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As morbid as it’s going to sound, Ichigo remembered a time he enjoyed helping his father prepare the body of a recently deceased for their ‘trip’ to heaven. He would sit behind his father as the dressed the dead in the white kimono for the wake happening shortly, making idle chats with the deceased’s partner or oldest child. He thought it was something heroic, that his dad would help the family to arrange everything and give them a peace of mind.
He remembered, as a child, being confused by the appearance of the supposed dead, looking alive and being present for all of the procession, despite everyone mourning over the other body and seemingly not seeing them. At the time, Ichigo had chalked it up to a weird and cool magic trick that dead people could do and never said anything because the ‘magic’ might go away.
He knew better later...
Ichigo remembered how worried his mother was of him being exposed to this at a young age, but he really didn’t mind. He wasn’t scared. He loved watching his dad and his assistants get everything ready. He admired how they would assist any attendees in the mourning process, giving professional supportive counseling if the attendee wished for it. As any child would’ve done while watching their parent work, Ichigo would imagine himself being one of those assistants when he’s older. He had imagined taking over the memorial service when Isshin retired.
At such a young age, Ichigo wanted to be a mortician.
Until Masaki was killed, protecting Ichigo from...an unknown killer.
And Ichigo watched as his father solemnly prepared his wife.
All the while...Ichigo noticed that the ‘magic trick’ that happened to the other deceased hadn’t happened to his mother yet…
There were moments when Isshin had to stop and compose himself before continuing. At some point, however, he completely broke down, sobbing and muttering apologies that Ichigo didn’t understand at the time. Isshin eventually noticed Ichigo in the room and beckoned him close. He gathered the boy into his arms—
Being careful not to hold tight, as the last time he did – which was after Ichigo and Masaki were found near that riverbank – it sent Ichigo into a panic...
—and they sat there in the silence. Ichigo dared to look at his mother’s face. She looked...peaceful and Isshin had chosen her favorite brand of lipstick.
She’s not bloody anymore...
Ichigo looks away from her, getting upset at the still very fresh memory of waking up to her body over her. As if sensing his son’s distress, Isshin starts stroking Ichigo’s vibrant hair.
Isshin eventually collects himself, tells Ichigo to go back to the house to be with his sisters, and went back to work, making it his personal mission to insure that his wife has a proper send off.
As he begin to leave, Ichigo took one more glance at his father, seeing how his eyes glisten from more tears threatening to spill, a thought came to him.
Would he do the same for his family? Would he...could he do the same his father? For his sisters?
Ichigo...wasn’t sure if he could handle that...
The wake and funeral were small, as Masaki’s parents have long been gone and she was an only child. The few friends she had were able to come, among them being a white haired man that Ichigo vaguely recognized from another funeral, one his father hadn’t oversee, some time a year before...
The man’s eyes looked dead already as he stared listlessly at Mom’s photo...like the light in them were long gone…
It was at this funeral where Ichigo saw his mom weep for the first and last time...
Ichigo vaguely remembered another boy being at that funeral last year too...he was crying in the arms of an old man...did he lose his mom too?
When it came time for Masaki’s cremation, the reality that Ichigo’s life was going to be drastically different started to weigh heavy on him. His chest started to hurt as his heart started to race and his body felt warm, but not from the crematory. Then, the moment one of the assistants ignited flames in the cremation chamber, Ichigo ran out. His sisters and father went after him, finding him crying behind the pews.
Isshin decided to go ahead and take the three back to the house the funeral home was attached to.
Evidently, things were different afterwards.
Besides the lack of a mother’s presence in the Kurosaki household, come the next funeral Isshin was tasked to oversee and Ichigo, when being present as he did before, but every time his eyes laid on the corpse Isshin was working on, Ichigo could feel his heart race and it start to hurt his chest.
He tried to muscle through the anxiety, to be a big boy, but it eventually got too much and the growing panic he felt even made him throw up in the middle of the wake. Isshin was quick to take him to the bathroom and washed the gross off. All the while, Ichigo apologized and, to counteract the apologies, Isshin told him he did nothing wrong.
After Ichigo was cleaned up, Isshin takes him back home and put him in bed before returning later to bring a bowl of soup (one of very few things Isshin couldn’t burn, at least badly).
Ichigo stopped attending the ceremonies, opted to stay in the family house with his sisters.
As a teen, Ichigo decided that he was ready to still be some help to his father during the memorial services, even if the job he had chosen to take was essentially security, which Ichigo’s finely developed rough exterior from years of toughing up and squaring up with to-bit thugs was perfect for should any trouble happens.
He stood at attention, making sure that anyone and everyone in the parlor was being respectful for 60 year old Kenjiro Sasaki’s funeral. The task sort of helps Ichigo turn off his brain from the funeral itself and just focus on scanning for any misbehaving from his vantage point, standing just behind of the final pews.
All the while avoid looking at the picture of the dead...and the spirit of deceased who stood by the podium as the attendees said their farewells and would occasionally look in Ichigo’s direction.
When the time came for Kenjiro’s cremation, Ichigo helped escort the attendees to the crematory room. He stood just outside of the room, watching as the attendees placed Kenjiro’s coffin into the chamber. He didn’t bother to wait around though when Isshin started up the chamber for the next two hours.
Ichigo sat alone in one of the pews in the far back, taking the time to ease himself with deep and even breaths and rid his mind of the memory of running out of the crematory. He may have a better grasp at it than he did as a kid, but…
He felt a presence seat next to him and he sees it was Kenjiro. The man was someone Ichigo was acquainted with over the years. A gruff man, but a kind heart, especially towards his grandchildren that he spoiled. From what Ichigo learned, Kenjiro did not die of natural causes. He got into an accident and died from his wounds. There was a spot of blood on his shirt, just below the chain attached to his chest, where a pipe was lodge into him in the accident.
“What are you doing here? Don’t you wanna be with your family?” Ichigo asked the spirit.
“Would you like to watch your body get cremated?” Kenjiro retorted.
“Got me there…”
“‘Sides, couldn’t stand hearing Asana spoutin’ that nonsense. That woman has a forked tongue,” the dead man grumbled.
A chuckled somehow bubbled from Ichigo’s throat. He had meet this ‘Asana’ chick when welcoming in the attendees. She had on way too much make-up that only made her fake smiles and compliments more obvious.
“Hey, kid. I know its not my place to ask, but...have you changed your mind about not working for your father when you get older? I noticed how you handled your security duty during the otsuya and earlier. You looked like a natural,” Kenjiro said.
Ichigo shook his head. “Nah. I’m good with helping him out if he needed it. I…” He looks over at the podium and all the flowers that were left. His eyes land on Kenjiro’s photo before they trailed over the door that leads to where the crematory was located. “...still don’t think I could do it long term.”
Kenjiro nodded in quiet support.
“That’s fair. Despite how you act, you’re a good kid. I can only pray that you will find a path in this life that suits you,” he said, giving Ichigo’s shoulder a pat.
The two sat in silence, taking in the ambient sound of the empty room.
“So, what now?” Kenjiro asked, breaking the silence. “For you, I mean, after the service. Something tells me that you’re not sticking around long.”
“I think I’m gonna go take a shower,” Ichigo said. He really didn’t feel like sticking around any longer and he felt tired.
Kenjiro nodded and gets up. “Sounds like a plan. Get yourself cleaned from all this gloom.”
“What about you?” Ichigo asked.
“I’m gonna stick around a bit longer,” Kenjiro answered, arms akimbo. “Just to make sure the grandkids are alright and that Asana ain’t gonna try to weasel her way into getting more money from my will.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Ichigo said with a smirk. Kenjiro laughs.
“Take care of yourself, kid.” And Kenjiro vanishes.
And Ichigo gets up to have that shower.