks, still with toothpaste on her mouth, then she spits, but Heeseung doesn’t pull away. For a moment, she looks at both of them in the mirror. She likes the contrast of his hair against hers. “You’re awfully clingy.”
“Baby,” he says, sounding a little bit like a plea, “You know I love you, right?”
Jaeyun stares at him and says, sounding a little bit too much like a question. It’s not like Heeseung hasn’t told her that he loves her, because he has, but the context is usually wildly different; it’s more breathy, less rational. It seems too deliberate now to carry something good, “yes?”
Heeseung kisses her shoulder blade and then says, “So you won’t hate me if I told you my friend invited Jongseong, right? You know they’re still friends and...” Heeseung’s voice turns into a distant sound, because for a moment, Jaeyun feels as if the world stops. Then, as if it tilted for a second but went back to its place, leaving her there, on the verge of falling. So, Jongseong.
The first time Jaeyun learned about this Jongseong girl, she was lying on Heeseung’s bed wearing one of his shirts and her plain black underwear. Up until that point, they’d seen each other for about two weeks, so it was safe to say she didn’t know much about the guy. He was the friend of one of her girlfriend’s boyfriends, and besides the basics, like the fact that he was majoring in Music Composition, or that he was one of those LoL players, Heeseung was still a mystery to her. Did it really stop her from sleeping with him? No. Not really.
So, she’s there, her hair slightly matted on his pillow, listening to him heat the water to have a cup of ramen in bed, when, from the corner of her eye, something catches her attention. Hanging on the wall, there’s a print in glossy paper. It’s a cool, black-and-white illustration of a dragon, rendered in ink-like traces. Jaeyun sits up, looking at it more closely.
Heeseung gets back to the room when she’s doing her examination of this art piece. He hands her a cup, which she receives with cold hands, and asks him, “You draw?"
She feels the bed sinking with his weight, and he coughs awkwardly. Jaeyun looks at him, raising her eyebrows, and Heeseung finally says, “No. I bought it.”
“It’s badass,” Jaeyun replies, “who’s the artist?”
Heeseung hesitates and, before slurping on his ramen cup, tells her. “Park Jongseong. She’s not taking commissions anymore.”
“Ah, sucks.” Jaeyun takes a bite herself, “and how do you know this Jongseong? Pop on your Insta?”
He chokes on his own food. Jaeyun leaves the cup on the floor and hurries to rub his back, his face growing red with the exertion. “She’s my ex-girlfriend.”
“Oh,” Jaeyun exclamates. It’s not like she has high expectations regarding Heeseung. He’s a fun guy, if maybe a bit dull, but she blames it on his shyness, and it’s a great laid, however, that doesn’t mean they’re going steady. Despite this, a rock hits the bottom of her belly. She shifts uncomfortably, but ultimately decides she should play it cool; there’s not much she can do outside of acting calm and suave about it. “For how long were you guys together? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“About three years.” Jesus, fucking, Christ. Three years? That’s a lifetime when you’re twenty-one. “But we broke up last summer. It’s not like we’re talking or anything. And I haven’t taken it off because—”
Jaeyun forces a laugh out of her throat, playfully hitting him on the shoulder, “Dude, I don’t care. It’s a cool drawing. You should keep it where it is.”
In a perfect world, that’s where the whole thing would have ended.
It’s funny, really, because before meeting Heeseung, she always judged Sunoo for stalking everyone in her new girlfriend’s life. Cousins, mother, even grandmothers if there were one. Jaeyun found it a bit too much, but okay, to each their own, right? She, however, always dragged the line with exes.
“Isn’t it like falling into a rabbit hole?” Jaeyun used to ask her whenever they were doing sleepovers and catch Sunoo looking, yet again, at Riki’s ex’s girlfriend’s social media with her fake account. Sunoo used to shrug and then reply, “Come on, Unnie! Live a little.”
However, whenever they’re sleeping together, whether literally or figuratively, she would look at this dragon while trying to bite down a moan, and she would imagine this faceless girl in her place, doing exactly what she’s doing for three fucking years.
All her self-restrain left her so hard that by the third, she was in this position, she stayed until 4 A.M scrolling through all the pictures on her Insta, trying her best not to accidentally like anything, especially the older pictures, while Heeseung softly snored next to her.
Her, with her stupid guitar on a stage, or her with her stupid drawings of beautiful girls on baggy jeans and a Calvin Klein sports bra, or her in that white bikini contrasting against her tanned skin on a paradise beach, god-knows-where, her on those black pants and vest on her office job, because of course she has to have an internship. She, whose all of Heeseung’s friends still followed and commented on her pictures and hung out with her on a regular basis.
(She and her stupid, clumsy fingers ended up reacting to one of her stories, and it took her so much by surprise that her phone fell on her face and she spent the next three days with a bean-sized bump on her bottom lip. Sunoo had the audacity to laugh on her face, and kindly enough, give her the password to @Cupc4kesforche4p, her stalking account that had no way to be tracked.
Jaeyun promised herself that she would never use it on her damn life. It feels like a karmic lesson that her lip got busted after doing something so incredibly shameful. But sometimes, (just sometimes!) whenever Heeseung lightly snoored next to her, she would just check what’s new, what she archived, and what she posted again, if her hair was shorter. Call it a little hobby, if you will.
Maybe she is just a bit psychotic.)
“Baby?” Heeseung’s voice brings her back to reality, returning her to her initial position. She feels Heeseung’s chin on the free space of the collarbones, “You good?”
Quickly, she nods. What is she supposed to say? Actually, I’m not good, I might burst into flames and ruin the whole night? Hell no, she has to be calm and collected, like the cool girl Jongseong probably was. “Yeah. It’s cool. It doesn’t really bother me.” She lies through her teeth.
“Really?” Heeseung asks, and turns her around, playing with the bottom of her shirt, “because if you want, we can stay and have our own bit of fun...”
Jaeyun kisses him on the cheek and says, “Why not save it for later, huh?”
They take a cab to their destination in comfortable silence. They don’t usually talk much, but it’s not like it bothers Jaeyun in a particular way. Heeseung’s never been exactly talkative, she knew from the get go, so it’s not like she can complain. (She won’t say it out loud, because Jaeyun knows how it sounds, but she prefers it that way. Sometimes she has to get the boredom out of her system by pinching her thighs. She likes LoL, but is it really all he has going on? Jesus Christ.)
The club isn’t anything special; there are LED lights that go from a range of blues and reds, and loud music that makes the phone vibrate. Heeseung’s friends are all next to the counter, nursing a variety of drinks, from beers to whiskies (for some reason, that makes her chuckle). She says hi to all of them, most of them guys, if she doesn’t count Nicholas’ girlfriend and the birthday boy’s cousin.
Jaeyun stays next to Heeseung, who’s clinging to her, an arm around her shoulder. She gets a bit lost in their conversations, laughing when everyone does, and interviewing from time to time. It’s not like she’s bored, not really, but she still has to catch the groove that this group moves.
Overall, it’s a nice night. The Cranberry Vodka is 2x1, so she teams up with one of the other girls to get the promo and split it at an even seven dollars. It’s tangy and cold, breaking her free from the oppressive heat of the club, caused by the bodies. By twelve A.M, she already forgot Jongseong was supposed to be there too. Her muscles are much more relaxed now, maybe that’s just the booze talking anyway.
Her peace is interrupted when the birthday boy leaves their comfortable spot on the dance floor and comes back with a new presence to the group. Jaeyun didn’t notice at first, much more entertained by swaying her body side to side with the rest of the girls. She’s not really sure where Heeseung is.
All of the girls gasp at the sight of Jongseong with joy, so she turns around. Jongseong's hair looks longer than in the last picture Jaeyun saw, with softer waves this time, and she’s wearing a tiny pair of shorts on top of some red thights that look a bit torn. She wears a fitted tank top in an off-white colour with some cybersigilism motives, and on top of it, she sees the laced straps of her black bra. God. She hasn’t opened her mouth, and Jaeyun already hates her.
It makes Jaeyun feel a bit like a creep how attentively she’s looking at her. Jongseong looks both too much like her pictures and also nothing like them; she’s taller than she expected, but her ribs-to-hips ratio is as insane as it looks on social media, highlighting the prominent curve of her waist. Jaeyun shakes her head, trying to stop looking so intensely at her body outfit.
Her eyes have a small eyeliner, topped by some stars drawn with eyeshadow. Obviously, the girls notice, and Sakura praises her for it, “Jongseong-ah, your makeup is so cool!”
She lets a breathy, effortless laugh that sends shivers down her spine, “Thanks, Saku! Draw’em on myself.”
Right, of course she did. Jaeyun feels a bit self-conscious about her simple makeup and outfit. Damn it, why did a guy like fucking Heeseung have such taste? Jongseong keeps talking to the girls, but then turns to Jaeyun’s with an apologetic look, “shit, sorry. I think we don’t know each other, right?”
Jaeyun chokes on her drink, and for an instant, she’s sure she can hear Sunoo’s laugh and tone of voice saying, you don’t know her! Jaeyun knows you like the palm of her hand. The girl brings a hand to her back, rubbing it softly, “Are you okay?”
Jaeyun nods, trying to win her composure back. “Y-yeah, I’m Jaeyun.” Jongseong mouths an oh with her round lips, but she still looks a bit confused. To clarify, she says, “I’m Heeseung’s friend.” She says, unsure. Jongseong raises her eyebrows a little at it, which Jaeyun finds a bit rude, because why is she judging her? It looks judgmental.
She then holds out her hand next to Jaeyun’s, and her bony fingers graze hers. “Oh, I’m Jongseong. It’s very nice to meet you.”
She so needs a drink. Jaeyun smiles at her as politely as she can, and then walks straight off the dance floor to get some more booze in her system. Heeseung grabs her by the arm when he sees her, and tries to kiss her, but she looks to opossite side. “I have gloss on.”
Heeseung asks her if she wants to leave, but she simply shakes her head.
She saw tequila shots for 1,50 each, which is a fucking steal and probably has some stupid conditions, but who cares. She sits on one of the stools and buys a tequila shot and yet another Vodka Cranberry promotion. She takes her phone out of her tiny pocket and decides to text Sunoo.
sim_jaeyun1511: u wont believe whos here
sim_jaeyun1511: fuckass park jongseong
k1m.ddeonu: no way
Jaeyun looks at the dance floor, and there she sees her, bouncing to the music. If she didn’t dislike her as much as she do, and was a bit more bold, she would ask her for her GYM routine to get an ass like that. Her arms don’t have a lot of muscle, being much leaner.
(A sick part of Jaeyun wonders , was she good in bed? Does Heeseung think of her whenever Jaeyun is under him? Does she use those long fingers for something other than just playing guitar? (Is it true what they say about dancers? Could Jaeyun know first-hand if she gives great head?))
She downs the shot and gets back to texting, cheeks red by now.
sim_jaeyun1511: yeah
sim_jaeyun1511: its inhuman
sim_jaeyun1511: theres no way a girl can look like that and make a normal life
k1m.ddeonu: wdym
sim_jaeyun1115: idk
sim_jaeyun1115: shes just
sim_jaeyun1115: wearing all this clothes shes lowkey a try hard like ur hot we get it
k1m.ddeonu: mm
sim_jaeyun1115: ??
Jaeyun sees the bubble that signals that Sunoo is about to reply, but next to her, there’s the sound of a chair being dragged across the floor that pulls her out of this texting world. Jongseong is next to her, with her eyebrows a bit furrowed. Jaeyun can smell her perfume. It’s floral, not too sweet, but not too strong either. It’s very girly, which takes her by surprise, because she expected it to smell much more fiercely. “Hey,” she says. Jaeyun locks her phone and nods at her.
“Are you okay?” Jongseong asks again, with that same soft voice that it’s very easy to miss with how loud this place is. Jaeyun is starting to get a bit overwhelmed, and that sucks because she’s been meaning to go out and do something fun after the hell that was midterms week, and she’s there, with all this energy inside of her that she doesn’t know in what’ll transform. “You seem a little bit upset, and I know you don’t know me, or if you do, this might be a bit weird because...” She scratches her neck a bit, “Well, that. But I swear I’m not a pick-me bitch.”
Jongseong laughs, nervously, and then adds, “which is exactly what a pick-me bitch would say.”
Because Jaeyun is not a monster, and still has some inhibitions left, she does reply to her, “ No biggie, I just had my last mid-term like...two days ago. I’m still recovering.”
She guesses it’s a good enough answer. Good enough for Jongseong to leave her alone, so she can finally get away from her very...very... whatever-negative-adjective-
related-to smell from her perfume, and finish his other Vodka Soda, but Jongseong rests her head on her hands, tilting her head, and asks, “Oh, what do you do?”
Jaeyun’s mom raised her to be respectful, especially to pretty girls, so despite wanting to bury this conversation five feet down, she keeps playing along. “Physics. “
Jongseong’s eyes light up at that, her mouth going for an O, “Cool! That must be insanely hard. I can barely do my own taxes without fucking it all up.”
“It’s not that bad,” Jaeyun replies, “I mean, it is. But that’s because I’m a master at procrastinating.”
Jongseong lets out a genuine laugh, and Jaeyun notices she has a dimple on the lower part of her face. For a moment, she wishes to put his finger on it whenever she laughs,
“And when you’re not being a smart, cute, college student, what do you do?”
Jaeyun thinks for a while, deliberately ignoring how she just called her cute, and how her heart is beating on her chest like it never has with Heeseung (over being called cute, did she mention? She’s acting like a virgin.) “Nothing much, I guess.” She settles for that. On her attempts not to be unnecessarily bitchy, even though most girls probably would be to him, whatever-Heeseung-is’ ex, Jaeyun doesn’t think Jongseong, who cut up on her fun just to check on her, deserves. “Uhm, and what about you? What do you do?” she asks, despite already knowing that she does marketing, that she draws, and works at a piercing shop during the summer for a free Conch Piercing that she no longer wears.
“I’m about to graduate in Marketing.” Jongseong replies, “But I mostly draw some fashion figurines.”
And almost naked girls, Jaeyun thinks. The next question slips very easily, so much Jaeyun barely notices that it’s her mouth moving, her throat making that sound, “You into fashion?”
Jaeyun is not sure how much time passes, but they chat in a very friendly way. Jongseong it’s a great talker, very opinionated and smart, but not in a way that felt condescending. She’s touchy, too, playing with Jaeyun’s boot while she moves her shoes from side to side. She even buys her a Sprite.
There are a couple of things that IG couldn’t tell her. For once, she barely drinks alcohol. “I really like drinking,” Jongseong says, “I like being drunk too. That’s why I don’t really do it.” Or that her father was an art teacher who taught her almost all she knows. She shows her some illustrations too, ones that she’s never uploaded before.
Jongseong says, after some chatting, “Has anyone ever told you you’re like...very easy to talk to?”
Jaeyun can’t really say anyone has. With Heeseung, words besides fuck and keep going! are pretty much forgotten. God, why is he even going out with the guy? Jaeyun doesn’t reply, opting instead for, “Can I ask you something totally invasive?”
“Sure, go ahead.”
“Why did you guys break up?” Jaeyun asks, and as if it needed more clarification, she say while gesturing, “You and Heeseung, I mean.” Then, she adds, “Like he’s handsome, and a nice singer, and pretty good in bed. So what happened,” quickly she says, “if it’s not like, traumatising or anything.”
Jongseong stays quiet for a bit, debating if she should really say it. Jaeyun can tell by the way she licks her lips once, twice, thrice with that pink tongue of hers. “Honestly?” Jaeyun nods, “he was kind of a bum”
Is funny how relieved she feels when Jongseong says it, “Don’t tell him I said this, but he’s kind of...”
“Vain? Obnoxious? Dull?” Jaeyun impulsively says, helping her find the words, and that causes a giggle out of Jongseong. “Completely and utterly boring?”
“You could say so, yeah,” and in a lower voice, she says, “besides, I’ve pulled most of the weight in the bedroom.”
It’s the alcohol. If Jaeyun were sober, she wouldn’t be imagining how the bra Jongseong is wearing might be, or how it would look on her bedroom floor. Are her moans low, like her voice, or uncharacteristically pitchy? Could she touch her softly, but rough at the same time? She rubs her thighs together, and to change the topic, she says, “And his favourite band is Imagine Dragons.”
“Yeah! I can’t believe that shit.”
Jaeyun wants to kiss her. God, she is so shit faced. But is she, actually? The world stopped spinning a long time ago, and was it ever the Booze? She feels how Jongseong’s hand rests on her thigh, by pure inercia and it burns through her jeans.
Jongseong looks at her phone. It’s two A.M. When did so much time pass? Slowly, all of the original group have left the bar, but Nicholas, his girlfriend, Heeseung and the two of them, lost in the middle of their conversation.
Heeseung walks towards her, clearly drunk, and tries to hug her, but she squirms away, as if he burns. He doesn’t really notice, “Nicholas is doing something at his place, wanna go?”
Jaeyun thinks a bit about it. Like a magnet, she’s looking at Jongseong for a sign that she shouldn’t go, as if she would do anything on her power to stop her from going, but she doesn’t. She’s not sure why she expected her to do so, nor why she’s so disappointed when it never comes. “I’m kind of tired. I’ll just go home.”
Heeseung nods and then asks Jongseong, “you?”
She also denies the invitation and asks Jaeyun if she wants to split an Uber, so it would be cheaper, and without thinking twice, she’s moving her head up and down excited, as if those couple of minutes could mean anything else. She needs a fucking exorcism.
When she’s about to call the car in the alley of the bar, Jongseong says, shyly, “Do you wanna go to my place? We could do something fun. I mean. If you want.” Then, she confesses, “You’re one of the coolest girls I’ve ever met. I don’t want this night to end, honestly.”
It’s all it takes for her to fold. Jaeyun brings her nose to Jongseong’s neck, smelling her perfume like a madwoman. It makes the girl go stiff for a second, but she quickly relaxes on her touch. Jongseong streches her body, giving Jaeyun more space to freely explore this little corner of the world. Her chin is almost on top of her head, and she listens to the way her breathing picks up.
It makes Jongseong take a couple of steps back, looking for the wall to stabilize herself. She brings her hand to Jaeyun's hair, twirling her fingers in the matt of bleached blonde hair. Jaeyun opens her mouth, and bites on top of the collarbones, making the other girl to gently pull on the strands she had around her hand. It makes her breathless, and her hands have no where to go, so one ends up next to her ear, and the other caresses the clothed thighs.
"Jaeyun, wait," she hears Jongseong says. She's blushed on a cute pink color, and that fucking light doesn't do her face any justice at all--her apartment has better ilumination. "what about Heeseung?"
She should probably feel a bit remorseful, Jaeyun rationalizes. Maybe they weren't going steady, sure, but he might still feel hurt. Then, she thinks about this one friends of hers, the big boobed one that Heeseung couldn't stop checking out last time they all hung out. She rips a little hole in Jongseong's red tights, "He'll live." She replies.
It's all it takes for Jongseong to kiss her as if she were starving, teeth getting in the way, making her bite them on Jaeyun's bottom lip, while she gently squeezes her ass. Her gloss is all over Jongseong's chin.
Before it turns into public indicency, Jaeyun, or Jongseong, one of them calls an Uber with only one destination.
It’s fine, she didn’t like Heeseung all that much anyway.