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To say you were having a shitty day would be an understatement. No, it was more than shitty. Your day was, essentially, explosive diarrhea kind of shitty.
First off, you were running late for work. Robby insisted you stay at his for the night, but you had things to do back at your apartment. A pile of unfolded laundry you needed to put a way and a mountain of dishes you needed to wash.
“Wouldn’t be a problem if you just moved in with me,” Robby said with a cheeky grin as he kissed your lips. You replied with a roll of your eyes and a “See you tomorrow.”
When you arrived, Robby gave you a look that silently asked, “Are you okay?”
You shake your head, “Overslept. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, but let me know if you need anything.”
“Will do,” you give him a thumbs up before rushing to the locker room.
You had to change out of your scrubs twice. The first due to a child throwing up on you and the second time due to blood.
Perlah tsked at you, “Whatever bad juju you got going on, I don’t want any of it.” she makes an ‘X’ with her fingers as you pass by.
Your body was tense and frustration was building up in you.
You continued to make mistakes throughout your shift. You almost gave the wrong medication to a patient, you didn’t log charts correctly. You were a fucking mess and you didn’t know how to fix it.
What really broke you was the new resident. She was quick witted, fast on her feet; not to mention pretty and funny. But you’ve been seeing Robby getting close to her.
You’re pretty secure in your relationship with him…however, today…
With all the fuck-ups going on, that dark, insecure part of you saw her as a threat. It saw her as someone better than you in all aspects.
You felt the pressure in your chest, like someone was putting all of their weight on you. You couldn’t breathe.
You suddenly felt like you were drowning, that no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t keep your head above water.
“Hey, hey, Y/N, you okay, sweetheart?” Dana rushes to you with concern written allover her face.
You looked across central and saw Robby looking at you. The new resident’s eyes followed his gaze and fell on you. You couldn’t take it.
“I’m gonna get some air,” you mumbled, stepping out of Dana’s hold and running through the ambulance entrance.
Robby watches you run. The new resident, Eileen, asks, “Is she okay?”
“I don’t know,” he murmurs and then looks back at Eileen, “Why don’t you shadow Dr. Collins for a little today.”
“Sure,” she gives him a polite smile and heads to Trauma 2.
Robby approaches Dana at central, “What happened?”
The woman shrugs, “I don’t know. I turned and saw her frozen. She was hyperventilating. I think she was having a panic attack.” she pulls him closer, “Seems like she hasn’t been having a good day. Are you two-”
He shakes his head, “We’re fine. At least, I think we are. She left my place to stay at hers last night. She needed to get some chores done.” He sighs and runs a hand down his face, “I’m gonna check on her.”
Dana nods, “Yeah, go do that before something else needs your attention.”
He rushes out to the ambulance bay and looks around. Around the corner, he sees you pacing and muttering to yourself.
“Hey, what’s going on?”
You shake your head, avoiding his gaze, “Go away, Michael.”
“You need me.”
“I don’t. Go to your new resident, I’m sure she’s lonely without you,” you wave him off and continue to pace.
Robby lets out a deep breath through his nose and crosses his arms over his chest, “There’s nothing going on. She’s just one of my residents.”
“I used to be just one of your nurses, but things change, Michael.”
He scratches the back of his head and then grabs you by the shoulders, stopping you mid pace, “Tell me what’s really going on. Let me help you, honey.”
You look at him, with red, teary filled eyes, “Nothing is going right today and it’s making me feel like shit. I almost killed one of my patients, I keep fucking charts up, and-and your new resident…she’s everything I’m not. I see how she keeps up with you, makes you smile…maybe we were kidding ourselves thinking this could work out. I’m not right for you.”
Robby’s shaking his head, “No. We’re not doing this. You’re not doing this. Listen to me,” he gently takes your face into his hands and gets you to really look at him, “I love you. No one else. There’s no one better than you, I promise. Yeah, I like Eileen but in a professional way. She knows what she’s doing and it’s refreshing to see. That’s the only thing I feel for her. It’s all professional, I swear. As for your mistakes, it happens. We’ve all made mistakes, but you caught it before something bad happened. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay, sweetheart.”
“Doesn’t feel like it,” you murmur.
“In the moment, but it’ll get better. Just..whenever you have these thoughts or feelings, talk to me. I don’t want you going through this alone. I may be your attending, but I’m also your partner. I love and care about you. Okay?”
You nod, “Okay. I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright. We’re gonna be alright,” he pulls you into his arms and kisses your head.
You’ve broken the surface and you feel like you can breathe again.