Archive of Our Own

Lily finally dragged my sorry ass to the Literature & Creative Writing Club today after basically harassing me for a week. I was this close to saying no, but she gave me that “I will literally haunt you for the rest of eternity if you bail” look, so I caved. The refreshments were just some sketchy, off-brand crackers. Lily so owes me for this one.

I didn’t plan on sticking around, but there is this upperclassman, Bae Jinsol, who is... actually kind of a vibe. She is gorgeous but has this handsome energy and she is seriously tall. She got all fired up debating a book she liked. She’s loud, laughs a bit too much, and somehow manages to be the center of attention, making everyone crack up even if the book she’s pitching is depressing as hell.

I just sat there, nibbling on a crappy cracker and staring at her like, Damn, okay. I see you.

So, I officially joined the club. Mostly because it seems chill. And no, it’s not because of Jinsol (okay, maybe like 20% because of her).

Actually, the club is a riot. I thought it would be a bunch of nerds, but they are actually cool, and we do way more than just read. I think I’m vibing with everyone pretty well.

Today, Jinsol called me “Jiwoo-ya” again. It was so sweet and she gave me this massive grin while calling me cute every five seconds. Honestly, she treats everyone like that. It’s just her personality. But my heart still decided to do a whole gymnastics routine in my chest.

Then Lily just kept eye-fucking me with that “I freaking knew it” smirk. Super creepy. Somehow, that look is way worse than if she just said it out loud.

Jinsol remembered my coffee order: light on the milk, three spoons of sugar. She nailed it when she went on a supply run for the meeting. To be fair, she is super attentive and got everyone’s order right.

It’s not a big deal. I know that.

But I’m still internally screaming with joy.

I got stuck with a library shift today with this senior, Oh Haewon. I knew of her since she is Jinsol’s bestie. I see them attached at the hip all the time, but we never actually talked until today.

She is a weird one. Her silence at first made me think she was an ice queen, but halfway through the shift, she finally loosened up. She is a total pro at work, but her sense of humor is unexpectedly top-tier.

She said something about these ancient, crumbling books from like, a century ago. I don’t even remember the joke, but I had to literally turn away so I wouldn’t lose it and laugh in her face. She just went right back to shelving books like nothing happened, not even checking to see if I thought she was funny.

Well, for the record: I thought it was hilarious.

Jinsol saved me a seat again today without me even asking. She does it so casually now that I’ve stopped being surprised, which is probably a bad sign.

We text pretty much every day now. Every time my phone buzzes, I have to fight the urge to grin like a total moron (I’m failing).

Last night, she sent me a meme at 11. I didn’t hit her back until this morning because I was already dead to the world, not because I was trying to play hard to get (Okay, like 90% was because I was asleep.)

Haewon has some scary-ass observation skills. Every time she catches me talking to Jinsol, she looks at me exactly like Lily does (just slightly less traumatizing).

Today, she finally just went for the jugular.

While we were fixing the sociology section, she asked if I was okay. I said yeah, and she pointed out that I had been shoving the 300-coded books into the 200-section for the last ten minutes straight.

Because I was busy daydreaming about Jinsol. Obviously, I didn’t say that.

She just looked at me and told me I was being way too obvious. I asked what she meant. She just said one word: “Jinsol.”

I literally died on the spot. Then Haewon promised she wouldn’t snitch, and she went back to work like she hadn’t just reached into my chest and scrambled my internal organs. I stood there like an idiot for a minute before I remembered I actually had a job to do.

Final meeting of the year and the semester. Jinsol brought me snacks (the good kind, not the poverty crackers), because apparently, she remembered me bitching about them.

Lily was “the look” AGAIN.

Jinsol stayed back to help me clean up, and we ended up walking to the bus stop since we head the same way. I loved every second of it, lowkey wishing the walk was twice as long. Jinsol was rambling about her random daily life, then suddenly stopped and asked why I was being so quiet.

I told her I was just listening.

She gave me a little shoulder-shove, like she knew I was full of it.

I almost said something. But I chickened out.

Winter break is here. I guess I’ll use this time to let this crush simmer down.

Back at it. First club meeting of the semester. Jinsol showed up with a slightly different haircut and a new jacket (still Adidas, just a different colorway). When she flashed that smile at me, I just thought: Oh. Well, damn. A whole month of break was a total waste. Of course, I’m still whipped.

Lately, we’ve been hanging out solo way more often. It started when Jinsol texted me in January asking if I wanted to hit up that bookstore near campus. I said yes, and we ended up losing three hours in there. She bought four books so thick they made my head hurt just looking at them.

I asked how she planned to read all that while drowning in her graduation thesis.

She just shrugged and laughed. “Optimism, baby.”

That is just so... her. I’ve started using that line myself lately.

Grabbed ramyeon after the meeting tonight. Just the two of us because everyone else bailed and she asked if I was down. The place is near the back gate, tiny as hell, and has a cat chilling behind the counter.

Jinsol was doing her usual thing, talking with her whole body, gesturing wildly while I just sat there like a lovestruck puppy, taking it all in.

We both scorched our mouths because the broth was lava and neither of us has any chill. The noodles were actually better than I expected. Jinsol said we should make this a regular thing, and I agreed way too fast.

I’ve liked her for months and I still haven’t made a move. I don’t know if I’m incredibly patient or just a massive coward. Probably a mix of both.

Wild how Haewon and I ended up being this close. I figured we were too different to be anything more than “work friends.” But after I begged her for help with my Management Systems essay, we’ve been texting every single day. It started with school stuff, but now it’s... everything else. I originally asked Jinsol, but she just gave me a “good luck with that” laugh and threw me to Haewon. Haewon is... well, Haewon. She’s a genius and helped me a ton. I was shocked she said yes immediately and was actually super enthusiastic about helping.

I’ve been venting to her about the Jinsol situation, and she’s actually a great listener. Who knew?

She just messaged me, telling me I should just confess already. She’s convinced Jinsol is into me.

I guess sleep isn’t happening tonight.

After spiraling for a few days, I finally told Jinsol.

I caught her when everyone had left the club room. I told her I liked her, stuttering.

Jinsol just stared at me then burst into a giggle, pulled me into a hug and said she liked me too.

Holy shit. It was exactly like Haewon said. It was way easier than I thought.

We’ve been “us” for over a month. Everything is great. Jinsol is still her warm, easygoing self, always making me feel like the most pampered person on earth.

It’s pouring today, so we just spent the whole day rotting at her place.

Hmm... even though it’s been a month, we only had our first kiss today. Yeah, I was the one who went for it, grabbing her collar and pulling her in. She told me I was cute and we kissed... and things got intense. I don’t even remember how I ended up on her lap, but things got pretty wild right there on the sofa. I’m not writing the details because Lily already found this diary once.

Let’s just say my legs are still a bit shaky.

Three things are happening that I can’t tell anyone but this page.

One: Haewon “accidentally” left a book in my bag last week. It was a book I mentioned wanting to read back in November—literally a passing comment I made once. I looked it up and it’s out of print and impossible to find.

Two: She always tops off my tea when I’m focused on something. She stopped sitting near the AC so I wouldn’t get the chills. She avoids ordering anything with cilantro when we eat together, another tiny detail I don’t even remember telling her.

Three: Lately, Haewon is taking up a lot of space in my head.

I told myself I’m not going there. I’m serious. I’m in a relationship. I’m not that person.

Something has been eating at me for weeks and I’m writing it down to make it real.

Being with Jinsol is good. She’s warm and she makes me happy. But it’s like... Jinsol cares about everyone in the room, and because I’m in the room, I get that care too.

But sometimes, I want something smaller. Something that’s only mine. Not because I’m in the room, but because I am me.

I have no idea what to do with this. So I’ll just leave it here for now.

We broke up today.

Jinsol was the one who called it. She must have felt the vibes shifting too. No screaming, no drama, but it just... wasn’t right anymore.

It wasn’t anyone’s fault. We both felt the gap widening and Jinsol said it first.

So yeah, it’s over. We ended it peacefully and we’re definitely staying friends.

Deep down, I knew this was coming. But it still sucks.

The world keeps spinning. After one night of feeling sorry for myself, I think I’m okay.

Woke up without a text from Jinsol, and weirdly, I didn’t feel panicky about it.

I made breakfast and hit up Haewon to see if she wanted to study this afternoon. She said yes, and when I got there, she already had a coffee waiting for me. We didn’t talk about the breakup. She didn’t pry and I didn’t bring it up. She just sat across from me and did her work, and honestly, that was exactly what I needed.

Some things have been brewing for a while that I’ve been trying to ignore, but today, I had to face the music.

It was raining on the way back from a seminar. We ducked under a pharmacy awning near Gate 3 to wait it out. We were both soaked from the run, and it was just us.

Haewon suddenly blurted out that she didn’t want to make things weird.

I told her she was the one making it weird by saying that.

She just smiled and told me she likes me. She said she’d been sitting on it for a long time. Haewon isn’t the type to throw words around for fun. So I couldn’t even ask if she was messing with me.

I asked since when.

She said “a while.”

I told her I needed time to process. She was fine with that.

Haewon and I were back in the library today.

Well, I handed her that book she gave me.

She looked like she thought I was rejecting her.

I told her to turn to page 134. There’s a confession scene there between the leads. I’d circled the line: “I do.”

Today is day one of us being official.

Jinsol’s birthday today. The club threw a little rager for her.

Jinsol and I are still great friends. I’m also out about me and Haewon, and she was totally cool with it.

Aside from the club regulars, Yoona from the Minecraft club was the only outsider invited because she’s Jinsol’s best friend, or something more suspicious.

After the candles were out, Yoona pulled Jinsol in and kissed her right on the cheek. Jinsol’s face went tomato mode while everyone cheered.

So... I guess those rumors about them making out in the storage room weren’t just talk.

Anyway, I’m genuinely happy for her.

Went to Haewon’s place yesterday to work on a report.

Yeah, that plan went south real fast. It’s all Haewon’s fault for staring at me until I lost my mind. We meant to just have ONE kiss, but next thing I knew, we were on her bed.

I planned to do my report, eat dinner, and go home. How the hell did the report stay blank while I became her dinner? I literally just got home an hour ago.

Haewon’s arm is literally draped over my shoulder while I’m writing this. She’s being a total bully...

She just kissed me again, haha.

Her phone finally rang so she had to let me go.

Turns out it was a delivery. She ordered flowers and chocolate for me because it’s Valentine’s.

And what did I get her? Hmmm... that’s a secret.