Chapter Text
There’s a couple of things people never tell you about the real world. No one tells you you’ll get into your dream college, only to drop out a year later. No one warns you about the skeevy music industry, about the sharks that feast on any projects they can find as soon as they’re dead in the water. No one tells you about your best friend’s funeral. And absolutely nobody is ever going to mention that you’ll be fighting vampires well into your twenties.
Yeah, the blood sucking demons used to scare Catholics and make teenage girls sweat. Those vampires, they’re real, and it’s one of the most well kept secrets on the planet. Thanks to people like Theodore, that is. Hunters tasked by a force beyond to keep the evil at bay. They’re the reason simple civilians can sleep peacefully at night. They banish the dark back into their hell holes, like guardian angels.
You see, a divine ability is gifted to those like Theo. Passion, is what the scholars call it. Scholar’s being retired hunters who dedicate their eternally gifted talents to research vampires. Their work’s a bit flowery, if you ask Theo. Either way, they are the only ones who can pass on knowledge to new hunters. Passion is said to come from “above”, whatever that means. It’s fueled by a hunters ambition for the arts, their skill and power directly tied to their ‘magic’. That makes it sound fake, but it’s the only way Theo’s ever been able to explain it. Not that many people ask, or can be told. No one knows about any of this, of course. To regular people, vampires are just an old superstition played up by Hollywood. Little do they know these creatures are always stalking, especially in L.A.
“That could have gone better.” Theo said, staring at the semi-disintegrating corpse at his feet. A common sight to behold. All vampires turned to dust. Whether it be the cold silver of passion or holy water Theo had stolen from a church. They all returned to their pit, eventually. Too bad Theo didn’t have any holy water on him tonight, poor thing would have to wait for the sun to come up and finish it off.
“Especially if Paul didn’t steal my kill!” Piper threw him a dirty look, scuffing her feet in the dirt.
Paul scoffed. “You would’ve gotten bit. Be thankful I saved your ass!”
“Thaved your athh,” She mocked. “The ‘S’ goes behind your teeth, dipshit!”
Paul snarled at her. If he didn’t know better he’d charge her right there, but the hand suddenly fisted in his hood advised him otherwise. “Can’t you two be mature for five minutes? We’ve got damage control to do.” Theo sighed, keeping an effortless grip on the vampire. Sometimes it looked a bit like holding a disgruntled cat by the scruff.
And yes, Paul is a vampire. A creature of the night meant to be dusted by Theo’s holy mace… but he was a special case.
See, unlike most vicious bloodsucking beasts out there, Paul doesn’t eat humans. Usually. Theo wasn’t going to lie and say accidents haven’t happened, but they’re rare. Paul’s what you’d call a “Vegan Vampire”, or a masochist. Whichever fits best. He would rather drink his own blood than ever sink his teeth into a living person. Animals became his primary food source, even if it failed to pacify his cravings. It was respectable. Not much else about him was.
“I don’t wanna hear about maturity from you, Mr. Serial Hissy Fits.” Paul said, leaning far enough backwards that he met Theo’s chest. He could totally break free if he wanted to, but teasing Theo was more fun.
“I do not throw hissy fits!” Theo yanked on the hood. “I just take our job seriously.” He turned his gaze to Piper, who was practically laughing her ass off.
“We take this plenty seriously!” Piper caught her breath. “There’s nothing wrong with a little bit of friendly competition.”
Paul nodded in agreement. “Come on, Ted. Lighten up a little. I thought you’d be happy with how the past couple weeks have gone.”
He had a point. It’s been nearly one full month since their last run it with The Colony, they’d been abundantly successful in their hunts, and their album was nearly done. No scheduling issues. No corrupted files. No video shoots interrupted by beasts from hell. Everything was going perfectly. Almost too perfect.
“‘Kay you can let go of me now, man.” Paul patted Theo’s cheek only to be met by his unimpressed glare. “Don’t worry I’m not gonna sink my teeth into your sister.” He wriggled free before Theo decided to punch him for being annoying. “Yet.”
“Har har.”
“Hey guys!” Corey, the fourth member of this hunting party, called over. Having been excluded from the confrontation, he had taken the opportunity to search the crumbling bodies. “Take a look at this.” He took one of his silver stakes and tore it through the thick leather sleeve of the girl’s jacket. Imprinted on her dulling skin was a deep red mark, an intricate design they’d seen somewhere before. It twisted a bit like a snake, curling at the ends almost like a heart.
“What is it?” Piper asked.
Paul knelt next to the body, tilting his head and inspecting it like he could somehow see something they couldn’t. He reached up and parted the girls cold lips. “She’s a fake.”
“What do you mean fake?” Theo peered over his shoulder. She looked pretty standard for a vampire.
“She’s only got one set of fangs.” Paul said matter of factly. “All vampires have two sets of fangs, everyone knows that.” Like anyone who wasn’t a vampire would know that. “And this-“ he poked the mark on her arm. “is a sigil.”
“A sigil?”
“Mhm.”
“And that means what exactly?”
“She’s summoned.”
“Okay… but what does that mean?”
“It means someone summoned her.”
Theo clenched his jaw. Sometimes talking to Paul was like trying to converse with a brick wall. He was like a kid in an elevator who knew just the right way to press all the wrong buttons. He knew just how to make the whole console light up red, just like Theo’s face.
“I’m just messing. It’s the same situation as Hell Hounds. They always have a sigil somewhere on ‘em.” Paul snickered, standing and brushing vampire-dust off his knees. “Though it would take a lot of energy to summon something as big as a person.”
“Could it have been Maria?” Corey asks.
“Maria, Maria, Maria, it’s always Maria.” Piper groaned dramatically at the mention. “Can’t we leave it this one time? I’m sick of chasing after her like she’s an ex I’m desperate to get back with. No offense, Paul.”
“I’m not-!”
“She’s right.” Theo said.
There came a collective “What?”
Theodore McMallin was the last person to let something like this go. He hated vampires more than anyone. He hated The Colony even more. False beings summoned from hell were right up his alley! Yet he shook his head and stepped into the van.
“We’re not the only hunters in L.A.” He said, the others following his lead and loaded into behind him. “We have to focus on the album. The deadline is too close for us to be getting wrapped up in side quests we don’t understand.”
There was silence amongst them for a moment before Theo spoke again. “Our Passion relies on this album more than the people of L.A. rely on us. Someone else can handle whatever this is.” And that was that.
♪‧₊˚
They made it home just in time for the sun to rise. Each of them retired to their respective corners of the apartment, knocking out for as long as they could before obligations of the day called.
A shitty 4 bedroom (if you could even call them that) apartment in the middle of L.A. may not sound like the badass lair you’d expect a band of vampire hunters to have, but it had always worked well enough for them. There was a wonderful lack of windows, the only two being the one in Piper’s room and the balcony. Does a balcony count? Doesn’t matter. Less places to be spied on from. There was also an amazing assortment of uneven tiles, bunched up carpeting, and lazily painted over outlets. Nothing like a little electrocution to keep your senses sharp! Everyone hated it.
Everyone except Paul. Who was currently standing in the kitchen staring into an empty freezer like a psych patient instead of sleeping. He liked their dingy little apartment. It was claustrophobic in a way he found comfortable. He could hear everything in that place, every toss, turn, and heartbeat. It reminded him he wasn’t totally alone. Even in times like these, where he couldn’t sleep to save his undead life.
Paul would like to try and blame his lack of sleep on the vampiric equilibrium. The balance between nocturnal and diurnal. Though, that came from the book, and he knows from personal experience that the book is bullshit.
“The Book” being an ancient tome written by the eldest scholars, printed in golden letters and bound by the purest of vellum. It held all the oldest theories and secrets about vampires and their origins. It was basically “How to Kill a Vampire 101”. It was Bible to hunters, and Paul couldn’t stop thinking about it, or the sigil.
Now, opposed to Theo, Paul couldn’t give less of a shit what plots the Colony had cooking. It was all been there and done that to him. Maria was old news. Summonings we’re even older. This very little, insignificant detail in time shouldn’t be keeping him awake. It meant nothing! Then again, how often does it really mean nothing?
“Dude you’re letting all the cold air out.”
Paul jumped, slamming the freezer shut and turning to glare at the woman behind him. Sometimes six hours away from Piper wasn’t enough.
“Why do you care? You aren’t paying the energy bill.” He opened the fridge, almost as bare as the freezer, and pulled out a lemon. Maybe he was hungry? Yeah, that was probably it.
“Whether I’m paying it or not I still understand the importance of energy conservation.” Piper said, shoving past him to grab the milk and cereal (No, the cereal was not in the fridge. They keep the boxes up top. They aren’t crazy.)
“Elementary PSA’s were that impactful, huh?” Paul shrugged, pulling a glass and a bowl down from the cabinet. He handed the bowl off to Piper before rummaging the cupboards for the juicer and a knife. He hated doing this, but it had to be done.
After a painstaking ten minutes of failing to dice garlic and squirting lemon juice in his eye, Paul had successfully made the world’s best appetite killer. Garlic lemonade. Which translates to: chunks of garlic marinated in raw lemon juice and like three tablespoons of sugar.
Piper scrunched her nose, “I don’t know how you drink that shit.”
Paul shrugged, “It’s this or you.”
“That’s two times in twenty-four hours you’ve threatened to eat me. Should I be concerned?”
“Sleep with one eye open McMallin.” Paul threw back the poisonous liquid, immediately regretting every decision he’s made leading up to it.
Just then, Theo emerged from the hall and into the kitchen. His most certainly uncombed hair was hidden under his hat, his glasses crooked on his face, and his bright blue apron shoved haphazardly into his bag. The yellow bear embroidered on the front could barely be seen peeking out like it was trying to escape its fate.
“Those still working for you?” He asked, as if he couldn’t see Paul turning green in real time.
“Sure thing.” He gagged. “I’ve never wanted to eat less.”
“Good.” Theo grabbed the van’s keys out of the bowl, twirling them in his fingers before strolling out the front door without so much as a goodbye.
“Build a lot of Bears!” Piper called just as the door shut.
This was routine. Stay out late, get home early, get no sleep, watch everyone leave for work. It was a bit of a bummer. Paul could get a job if he tried hard enough. It just wasn’t safe. He just got too hungry. Well, he certainly wasn’t hungry anymore. If it were up to him he’d never eat again. Even if it meant drinking that shit 24/7. Maybe they should get a dog..
By the time Paul had recovered from his nauseating concoction and cleaned up the mess, everyone had left. Corey had woken not long after Theo, babbling something about doing a favor he owes someone. “For the album.” He said. Piper had taken off after him, having classes all through the afternoon.
By one p.m. Paul is completely alone, the image of that false vampire still itching in the back of his mind. The book has to have something in it about summonings. Hell hounds and bats were one thing, but whole bodies were different. Their intricacies and limitations were so specific only the most elite of vampires could even begin to attend such a thing. It couldn’t have been Maria. Then again, if it was that meant a whole world of trouble for L.A… He sits on the couch watching re-runs of the office until the sensation becomes too much for him to handle.
It doesn’t feel entirely creepy rummaging through Theo’s room. There was nothing in there Paul hadn’t seen before. Though he still made an effort to move carefully. Theo hated it when the natural order of his things was disrupted. Luckily it didn’t take long to find the book wedged in the drawer of his desk.
The leather tingled in Paul’s hands, silver engravings heating his vulnerable skin. He tugged his sleeves over his hands before opening it, he wasn’t willing to get an ancient holy paper cut for this. Each like was written like a parable. Songs never to be heard by the human ear. In the margins were familiar scribblings of Theo’s clean handwriting. “Pull fangs for testing.” “Find blood alternatives.” “Polish silver.” Stacked together neatly like a students organized notes. Thankfully it didn’t take too long to find what he was looking for.
♪‧₊˚
Theo thunked his head against the steering wheel. Fuck build a bear. They didn’t deserve his over time. He has more important things to be doing! Like finishing that damn chorus he can’t get right, and ignoring his phone buzzing in his pocket. It would stop after a few seconds only to start up again. It better not be his boss.
Four missed messages and one missed call.
(4) Unread Messages-
Paul: gone to the boulevard
be out late
don’t w8 up
xoxo
(1) Missed Call: Piper
He sighs heavily, the air in his lungs a tension he’d more than love to release. Reluctantly he calls Piper back. She answers immediately.
“We’ve got a situation.”
Theo starts the van. “What do you mean?”
“There’s a colony congregation on the boulevard-“ of course. “other hunters are there but they’re getting crushed.”
Theo should have known the moment they saw that sigil that they wouldn’t be able to leave it alone. Correction: Paul wouldn’t leave it alone. He gritted his teeth. What was that Piper said about desperate exes?
“Gear up, I’ll be there in ten.”
Why couldn’t he just leave it alone? What was so important about this- this “fake vampire” that Paul needed to risk his neck? Theo swears he’d going to kill that vampire one day. He’s gonna drive a stake through that damn crooked heart and make sure he’s at the funeral this time. Hell, he’ll plan the service himself!
The van screeches to a stop just in front of their building, Piper and Corey already loading into the back seat. “What about Paul?” Corey asked.
“We’ll meet him there.” Theo hit the gas.
According to Piper, a hunter uploaded pics to the site (Hunters-Holyverses.net) picturing some sort of vampire meeting in the middle of town. One showed a sleek white car full to the brim with vampires, all dressed to the nines in vintage fifties style and peeking out of black tinted windows. They chatted and smiled and held drinks like they were at some sort of social event. Another pictured a handful of punks lounging across a storefront stoop like they owned the building. They held blades and chains leashed to snarling black hounds. Their vicious expressions could be felt through the screen. The final picture of the bunch was blurry, like it was being taken mid motion. Perched atop a phone booth sat a woman with short black hair, pale skin, and familiar skanky clothes. He should have figured Maria would be there. There was hardly a moment when she wasn’t wreaking havoc on the city. The real question was their motivation. It wasn’t like the Colony to gather in such public spaces, especially this early in the evening.
They parked a few blocks away, retrieving their equipment from the back and reaching the boulevard just as the sun disappeared behind the mountain range. The sky glowed a bloody orange, shadows grew tall, and there wasn’t a vampire in sight.
Piper plucked the strings of her bass, “Is the party over already?”
Street lights glowed faintly, preparing for the dark night approaching. The stoops were vacant. The long white car sat still, doors open wide to reveal a hollow inside. Blood smattered the leather seats, smearing the pavement all across the street. Only one body remained, not much was left but a husk and a broken camera.
Theo reached into his jacket and pulled out a silver cross. He laid it carefully atop the body’s caved chest. He would close its eyes if it had any. They would regret the lives lost tonight. He would make sure of it.
“How sentimental.”
Theo whipped around. Leaning on the hood of the car was a slim man, dark haired and dark eyed. He dressed in a crisp suit adorned with one single rose pinned to his lapel.
“It’s called respect.” Theo grabbed for the mic cable around his shoulder. “Something you wouldn’t know much about.”
The man flashed his teeth, two sets of pristine fangs glistened in the light. “On the contrary, Hunter.” He rose from the hood like it was no effort at all. Practically floating with the evening breeze. “Looks like your manners are a bit out of touch.“
“And who the hell are you?!” Piper brandished her bass, a holy light rising from her hand to the bass of the instrument. In less than a second it had grown into a shining silver axe, ornately detailed in the same way her music was.
“I…” The man clapped once. “do not like party crashers.”
The shadows around them began to shift, twisting like snakes as pale hands clawed their way out of the darkness. Emerging from the alley’s came the post-war hoard captured in the poor departed cameraman. They paled in comparison to their leader. Disheveled and wild despite the caliber of their gore stained clothes. With a snap of his fingers the hoard sprung into action.
A woman with stiff curls lunged forward as Theo dropped the cord from his arm, thrusting it forward like a whip. The black rubber disappeared as light braided neatly into a chain, the microphone melting into a heavy mace. The weight landed dead centre to her face, dusting it like chalk beneath the blessed metal. Corey followed suit, plunging a silver stake into the heart of a Hawaiian-shirted man.
“Where’s Paul?” Piper demanded.
Disgust flashed across the man’s face, before quickly returning to its smug expression. “He doesn’t matter!” A blink and they were inches from each other. “He’s pathetic, a traitor! Do you really think he’ll stay loyal to you?”
There was no time to react before his fist was buried in Piper’s tank top and she was thrown smooth across the block.
“Hands off my girl, bloodsucker!” Corey shouted nailing a stake right into his shoulder.
The man screamed, tossing Corey off just as easy. He plucked the stake out as blood soaked into his suit. All it left was a smoking hole in its wake.
“You’ll regret that!” His eyes focused in on Theo. “This is beyond you, Hunter!”
Theo didn’t want to hear it, flailing the mace toward the man. He dodged swiftly, making way for a Marilyn Monroe clone to dig her nails into Theo’s bicep.
He jabbed his elbow into her jaw, wrapping the chain around her neck. The man appeared behind him, pulling his hair and bearing his teeth.
Corey rammed his side, piercing stakes between his ribs. The man staggered back, hissing like an animal. “That’s for my lady!”
Piper followed close behind, swinging wide into the man’s back. “That one’s for me too!”
The man hacked, folding in on himself. Piper shoved him to the ground, pressing a sneaker against the gash in his back. “Who’s pathetic now?” She laughed, holding her axe over her shoulder. It was so comically large it looked cartoonish.
“Why were you meeting here?” Theo let the mace drop next to the man’s head.
He coughed, “Things are moving, Hunter. Things far beyond you. Go, find the traitor. I’m sure by now he has plenty to tell you.”
The man shuddered, melting like smoke into a black cloud. Then he was gone, and the measly remainders of the hoard retreated back into the shadows.
There was a moment of silence.
“Is he dead?” Corey scratched his head.
“I hope so. He gave me weird vibes.” Piper planted her axe on the ground where he previously laid.
“He was a vampire.”
“Obviously, I mean he-“
A scream pierced the air.
♪‧₊˚
“Just take the bite, baby. You know you want it.” Maria’s voice rang out in Paul’s mind. Her men restraining him at all angles, pushing him toward a struggling woman. She screamed as they pulled her hair, exposing a clean, unmarked neck.
A hand came to grasp Paul’s jaw, prying it open like he was a dog chewing on something he wasn’t supposed to. He could hear the hammering of the woman’s heart. He could smell the blood racing in her veins. His teeth ached, spit pooling beneath his tongue. There was no telling the last time he ate, really ate, and they were shoving her in his face like she was a freshly cut steak. The others joined in a chanting cacophony of “Bite her!” and “Join us!” Vampires would make real good advertisers if they weren’t so evil. He could bite her. She was so close.
There was a shout behind him and suddenly he wasn’t restrained anymore. The woman was free too, shrieking and running away as fast as she could. A vampire tried to follow after her, but was quickly cleaved by Piper’s axe. Paul had literally never been more relieved to see her stupid raccoon tails. Behind him stood Corey, tearing into a guy who looked straight of of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Paul glanced at Maria, her face a mix of confusion and frustration. “Ugh, Rubio!” She growled, just as Theo whacked her clean in the chest.
She recovered quickly, leathery black wings stretching from her back and lifting her just far enough off the ground so she couldn’t be hit. “You people can’t go a day without bothering me, can you?”
“What are you doing here?” Theo stared up at her.
“Celebrating of course!” She opened her arms dramatically. “Until you hunters came to ruin it. Not anymore, Theodore. Not anymore.”
She flicked her wrist, and as if they never existed at all, the surrounding vampires began to disappear. Crumbling to ash just like the false vampires had the night before.
“What do you mean? How are you doing this?” Paul asked. They seemed so real. How could she just make them disappear like that?
“Geez,” Maria sighed, “You’d think after seven years you’d have that lisp under control.” She laughed wickedly and Paul couldn’t help but flush red.
“You would think after three decades you’d be able to reach past such low hanging fruit.” Theo said, “Answer the question!”
She only rolled her eyes, disinterested in where this was going. “I don’t have to answer your questions anymore, Theodore. You’ll find your answers, soon enough.” She flapped her wings, the street lights flickered, and the dark enveloped her. She was gone.
Paul sighed, totally tapped. Refusing all primal and biological urges really does something to a guy. His teeth still ached, but he didn’t see himself tearing into any of his friends, which was good enough for him. Speaking of which-
“Are you okay?” Theo pressed his hands into Paul’s shoulders as if he shouldn’t be the one asking that question. Theo looked no better than Paul felt, little gashes of blood seeping into his arm where he’d been previously scratched. Honestly, none of them looked too hot. Piper looked like she’d been hit by a truck, which Paul would one hundred percent believe, and Corey looked like he was about ready to keel over and die.
“I’m a’okay.” Paul said, smiling best he could.
Theo sighed, relief obvious on his face. Then, “What were you thinking?!”
There’s the Teddy Paul remembers.
“Why were you down here? What the hell happened? And what did you do to make that guy so upset??”
Paul had an answer prepared for all of Theo’s rapid fire questions except for that one. “What guy?” He quirked a brow.
Piper was in the middle of dusting off her ass when she said “We fought some super sleazy guy just before making it here.” She wiped her hands on her pants. “He had an awful lot to say about you. He called you a “traitor” like twice.”
“Ugh, Rubio.” Paul regretted how much he sounded like Maria. “Don’t even bother with him, he’s a nut job.”
“You don’t say.”
“He’s just mad I was able to get out and he wasn’t! Whatever, let’s just-” Paul raked his hands down his face. “Let’s just get home.”
“Okay.” Theo said, the chain in his hand slowly falling limp back into rubber as he neatly rolled it up. “But you have a lot of explanations to give, Padilla.”
Yeah, he really did.