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Three weeks. That's how long it had been since Picard had last seen Q.
The first week of Q's absence was welcome. The ship was going through maintenance and the crew was on shore leave- a visit from Q (or an attack from him) would prove disastrous, so Jean-Luc felt relief not to see a trace of him. By the second week most everyone had adjusted back to their usual schedules, reports had been filed, and the conversations regarding the mission had been had. On the third week, Picard was sure he was the only one anxiously awaiting for Q's arrival (though he was doing so silently), everyone else had moved on.
Being alone in his ready room and sleeping in his quarters had gotten most uncomfortable and he was starting to get jumpy whenever he thought something moved in his peripheral vision.
He started to spend more time in Ten-Forward instead of alone in his quarters to avoid the uncomfortable feelings of dread he got whenever he entered a room and expected Q to be there. It bothered Jean-Luc to recognize his Q-anxiety was changing his routine, but he didn't really have a way to control confronting Q to alleviate his concerns apart from inviting him.
And so Picard entered Ten-Forward wishing he was alone and at the same time very much not. The restaurant/bar/hangout happened to be full that night, and Jean-Luc guessed it must have been a big date night because nearly everyone was out of uniform and dressed their best.
He was attracting some curious looks as he made his way to a lonely corner table with a book under his arm. He didn't have to wait long before a staff member took his order, being Captain usually granted him speedy service. He opened his book and began to read.
"Les Miserables?"
Picard looked up to see Guinan standing over him with his drink order on a tray. She smiled and settled the drink on the table in front of him.
There wasn't many people he'd put a good book down for but Guinan was one of them. He welcomed her company and recognized her as one of the few who could possibly understand what he was dealing with.
"It's a favorite of mine." Picard said as he marked his place.
"Never read it." Guinan admitted.
"Really?" He asked, unable to hide his disappointment. "The story is profoundly insightful." She leaned in showing she was interested in indulging his interest. "It's about a man who spends his whole life running from the law, but what he's really running from is himself in every sense of the word. He…" he stopped, a feeling of intense discomfort overtaking him. "I read it every other year or so." He finished quickly.
"Do you mind?" Guinan said motioning to the chair across from him.
"Yes, please join me." Picard requested.
She settled into her seat and Jean-Luc grabbed the tumbler of bourbon, taking a sip as she rested her folded hands on the table.
"You've been spending a lot of time here, lately." Guinan said. "I'm not complaining, but Ten-Forward isn't the type of environment I'd choose to read that sort of book."
Laughter exploded behind Jean-Luc as a group of ensigns recreated an animated conversation. Picard turned away from them, weighing how much he should reveal to Guinan.
"I have some questions about the Q." Picard brought up.
"Mmm." Guinan acknowledged. "They are a mysterious lot."
"Indeed...Have you ever heard of them placing claim on people?" Jean-Luc asked carefully.
"They've been known to have their favorites to serve their purposes." Guinan replied.
"Ah, I'm thinking more of a laying claim on a person in the romantic sense." Picard explained. "Do you know of them entering relationships with anyone?"
"I may have heard a few 'he vanished at the altar, I think he was a Q' stories." Guinan replied light-heartedly.
"No doubt. Are any of them true?" Picard asked, trying not to seem too eager.
She shrugged. "Maybe the Q have taken partners, or maybe not. Or maybe they just like spreading the stories. ...Would you believe someone if they said they were in a relationship with a Q?"
"I think I would believe it was possible, yes." Picard replied, revelling in his private joke. Guinan smiled at him and he wondered if somehow she knew their conversation involved him. "You had dealings with them." He brought up. She was giving him a familiar look, one that was full of kindness but made him feel as if he were intruding for bringing up her personal history. "Is there anything you know about the Q that's certain?"
"Well, I've always likened them to the galaxy's best card players." She explained. "They get all the winning hands and they also have the advantage of deciding what cards you get in the game."
"They do like a rigged game, don't they." Jean-Luc agreed. "I suppose we're completely at their mercy."
"Not completely." Guinan said, her eyes glittering mysteriously. "We still get to choose how we play our hand...and on the rare occasion we win, which is a surprise for everyone. Having friends evens the odds a little more."
"Indeed." Picard said with a small smile.
"Keep your wits about you, Jean-Luc." She told him fondly before departing.
He watched her leave and then switched his attention to the cover of his book. The character, Jean Valjean looked back at him, his eyes tortured by his past.
"This business with Q is not going away. I have to confront him." Picard thought to himself.
Just as he was contemplating how to do it, he saw Will Riker enter the room still dressed in his uniform. Jean-Luc thought back to what Guinan said about how friends would even the odds; it was a tough decision but he needed every advantage he could get against Q and Riker was good to have on one's side.
Riker was searching for empty seats and had spotted the Captain watching him. Not wanting to seem awkward, Picard nodded and waved him over as if his arrival was expected.
"Busy night." Riker said starting chit-chat. He saw the book on Jean-Luc's table and smiled. "I'm not disturbing you, am I?"
"No. Number One. In fact I'm glad you're here, I must speak with you." Picard said seriously. Will looked around Ten-Forward, his mind obviously jumping to the conclusion there was a threat in their midst. "It's nothing immediate but it's important." he said hoping to disarm Riker's alarm.
"You've got my attention." Riker said.
"Here is not the place for our conversation." Picard said as a woman in a white dress squeezed past them to join her date. Riker's eyes followed the woman and then focused back on Jean-Luc.
"The conference room then?" Riker suggested.
"That'll suffice." Picard replied.
Picard was a man who delivered hard words many times before, but even with his experience he found it difficult not to be tempted to tell Will things between him and Q was just a huge misunderstanding. But that was a lie, and he couldn't imagine how betrayed Will would be if he discovered the truth. Picard decided if he was to depend on his Number One to help tackle his Q-problem he would be completely open.
"This news concerns Q and myself." Picard admitted once Will had settled in his usual seat. "He's not just taken an uncomfortable interest in humanity and the Enterprise, but in me personally."
"Yes sir, I've noticed that." Riker replied.
"You may have noticed that his interest is of a romantic nature." Picard continued. "And I believe the reason he's so persistent is because he has had some, ah, encouragement in that area."
Riker frowned. "Sir?"
This was the point where he would have to choose how open he would be. He would have to choose his words carefully.
"To my shame, I gave into a weakness I hadn't defended myself against properly." Picard claimed.
"Is this about the night you were unconscious with him?" Riker asked.
"Excuse me?" Picard said, frowning.
"I always suspected," Riker shook his head. "But I figured you'd tell me when you were ready." He took a steadfast breath and looked Picard in the eyes. "If he took advantage of you, Jean-Luc, the shame is not yours." Riker reassured him in a strong voice.
"Oh no...no," Picard vaguely recalled the embarrassing 'sleeping together' admission. He had tried so hard to forget it that he guessed in some measure he had. "No- that explanation I gave of us being asleep the entire time that night was true." Picard said. Riker frowned. "Q never assaulted me. You misunderstand."
"Oh." Riker replied, slightly confused.
This was not going how he envisioned it. Somehow Will's assumption he had been raped made the admission he had willingly slept with Q much worse.
"What encouragement did he get, sir?" Riker asked.
And of course he was going to ask that question next.
"A misstep on my part to thank him for his help on the SEED mission." Picard replied.
"But he didn't help us, we completed that mission ourselves without the Continuum." Riker replied.
"A matter of perspective." Picard replied. Riker looked skeptical. "Listen, I feel as if we're getting off point, I'm not going to debate Q's involvement. What I'm trying to tell you is I gave him reason to believe I returned his affections. I contributed to the fabrication he's enforcing that we're in a romantic partnership."
"In what way?" Riker asked.
"...We slept together." Picard said evenly. It puzzled him Riker hadn't yet reacted, then he realized yet again there was room for misunderstanding. "Ah- in the carnal sense." He explained.
Riker took a large, slow breath in, his eyes focusing on the conference room table. There was an uncomfortable pause as the admission hung in the conversation.
"I understand- um," Will started, pressing his folded hands against his lips, gathering his thoughts together. "I understand the Q can be manipulative and charming and offer things that we could never achieve on our own. I've been under their spell before... and it was you who reigned me in." Riker said diplomatically. "I hadn't realized that Q personally was a temptation for you."
"Nor I." Jean-Luc replied. "The reason I've been honest with you regarding this uncomfortable affair is not to burden you with my personal shortcomings, but I'm asking you keep an eye on things between myself and Q in case I need 'reigning in'. Q has indicated that he will continue to visit us, or more specifically, me. If you find I am swayed by his wiles I ask that you act accordingly."
"I understand." Riker replied softly. "Am I the only one you've told?"
"Yes, and I've been debating if anyone else should know." Picard admitted. "I don't want any of the crew to be caught off-guard, but I must maintain some semblance of dignity if I am to demand their respect."
Riker sat back in his chair and contemplated the situation. "I think it'd be best if we kept this between ourselves for now." he said.
Picard nodded. On some level he was relieved Riker wanted to keep his admission private. This had not been an easy conversation and Jean-Luc was not pleased with the thought some of his crew would feel betrayed.
"Is that all?" Riker asked searchingly.
"Yes." Picard replied. "Dismissed."
Riker got up from his seat and strolled slowly towards the door, his expression was unreadable as Picard remained seated. When he reached the door it opened and he paused, then he looked at Jean-Luc over his shoulder.
"Jean-Luc," Riker called to him."You still have my respect."
"Thank you, Number One." Picard said.
"...But I will honor my promise if I believe you've been compromised." Riker said with a note of warning in his voice.
Picard saw a look of determination on Riker's face. He nodded.
"I'm counting on it." Picard informed him.
It wasn't often Picard was part of an away team, but he insisted on taking Riker's place when he heard a Cuna artifact site had been uncovered. The Anders System was littered with them, as were the bragging rights of numerous explorers who were lucky enough to stumble upon the coveted 'Cuna cache'. When he heard there was an opportunity for them to do some searching of their own, Jean-Luc couldn't resist spending his night reading up on the Cuna's treasures. How exciting he found the idea of bringing back a genuine Cuna artifact!
Picard knew the entire crew was amused at his enthusiasm, especially Riker who couldn't stop grinning as Jean-Luc dropped fact after fact about the fascinating Cuna- how they lived, what they ate, and more specifically, what the crew may find. Will assumed command of the Bridge with little argument as Picard beamed down to the site with Data and Geordi. When they arrived on the surface they discovered the artifact site was barely marked, which Jean-Luc couldn't decide was good or bad.
"Sure is dry." Geordi remarked as he brushed sand off his scanner.
"That's why the Cuna's culture is so well-preserved." Picard remarked. "They were nomads who preferred warm, dry planets."
"Perhaps we will find evidence of their being here in that cave." Data said, nodding to a rocky area. "It would make adequate shelter in these parts."
"Alright, let's go." Picard said with a rare smile.
"Did you get in a fight with a Cuna?"
Beverly was teasing Jean-Luc. It occurred to him this was part of her bedside manner to keep her patient's minds off injuries. He gritted his teeth as she moved his arm to check the mobility and damage he had sustained. He shuffled slightly in discomfort on the biobed.
His shoulder was banged up very badly, not just from the scrapes that were bleeding but he could tell there was damage to the joint. His uniform top had to be cut off of him for her to fully observe his injury.
"Only if he planted that rock for me to stumble on five centuries later. If so, I think I win. He's dead and I'm not." Jean-Luc replied. He winced but fought from crying-out in pain as she rubbed a solvent into his shoulder. "They weren't fighters really, they were brilliant artists. Their speciality was fireworking, and their most notable creations are colored, blown-glass jars." He sighed. "They're absolutely exquisite and it's very difficult to find a piece intact."
"Well I daresay you'll survive, but only if you value yourself as intact as much as the treasures you seek." Beverly replied as she attached the knitter onto his shoulder carefully. "You'll be fit to try your hand at adventuring tomorrow."
"Thank you, Doctor." Jean-Luc replied.
"More explorers." Beverly remarked as Data and Geordi entered the room. "So, how did the rest of the away team do?"
"Did you find anything?" Jean-Luc asked.
"Nothing." Geordi replied. "I'm sorry Captain, looks like the entire excavation is a wash."
"There'll be other adventures, I suppose." Picard sighed.
Q thought Jean-Luc didn't know how close to one he was.
Sick Bay was mostly clear by late afternoon. Beverly had allowed one of her aides to leave early but remain on-call. After only encountering one patient in four hours she found herself wishing she could also leave early, or at least devote more time to her botanical research instead of waiting for people to walk through the door.
She was doodling with her finger on a PADD when she was interrupted by a visitor- but he didn't arrive through the door, but materialized from nothingness.
"Q!" Beverly gasped. She stood from her seat and motioned to open up a communication channel as his eyes followed her, full of contempt.
"Ah, ah, ah!" Q sang, wiggling his finger. Her badge disappeared under her fingers before she could alert the bridge. "I think this conversation should stay between us, don't you?"
"...What is it you want with me?" She asked.
"Why is that always the first thing out of your mouths?" He asked as he strolled about the room. He picked up the medical hand scanner off a tray and toyed with it. "I'm beginning to wonder if you humans share a hive mind, you're not nearly as unique as you think you are. It's always, 'who are you? What do you want? Please stop', 'help me', 'ahhhhhhhh!' ... it's getting old."
"Alright, perhaps I can agree with that. So...I can't imagine how I've captured your interest." Beverly said breathlessly as she pressed her back against the wall.
"You haven't, but my son Wesley has." Q replied.
"My son?" Beverly asked, frowning.
"Oh no, not your son. My son." Q said with a devious smile. "I thought since we were taking things that don't belong to us, I'd snatch him up." Q explained as Beverly gaped at him. "Such a good son too. Smart. Kind. Distastefully dorky enough to lower everyone's defenses, especially females." He said holding up a finger.
"What have you done with Wesley!" Beverly shouted angrily.
"I just put him away where no one would trip over him." Q said. "I don't leave my things laying about."
"Is he safe?" Beverly asked. "Tell me!"
"He's safe...for now." Q said folding his arms as he smirked. A giggle escaped him as Beverly fought back angry tears.
"You can't possibly want him." Beverly said angrily. "So what is it that you want from me?"
His playful expression melted into a sneer and he took three large steps towards her.
"Let's agree not to play with each other's toys again." Q said sternly.
"I don't understand." Beverly admitted. "What 'toys'? Is there something of yours I've touched?"
"Yes," he said in a dangerous voice. "Jean-Luc."
"Jean-Luc?" Beverly said frowning. "You're upset because I touched the Captain? But he only came in for treatment." She recalled, confused.
"And you couldn't wait to get his shirt off to run your filthy primative hands all over him." Q scowled.
Despite the stressful situation, despite how much Beverly hated Q and despite how worried she was for Wesley, she laughed in Q's face. The impertinence of her actions made him bristle.
"That was nothing, he had a crushed shoulder." Beverly insisted. "I would have done the same treatment for any other crewman."
"It's always excuses with your kind." Q said darkly, shaking his head. "How about this? If you ever want to see your son again you'll apologize for mooning over my boyfriend."
"Your boyfriend?" Beverly repeated, her mouth dropping open. "Q, I might not be familiar with your physiology, but I think you need your head examined!"
"On second thought, Wesley's a little more than a smidge dorkish; and that face is just asking to be punched! I'm afraid he's much too high maintenance for a Q-father to-" Q rambled.
"Stop, please!" Beverly begged. She took a steady breath. "I'm sorry for," she closed her eyes. "...flirting with your boyfriend, Q. It won't happen again." She opened her eyes, they were full of anxiety. "Now can you please return Wesley back to me?"
Q laughed at the helplessness in her expression.
"Not yet." He said, drinking in her pain with glee. "I'm not the only one you've disturbed with your wanton ways. Jean-Luc is very forgiving so I trust he won't react too poorly when you tell him there can be nothing between the two of you."
"If I do this then you'll release Wesley?" She asked.
He didn't answer her, instead he scanned her with the medical scanner.
"It wouldn't hurt his chances." Q said in a bored tone.
Picard was glad no one asked him about his injured shoulder when he took the Bridge. Riker must have been informed about their abysmal progress on the excavation, because he didn't ask about their lack of progress. Although his shoulder was tender Jean-Luc decided he would be fit enough to dig tomorrow even though that would mean he was ignoring Beverly's insistence he keep off it for the rest of the week. Still, he may not get to another Cuna dig site in four years; and so these thoughts were running through his mind before they were interrupted by Ensign Hill approaching him nervously.
"Captain?" She said. She was blinking too much and he felt compelled to dawn a friendly demeanor to calm her down. "My shift's done sir, but my replacement hasn't arrived." she informed him.
Riker leaned towards Picard. "I believe Wesley is supposed to be helmsman." he said joining the conversation.
"It's rare for him to be late but I'm sure he'll have a good excuse." Picard replied. "Nonetheless, it's bad form." He said folding his hands in his lap. "Ensign Hill, may I ask you to stay for a little while longer so we can locate your replacement?"
"Of course, Captain." She said, nodding before returning to the helm.
Will shook his head. "Wesley's probably doing one of his experiments." he said. He tapped his badge to open a communication channel. "Bridge to Ensign Crusher." He called.
The only response was dead-air. Riker and Picard traded a concerned look.
"Bridge to Ensign Crusher." Riker repeated firmly. He paused for a beat. "Computer, locate Ensign Wesley Crusher."
"Wesley Crusher is not on board the Enterprise." The computer responded.
Picard got out of his seat and turned to face Worf.
"Commander Worf, check hangar bay to see if any shuttles are missing." Picard ordered. "Bridge to Transporter room, has there been any transport activity other than myself and the away team?"
"Besides beaming the away team to and from the planet, there hasn't been any transporter activity for thirty-two hours." Chief O'Brien replied.
"All shuttles accounted for, Captain." Worf reported.
"Captain," Troi said, turning to him. "I sensing a lot of strange things happening. Very odd presences are onboard."
"What the hell is going on here?" Picard snapped.
As if their general confusion wasn't peaking, Beverly rushed out of the turbolift and nearly ran in front of Jean-Luc, her eyes full of panic.
"You know your son is missing?" Picard asked her calmly as she approached him. "The computer says he's not on the Enterprise."
"Yes, I knew that." Beverly replied. "He's very careless...a trait that I believe may be inherited."
Jean-Luc frowned. "Careless? Has there been an accident?"
"I don't want to talk about Wesley, not before I talk about us," Beverly said, swallowing thickly. "I'm afraid I've made a terrible mistake in thinking we could ever be more than colleagues."
"Beverly," Picard started, shaking his head. "This is hardly the time or place, Wesley-"
"Please let me finish." Beverly begged. The alarm in her voice caused Riker to focus on their conversation. "I apologize for making advances on you. I just want you to know nothing can ever develop between us, it wouldn't be proper ...because you're spoken for."
Jean-Luc's confusion turned into anger as Riker rounded on him, puzzled. Deanna approached Beverly and laid a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"Where's Q?" Picard asked in a hoarse whisper.
"In Sick Bay." Beverly said quietly. Picard moved away from her and she reached out to catch his forearm but pulled it back as if it may burn her. The gesture didn't go unnoticed by Jean-Luc. "He's the one responsible for Wesley's absence."
"I figured as much. Number One, you have the Bridge." Picard said before storming off. Beverly started to follow him and he turned to her once reaching the turbolift. "I insist you allow me to plead on Wesley's behalf." he said to her.
"He's got it in his head you're his boyfriend." Beverly proclaimed. "He accused me of making advances on you."
So Wesley's disappearance was the result of yet another embarrassing run-in with Q. Jean-Luc couldn't allow Q's obsession with him to go on, he recognized it had escalated into something very dangerous.
"Stay here. That's an order." Picard said to Beverly.
She looked as if she wanted to argue with him but instead she nodded. He could tell she was suffering as she struggled with the idea of losing her only child.
"I will return Wesley to you." Jean-Luc promised before the turbolift doors closed.
Picard had been anticipating the return of Q for weeks but he felt very unprepared as he entered the Sick Bay. He supposed Q had been waiting for his arrival, because when he walked through the doors a medical scanner was aimed at him.
"Where is Wesley Crusher?" Picard asked calmly.
"Salut, mon capitaine." Q greeted him without looking at him. Q was absorbed with the readings on the medical scan and only looked up to tutt him. "Been a little stressed lately?" He shot Jean-Luc a sultry look. "We must do something about that."
"You have taken one of my crew hostage. I demand that he be returned to this vessel. Immediately!" Picard shouted.
"Hostage? Hmm…" Q hummed. He placed the hand-scanner on a shelf and stroked his chin thoughtfully. "That's an interesting way to put it." He quirked an eyebrow. "Yes, I think 'hostage' suits just fine. Wesley is my hostage, and you, Jean-Luc, will negotiate for his release."
A blinding flash lit up the room and Q was standing before Picard dressed in a in a general's uniform from la Grande Armée, circa Napoleon's 1800's. No doubt the costume was chosen by Q because of Jean-Luc's fascination with the era.
"Another game?" Picard snapped.
"What is life but a game? A test in diplomacy!?" Q sang, his eyes wide with excitement as he drew a saber and waved it enthusiastically.
"And your terms are?" Picard asked, tight-lipped and fuming.
Q stabbed the ground with his saber deep into the carpet before resting his hands on the hilt, a smile on his lips.
"It takes two to tango, Jean-Luc, and you've been more than happy to let me cha-cha solo on our dancefloor of love." He said. "It's time for you to join the music, put some effort in, you offer me something I want...and if it's good you may sway me to place the Crusher-twerp back on your precious ship so he can twerp-about like a Crusher-twerp does."
"...You want sex from me?" Picard asked cautiously.
Q gasped and cringed before closing his eyes in a dramatic display of agony.
"Oh mon dieu!" he said throatily. "That was, perhaps, the most oafish attempt of negotiation in the history of relations." Q drawled. He ripped the saber out of the carpet and held it in front of him. "Really, Jean-Luc, your offer didn't contain a word that exceeded past one syllable! If we both desire young Crusher to fizzle into vapor on the surface of Vulcan's sun, just say that instead!" He held his hand up to his mouth. "I'll tell his mother you did the best you could." he whispered before winking.
"My apologies, offending you was not my intent! Wesley's safety is of great concern to me." Picard replied as he circled Q. He had thought on some level that Q was acting unreasonable but not deadly unreasonable. "Consider my cloddish offer rescinded." he pleaded.
Q smirked. "I forgive your faux pas." He said standing straighter. "But only because we are bound by the ties of love- I will not pardon you twice on that account. Now, what will you offer me for Ensign Crusher's safe return?"
Every second Jean-Luc was silent was another step closer to danger for Wesley. Q was starting to lean in closer, his eyebrows raising as Picard scrambled for an answer.
"I find myself unable to...negotiate under these conditions." Picard said. "Perhaps we can discuss this in a more comfortable atmosphere?"
"Intriguing." Q replied with a smile. "Jean-Luc, are you asking me out on a date?"
Picard gauged Q's excitement at the self-suggestion. Q had asked him rather enthusiastically, so he decided it was probably the safest course of action to comply.
"I suppose I am." Picard replied.
"And where is this date to take place?" Q asked. "Le Musée du Louvre? Les jardins de Claude Monet? Waterloo?"
"Very tempting, but I ask you give me the advantage of holding negotiations on my turf here on the Enterprise." Picard suggested.
Q's face fell.
"That's not very romantic." Q said flatly.
"On the contrary, I, uh, wish to show you off." Picard insisted. "So misunderstandings like the one that caused Ensign Crusher's departure doesn't happen again."
Q turned his head, his scrutiny almost tangible as he watched Jean-Luc.
"No tricks." Q said.
"Perish the thought." Picard insisted.
"Alright, Jean-Luc." He said. "When and where?"
"Give me one hour...we'll meet at Ten-Forward." Picard replied.
"I trust I needn't inform you of the consequences if you're late or if you use your time to plan some pitiful attempt in out-maneuvering me?" Q said casting Jean-Luc a suspicious look.
"No clandestine ploys," Jean-Luc promised. "I merely wish to use the time to prepare."
"Very well." Q said, sheathing the saber. "One hour." he said. Picard leaned backward in a defensive gesture when Q suddenly invaded his personal space. Q smiled before grabbing his hand and laying a warm kiss on it.
He was gone in a flash of light.
Guinan was juggling a commander with an identity crisis, two ensigns who hadn't yet discovered the alcohol from the synthesisers wouldn't get them drunk, and one one sloppy-looking lieutenant who was in tears over having to part with his pet Terrin tortoise after hiding it under his bed successfully for six months. In other words, it should have felt like a typical day on the Enterprise, only it didn't, because there was an unshakeable feeling of dread that kept rearing in her gut.
After years of honing her craft she knew ignoring her instincts would be a rookie mistake. She took special care with the crew and began searching for the threat that was flagging in her mind- and when she saw it walk through the door in a ridiculous outfit only a holodeck addict could appreciate, she knew she had been smart to trust herself.
Q sauntered to the bar and waved at her with barely a side-glance at anyone else in the room. He pulled off his gloves and placed them on the bar top while her other patrons stared at him, no doubt amused by his costume, and then turned back to their refreshments and company.
"Well well...if it isn't 'Guinan'." He said, mocking her name.
"Hello Q. To what do we owe the pleasure of your company?" Guinan greeted him, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "And furthermore, what can we do to stop it?"
"Oh very clever. You know I'm billions of years old, I've heard that one many times." Q said snidely as he rested his elbows on the bar.
"I'm sure you have." She replied pointedly. "What are you doing here?"
"Nothing to get your hair in a twist over," Q remarked casually. "I'm just spending some quality time with my boyfriend is all."
Guinan looked at the military uniform critically.
"I can see that." She replied evenly. "Are the two of you sword fighting?" she asked raising an eyebrow at his saber.
"In a manner of speaking." Q replied with a grin. She shook her head at him, her expression was full of contempt much to his pleasure. "Jean-Luc and I are having a date- his suggestion, not mine. I would have picked a classier venue but he insisted on something local. He'll be here soon." Q insisted.
"Jean-Luc?" She repeated.
"Mmhmm." Q hummed, smirking.
"The Captain, Jean-Luc?" She repeated.
"Yes." Q replied.
"Your boyfriend is our Captain, Jean-Luc?" She said skeptically.
"Are you stuck in a temporal-loop? Yes, Jean-Luc is my boyfriend." Q snapped. "And we're very in love."
"Well this explains his switch from tea to bourbon." Guinan muttered.
"I don't blame him for turning to stimulants if this is the best company his dreary vessel houses." Q sneered as he looked over the crowd.
"Speaking of company, we're greatly missing one of our crew, an ensign." Guinan remarked. "His unexplained disappearance has nothing to do with the Captain's sudden interest in you, does it?"
"'Sudden'? Oh come off it, I already spent days in the brig proving Jean-Luc enthrallment with me is his own accord." Q replied stiffly. "He made love to me, you know."
Guinan scoffed, shaking her head. It annoyed Q greatly.
"What?" Q asked.
"If you could only hear yourself." Guinan said. "You don't even know what you're bragging about."
"Of course I know what I'm bragging about. What does that mean?" Q snapped at her.
"Love is too human a concept for you, Q." She replied. "The boasting, the jealousy, launching little boy ensigns into space… it's pathetic." she said softly. "You have a good reason to be insecure."
He stood up suddenly from his seat, his nostrils flaring.
"Insecure? Not in the least!" He said viciously. "...You don't know anything about our relationship." he added haughtily.
"I know you have something to do with Ensign Crusher's disappearance. You better give that poor doctor back her son," Guinan replied sternly. "And soon, or you can forget about your 'relationship' with the Captain- she's a friend of his and he's always been good to his friends as well as his crew. Not to mention how ridiculous you look taking your insecurities out on her; she didn't do anything wrong."
"No? Doctor Crusher's been pining over my beau for years." He accused.
"And she's not the only one, nor is she the last." Guinan replied. "He's a good man and you don't deserve him, and he certainly doesn't deserve you."
Q's fury wavered and he let out a chilling laugh. "You know..." He said smugly. "Or at least you have some idea, don't you?"
Guinan disappeared behind the bar before slamming a full bottle of bourbon on the bartop. Q raised his eyebrows as she stared him down angrily, her jaw flexing.
"It's the real thing- for your beau when he arrives." She explained coldly, before storming off in disgust.
Q tilted the bottle to read the label before he felt a tap on his shoulder. Jean-Luc was still dressed in his uniform, which was a bit of a let-down but it still went well with his uniform color-wise. Still, he had shown up on time.
"Mon chéri!" Q greeted him affectionately. People turned in their seats to gawk as Q kissed the Captain's cheeks in the traditional French greeting.
"Q." Picard said flatly as he ignored the puzzled looks.
Q already looked like a spectacle given his ridiculous outfit, but greeting the Captain with kisses was sure to stir some people's curiosity. Q grabbed the bottle that was on the bar top and Jean-Luc had to remind himself that Wesley's safety was in his hands, so he didn't protest as Q grabbed his hand and dragged him away from the bar and to an empty table.
"You ordered an entire bottle of bourbon?" Picard asked as they sat.
"No, it was a gift, given in bad taste I might add, which I suspect extends to its entire being. Let's drink something more appropriate, all we?" Q said airily. "And since you won't let me whisk you off to Paris I hope you don't object to me bringing Paris to you."
Q brushed his hand over the bourbon and it transformed into a bottle of Romanée-Conti. Picard couldn't hide his interest as Q handed it to him. Jean-Luc had heard of the famous bottle of wine when he was a child and conversations of it's reputation occasionally sprang between his father and brother at their diner table. He inspected the label closely which he saw was aged and even showed signs of yellowing; he also noted the wax around the cork and the glass matched the time period the wine had been bottled- all signs pointing to it's authenticity.
"Is it a real bottle with a history or is it a counterfeit of yours?" Picard asked. If real he was aware that he was holding a treasure in his hands.
"It's real." Q replied. "If I wanted to make a counterfeit I wouldn't base it off of someone else's work."
"Then to whom does it really belong?" Picard asked dryly as he laid it carefully on the table.
"I didn't steal it if that's what you're implying." Q replied. Jean-Luc must have looked skeptical because Q dawned an innocent expression. "No really, I traded for it through honest means."
Three wine glasses appeared on the table. Picard thought the additional glass for another participant strange but he didn't interrupt as Q opened the bottle of wine and poured a generous amount in each glass.
"Why three?" Picard finally asked as Q handed one to him.
Q bent his body to the left in a harsh angle giving Picard a clear view of Riker who was watching their interactions from the next table over. Will made a last minute attempt to look casual as he fidgeted with a salt shaker on the table. A flash of light made Riker jump, and suddenly the shaker had been transfigured into the third glass of Romanée-Conti.
"Before you get any bold ideas of taking him away, know that I asked him to watch us." Picard said. He didn't want to go through another "date" negotiating his First Officer's release.
"How naughty." Q proclaimed. He took a sip of his wine and pulled a face before a flash of light made his glass disappear too.
Riker was smelling the wine and inspecting it as he held it up to the light. He pulled back in confusion when Q glass suddenly showed up at his table. Picard pressed his lips together to fight an impolite comment from surfacing. Instead he cleared his throat and tried to focus on how to pull the conversation back to Wesley's release.
"It's a shame you don't enjoy it," Picard grunted. He had his first taste of the wine and made an appreciative hum. "I grew up in a family of winemakers. My brother..." he started.
Q was listening in rapt attention. It occurred to Picard that it would be unwise to reveal too many personal details about his family or friends to Q. Jean-Luc's relationship with his brother had always been a little strained, but he didn't think Q introducing himself was something Robert deserved.
"...That's phenomenal, quite the treat." Picard finished.
"You deserve it." Q said to him, his gaze intense.
"...And does Doctor Crusher deserve her son to be taken away from her?" Jean-Luc asked as he looked over the rim of his glass.
"Bridge to Captain Picard, your presence is requested immediately." Worf's voice informed him. "It's urgent."
"On my way." Jean-Luc responded.
"What? No you aren't." Q proclaimed.
"Thank you for the wine, we can continue this another time perhaps." Picard said politely as he jumped out of his seat. He motioned for Riker to join him who was matching his pace as he rushed toward the Bridge.
"Very well Jean-Luc, you're excused." Q said to the empty seat in front of him.
Q tried to look unconcerned as Guinan passed by and grabbed Jean-Luc's glass of wine off the table.
"Do all your dates end this way or just the really good ones?" She mocked him with a smug smile.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Q scowled. He crossed his arms moodily before disappearing in a flash.
The Bridge was on yellow alert when Picard arrived. He didn't like the idea of abandoning his attempt to rescue Wesley, but he knew he wouldn't have been called so suddenly unless it was a real emergency. Worf wasn't the type to shy away from problems fixed without the Captain's involvement.
On the main screen there was a small, unidentified ship was floating before them. Though not very large, it looked like it had been hardwired together with some serious artillery- Picard recognized various skins of different factions on it's hull.
"Mr. Worf, why didn't their ship show up on our scanners?" Picard asked.
"Sir, they must have a cloaking device." Worf informed him.
"That's not all we got." said a voice behind him.
Picard whipped around to see the form of a man materialize into solid. The intruder carried a standard issue Klingon phaser gun, though he was no more Klingon than Picard, but he seemed just as savage as it was pointed at Picard threateningly.
Worf growled and fell to the floor when two more men materialized behind him and struck him in the back of the head with metal rods.
"Don't be a hero, Captain, heroes get people killed." The man said. Picard concluded the man must have been the leader of the gang. "Tell your men to drop their weapons or we'll be forced to drop some bodies... starting from the top." he said nodding towards Riker.
Will was being subdued by a brute holding his arms behind his back while another thug rested a long blade at his throat.
"We're on a mission of peace but if pushed we're prepared to lose our lives to stop you." Picard said firmly.
"That's very inconvenient for the both of us then, innit?" The leader sneered.
"Agreed. It would be in our best interests to remain unharmed, especially if you don't want to risk prosecution with the Federation." Jean-Luc said. "And I would prefer if you pointed that somewhere else!" he shouted, looking at the gun barrel.
The leader chuckled softly before it turned into a hearty laugh. "Ooo, you have spirit. Didn't expect that from a Federation Captain." he said.
"And to whom am I speaking?" Picard asked. He counted nine intruders in total on the Bridge, if possible he was going to negotiate his way out of the crisis instead of fighting.
"'To whom'? I really hate you pretentious Federation bogworms." He sneered. Picard patiently waited-out the unspoken challenge for confrontation. The man looked disappointed that he couldn't get a rise out of Jean-Luc. "My name is Dodge, leader of the Barbarians of Alpha Major. Forgive me if I don't shake your hand, Captain." he said, the gun still pointed at him.
"Dodge, the main console's stuck in a security lockdown." One of the Barbarians proclaimed as he keyed in codes at the engineering council. "Only basic systems are functioning on the ship, everything else has been cut off."
"Take the security lock off." Dodge ordered coldly to Picard.
"You can't expect me to just hand over my ship." Picard said firmly.
"Maybe you're not as smart as you think." Dodge said. "We should kill you, but we may need you alive if we can't release the lock-out command to the main console later." He leaned in. "May need you."
Dodge turned to one of the more bulky lackys. "Take these stuffed-shirts to lock-up. If anyone sees you, kill them if they're under the rank of Lieutenant." He smiled showing a row of his uneven teeth. "Oh, and leave the women here."
"Hey-!" Riker shouted struggling against his captors.
Ensign Hill let out a terrified gasp as she was accosted by two men. Troi and Beverly were silent, but the fear in their eyes was tangible.
"I really must protest!" Picard shouted. "You and your men are inviting a war upon your heads if they are harmed."
"We're ready for war, Captain." Dodge smirked. "Are you?"
Thankfully they didn't run into anyone as they were dragged to the brig; the full-lockdown was probably responsible for that stroke of good luck. However, Picard wasn't thrilled that all four of them were left sharing the smallest cell in the brig.
Worf was still out cold and so he had the bed. The rest of them were left to find their comfort tightly huddled in the small space.
"Their leader's strategy seems rather foolish. He should know keeping us together like this makes us more of a threat." Riker remarked. "Is he really so confident that we won't come up with a plan to stop him?"
"He wants us talking. The close quarters are made to discourage us." Picard remarked. "He said he was the leader of 'The Barbarians of Alpha Major', perhaps he has some reputation."
"Sir, I believe they're pirates. That would explain the various advanced technologies within their possession and the variety of aesthetic components on their ship." Data remarked.
"Yes, I got a good look at that Klingon sidearm." Picard drawled. "This couldn't be their first big payout if they're brazen enough to go after a Federation starship."
Worf groaned before letting out a roar and sitting up.
"Why are we in the brig?" He grunted as he held the back of his head.
"Because irony!"
There was a collective groan when Q appeared outside the cell with a flash of light. Their misfortune seemed to be stacking as he tapped the forcefield and laughed at them.
"My, don't you all look snug." Q sang. "I know all too well how pleasant a stay in there can be."
"Hello Q." Riker greeted him stiffly. "Not here to help us, I suppose?"
"You know I really would love to, but I've been warned not to get too involved in the Captain's snafus." Q remarked airily. "You see a certain loverboy has been preaching the evils of meddling and personally expressed his wishes that I adopt this noble 'prime directive' concerning your affairs."
"Maybe you can just give us a little nudge to victory?" Riker suggested.
"And be accused of meddling?" Q proclaimed. "Not to mention...it wasn't even that long ago you threw me in the brig! There's probably still residue of me still in there."
"Residue? What does that mean?" Riker asked, his face twisting in disgust. Data, him and Worf exchanged curious glances.
Then Worf frowned and jumped out of the bed quickly, brushing off the seat of his pants vigorously.
"We have no time to waste on Q." Picard insisted. "We have to think of a way to get back on the Bridge."
"Oh yes, I'm a wasting your time. Hey, good luck getting out. I'm sure everything will all work out fine!" Q said with a sardonic smile.
Picard turned his back on Q, determined not to let his words touch him. Will licked his lips before leaning in closely.
"You have to convince Q to help us. If we don't get to the Bridge soon…" He murmured to Jean-Luc quietly.
"Yes, I know what's at stake." Jean-Luc replied softly. He let out a frustrated sigh. "However what he said was true, you know I asked him not to interfere."
"Given the circumstances-" Riker started.
"-But that's how it always begins, with good intentions under the 'given circumstances'. You remember when you were granted the power of the Q, how tempting it was to use it." Jean-Luc interrupted. "We can't allow ourselves to constantly be running to Q to get us out of these situations."
"I know more than anyone the temptation and challenges you face. And I take the request you asked of me seriously...but I don't think asking Q to help us this once is breaking my promise." Riker replied.
"We will have other challenges ahead of us." Jean-Luc replied. "Maybe much more vital than this one- maybe we'll all face death and the only thing between us and our end is Q. If so, we must die. If we bend now on this we'll break later. The answer is no."
"But It's Beverly and Deanna with those animals. Ensign Hill just turned nineteen." Riker remarked. "...Some things are worse than death for a woman."
Picard pursed his lips together. "This feels like a slippery-slope." He said softly.
"Whatever you need to say to him, say it." Riker said. There was an unspoken agreement that he wouldn't be judged.
Jean-Luc took a deep breath and turned.
"Q." Picard called.
"Yes, mon capitaine?" He purred.
"The Barbarians are trying to open the main console and are no doubt monitoring the brig computer." Picard explained. "Could you disable the cell's forcefield without the computer acknowledging it?"
"Yes, I possess the ability to do so." He said in a bored tone. "Why do you ask?"
"Would you please use your ability to 'do so'?" Riker asked.
"Absolutely not." Q scoffed.
"If we're trapped in here and the Barbarians take over the ship...how will we finish our date?" Picard asked. "We were so rudely interrupted and just as I was about to ask you to …" he stopped and cleared his throat. "join me in my quarters."
"Jean-Luc, are you trying to seduce me?" Q asked. "You are, aren't you? This is bold, even for you. You can't possibly think I'll fall for something so plebian!"
"If only our love were plebeian, sir." Picard said. "When I see you in that coat of arms...I wish I were in your arms instead."
"Oh that's wretched!" Q laughed. Picard closed his eyes in frustration. "Well...alright. You are my weakness... and I did want to finish that date. It was going very well, don't you think?"
He held up his hand and pressed his fingers together, ready to snap.
"Now are you sure you want my help?" Q sang. "Remember- we had a conversation about this, and you were awfully upset at the prospect of my involvement."
"I'm sure." Jean-Luc replied as he tried not to appear too desperate.
"So be it." Q replied, grinning.
When he snapped his fingers a flash of light enveloped him, but only for a fleeting moment before something materialized in his place. Wesley looked as if he nearly tripped when he found his footing and he scrambled in place, his eyes wide with astonishment.
"Wesley!" Will gasped.
"Are you unhurt?" Picard asked.
"I- I think so." Wesley stuttered. "Captain I don't know what happened-" he cried out in shock when Q waved at him.
"Ignore him, he won't harm you. Listen, Wesley, we need your help." Jean-Luc interrupted him. "The Bridge has been taken over by pirates. We're on lockdown and all crewmembers are confined, you're the only one who's free- you must find a way to get us out the brig."
"Computer, lower-" Wesley started.
"No! Stop!" Riker cried out.
Wesley was already confused but the sudden interruption put him further on edge.
"They're monitoring the computer systems." Riker explained. "Don't command the computer to lower the forcefield, if you do the intruders will know we've been freed and may kill hostages. You have to think of a way to free us without the computer acknowledging it."
"I think I can create a glitch in the computer system," Wesley said rushing to the brig security console. "One that's small enough they won't pick up on it."
"Perfect." Riker encouraged him.
They watched with anticipation as Wesley worked rapidly. Q was whistling and only paused to lean over Wesley's shoulder, watching the screen.
"Don't mind me." Q said as Wesley shrank a little, clearly intimidated.
The brig doors opened and their Barbarian visitor was holding a bottle of vodka he had dragged from Ten-Forward. Wesley hesitated too long before fleeing out of sight, the Barbarian growled before laying the bottle down.
"Uh-oh!" Q proclaimed gleefully at Wesley's panicked face.
"Don't let him warn his friends, Wesley!" Riker called to him.
"Fight!" Worf barked.
Wesley sprang into action. If the Barbarian wasn't so concerned by his drink he probably would have avoided being slammed to the floor as Wesley ran into him full-speed.
"That-a-boy, Wes!" Riker said, swinging his fist in the air.
A white light flashed and Q was lounging on the floor next to the struggling fighters. The Barbarian pushed his hand under Wesley's chin and pushed, causing Wesley to lose his advantage.
"Hold your ground!" Worf barked at him. "Do not let him gain the upperhand!"
The Barbarian was gaining control as he slammed Wesley down on his side and pinned him underneath his weight. Worf growled in frustration as Wesley was punched, he grunted in pain and blood poured from his nose.
"What a shame it was mommy-Crusher that got in the way." Q drawled to them. Apparently he was invisible and inaudible to the Barbarian as he peaked over the ragged man's shoulder. He clicked his tongue against his teeth, tuting Wesley. "If only it was someone like the brawny, knuckle-dragging Klingon throwback fawning over mon capitaine, you wouldn't be putting all your hopes of rescue into a gangly teenaged boy."
"Ugh!" Wesley choked as the man's hands closed around his neck.
"Wesley!" Riker gasped. "Can't you stop this?" She shouted at Q.
"Don't look at me," Q said with false innocence. "He'd be doing much better if Starfleet made him do a push-up every once in awhile."
The Barbarian leaned harder into Wesley as his hands crushed into the boy's neck. Picard saw Wesley's eyes slowly dull before slipping into white. Fear gripped him as his lids began to close.
"Help him, damn you!" Picard shouted at Q.
"Moi?" Q said in a flourish, motioning to himself.
"You can't let him die!" Riker pleaded.
"Of course I can." Q scoffed. "He's not that special."
"I'll do whatever you ask, just save him!" Picard promised.
"Done!" Q said happily with a toothy grin. He snapped his fingers and Wesley was inside their cell, lying on the floor and coughing.
Will rushed to his side and slowly helped him into a sitting position.
"Breathe, Wes, breathe!" Riker said slapping his back lightly.
"I'm sorry." Wesley choked as his eyes watered.
"Don't be." Picard replied gently.
"The odds were not in your favor." Data informed him.
"You fought honorably for one so outmatched." Worf encouraged him. He had ripped a part of his uniform and handed it to Wesley to press against his nose.
"Don't lie to the boy." Q chided him as he rolled his eyes. "You'll only make him feel worse about his abysmal attempt to rescue you."
"Hey-!" The Barbarian said, his mouth dropped open in awe as he pointed to Wesley. "How in Drog's name did the pipsqueak get in there?"
"'Pipsqueak!'" Q shouted with glee. His eyes were wide with excitement as he trotted over to them. "I'm starting to regret I'm not this creative fellow's all-powerful boyfriend!"
"What do you have a transporter?" The Barbarian shouted at Wesley through the forcefield. "I'll rip it from your dead fingers, boy!"
"If he had a transporter do you really think he'd transport in here of all places?" Riker barked.
The Barbarian didn't reply, but he seemed massively uncomfortable to be there. He got to his feet and side stepped to the security console, never taking his eyes off them.
Picard jumped when he felt Q's hands give his upper arms a tight squeeze to announce his presence.
"What are you going to do now, Jean-Luc?" Q asked him with a quiver of excitement. "You're trapped like vermin. It won't take long before this itty-bitty room starts to close in on you and you all start eating each other. I'd stay away from the Klingon if I were you, though he'll probably eat the sickly one first." he said motioning to Wesley.
"Q." Jean-Luc said, turning around.
They were standing very close to one another, and there was that familiar fire in Jean-Luc's stomach as Q licked his lips while looking in his eyes.
"Hm?" Q replied softly, raising his eyebrows.
"We can do nothing like this." Picard stated frankly. "We're still incapacitated, hardly in a better position than where we started."
"That's true. The 'pipsqueak' really had no chance." Q chuckled.
"That may be." Jean-Luc replied, avoiding looking at Wesley. "Please lower the forcefield, that will give us what I believe is a fair chance." he pleaded. "If you do that I'll make no more requests from you."
Jean-Luc took a quick look around the room. Riker was watching them but turned away quickly, Wesley was concentrating on taking deep breaths while nursing his nose while Worf was pursing his lips together critically at a spot on the ceiling, but keeping silent. Data was watching them closely with a calculating look.
"Please." Jean-Luc said softly. Q closed his eyes when Jean-Luc leaned in and kissed him softly on the mouth. The fire in his belly roared with desire and it took some self-discipline to pull away.
"I should leave you to rot." Q drawled coldly, shocking Jean-Luc. Riker turned to them with alarm and Q smirked at the First Officer. "But I won't." he whispered without looking at Jean-Luc. He turned to him, a mocking look on his face. "If I keep doing you favors this relationship will become rather lopsided...isn't that what you fear? That you'd grow to depend on me? That I would tarnish your moral character?"
"You're not mistaken." Picard admitted, thankful no one had commented on the kiss, especially their jailer who probably thought he had lost his mind romancing thin-air. "But I find myself with little choice in the matter."
Q stared at him for a few seconds before snapping his fingers. The forcefield went down.
"Drog's third tentacle!" The Barbarian proclaimed. "Space sorcerers!"
"'Space sorcerers'? Are you sure he can't be part of your crew?" Q asked, turning to Picard. "I like him so much more than these!" He said motioning to the group.
But that's all the Barbarian was able to say to amuse Q, because Worf gave the man a bodyslam that really knocked the fight out of him. Wesley forever recalled how the Barbarians eyes bugged out of his head as he lay on the ground, gasping for air that wouldn't come.
Will plucked the phaser out of the man's belt and handed it to Worf, then took a long, vicious-looking knife out of the Barbarian's sheath. He then punched the man in the head, knocking him out cold.
"Human diplomacy at it's finest." Q mocked them.
Picard refused to engage Q's attempts to offset their mood as he ran his hands through the pirate's clothes and pockets checking for additional weapons that may have been left on his person.
"My, you are a handsy fellow." Q remarked. "You never do that to me when I show up unannounced."
"Here," Picard said holding up a circular device to Riker. "I believe this is what they used to render themselves invisible. It'll prove useful." He looked down at their captor and took a deep breath. "Who knows how much time we have before they come looking for him- let's hide the body."
Worf obeyed and dragged the Barbarian under the security console before stacking crates to hide him. The crates would be heavy enough that a disoriented person would struggle quite some time to break free.
"We could use the cloaking device to take them by surprise and attack." Riker suggested.
"No, we only have one and they'll understand quickly what is happening; we'd only have a few seconds of chaos to work with at most before they open fire on us or the women. If we storm the Bridge with a fight there'll be casualties." Picard replied. "We must think tactically. Here are some of our advantages- we have mobility around the ship, they do not. Their ship is too small to have a large number, so they must be spread very thin and are pooling all their resources into cracking the console lockdown. It's fortunate their attention is not on us at the moment."
"Captain, if I may make a suggestion?" Data spoke up. Picard nodded. "If we go to Sick Bay, I believe we can find the components we need to create a 'knock out' gas."
"But we can't bypass the lockdown, Sick Bay will be shut tighter than a quarantine unit." Riker argued.
"There is a pathway of ventilation shafts that run through the medical storage deck." Data informed them. "They are just large enough for a person of Wesley's size to navigate through them."
"Do you think you could do this?" Riker asked Wesley. "If not, that's okay, we'll figure something else out."
"Oh no, not him again." Q sighed at Jean-Luc. "Don't you ever learn?"
"I want to help." Wesley replied eagerly. "Just tell me what to do."
"I will describe to Wesley the components I need." Data assured Picard.
"Make it so." Jean-Luc ordered.
The ship had never felt so empty. Once the security lockdown had been ordered it was standard procedure for all officers and residents to seek safe zones and wait for further instructions. Getting from one area to another seemed easy- too easy for Picard's comfort. He was especially worried when they took the turbolift to the floor just below Sick Bay, he was certain if the Barbarians were monitoring the ship they'd be sure to notice that. He hoped they believed the unusual activity was caused by their missing comrade.
The group moved rapidly and as quietly as they could until Data stopped them.
"Here is the ventilation shaft." Data said as he pointed above them.
There was a small square of gating above them.
"It looks a little tight." Riker said. Wesley's face fell.
"I'm not claustrophobic." Wesley claimed, though he didn't look like he quite believed it himself.
"It's good to know you're not letting the trauma get to you after almost suffocating once today." Q said.
"Shut up, Q." Riker snapped. "Here," he said turning to Wesley. "I'll give you a boost."
"You'll do fine." Picard assured Wesley while the boy climbed on Riker's shoulders. "Just keep a cool head."
Jean-Luc felt very exposed as they waited for Wesley to unhinge the ventilation gate. They were making too much noise for his comfort, but eventually Wesley did manage to pry the gate loose.
"I got it!" Wesley said. His joy was short lived though as he stuck his arms out and gripped the edge lip of the shaft. Per Data's calculations he would be able to maneuver around, but would indeed be a very tight fit.
"Good luck." Jean-Luc said as Wesley was hoisted higher.
"Don't get lost!" Q called after him as Wesley disappeared. Riker shot him a disgusted look. "What? One of us has to be the realist."
They had been out of a brig for almost an hour when Wesley returned. His shirt was ripped, dirty, and he was sweating, but he arrived in high spirits. No doubt he had felt he needed to redeem himself for his earlier failure to rescue them and this victory encouraged him.
It took Data mere minutes to create their new weapon and Picard was very thankful the Barbarians hadn't been clever enough to deactivate the android. A lot of the measurements he needed to make were very specific- if anyone else had attempted it, it would have ended in disaster.
"I am the only one who will not be affected by the knock-out gas, therefore I volunteer myself to become the infiltrator." Data explained holding up the cannister.
"I wouldn't be affected by the gas." Q spoke up.
"You are not one of us." Worf said in a finalized tone.
"He is not formally part of the crew, but I stand corrected," Data said quirking his head. "It is true that other than myself Q would also not be affected by the knock-out gas."
"What a shame." Riker sniped.
"So you will be invisible and as soon as the doors open you toss the knockout gas." Picard repeated back to Data. "Then you send down the Barbarians on the turbolift."
"That is the plan." Data replied.
"Alright, let's do this." Riker said.
They tested the cloaking device on Data and were pleased to find out it not only cloaked his body but objects he was holding as well. Picard thought their plan was reasonably solid, he doubted the Barbarians had a way to filter the gas to keep them from being overtaken.
The turbolift doors opened and Wesley covered his hand over the lip of the doorway to stop them from closing.
"Data...please help my mom." Wesley asked him.
"I intend to help everyone." Data's response came. "But I will take special care looking out for your mother."
Wesley removed his hand and the turbo-doors shut with a woosh.
"And now we wait." Riker said.
There was a heavy silence as they waited. Any second now their fates were being decided but none of them could witness it.
"This is so exciting!" Q shouted breaking the moment of tension as they all jumped. "I should really swing by more often."
Riker looked at the ceiling and huffed through his nose, his jaw tight.
"Bridge to Captain Picard, please come in." Data's voice rang.
Jean-Luc frowned. Something was wrong. Data couldn't have possibly fulfilled their mission that quickly. Was it a trick? Riker was looking concerned, Picard believed the same thoughts must have been running through his mind.
"Picard here...go ahead." He replied cautiously.
"It is quite safe to return to the bridge, sir." Data assured him.
"Data, how could the intruders have been apprehended so quickly? And what about the gas?" Picard asked.
"The intruders were already incapacitated." Data reported. "I did not have to release the knock-out gas."
"That doesn't sound right." Riker said to Jean-Luc.
"He's telling the truth Jean-Luc. It's alright." Beverly's voice reassured him.
Riker stroked his beard thoughtfully before shaking his head. "This whole breakout seemed a little too easy." he said to Jean-Luc.
"Still, I have a hard time believing they'd take Data down without a fight but we can't risk the alternative." Picard replied. He crossed his arms thoughtfully and weighed the possibility that it was a trap. "I'll go up alone and armed. If I say, 'come up, Will', you'll know it's a trap. If I say, 'all's well', all really is well."
"I should go." Riker said.
"No, they're expecting me. Maybe not you." Picard replied. "Seeing you might tip them off something's wrong."
"You're right." Riker admitted.
"Good luck, Captain." Worf said handing Picard the gun.
When Picard stepped into the turbolift he was surprised to see he didn't do so alone.
"Why are you here?" Picard asked Q gruffly as the doors closed.
"Moral support." Q replied as if it were obvious. "And I'm curious to see what sort of face you'll make while you die."
"Bridge." He ordered to the computer. The lift began to move. "How could that possibly interest you?" Picard snapped.
"I don't know," Q shrugged. "I didn't think I'd be interested in the expression you make during sex when you-"
"Shhh!" Picard snapped. "That's enough."
"Did you just shush me?" Q asked him, incredulous.
Picard was in no mood to argue as he counted the beats. He knew exactly how long it took to get to the Bridge, and soon he would be arriving. He felt Q's hand on his shoulder once the doors opened.
What Jean-Luc saw left him stunned. All eight of the barbarians were hogtied and gagged in a circle as if they had been arranged with meticulous care. They struggled against their bonds to no avail as Picard disabled the cloaking device.
"How peculiar!" Q said dramatically as he watched Jean-Luc with intensity.
Picard let out a breath he was holding. He tapped his badge. "All's well." he reported to Riker. Troi approached him, and he was sure she could feel his confusion and apprehension. "I trust you have an explanation for this?"
"We do." She said, her eyes flickering at Q.
"Q helped us get out of the brig." Picard explained.
Troi's eyes widened. "Did he now?" She said.
Q was whistling and looking around the ship, avoiding their eyes. Picard would have liked to have questioned him, but the turbolift had arrived.
"Wesley!" Beverly bellowed. She ran to him and hugged him tightly before pulling back to look at him.
"I'm alright, mom," he said. "What about you?"
"I'm fine." She said before hugging him again.
Riker and Worf were circling around the group of tied barbarians in astonishment.
"Sir," Worf said quietly to Riker. "Even three Klingons could not have done this."
Riker nodded in agreement before facing Deanna and Jean-Luc.
"Don't take offense to this but...how did three women overtake eight heavily armed men?" Riker asked them.
"We didn't." Troi replied. "Q helped us."
"What?" Picard said rounding on Q.
"We were coming to get you," Beverly started eagerly. "but one of the Barbarians was unaccounted for and we didn't want to tip him off until we could get security involved."
"Funny how Q didn't mention that!" Riker snapped angrily.
"You wouldn't have believed me anyway." Q said to Riker dismissing his angry glare. "Besides, how could you be upset I saved them first? You should have seen the way those blaggards were looking at them! ...And the things that would have been done to them."
"What did you trade him to help you?" Picard asked Beverly sternly.
"Oh no, Jean-Luc!" Q said stepping in between Jean-Luc and Beverly. "Some things should be left unsaid…right ladies?" He said with a unctuous smirk.
"One of his conditions was we never tell anyone." Ensign Hill spoke up.
"Why do I have the feeling it somehow involves me?" Picard snapped. The women traded uncomfortable glances, confirming his fears.
"And everyone is safe and happy, all thanks to yours truly." Q said clapping his hands before stopping. "Why aren't you all joining in? That's the custom, isn't it?"
"We probably should thank him." Troi said to them all.
Will sighed before he started to clap, and was joined unenthusiastically by the rest of the Bridge. Jean-Luc was the only one who didn't participate; he was too busy watching Q, who was smiling as wide as the cat who caught the canary. He made a final bow before leaving them all in flash.
The clapping stopped in an instant.
"I really do not like that man!" Worf announced.
Jean-Luc missed his ready room. He had spent so much time avoiding it in his efforts to avoid Q that he felt an almost welcoming presence when he entered it.
As he sat down at his desk he wondered what he should write in his report. He'd mentioned Q in his reports before- quite thoroughly and without prejudice, but now he wondered just how much Starfleet should know.
He spent the next few hours wrestling with that question. When his report was over, he reread it and realized there was great gaps of information, all where Q was involved.
He sighed. That wouldn't be good enough for Starfleet...he'd tackle filling in the gaps with a fresh mind tomorrow morning.
He was pensive as he made his way to his quarters and the doors had barely closed behind him when he heard his doorbell chime. He frowned. He had seen no one behind him when he entered.
"Come?" Picard called. As the doors opened he groaned. Q stood before him in a Starfleet captain's uniform but with the addition of a monstrously full bouquet of roses in his hands.
"Mon capitaine." Q purred, the bottom half of his face hidden by flowers. "I'm here to finish our date."
Picard weighed the consequences of throwing Q out. Having sex with him would make their relationship more complicated, but not engaging with Q and acting like a tease could be just as hazardous.
"Right...our date." Picard said, doing some quick thinking.
"It's been hours since we were alone, you must be close to bursting!" Q proclaimed. The roses were disregarded on the floor as Q spontaneously appeared behind Jean-Luc and began to pepper the back of his neck with kisses.
He couldn't string Q along and assure his safety; Q might resent using him (and rightfully so) causing Picard to be sent into a harsher predicament than the one he was rescued from. Sleeping with him was just a sacrifice he'd have to make.
"Quite right, I certainly am." Jean-Luc said.
"These bodies get so tense, don't they?" Q whispered in his ear. He felt Q's thumbs pressing circles into his shoulders, it did not feel unpleasant. "If I may offer you my services?" he asked before kissing him right below the ear.
He shuddered and the fingers that had been loosening his shoulders laid flat on his back, swiping over him until they rested low on his hips. Q stepped closer and Jean-Luc could feel his warm breath against his neck.
"What are you thinking about Jean-Luc?" Q asked him.
"I'm asking myself how it's possible I'm getting so much enjoyment from you." He replied honestly. He turned to face his lover who was looking down at him with a smile.
"I'll take a compliment any way I can get it." Q replied with mystery in his eyes.
Jean-Luc was startled when he felt his feet leave the floor and gripped Q's shoulders as he was being hoisted in the air. Q had scooped him up and was carrying him to the bedroom, a playful smile on his face that made him almost look innocent.
Almost.
Jean-Luc awoke with Q's arm around his middle and his body pressed against him. He had been asleep for only a few hours and his shift wouldn't start for another eight. The arm that draped over him began to move and he felt Q's face press against him.
"Did you want to go another round?" Q whispered in his ear before kissing it.
"No I've had enough." Picard replied. He rolled over so they were facing one-another. Q prompted his head up on his hand and used his other hand to draw circles on Jean-Luc's chest.
"You want a cuddle? Pillow talk?" Q offered. "Midnight snack?" He asked wiggling his eyebrows.
"What did my officers trade you to keep them safe?" Picard asked.
"Nothing nearly as exciting as what you'll give me." Q remarked in a playful tone.
"What do you mean what I'll give you?" Jean-Luc asked.
Q's finger stopped and he met Picard's gaze with a full-toothed grin.
"You don't remember telling me you'd do anything to save Crusher Jr.'s life?" Q questioned him. Picard's mouth dropped open and he felt a spasm of fear grip him. Q chuckled. "Got caught up in the moment, did we?"
"...What is thing you'll demand from me?" Picard asked.
"Oh, it's good." Q purred. "Really, really good."
"You had something in mind this entire time?" Picard asked.
"Of course." Q replied. "But now isn't the time to speak of it."
"I must inquire what it is." Picard continued.
"...That would be telling. I don't want to spoil the surprise." Q whispered. "Now let's kiss. I really must be going."
"I would rather not." Jean-Luc said stiffly.
"Still playing coy? That'll never get old." Q chuckled.
Jean-Luc felt his stomach clench pleasantly as Q held the back of his head and pressed his lips to his. When he pulled away Picard's lips felt soft and warm, moistened by Q's lips.
"Don't worry, I'll be back sooner than you think." Q said with a wink. "Go back to sleep."
Jean-Luc's dreams were strange and full of Q. He finally awoke to find a lush bouquet of roses sticking into his bare back as he twisted in the covers. He rolled and saw he had squashed a good portion of them in his sleep.
He let out a long sigh. So went another night he promised himself he'd never have again with Q. He grabbed the bouquet and held it above him, looking at the deep red petals. Even though he was dreading the repercussions of sleeping with Q again, he acknowledged it hadn't been terrible, in fact, Q was a rather remarkable lover.
And that's just what made it so frightening. He enjoyed himself. Thoroughly. With Q.
He pressed the bouquet against his face and smelled the rosy fragrance and greenery. Should he tell Will? He felt like perhaps maybe he should. He'd have a hard time convincing him that there was no relationship between himself and Q now.
Just as hard as convincing himself.
When the door chimed he sat up in bed in an instant. He had completely forgotten about breakfast with Beverly- he realized that unconsciously he'd assumed they wouldn't be continuing with their regular breakfast get-together given the distasteful events of yesterday.
He was certain she'd understand if he cancelled on her. Proceeding wasn't an option, he hadn't showered, shaved, and he still felt dirty from last night's demanding physical activities. Would she notice his disheveled state and discover his shame? Women always seemed highly intuitive regarding those things.
The door chimed once more and he hastily put on his pajamas and a robe. He paused only to look at himself in the mirror, and he saw guilt broadcasted in his features. Perhaps she'd assume his shameful demeanor was because of his forgetfulness of her arrival.
"Come." Jean-Luc said.
Beverly didn't look surprised to see him in such a stripped-down state. She did look disturbed, however.
"I'm terribly sorry Beverly, I forgot about breakfast." Picard apologized.
"It's alright." She replied. "I didn't come for breakfast."
"Ah." Jean-Luc said simply. There was an awkward pause.
"Is he here?" Beverly asked as she looked around.
"No. He left early." Picard replied. Instantly he regretted his word-choice in which he chalked up the slip to not being entirely awake yet. He had all but openly said to Beverly he had slept with Q. "Come in."
Beverly took two steps before halting to look at something on the floor. Rose petals were scattered on the carpet further adding to Jean-Luc's embarrassment. His First Officer and Chief Medical Officer sure was getting a lot of personal information on his love life lately.
"Can we talk?" Beverly asked.
"Yes, of course." Picard replied. He motioned to a couch to invite her to sit.
Jean-Luc took the large armchair while Beverly sat on the couch. They faced each other briefly and it was Beverly who spoke first.
"I normally wouldn't dare ask you this, but my son and I have become indirectly involved, therefore I think I have the right." Beverly said. The conversation sounded rehearsed which was bad. Jean-Luc fought the urge to cringe. "Is something romantic going on between you and Q?"
"He certainly thinks so." Jean-Luc replied.
"I know what he thinks." She said plainly. "I'm asking if what he thinks is true, that the two of you are boyfriends."
Jean-Luc pressed his hands to his lips.
"It's complicated." He replied.
"I should say so." She replied, visually upset. "My son, my only child, tells me he was obliterated into nothingness until he was recalled back to life. And it happened because I fixed your shoulder yesterday, and that upset your boyfriend."
"I understand why you're upset, you have every right to be." Jean-Luc assured her.
"I'm not just upset," She replied standing up. She crossed her arms across her chest and shook her head. "I'm terrified, and disappointed, but mostly I'm confused. I don't know why you would go against every principle you stand for and risk our lives over Q of all people! Don't you see how dangerous he is to all of us?"
"Yes, I do." Jean-Luc replied. "And you're not wrong. ...I deeply regret how you and Wesley were dragged into this."
"And Deanna, and Betty Hill." She reminded him. "You have no idea what's happening, do you?"
"You know?" Jean-Luc asked, his gut clenching. He stood from his chair. "He told you?"
She shot him a pitying look before turning away from him.
"If you don't stop whatever this is between you and Q, someone is really going to get hurt." She said. "And I can't let that be Wesley again."
"If I could stop it I would." Jean-Luc said firmly. "I don't know what he's doing or what he's done. If you could just tell me-"
"I can't." She said turning around. "I can't even try to help you. You need to help yourself." she told him.
"But you are trying to tell me something." Jean-Luc said, searching her face. She looked even more upset before shaking her head.
"Please be careful." She said softly.
He thought he saw her eyes well up with tears before leaving him.