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There he is Ethos began to walk faster when he saw that Praxis was in the lift, he was nowhere in sight these days and there he was.
“Wait” was what Ethos wanted to say but that was stuck in his throat as he started to get closer and it managed to whittle its way from there into a tiny whisper as the door closed. Ethos took a deep breath as he pressed the button to call the lift, he waited to endure another day without being able to talk with Praxis, “Another day” he exhaled.
*
Ethos sat in the cockpit of what was supposed to be their ship- their reliant, staring out into colteron space as he wondered, why am I even here? Who would think that such an impulsive decision would throw him into enemy territory, did Abel make his choice on impulse? He shook his head, it probably wasn’t on impulse and that made him sink slightly into the seat. He was scared more than ever, it wasn’t like he was on par with Abel or even Phobos as a navigator but Praxis had managed to make him feel like a complete vapour. Never having a problem with hiding behind smiles- it was getting harder to simply amble through situations, confiding to Abel about this dilemma was something he would never do; but then everyone ends up surprising themselves when they’re scared.
Are you scared too? This was the question he decided to ask Praxis if they were able to talk, maybe they had a lot more in common than he thought and what if they could help each other out. Suddenly the hatch zipped open, Ethos gasped as it was none other than Praxis!
“What are you doing in here?” Praxis asked oh my god Ethos clenched his teeth nervously, his mind sloshed to find a good explanation, I was scared? Sitting in your seat comforts me? I like to stare at the stars? They were all not good enough!
Praxis sighed as he climbed into Ethos’ seat, “I’m smoking” he stuck a cigarette into his mouth and lit it. In between the long silence the only sounds were the occasional sighs Praxis would make during his smoke and Ethos’ heartbeat- which he thought was loud enough that Praxis would hear.
“Are you scared?” Ethos asked clearly- much to his surprise, there was a long silence which prompted him to almost ask again,
Praxis suddenly replied, “I lost my navigator in this seat” he placed a cigarette behind his ear, “not long ago this seat carried his remains and now it seems like nothing happened- it almost feels like he’s been erased”
“you lost your eye in this seat” Ethos commented- taking in Praxis’ reply, he felt a chill pass through him.
Praxis touched his eye patch, “I did but now it’s not as frightening as knowing what happens afterwards”
“Not being remembered scares you?” Ethos asked
Praxis raised his brow, “Doesn’t that scare you too?”
Ethos shook his head, “Not really, I feel like a vapour so I guess it would make sense to go out like one if that time comes”
Praxis lit the cigarette that he had placed behind his ear, “I never expected to hear that from a navigator”
Ethos turned around and haunched in the seat to stare at Praxis in shock, did you just compliment me? Was what he would liked to have asked but instead he stupidly asked, “really?”
Praxis nodded, “I expected something more righteous from you”
“It’s really hard to pretend that things are okay or agreeing with the right thing” Ethos turned back to sit in the seat, hoping that Praxis didn’t notice how flustered he was getting- clenching and unclenching his hands, he carried on, “I know what it is to be righteous, but being here it’s making me think should I have made my decisions on how it would benefit me instead of everyone else?”
“So you are scared” Praxis retorted.
Ethos bent his head low and shook it, “why should I be? I don’t amount to anything” suddenly his head shot right back up as he watched Praxis climbing into where he was seated.
Praxis suddenly embraced the navigator, he spoke softly into his ear “well what do you know you are scared”
Ethos had not realised he was trembling which only made it worse now that Praxis was holding him like this, he never thought that the smell of cigarettes would feel so comforting as he breathed in the scent.
I guess we both have something in common Ethos was very tempted to say this but instead he kept quiet and took in the ambience of this moment.
*
“Wait!” Ethos exclaimed as the elevator door closed, he sighed at another missed opportunity to spend time with Praxis, however taking note of the stairs and remembering what happened yesterday, he started to climb the stairs with the thought that today wasn’t just another day but a new day.
END