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Fathers and Daughters.
A sacred bond. Your first love. The man who teaches how you should be treated.
But as the saying goes, your father was your first heartbreak.
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"Lian, how does it feel?"
Both of you are sitting on the couch, legs atop of the solid wooden rectangular table in the center of the room. Soft jazz hymns float through the room in waves, the wet sheet mask sticking across the expanse of your skin, paired with circular cold cucumber slices over your eyes. Pink hair rollers covered in strands of black are pinned to Lian's head as she sips a glass of orange juice. It had been an hour after lunch as you prep Lian for the big event today - the father-daughter dance.
"It feels sticky," she whines, removing one of the cucumber slices to look at you "Can I take it off now? it's been so long."
It had been only ten minutes.
" A little more, baby, " you say peeking at the timer on your phone "just a little more, and then we can move on to the fun part"
Lian sighs, placing the slice back onto her eyes before sinking begrudgingly into the black cushion. There is a semblance of silence, before your mind becomes noisy with memories of events that took place almost twenty years ago. You hear your mother's voice, loud and gruff as she scolds you for jumping up and down on the wooden floor, citing the downstairs neighbor would complain to the landlord, but a smiles eases onto her lips at the joyful sight of her daughter's excitement. But you hadn't heard anything other than dancing with joy emeanting from your body at the thought of the father - daughter dance event later in the evening. Your -
The timer on your phone rings with a shriek similar to that of your alarm, breaking you out of the spell of reminiscences. Lian jumps up , munching on the cucumber slices as her fingers curl at the ends of the sheet mask. She was fast, sometimes too fast for your reflexes.
You grab her hand gently but firm. "Wait, let's do this in the bathroom" She hums grabbing your palm as she drags you to the room.
The lights buzz, coming to life casting an soft glow across the marble counters. Lian sits on the slab, face turned towards the rectangular mirror, eliciting a gasp followed by a giggle. You tilt her head towards you, removing the cold sheet mask. The expanse of your fingers pad against her skin, massaging the serum into the pores. Lian closes her eyes in a squeeze, hands clutching at the counter as she tells you about how excited she was for today.
"It's going to be so much fun, Mommy. Eva and Lara are coming too," she squeals at the thought of hanging out with her friends, who she had last met only a few hours back. "I heard there was going to be a chocolate fountain too."
You hum, patting her cheeks softly, now focusing on removing your own mask, massaging the skin while she peers at you with her head resting on her shoulder. There are sparkles in her eyes, eye a little wide as she gazes at you. There had been, really, no reason for you to wear the mask but Lian had insisted.
"Mommy, you look so beautiful."
"Thank you, baby. But can I tell you a secret?" Lian nods, body leaning forward :"you are prettier." Infectious laughter fills the room, a small smile playing on your lips at the sound. Tubes of lotion and palettes of makeup sit at the corner of the counter as you pick the purple tinted tube, squeezing a little bit of the product onto your fingers, placing white dots along her cheekbone, alongside her jaw and forehead, ending it with one on her face before rubbing and massaging the skin. The shrill sound of the doorbell cuts through the soft hum. "It's probably your dad," you mumble, washing the remnants of the product in the sink.
"Don't let daddy see me," she shouts when you are out the door, dangling her legs off the counter "I want it to be a surprise." You give her a thumbs up, before walking across the threshold to the front door.
"Hey."
"Hey baby," Roy murmurs, hand gliding across your waist, pulling you into a swift kiss. He presses you against his front, eliciting a soft gasp from you that gives him the opening to slither his tongue into your mouth, dancing with yours in symphony. The world blurs around you, only the two of you existing before a soft thud of the five year old next door, reminding you of your own, awaiting at the bathroom.
You remove yourself from his strong embrace, reluctantly, a string of saliva and the heat to your cheeks being the only indications of the session you just had at the front door. That's the thing with Roy, a small kiss could turn into a ten minute make out session, as if you hadn't been with the man a few hours ago , within the embrace of each other.
" Got the suit from the dryers?"
"Yeah. For once, Tom did not mess up the clothes," He mumbles, settling down on to the leather couch. "Where's Lian?"
"She is in the bathroom, getting ready," you turn to him before whispering, "She wants it to be a surprise, so you won't be seeing her for another hour."
He lets out a hoarse laugh, dragging his palms down his face, silver rings glinting in the light:"She is already the prettiest girl to me."
There is something a little different about Roy today. He hadn't slept well, turning restless in the bed last night. Even now as you look at his figure on the couch, Roy Harper looks nervous - something you hadn't witnessed even during the most stressful of situations a human could be put through.
"You wanna talk about it ?" You ask, rubbing circles onto his palm, grazing lightly against the tiny scars embracing the skin. Of course, you knew. You always knew when Roy acted differently. He really could not hide anything from his wife.
"Nothing," he leans back, head hitting the back of the couch. " I-I guess I just want this to be as perfect as it can be for her." It's ironic the best father among everyone you knew was nervous he wouldn't be good enough for his daughter. Maybe that's what good father do, think they aren't doing good, doing enough while they are probably the best. Others think they are the best though there was no effort, just DNA, just a title.
"It won't be perfect but that doesn't mean it'll be bad. Lian will love it regardless."
He hums, green eyes locking onto yours as you squeeze his palms. "She's waiting. Get yourself ready now, you'll be fine."
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You knock once before opening the bathroom door. "Hey, your dad's home. He is getting ready now."
Lian mumbles something, giggling at just the mention of her father. The sound sends you back to when you were a kid - were you this happy when anyone mentioned your dad. Maybe you were, until you realized you did not mean as much to him like being a hero did. Like how saving other people meant more than saving the ones at his own home.
Lian wears the gown - a soft pink pastel tulle with multiple layers, bodice covered with tiny sequins and lace crafted intro flowers lined along the seams. The three of you had gone shopping a week earlier to different boutiques the whole day, and had finally decided on the pink dress. She twirls, the pink garment swishing against her legs. You ask her to stand on the designated purple stool so that you could do her hair. Removing the pink rollers, ebony hair falls in place with a slight curl to the end. You braid her hair, taking only a few strands from the sides , clipping it on with a pink ribbon bow.
" Wow, you look so beautiful princess," her face flushes at the compliment - she really did look like a princess. You kiss her cheek before mumbling about going to check on her father while she waits in her room.
You hear a thud behind the door of your shared bedroom - like something, someone had fallen.
"Roy, is everything okay?"
Roy grumbles something before opening the oak door. The tailored suit fit across his bulging muscles, red tie at the hooked at the center albeit a little crooked. The black suit jacket is unbuttoned, hands folded against his hips. His hair is a mess , tousled out in various directions. But it did not matter, because Roy looked good. He always does but today, with the suit on - he looked rather scrumptious.
"You clean up well, Mr Harper."
"Is that so, Mrs Harper?" He pulls you into a kiss, as you place your arms on his chest for support.
"Roy - Roy your shirt will wrinkle" He hums against your lips. "Lian's waiting."
He hums again chasing your lips whilst you try to retreat.
"Roy."
"Fine, fine."
You shake your head before picking the hairbrush laying on the table, brushing his hair as he leans down for your convenience. Patting his shoulders, you ask him to wait in the living room while you usher out Lian.
"Are you ready?" You ask knocking on the door, before opening it.
Lian nods fiddling with her fingers. You kneel down, coming eye to eye to lian, placing your hands atop of hers.
"You look so pretty, princess," Her eyes gleam, calming the little tornado behind her eyes,"your dad will love it, okay." She nods.
"Shall we go?" you asked.
You leave first, walking to living room to see Roy pacing around, palms rubbing against each other. It's kind of funny yet heartwarming to see father and daughter so nervous. The tiny click clacks of heels against the wooden floor tugs him out of his pacing, as he stares at the hallway where Lian stands. Roy stalls, face transfixed as his eyes widen. Lian starts fiddling again, looking down at her fingers. There is an slight uncomfortable silence as Roy just stands still, before you hit his bicep with your elbow - pulling him out of his stun.
"You look so beautiful, pumpkin," Roy says kneeling on one knee as he cups her face gently, voice breaking a little. Every major event in Lian's life that Roy gets to be a part of, makes his heart lurch. It makes up for everything he missed when he did not know of her existence, even if it was only for a short period of time.
You lean against the wall, hands crossed at the waist. Roy did not get emotional from a lot of things. But the fact that he has only cried a few times including your wedding as you walked down the aisle and now as his daughter stands before him.
He takes the corsage from his pockets - a delicate arrangement of pink and green petals like that of a lotus "Can I put this on you?"
Lian nods, beaming as her father puts the corsage through her wrist. He takes her hand guiding her to do a twirl, her pink dress drifting along the air like a flower angling towards the sunlight. She jumps to hug him as he bends down to hold her in his embrace, whispering I love you so much.
"Come on, let's take a picture," you say gathering Lian as Roy kneels down to her height."Say cheese," Roy and Lian had the same smile, creasing like tiny crescent moons on the right cheek.
You made sure to take two Polaroids - one to pin it on the cork board in the living hall and the other to send it to Jade. Jade might not be the best mother out there but you knew she loved her daughter. While she couldn't be here physically, you knew she would cherish this.
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You thought you had moved on. Now only lays this red hot brick of anger towards him. Yet as you look at Roy and Lian, you grieve - grieve for things that never happened. Roy had insisted they do a little rehearsal, stemming from his worries of trying to make the day perfect.
Butterfly kisses play on the speaker, its melody striking every surface in the room, including the inner depths of your heart. Lian giggles, her pink dress shoes on top of Roy's leather black ones as he holds her palms in his, swinging them in a subtle dance. Now the red brick in your heart had morphed into something else - something like that of a forget-me-not replacing it.
You remember the day as if it was yesterday. Your mother was as excited as you, prepping you up in a pastel pink frock. You sit on the expensive couch, waiting for the moment the door bell rings, for when your dad would walk in his suit. He never did, not when you needed him. Your father came at midnight, when the world was settling down within the comfort of the night sky, when the school would have long closed, when your friends would be sleeping at home after their dance.
He came home, citing the reason to be an unexpected meeting with his friends - another word for hangout. He was hanging out with his friends all while you were at home, waiting for your parent, your father to come home. You remember him vaguely apologizing, murmuring about how hard his life was. Your mother - your sweet mother - tried consoling you, tried giving excuses for her husband, her mighty superhero husband. But nothing helped. All you remembered was sleeping in your room,still in your pink dress that was now suffocating you yet at the same time comforting you like it was the only thing that prevented you from breaking apart.
Roy looked over once, just a glance as he danced with Lian. But that was enough to sense something was wrong. You had your head propped on your hand on the glass dining table, one leg swung over the other but your eyes were glazed - almost like you were somewhere else.
As the song comes to an end, Roy leans down to Lian's ear.
"Go, take your bag. Then we can leave."
Lian runs down the hallway, sprinting across you with determination, the sudden rush of air snapping out of your mirage. The sheen of layer now morphs into a tiny tear as you rub at your eyes. Roy stands before you, eyebrows twitching in concern.
"Hey."
"I-I am sorry, if I ruined the- "
"Hey. Hey," He cups your face, rubbing the expanse of your cheek."You didn't ruin anything."
That sentence breaks something in you, springing more tears. You sniffle.
"When I saw you dancing with Lian, it just reminded me of something I never got to experience," you say, peering at him through your eyelashes. "I thought I was over it. I-I thought I was only angry at him. But I didn't even realize I was grieving him, a version of him even when he is alive."
Roy does not say anything. He could understand to some bounds, due to his complicated relationship with Brave Bow and Oliver Queen. You grab his hand: "Roy, you are a good father. You may not be perfect, but you try and that's all what matters. Lian loves you and I do too,okay? Don't forget that." Roy hugs you, pressing a kiss on your forehead.
Lian enters the hallway as you wipe your tears in haste.
"Mommy, why are you crying?"
"Nothing sweetheart, these are happy tears," Lian doesn't look like she believes you. That's one thing when a child is too intelligent and in touch with her emotions. "C'mon, it's getting late, you need to leave now to reach the school on time."
That seems to do the trick as Lian starts dragging Roy to the front door.
"Bye mommy!"
"Bye Lian!"
Roy squeezes your hand, pressing his lips against yours.
As you watch the retreating pair from the front door, something heals in you, softens the edges of grief into something a little palatable. Like little peonies segmenting its roots in your heart.