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“Oh…um, I’m not-“
Matthew struggled with the right words to say. He wasn’t exactly sure how to put it, though it was such a simple statement to say. The other man was sitting right next to him, staring into his bright blue eyes as Matthew tried to look every direction around Michael, eyes darting around his figure, and looking into the background behind them.
“You’re not…?” Michael urged Matthew to move onward with his sentence, his facial expression just dropping more and more with every painstakingly awkward second that ticked by.
“I have a girlfriend.” Matthew blurted it out then inched away from Michael just slightly, weary of how his reaction may be.
Of course the curly haired boy would never act so rash but Matthew could not help but be careful. There were many things that seemed to worry him in recent days. He didn’t look like the type of man who would bat an eye at horrific events, but the mental scars ran much deeper than the physical ones. He studied Michael trying to gather any emotion, and what move he would make. Yet there was nothing.
Michael closed his mouth and turned his head away. It was the look of disbelief, confusion, and trying to comprehend the situation all in one, like looking into the camera on ‘The Office’, and being to blind to know the oh so obvious predicament at hand. He made no other move. It was as though he was frozen like that.
Matthew pursed his lips, glanced away for a mere second before looking back at Michael. “Um, sorry?”
“We held hands.” Michael quickly sputtered back.
“I know.” Matthew shrugged slightly, the atmosphere getting most awkward. “It was like muscle memory, and you didn’t let go, so I didn’t either.”
There was silence for a split second.
“You’re wearing the hoodie I bought you.”
“I was a nice gift. I like it.”
“We went on dates dude!”
Matthew thought for a second. No wonder they went on nice dinners at least twice a week. He was starting to feel like a fool. “I just thought that was what guys do when they hang out.” He wasn’t THAT oblivious, he had gotten hints that Michael held some sort of feelings for him but he tried to brush them off. It had been so long since he had someone to hang out with and talk to, even if he was picking up hints he lost most of them mistaking them for kindness.
Michael let out a huff of air to regain himself and looked at Matthew once more. “So this girlfriend- is she a serious thing?”
“Yeah.”
“Like marriage?”
“Maybe.”
“And when you say that you have this girlfriend it still leaves the open possibility that you’re just a little gay?”
Matthew shook his head slightly. “Not really.”
Michael took put his pointer finger and thumb close together, but not close enough to touch. “Not even just a little, tiny bit?”
“No.”
“Fuck.”
Matthew knitted his eyebrows together but still produced a small smile as he put his hand on Michael’s shoulder. He wasn’t quite sure what to say but he had to be mature in this situation. “Sorry, but I like what we have as it is. Besides, you’re a bit young for me.”
Michael crossed his arms and gave a snort in reply, still trying to let it sink in that he could never get with his crush. “Yeah I guess.” He mumbled in response and received a small squeeze on the shoulder.
“So…uh,” Matthew retracted his hand. He wanted to clear up the foggy tension that had just formed between them. “Coffee?” He suggested.
A small sigh escaped the lips of Michael. He shouldn’t let this get to him. Matthew was a great guy and a good person, there was no reason to hold any stigma against him, even if what happened was a bit of a downer for him. Besides, it was best if the topic was changed as soon as possible, dwelling on it for the time being didn’t seem like the best idea.
“Yeah, coffee actually sounds good right now.”