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The cool crisp Seoul air was refreshing to Mark as he stepped outside the building, the fight slowly draining from his shoulders as reality finally settled it.
It was something he hadn't ever imagined before, leaving nct, leaving his found family but yet here he was, an end deadline swiftly approaching.
Life almost felt empty as he thought about the new found freedom he would soon receive, freedom he wasn't sure he was ready to deal with, for so long he had been used to being surrounded by his members but soon his path would diverge from theirs until he could only watch from the sidelines.
He had fought to keep his family with him, a part of his wished he'd fought harder but the logical side of his brain knew he had fought as hard as he possibly could.
Taking a few more breaths he began to walk, taking the scenic path as his mind worried over his members reactions, worrying about his own team and how hard they might take this news, he knew he had to tell them but yet how he did so he wasn't sure.
By the time he reached home an idea had finally wormed its way into his head, he would do it at the upcoming dream dinner yet he still worried that words might fail him.
It was strange having to think how he was going to tell his members he was leaving, it almost didn't feel real, each draft of his speech sounding foreign on his tongue.
That's when he thought of it, he'd write a letter, one for each member and another to all of them he could read out after they read their individual ones, it was almost bittersweet to think about to say goodbye the only way he truly knew how, with a pen in his hand writing down words on a page as he'd done so many times before.
Yet this time he wasn't writing lyrics he would be able to hear his members make their own, instead he'd be writing the goodbye he knew would break them open.
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ Renjun ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ
To our angel, Renjun
Renjunie, this may not make much sense to you right now but you're the main hyung now, that must be the weirdest thing to think but I know you can do it, you're the pillar that supports all of us when we need a helping hand.
I will always be there in the sidelines watching, ready to be a shoulder to lean on whenever you need it, don't be scared to be fragile, it's what makes us human after all.
You've always been so fiercely independent and such a loyal friend. I will be forever grateful for having met a person like you. I must have been blessed in a previous life to have had the pleasure of being your hyung.
Thank you for always being there for me whenever I needed you, I don't think you understand just how much help you have actually been to me over these past 10 years. Without you I think I might have crumbled years ago.
I'm so sorry for leaving, I understand how hard this must have been for you and I know I can't make it all better with just a letter but I sure hope I can make a dent in the grief you must be feeling.
- Your pillar, Mark
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ Jeno ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ
To our captain, Jeno
Jeno, I leave the members in your capable hands, I'm sorry for putting so much responsibility on you but I know you can handle it, there's a reason we elected you captain all those years ago.
The members can be stubborn, bratty and emotional during the best of times, honestly they can be a bit of a handful sometimes, a loveable handful but a handful nonetheless, i know im leaving them in capable hands with you.
Times may get tough but I wish you never lose that eye smile of yours, sometimes seeing you happy helped me persevere though some of the toughest days.
Take no shit from management, they will push you to get the group ready for things they simply aren't, please don't let them, your strong jeno, your going to be an amazing leader.
Please know I will forever be in your corner no matter what is thrown your way, I will always be there to pick you up and dust you off.
I believe in you, Jeno, I can only wish you believe in yourself just as much.
- Your forever hype man, Mark
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ Donghyuck ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ
To our sun, Donghyuck
Hyuck, the other half of me, you are the sun of our group, please keep shining brightly always, seeing you shine always makes even the hardest day brighter.
I'm sorry for leaving you alone in not one but two groups, it's stressful isn't it? Having to jump between schedules at a moment’s notice, not ever getting the chance to just relax.
I hope you can understand why I had to leave. Ten long years of constantly moving from place to place, it slowly ground me down. I pray it wont happen to you too but know I will always be here to lend a shoulder for you to rest on.
Thank you for simply being you, you have done so much for me, some that you don't even know about yourself, you're going to do amazingly in everything you do.
No matter how much distance falls between us you will always hold the other half of my soul, i can only wish you will still trust me with yours too
- Your Mark
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ Jaemin ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ
To our princess, Jaemin
Jaemin, seeing the world though your eyes was always special to me, when you would excitedly talk about your new lenses or new photo ideas, it always brought a smile to my face.
Seeing all your hard work finally bear fruit with your Narcissism photo exhibition meant so much to me, being able to see how you see us through the lens of your camera was something I wouldn't change for the world.
I will always be proud of the accomplishments you earned in such a short amount of time. You may doubt yourself but I will always be behind you to make sure that doubt doesn't bud.
Keep taking photos of the most mundane and unsuspecting times.
Thank you for being unapologetically you, please don't ever lose your sparkle.
You gave us all something that will forever bind us together closer than our bonds already have, how about one last kyuu?
- Your Aegi, Mark
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ Chenle ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ
To our wangmori, Chenle
The leader of the kingheads, Chenle, you're stronger than you give yourself credit for, you're the light of the group when you laugh, please never lose your laugh.
I will always be here, nearby to hear your laughter and maybe you can hear me laughing along with you.
When you first joined NCT you were so quiet, so unsure of your words as you slowly worked on your Korean but now you simply don't stop speaking.
Is it selfish to ask that you always keep speaking? Rambling on about everything and anything that comes to mind.
I'm so grateful to have met someone like you and had the privilege of being your leader for these past 10 years.
I'm so happy you let me indulge in your interests with you, seeing you light up in the chase center, was something I was so glad I could experience with you.
Thank you for always being you chenle, i cant wait to see who you develop into in the future, you have so much of the world at your fingertips.
- Your son, Mark
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ Jisung ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ
To our aegi, Jisung
I remember our first meeting, seeing that shy 11 year old walk through the door, scared of the world he was falling into, a fear that quickly dissipated as he took to the stage to show his talent for the first time.
Seeing you dance was a joy that I am so grateful I was able to see throughout its development. I know you will continue to flourish, my number one dancer.
I’m so sorry for leaving you once again after I promised us forever. I know you're probably really upset with me right now and that’s understandable, I just hope you can forgive me one day.
I'm so thankful for being able to watch you grow up over these past 10 years. Watching you grow into a young man confident in his own skin and abilities has to be one of the things I'm most grateful for.
Please always keep singing, you are better than you give yourself credit for.
No matter what happens from here on out, always remember I will be cheering you on from the sidelines, just look out into the crowd of people and know I am there looking back.
I’ll always only be a single phone call away.
- Your forever supporter, Mark
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ My Dreamies ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ
To my dreamies,
My dreamies, my ducklings, I have watched you grow from children to men and for that I could not have been prouder.
You have become so much more than I could have ever hoped for and I will forever be proud to have been your leader.
I'm so sorry for leaving you all, I want nothing more than to stay with you always but yet sometimes life doesn't work in our favour and the only thing we can do is carve our own path.
I will forever be supporting you from the sidelines, maybe one day we can finally come back together as one, 7dream forever no matter what happens in life
Yo dream!
- Your forever leader, Mark
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
The room was heavy as Mark lowered the paper, each member staring back towards him, faces coated in layers of grief as the new reality of what was happening settled over the room.
A few turned back towards their letters, eyes scanning frantically as they hoped that the words might change on the paper with each drag of their eyes, yet the words stayed the same, locked in ink in that of so familiar hand writing.
The silence stretched for what seemed like hours until a quiet voice broke through replying in a broken whisper to Mark's earlier call.
Gradually the voices grew, grief stricken but loud as six pairs of eyes glanced towards Mark once more urging him to once more start the all too familiar chant.
“Yo Dream!”
“Jjeoreo juja, fighting!”