Chapter Text
Getting a contract with Republic Records was monumental for Dani. She would finally be able to get out of Shadow Bay - the godforesaken town that had ruined her life for 5 years.
Sure, she hadn’t spent all of her time there. She’d been back and forth between Salt Lake City, to see her friends from East High, and Los Angeles, her home, but most importantly, she’d been making weekly trips to MIT to see Gabby.
Gabby.
The girl tangled up in her arms, her dark curls spread across the pillow.
Dani breathed in deeply. She’d been awake for hours. Usually she would focus on Gabby’s heartbeat and it would send her to sleep.
Heartbeat.
Rhythm.
Music.
And that was how she’d gotten to this point, laying wide awake while the clock blinked 04:27AM.
Whilst getting this contract was a great thing, it also meant moving to New York City full time. And sure, NYC was only 4 hours from Boston, but the hours would add up.
But she’d signed the contract anyway.
Was it a shitty move not to tell Gabby first? Obviously. Was it even worse that it had been three weeks and she still hadn’t told Gabby? Yeah.
It wasn’t that she thought Gabby would be mad, because she knew that’s not how Gabby was. Gabby would be immensely proud of her. But her heart panged in her chest. 5 years of seeing each other almost every day, the hour long commute between Shadow Bay and Boston - which had felt like an eternity at the time - had now quadrupled in distance.
*
When she finally told Gabby, it couldn’t have gone worse.
She could barely contain her excitement, her words tumbling out in such a rush that she thought she’d never stop speaking.
“I got the Republic contract and they want me in New York starting next month!” she spoke, entirely in one breath.
Her eyes shone, searching Gabby’s face for the same joy she felt, expecting a smile or a ‘congratulations’. But she saw something tighten in her lover's expression. Her silence stretched too long, her eyebrows furrowed in a way Dani hadn’t anticipated. There was a flicker of hurt in Gabby’s eyes, quietly masked but unmistakable.
“No I’m happy for you, I am,” Gabby finally spoke.
“But..?” Dani asked, the answer looming over her already.
“But, I do wish you’d told me sooner,” Gabby continued, her voice laced with disappointment.
Dani felt the tears begin to pool in her eyes.
“Gabs, this is huge for me,” Dani said. She wasn’t angry, she just hadn’t expected a response like this. She had been so proud of Gabby for getting into MIT, even though she knew they’d be apart. But she knew that was Gabby’s dream. And this was hers.
“I know that singing and acting isn’t your dream, but it's my entire life,” Dani continued her voice slightly shaky, “and I have worked so hard for this.”
“I’m not denying that?” Gabby said defensively, “I’m just saying you could’ve spoken to me before making a decision that will change our whole life.”
Dani could feel it in her stomach - that quiet, stubborn certainty that she wasn’t being fair to Gabby - but she refused to let it settle. Instead, she kept turning the situation over and over in her mind, reshaping it, softening her mistake until it didn’t seem quite so sharp.
She felt the tears continuing to build, urging to burst like a damn.
“I think,” Gabby said softly, “we should take a break while you get settled in New York.”
The words didn’t all land at once - they sank into her skin like bullets breaking through in slow motion, until she felt them everywhere.
A break.
It sounded temporary, almost harmless, but the way Gabby had said it made it sound like something was already slipping away. Dani sat there, trying to keep her expression steady, nodding as if she understood, as if this was something reasonable and not a quiet unravelling of everything they had built together.
Questions crowded her mind - How long? Break or breakup? - but none of them made it past her lips. Instead, she focussed on the space growing in between them, the unfamiliar distance between her and someone who used to feel like home. And she wondered, how could something that had always felt so solid suddenly feel so uncertain.
The girl in front of her now felt a million miles away, despite her only being two feet away.
“You’re welcome to stay the night, but you should probably get going in the morning,” Gabby said. Her voice faltered slightly when she spoke again, “I’ll take the couch, you can have the bed,” she said, her footsteps receding into the lounge.
The door clicked shut behind her and the tears started to fall.
Dani didn’t know how long she cried. Her body racked with sobs until she ached so badly that she was forced to sleep.
When she eventually woke up, Gabby had already left her apartment.
Dani did the only thing she could in this situation - collected her belongings, ranging from t-shirts to baseball caps, and left as if she’d never been there in the first place.
☾
Three months passed before Gabby could bring herself to visit Dani. She had seen the girl thriving on social media - a newly released song titled ‘Augusta” and an upcoming album.
Gabby had heard the lyrics.
Feel like maybe I might go to Boston
Cut my hair in the way that I’ve wanted
Change my number and bury my wallet
California makes me exhausted
She knew it was about her, but considering the lack of contact between them, she knew asking would be a bad idea.
Yet, here she was pulling into Penn Station.
She’d realised it was a stupid idea long before she’d even got on the train, but she also knew at some point she’d have to speak to her girlfriend - if that was even the right thing to call her.
On the ride to Dani’s apartment, she went over and over what she was going to say to her.
And all that came out of her mouth when she spoke?
“Hey.”
“Hi…” Dani replied, “you look well.”
“Thanks, you too,” Gabby said softly.
Seeing Dani again felt strangely familiar, like stepping back into a place she’d never really left. There was a brief hesitation before they hugged, both of them laughing a little too quickly, as if to smooth over the awkwardness that lingered. Dani didn’t hold her as tightly as she used to. Her hand placement was different too, as if they didn’t remember where they belonged.
They talked easily enough - shared jokes, life updates, the kind of conversation that came from knowing each other too well. But there were pauses now. Subtle. New. Little things about themselves that the other was unaware of. It wasn’t bitter exactly, more like a quiet unawareness that things had changed in three short months. Still, there was warmth there, in the way their eyes met for a second too long, or how their smiles softened without meaning to, as if neither of them had quite figured out how to be just this to each other yet.
Gabby pretended not to notice Dani’s hand reaching to take her own, before retracting it when she remembered it wasn't her hand to hold anymore.
“I’ve missed this,” Dani said.
Gabby froze slightly at her words.
“Dani…” Gabby said, finally looking at the girl. Deep down she agreed with Dani. She missed her too, though she would never admit it.
“I know I shouldn’t but I do,” Dani began, “I’m not gonna ignore my feelings just because we’re broken u- on a break.”
Dani’s words stung.
Broken up.
Being broken up was the last thing Gabby wanted. Then her mind filled with endless possibilities - Had Dani taken this as a breakup? Was she seeing someone else?
“It’s getting late,” Gabby said, “I should probably go… “
Those were the only words she managed to find.
Dani nodded as Gabby made her way towards the door, following closely behind.
Neither of them meant for it to happen, but this goodbye felt almost too familiar. Gabby noticed Dani’s eyes flickering down to her lips before quickly looking back up. It would’ve been easy to pull back, to keep things safe and unchanged, but instead, she leaned in just slightly, giving the moment permission to exist.
The kiss itself was gentle at first, almost uncertain, like they were both asking the same question without words. It wasn’t rushed or desperate, but familiar in a way that made Gabby’s chest tighten. It felt like remembering something her body hadn’t forgotten - the way their lips fit together, the way Dani’s hand felt on her cheek, the softness that came so naturally between them. But there was something new there too, something deeper, shaped by time apart and everything they’d been through since.
When Dani finally pulled away, they didn't move far. Their foreheads touched, both of them caught between comfort and confusion.
For a moment, neither of them said anything.
Dani let out a small, unsteady breath, her hand still resting absentmindedly against Gabby's cheek.
“You could stay… if you want,” Dani said, her words coming out more tentative than she meant, like she was offering something that could just as easily be taken back.
“No pressure though,” she spoke again, her voice still barely a whisper.
This was the Dani that Gabby knew.
Gabby went to speak, but hesitated when she saw the warmth in the way Dani looked at her. There was something familiar in her eyes, something that made Gabby’s chest tighten. When she nodded, it felt bigger than it should have, like a quiet agreement to more than just the night.
The distance between them closed again, this time without as much uncertainty. This kiss wasn’t hesitant like the first. Dani kissed her slow and deep - the kind of kiss that said more than words ever could. Gabby let out a soft, shaky breath against her mouth. The pair broke apart only long enough to look at each other.
One of Gabby’s hands found Dani’s waist without thinking, holding onto her tight. Her other hand gripped Dani’s shirt, pulling her in closer as the taller girl's hand tangled in her curls.
“You’re making this really hard,” Gabby whispered when they finally pulled apart, though the grin on her face proved that her words weren’t sincere.
Dani’s mouth curved into a smile instantly.
“Am I?” Dani murmured, close enough that the words ghosted over Gabby’s lips. When their mouths met for a third time, Gabby knew she wasn’t going home that night.
*
Morning came too gently for how dangerous the night had been.
Gabby woke slowly, caught up in that hazy, half dreaming space where nothing made sense except the fingers tracing lightly over her bare back, and the steady rhythm of someone's breath hitting the back of her neck.
And then it hit her.
She was in Dani’s bed.
She laid still for a second, heart tripping over itself as last night came back all at once - the kissing, the way one bad decision had turned into several much better ones. A blush crept into her cheeks immediately, and she was very glad Dani couldn’t see it.
“Are you pretending to be asleep?” Dani asked. Because of course.
Gabby’s eyes squeezed shut tighter.
Dani’s voice was low and rough with sleep, threaded with unmistakenable amusement, and the hand that had previously been tracing patterns on Gabby’s back was now snaking around her waist, tightening slightly like she was enjoying this far too much.
“No,” Gabby mumbled unconvincingly.
That earned a soft laugh against her shoulder.
“Mm,” Dani mumbled. “Very believable.”
Gabby knew she should’ve turned around sooner - should’ve faced this like an adult instead of continuing to lie there while Dani held her like she’d done it a thousand times before. There was something almost unbearable about how natural it felt; waking up tangled together, sharing warmth, existing in that quiet little pocket of morning as though they weren’t one step from being broken up.
Eventually, she forced herself to roll over.
She immediately regretted it.
There Dani was - hair a mess, lips a little swollen, eyes still heavy with sleep, and a grin that showed she was far too pleased with herself. She looked unfairly good for someone who’d absolutely ruined Gabby’s life before 9AM.
Gabby hid behind her hands before Dani could speak, pretending to rub the sleep from her eyes as an attempt to preserve whatever was left of her dignity - which, judging by the hand lazily rubbing up and down her side, was not much.
“You know Lewis, you seemed more enthusiastic about my presence a few hours ago,” Dani teased.
The morning light made everything seem less reckless somehow. Less like a mistake and more like something she might actually want to wake up to again. Gabby searched Dani’s face for a second, then brushed a strand of hair back from her cheek.
“So,” Gabby began, matching Dani’s humour, “am I getting kicked out, or are you going to kiss me good morning?"
☾
The next time Dani saw Gabby, she didn’t see her as such.
She knew she shouldn’t have called the second Gabby picked up. It had barely been a month since they last saw each other, yet it had felt like a lifetime.
“Hi,” Dani said, her voice calmer than she’d anticipated.
There was a beat of silence before she spoke again.
“Full disclosure, I’ve been drinking,” she said, though it sounded more like she was slurring. She was leaning against the cold brick wall outside of some shitty dive bar, heels in one hand and pride nowhere to be found.
She hated how quickly she folded when she heard Gabby’s voice ask, “are you okay?”
Dani let out a small laugh.
“Honestly? No,” she admitted, eyes stinging for reasons she was trying very hard to blame on the wind.
“But I was doing so good at not calling you, then I got drunk and now I really miss you, which is honestly very embarrassing for me,” she let out all in one breath, “so if you could be a little less nice right now, that would actually help.”
She pressed the heel of her hand to her eye, as if that would stop the tears from falling. Gabby let out a small laugh.
“And the worst part is, I’ve been looking at coming to Boston tonight,” Dani confessed. She knew it was wrong, but her lips spoke before she could think about what she was saying. “It’s pathetic I know but there’s only so many songs I can write about you before I crumble completely,” she continued.
There was a pause on the other end of the line; not cold, not awkward, just the kind of silence that sounded like she was trying very hard not to let too much of herself show all at once. When Gabby finally spoke, her voice was quieter than usual. It was low and warm, already full of too much feeling.
“For the record,” Gabby said, “I wouldn’t have been mad if you had come to see me tonight.”
Dani didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
“But,” Gabby continued, seemingly her favourite word when they were about to argue, “I don’t think it’s a good idea now, especially with how drunk you are.”
“Yeah, real nice once Gabs,” Dani did laugh this time, considering putting the phone down just to end her suffering.
“Well if you’d let me finish, Lopez,” Gabby began, “I’m actually in the city tonight.”
Dani could feel her heart hammering against her rib cage.
“Where are you?” Gabby asked. There was something in the way she said it; careful, but obvious that she was already leaving wherever she was. “If you’re sitting outside some bar, pretending you’re fine while calling me like this,” Gabby continued, “then I’m coming to get you, and you can be embarrassed about it another time.”
“I’m standing, actually,” Dani said smugly.
She didn’t know how long had passed before Gabby’s taxi pulled up.
Gabby huffed out a quiet laugh as she closed the door. “You really are drunk.”
“Very,” Dani replied, and then, because she was too far gone to stop herself, “I think if I was less drunk I probably wouldn’t have called.”
“Do you wish you hadn’t?” Gabby asked after a moment.
“In a way,” Dani said, tears falling from her eyes less frequently now, “because I thought I’d have more time to compose my feelings before I saw you again.”
Gabby nodded, waiting to hear the rest of Dani’s thoughts before speaking.
“And I also know that this isn’t going to end well,” Dani continued, “so if you’re not going to end things, then I will.”
Dani was crying again now.
“Let’s get you home,” Gabby said, pulling Dani into the taxi.
Dani sat with her hands folded tightly in her lap, staring at the blur of streetlights outside the window, because looking at Gabby felt too dangerous now, too much like something she was about to lose for a second time.
Neither of them had said anything since getting in. They sat there with just the weight of the night settling heavily between them, all the softness of it curdling into something quieter and sadder now that there was nowhere left to hide.
When Dani finally spoke again, her voice was low and tired.
“We can’t keep doing this to each other,” she said, not coldly, not angrily, just completely exhausted.
Gabby swallowed hard. “I know.”
“I just can’t keep not knowing if I have you or not,” Dani continued, “it takes everything in me not to call you every day and ask you to get back together. And I know we’re ‘on a break’ but it’s been months, and it’s starting to feel more like a breakup.”
And as if by fate, the taxi pulled up outside of Dani’s apartment.
“I love you,” Gabby said.
Love. Present. Not loved.
And that hurt Dani more than anything.
“Text me in the morning,” Gabby said.
When Dani got out of the car, it felt like she was saying goodbye to the last 6 years of her life.
She didn't text Gabby the next morning. She knew it would hurt too much.