Work Text:
Joaquín should've done it right. He was just helping the Thunderbolts out with a mission. Helping catch someone who was slippery. It should've gone right.
Everything was going okay. He followed him into the sky, had a direct path to him. Then his wing got caught on the wall of one of the buildings and he fell. He went tumbling into some random alleyway. His suit mostly broke the fall, but the air was knocked from his lungs and it was difficult to breathe for a few moments. Joaquín had gotten up. He'd tried to go after him again, but it wasn't any use. They had lost him.
Joaquín avoided eye contact as they returned to the tower. Sam kept asking if he was alright. He kept saying he was fine.
"It's a bit harder flying in the city, there's a lot you have to look out for," Sam told him as they rode up the elevator. It was packed with people, it made him even more embarrassed.
"I know," Joaquín muttered.
Sam frowned at him. It felt like the elevator took a million more years to stop. Finally it did, the doors sliding open to reveal the main room of the Avengers tower.
Bob was waiting in one of the seats. He stood up, greeting everyone. Once he was done with his teammates he ran up to Joaquín, grabbing his arm.
"Do you still want to watch that documentary I was talking about?" Bob asked with a grin on his face.
"Sure," Joaquín smiled at him. He still had a terrible tightening feeling in his chest, but maybe a distraction would make him feel better.
Joaquín turned to Sam first. "Do you want me to do anything before-"
"You can go ahead and go," Sam said.
Joaquín deflated. He couldn't help but think of it as a dismissal. He had messed up, but he didn't need to be pushed to the side.
Bob linked his hand in his and led him to the elevator. Joaquín followed behind him. He leaned against the wall of the elevator, glancing at Sam. He was talking to Bucky, eyebrows slightly furrowed. Was he mad?
"Are you okay, Joaquín?" Bob asked after the doors were closed.
"I'm fine. I just fell."
"I know, I heard on the comms." Bob rubbed his hand. "Does it hurt?"
Great, Bob knew too. Everyone knew he fucked up. They should throw a party.
"No," Joaquín replied. Truthfully, his back was a little sore.
Bob frowned a little. He leaned over to kiss him on the lips. Joaquín kissed him back before the elevator doors opened.
They stepped out into Bob's area of the Avengers tower. Joaquín stopped by the table to take off his suit, something he probably should've done when they arrived. He could add that to his mental list of mistakes.
Joaquín's under shirt rode up as he took the top part of his suit. Bob walked up to him and put his hand on his back.
"You have a bruise," Bob commented. He brushed his thumb over a sore spot.
"It's fine," Joaquín turned around. He tugged his shirt down.
Bob frowned again, and it made Joaquín feel even more awful. There was a tight feeling in his chest and his stomach was beginning to ache.
Joaquín finished removing his suit. Then they walked into Bob's bedroom. He sat down in his bed, letting his body fall against the pillows.
Bob sat down next to him, grabbing the remote. He pulled up the documentary and pressed play.
The documentary was about space. Something Bob had a mild interest in. He'd once told him that he liked watching documentaries because he never had much of an education. It was how he'd learned. Joaquín thought that was sweet and was always happy to watch them with him, but today he couldn't seem to focus. All his thoughts just led back to what he'd done.
It was a small mistake. Deep down Joaquín knew that. He knew that everyone slipped up sometimes. He wouldn't be mad at anyone else, but for some reason he was always just so mad at himself for making mistakes.
Joaquín shifted, nudging Bob in the process. He looked over at him, lightly chewing on his lip. “Are you bored?”
“No, no, I'm fine,” Joaquín assured him. He cuddled further into his side. Bob let it go and wrapped an arm around him.
The more they watched though, the more the terrible feeling grew. His chest felt way too tight. His stomach ached. He wanted nothing more than to crawl out of his skin.
It was becoming hard to breathe. Joaquín tried to ignore it, focus on the TV, or Bob, but it wasn't working. He felt like he was trapped by the weight of his mistake.
Joaquín brought a hand up to his chest. Just breathe, he told himself. Calm down. He just needed to calm down. It was crazy to be acting like this over some stupid thing he'd done. He let out a breath a little sharper than intended.
Bob looked over at him. He froze for a moment, then moved to look at him better.
Being looked at didn't do anything other than heighten all his feelings. Joaquín clutched at the blanket like it was the only thing that would save him from drowning.
“Joaquín, are you okay?” Bob asked. His eyes were filled with worry.
“Mhm. Just go on and watch your thing, Bob. I'm fine, Joaquín said through shaky breaths.
In response, Bob paused the TV. “What's the matter?”
Joaquín almost felt offended. Why was Bob acting like he didn't know?
“I fucked up,” Joaquín reminded him.
Bob's frown deepened. “What? Like, when you fell?”
Joaquín nodded, averting his gaze. He attempted to steady his breath, but if anything it was just getting worse.
“You didn't fuck up,” Bob said. “It was an accident.”
“It was a mistake,” Joaquín corrected.
“Baby,” Bob said gently. He ran a hand down his arm.
Joaquín shook his head. His throat ached as a sob threatened to spill out. His entire body seemed to be hurting for no real reason. Maybe he had gotten injured on the way down. Or maybe it was just his stupid body acting up again.
“It's okay if you made a mistake. No one's mad,” Bob said.
“I made it so the entire team lost him, Bob. They're going to be mad,” Joaquín ran a hand roughly through his hair.
“The entire team, Joaquín. It's not on you.”
Joaquín tried to listen to Bob's words. He knew by logic he was right. Everybody had as equal of an opportunity to catch him as Joaquín did. But it was like his mind didn't want to believe that. He just couldn't get himself to calm down.
“Bob,” Joaquín choked. He tried to hold back a sob, but it spilled out.
“Do you want a hug?” Bob offered.
Joaquín nodded and the next thing he knew he was being wrapped in a hug. He buried his face deep into Bob's shoulder, tears staining his shirt. His chest moved with uneven breaths against Bob's body. Bob held him steadily, rubbing circles into his back.
“I know it's dumb,” it felt unreasonably hard to speak through his breaths. “But I hate making mistakes. I'm disappointing everyone.”
“I don't think you're disappointing anyone,” Bob sounded so sincere he almost wanted to believe him. “Everybody was just worried about you getting hurt when you fell.”
“But-” Joaquín stammered. “But I- I-”
“It's okay honey, I know. Just try and breathe. Copy mine.”
Bob modeled a few deep breaths. Joaquín could feel it against his body. He did his best to copy.
Eventually their breaths mirrored each other. Joaquín's tears stopped falling. He stayed in Bob's arms, not really wanting to be anywhere else.
“How are you feeling?” Bob asked softly after a while.
Joaquín sniffled. It had felt good to cry a little, but he still felt pretty bad. “Guilty about everything. Like a catholic.”
Bob laughed, shaking them both slightly. The movement of his laughter against Joaquín's body made him smile.
“I know, it's hard. Anything I can do?”
“Can you just hold me for a bit longer?”
“Of course,” Bob squeezed him. The pressure felt steadying.
While it didn't make the feeling go away completely, being in Bob's arms did make him feel a little better. Joaquín would talk to Sam later that day. He would say the same thing as Bob. That Joaquín hadn't disappointed anyone, that he'd just made an accident. Sam said he was being much harsher on itself than he needed to be. Joaquín could admit to that, but he really couldn't seem to help it. He never could.