Chapter Text
Ah.
I died again. I was barely school age. How many times has it been now?
I had long forgotten my name, because all 51 of my lives were short and I had a new name for every one of them. The longest I had lived was my 34th life, and even then my heart had been shattered by a wife who cheated on me for a young, rich CEO. I had just turned 30.
Where am I going to end up this time?
My eyes opened to an old, wooden ceiling. Okay, either this was a magic world set in 1800s technology, or this was the old fashioned in a rundown town in modern time.
I sat up, and yep this looked like a rustic room in a small house. There was a small dresser and a coatrack with a few worn jackets against one wall, and the wall to the left had a window where light was pouring through. Looking down at the bed, it had two blankets with one kind of itchy and on top while the other was softer and looked cleaner.
Wait, why was I already in a bed? Usually I was reborn to the very beginning as an infant. My hands were already big, like I was maybe 12 or 13. I was in a brown shirt and black pants, and judging by the texture both were from hemp.
Why did I skip over a decade in age?
I needed a mirror, asap. Thankfully, there was a small one on a bedside table with a plate of miniscule meat and potatoes that had long gone cold.
My face was a young boy’s, and surprisingly well toned like I was eating properly despite my surroundings. My eyes were blue and my short hair was blonde. But looking closer, I saw that my roots were actually a dark blue. Was this kid dying his hair or something, did they really have that level of hair products for bleaching?
The door on the right wall opened, and a pretty woman walked in. Looking at her fair features that looked a lot like my own, this woman was this body’s mother. When her blue eyes looked at me, she gasped and her eyes watered with tears. She quickly crossed the room to my bedside and pulled me in a hug.
“Deuce, my baby! You’re awake!” she cheered. Her embrace was warm and safe. I hadn’t felt this safety in such a long time.
Deuce. So this was my life’s name.
“They kept telling me you would never wake up! I thought I would lose you!”
“Mom…” It felt so strange to say it after three lives in a row where I was an orphan. “What happened to me?”
“You were in one of those ruffian fights again, and one of them had the gall to beat you half to death. Luckily, Ace was there to save you and get medical help.”
“Ace…?” A friend maybe? But judging that she said ‘ruffian’, I’m going to guess and say I was a delinquent.
That’s a way to start my new life. Ugh…
“Ace’s family was so kind, paying for a doctor to treat your wounds. You were asleep for five days, and the doctor lost hope.”
Five days? I must’ve put this woman- Mom, she’s Mom- through a terrible time.
“Please, no more of these fights. I don’t know where in my parenting I went wrong, but I never wanted you to become so reckless to risk your life like that.”
Damn, this boy brought so much strife to his own mother. My mother. And yet, I could feel something in me that was… distraught, feeling her tears fall on my shoulder.
The real Deuce must’ve actually died… and I snatched his body. This had never happened before. Why did I take this boy’s body instead of getting my own?
“Deuce, sweetie…” Mom pulled away to look me in the eyes. My heart broke at the heart torn expression like a person clinging to the last resource for survival. I didn’t know what to say to her. I wasn’t really her child, but I could feel her genuine love. Maybe I’ll just speak truthfully how I felt.
“I… I’m sorry for everything, Mom. I wish I could show how sorry I am for making you deal with my antics. But from here on, I’ll do my best to do better, especially for you. I never said it before, but you mean everything to me. I never want you crying like this because of me ever again.”
Mom looked surprised at my response. That might have not been a reply that the old Deuce would give. Then her surprise morphed into a worn but warm smile.
“I’ve missed that gentleness in your eyes. I’ll help you however you need to make the change you need for the future. I’m always going to be here for you.”
“Thank you, Mom.” I didn’t know what happened next, but I leant forward and wrapped Mom in my own hug. She gladly hugged me back.
Maybe that’s why I’m here. Deuce died with regret for making his mother cry over his selfishness. He knew he couldn’t undo his mistakes, and so he must’ve passed away in some alley thinking it would solve everything. Of fucking course it would’ve made everything worse, and in that case a wiser soul replaced him. Me.
… Guess I’m doing this now. Don’t worry, Deuce. I’ll make sure to take care of the one person you cared about more than anything.