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He’s looking at you with that look again. With softness and longing. You have to look away. You can’t fall for it again. You’ve already kissed once, and it can’t happen again. Not while you’re still a resident.
When you look away, he gives a dejected sigh, “So that’s it. We’re just gonna ignore this?”
“We kissed. That’s it.”
He scoffs, “That’s it? Really? We kissed and you just expect me to forget about it?”
“Yes!” You cry out, looking at him again with tears in his eyes.
The frustration in him melts away when he sees you upset, “Okay…okay. Just…just tell me. Tell me you don’t feel the same and I’ll forget the kiss.”
You feel so torn up inside. Your heart is beating so hard, you’re sure it’ll burst out of your chest, “I-I can’t.”
“Sweetheart-“
You shake your head, “Jack, we can’t happen! Not while I’m still your resident! Nothing can happen despite how much I want something to. My feelings for you are strong, but I’ve also worked hard to get to this point in my residency. I can’t risk it.”
Jack clenches his jaw. He’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. He gets it. He knows and has seen firsthand how hard you’ve worked. You’re a great doctor. If word gets out that you and he are involved, you can lose everything. He can’t let that happen, despite how much his heart yearns for you.
He swallows hard and nods, “I know. I know…” he sighs and runs a hand through his cropped salt and pepper curls, “What if….I wait for you?”
You look at him in confusion, “What-“
“I’ll wait until you finish your residency,” he states with a small smile and look of determination in his eyes.
You shake your head, “You don’t-“
“That’s how strong my feelings are for you. I’ll wait for you. I promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Jack,” you respond with a sigh and fully turn away from him. You walk away, feeling Jack’s eyes on you the entire time.
Tonight’s shift is hectic. You just had to witness a wife lose her husband, their daughters cry for their father. It was too much.
You step into the on-call room just for a moment of peace but you freeze when you see Jack and Samira standing way too close to each other. Jack’s hand on her hip.
Jack’s eyes widen and he immediately pulls away, “This isn’t-“
“Sorry!” You help and immediately exit the room. You walk quickly down the hall, trying to ignore Jack’s call of your name.
Fast footsteps approach from behind. Jack stops you in your place, “Wait. Please.”
Samira rushes to join him, “Y/N, it’s not what it looks-“
You shake your head, avoiding their eyes,“I won’t say anything. I promise. Just be lucky it was me and not someone else.”
Jack looks at you with pleading eyes, “Y/N-“
“You should probably let HR know about your relationship soon. Excuse me.” You maneuver around the two doctors and continue your way down the hall. You ignore the pounding in your ears and the way your heart feels like it dropped to your stomach.
You make quick work of leaving right after your shift. You rush past Jack as he enters the hall of the lockers.
His head whips to you and then glances back at his locker. He’s quick to grab your wrist, “Please. Wait. I wanna talk to you.”
You sigh, “Make it quick. I want to go home,” you murmur to him, avoiding his gaze.
“Okay,” he reluctantly releases you, and waits to see if you’ll run. When you don’t move, he briskly walks to his locker, punches in the code. He swings the door open and grabs his backpack. The shuts the locker door and heads back to you.
“C’mon,” he nods in the direction of the exit.
You silently follow him, your entire body feeling tense from his presence.
Once you’re out of the hospital and into the cool morning, walking towards the park across the street, he speaks, “Nothing is going on between me and Mohan.”
“It’s not my business-“
“I promised I’d wait for you. I was serious about that.” He looks at you with a serious expression on his face.
You shrug as you continue to walk through the park, “I didn’t ask you to. I-“ you pause and let out a deep breath, “If your feelings changed, I’d understand.”
“They haven’t. God, they really haven’t,” he chuckles to himself, “You have no idea how hard it is, knowing what it feels like to hold you, to kiss you, to know you in that way…but I can’t have you.” He stops walking and looks at you, “I can be patient. I can act like you’re just my resident, but know this: you are so much more than that to me.
“Nothing is going on between me and Mohan,” he reiterates, “You caught us at the wrong time. She wasn’t feeling well. I pulled her into the on-call room to check on her. She started swaying and I was keeping her up right. Poor girl was running on fumes today.”
You look at him, into his eyes, to see if there’s any sliver of a lie. But you don’t see or get a feeling that he’s lying to you.
“Okay,” you whisper.
“CHEERS!”
Clink! Clink! Clink!
The sound of glasses and bottles bump against one another amid the noise of the bar.
It wasn’t the usual hole in the wall bar that you and your coworkers usually go to. No, this one served high quality drinks and also served sushi. Something more bougie for the celebrants aka you and a few other new attendings at The Pitt.
“I’m so proud of you, sweetheart,” Dana hugs you like a proud mother.
You drunkenly beam at her, already a few drinks in thanks to pregaming with Trinity and Dennis earlier, “Thanks! I’m proud of myself too. You’re all stuck with me now!”
“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” Robby says as he approaches with Jack in tow. Both men nursing a beer.
You try not to get excited seeing Jack, but due to your inebriated state, you didn’t have much self-control.
“Jack! Hi!” You somehow caught yourself and also acknowledge Robby, “And Robby! Hi too!”
Robby chuckles, “Hey there. Seems like you’re enjoying yourself.”
You nod, “Yup! This place is great! They have sushi!” You gesture to the variety plate in front of you, meant to be shared among your peers.
“That’s very cool.”
“Want some?” You hold the tray up to him and he chuckles, grabbing it from you before you drop it.
“Maybe later. Jack?” He offers it to his friend.
“In a bit,” Jack responds as he takes the plate and sets it back onto the table, eyes on you.
He watches as your brows furrow in confusion, “Wait, you’re not supposed to be here.”
Jack cocks a brow, “And where am I supposed to be?”
“At the hospital. You’re on shift.”
Jack shrugs, “Got Ellis to cover me if I take her Valentine’s Day shift.”
You pout, “Aaaww. That’s nice. I’m sure her girlfriend will appreciate you doing that.”
He shrugs, “Couldn’t miss tonight. I’m proud of you. You’ve come a long way.”
You drunkenly giggle, “Thanks, Jack!”
You’re pulled away by your fellow attendings to do a round of shots. Leaving Jack to be teased by Dana and Robby, “You’re such a goner.”
“How you holdin’ up, bud?”
Jack sighs, “It’s been hard, but, hopefully, worth the wait. I just…I just hope she’ll still want me.”
Robby chuckles, “By how she kept batting her eyes at you, I can safely say she still wants you.”
“Yeah?”
Dana scoffs, “Oh definitely.”
The three of them look your way and watch as you take shots and laugh with your peers. You look so happy and carefree.
There’s a feeling in Jack’s chest and he rubs at it with his hand, a soft smile on his lips.
Jack is carrying you to his truck while you pout in his arms.
“I can waaaaalk!”
“You twisted your ankle. You need to stay off it unless you want to make it worse.”
“Says who?”
“Me, a doctor.”
“Oh yeah!” You giggle and then gasp, “I’m a doctor too!”
Jack snorts, “Yes, you are, sweetheart. A very drunk doctor at that.”
You have a goofy smile on your lips, “I like when you call me that.”
“What? Doctor?”
You shake your head, “No. Sweetheart. Makes me feel…tingly.”
Jack buckles you into the passenger seat, “Well, I like call you sweetheart too.”
You smirk at him, “Can you call me ‘yours’ too?”
He laughs, “Oh, honey, you’ve been mine since that first year.” He kisses your head, “Sit back and relax. I’m taking you home.”
“M’kay,” you mumble and lean back into the passenger seat, head lulling to the side already.
You felt groggy when you woke up. Your head wasn’t completely pounding but there was definitely an ache. You felt like a bobblehead with your head feeling heavy and body feeling limp.
Although your body was screaming for you to stay in bed, you had things to do today. So, begrudgingly, you roll out of bed and head to the kitchen in hopes of coffee helping your body wake up.
As you rub the sleep from your eyes, you pause when you see Jack sitting in your kitchen, drinking coffee and scrolling through his phone.
He takes off his reading glasses and softly smiles up at you, “Morning, sweetheart.”
Your brows furrow in confusion, “Morning…why’re you here?”
“Wanted to make sure you were okay throughout the night. Is…Was that okay?”
You gulp, “Um, yeah. Yeah, that’s fine. Thanks.”
Jack takes another sip from a borrowed coffee mug, “Breakfast is in the microwave. Got you a breakfast sandwich from the diner down the street. That’s the one you go to, right?”
Your eyes widen in surprise. You didn’t think he’d remember that, “Yeah. That’s right,” you shuffle to the microwave to grab said sandwich, “Surprised you remember that.”
“I remember everything when it comes to you,” he replies softly.
You smile to yourself at his words and proceed to grab the sandwich, sitting across from Jack and digging in.
You two make mindless chatter while you eat and he sips on his coffee. He shows you the article he was reading, you tell him of silly videos you saw on social media. Then he asks you what your plans for the day are.
You shrug, “Try to get over this hangover and do some errands. Running low on groceries so I need to do that. Also, probably do some laundry too.”
“Need help?”
You soften at the gesture, “Thanks, but you should probably go home and rest. It’s your day off too.”
Jack shrugs, “It’s fine. I just want to spend some time with you, if that’s okay?”
You sigh and lean back in your chair, “We should probably talk first, right?”
“If you’re up to it.”
You nod, “Yeah, okay,” you clear your throat, “It’s been…a while since we had that conversation…about us.”
“Nothing has changed,” Jack says plainly.
“Jack-”
“It hasn’t. You’re still everything that I want and more. After my wife died, I didn’t think I’d feel like this ever again. But I do and I feel it all for you, with you.” He reaches out and takes your hand, “Give me a chance, sweetheart. Let’s give this a try.”
With the way he’s looking at you and how your hand fits in his, you can’t help but say, “Okay.”
“Okay,” Jack responds softly, a relieved smile on his lips, “Okay. Good. This is good.”
You chuckle in disbelief, “Yeah, I hope it’s worth it for you.”
“Oh it will be. I know it,” he winks at you and you feel like that fluttering feeling you felt all those years ago when you first realized you were falling for him.