Chapter Text
Staring at my cracked camera, I wonder why it came to be like this. My mom, I thought she understood. She said she loved me. Always. After dad died, she said she'd never force me away from her. It's obvious now that it was a lie.
My currently broken camera means everything to me. I know the damage can be fixed, but I don't have time or money to do it.The reason it broke is hard to explain. Actually, it's not. It's because my mom dropped it before I left home for college.
During my third year of high school, I got into cosplay. Or, I should say, my split personality did. I went to a couple of events but not any big ones until my split personality decided to make a grand appearance at the biggest fan convention, dress as a goddamn magical girl「Its a boy」- shut up, I don't care-, and kiss a random guy on camera. I don't even know how I lost control of myself for over basically 24 hours. I'm usually better at keeping Mitsuba in line. I still managed to bring my favorite camera, which was the stupidest thing I did that day.
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(The start)
I walk towards a shorter boy, who is also dressed up. "Hi."
"Hello."
"I really like your costume design." I have absolutely no idea what to say to him.
"Thanks! I made it myself." He can tell.
"That is really cool. Me too. I get it if you don't no what to say, though. I was like that my first time here."
We chat for a few minutes about mostly random stuff until I realize I should have gotten a better grip because I feel like he's going to-
Oh no oh no oh n~
"Could you take a photo with me?" An idea pops into my head. On that sounds so sweet but would hurt little Sou.
"I'm sorry but if nii-san-" He doesn't realize that I'm not Sou-chan yet.
"C'mon, nothing's gonna happen. Just pose with me for a sec." I grin.
"O-okay?" I'd bet that the boy is wondering why I am acting like this. Its because I wrestled for control and won.
As Sousuke's camera is about to click, I, Mitsuba, kiss him. A miniature eternity passes and then I relinquish control.
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「I love it.」
「I want more」
I'm in control again, break away, and I run. I head straight into the bathroom, and cry. I slip on the floor, but my worst injury is to my confidence. I check my camera and I have a photo of me kissing that boy. My finger is on the delete button, but I don't think I'll ever be able to delete it.
「Do it. Kiss him again」
I throw up into the toilet until nothing is left except the acidic aftertaste that will plague me for hours on end. On the hour long train ride I try to cheer myself up by playing music as loud as possible into my ears. It is not working. I don't think anything will.
Mom is out when I get home so I don't need to sneak through the back. I change out of my outfit and just cry again. I take a scalding shower and try to forget.
「You won't.」
「I will never let you.」
「I know you want it again.」
「He kissed you back, you know.」
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(One week later)
"Mom! I'm home!" Silence fills the air. "Mom?" I stroll into the living room and she is on my camera. The one that I hide because it has private stuff like my cosplay and... it.
"Mom, that's private! Where did you even find it?
"In your room. I was trying to see if you had any evidence girlfriend. Or even one friend. Guess not."
"I-I can explain. Its just-" She cuts me off.
"Could you have been any more dissapointing than this?" The camera falls from her hands. I shriek and fumble to catch it. I catch it right before it hits the ground."You care about that thing more than about me, I'd guess," she laughs mirthlessly and drops it. That causes me to freeze. A crack like shattering ice goes against the ground, and freezes my heart. I check, and the lens is pulverized. The screen shows me one image. The Photo is staring at me, silently tormenting me. I hate it with all my might, yet I won't get rid of it.
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(The present)
"Hey, I have a matcha latte with the instructions, 'Make it as dark as my soul,' so I made it pretty sweet. That either handsome girl, pretty boy, or whatever needs to wear anything that's not a color explosion to order off our goth menu.
I growl. Any other day, and I would be happy that was the drink I got and he called me pretty. I stroll up to him and say, I'm a boy, damn you very much and how hard is it to tell?" I'm mad, embarrassed, and I don't want to acknowledge the last feeling.
"Look, I'm sorry. I really just wasn't sure. I didn't want to-" I can tell that he means it. He seems to be an ok person.
I sigh. "Its fine. Just~" I pause. Oh no. Of all times, now? You gotta be-
"Uhh, you in there?"
"Just go on a date with me. Just one, and consider your debt filled. I know you think I'm pretty," a nickname that Sou-chan must know pops into my head, "hella lame traffic safety earring boy.~"
That name was one I haven't said or heard or even thought about since the accident. Since I met Mitsuba. A name he couldn't know, because we only met after the accident. It shouldn't be possible because I never mentioned the boy again, afraid what Mitsuba would do to him and me.
"…Sousuke-kun?" Hearing that is so jarring I trip, sending the computer flying into the coffee makers. I make no note of the noise for a bit.
Breath shaking, I whisper, "Kou-kun?" If I do not get ahold of myself I'm going to split into pieces-or do things I don't want to think about. I look at his face and he is crying. I wait and realize that I am too.
He gasps. "Oh no." I follow his gaze and look at my computer which is in between two coffee makers. They are all shiny. New. And broken.
"Oh." I saved up a lot of money for that computer. I haven't even had it for half a year. I can't pay for rent, tuition, a lens replacement and a new computer at the same time.
"You have to pay back the price of the coffee machines. You can eather pay it upfront," I shake me head vigorously, "or work at the night shift with us." I nod slowly
"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm-"
"Its okay. Can you start tomorrow at 5:30?" I nod. Kou's face lights up. "Great to have you, Sousuke-kun.
I hand him ¥1000 as an apology, take the drink somehow still in his hands, and run away knowing that I'm getting worse and staring to split apart. I bite my tongue, the metallic taste slowing the procss a little bit.