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I.
(Present…)
In a living room, two old women were sitting on a couch. One holding the telephone and one holding the yellow pages. The page was on the list of orthopaedic doctors.
“Hello, Is this Dr Zandik?... Right, this is about your patient last week… Yeah, that’s her. You see, she’s having trouble walking these days. Said her hips are in pain…Right. I don’t think the medication is working for her…”
The doctor’s faint voice could be heard on the line, “I see, may I know who’s on the line?”
“It’s Ms Guillotin … Guillotin, Sandrone.”
“And how are you related to Ms Hyposelenia ?” the doctor asked on the line.
There was a silent pause in the room. The old women looked at each other before one of them held the other's hand and nodded as if she was giving the other woman permission to speak.
“I’m her cousin.”
The doctor set an appointment for the patient before ending the call, and the old woman who was holding the phone sighed.
“Why do you look sad?” the woman who was holding the yellow pages asked.
“I’ve been pretending to be your cousin for 30 years in front of your doctors, Columbina.”
The old woman leaned on the other’s shoulder and replied, “Well, they wouldn’t allow non-relatives to transact with them… But you’re the only family I have now.”
“Honey, you’re the only family I have too. I wish I could just tell them that you are my wife.”
“I wish too, Sandrone.”
“Is your leg still in pain?” Sandrone asked the old woman.
“Yeah…”
“We’ll go to Dr Zandik tomorrow, okay?
“Yeah.”
“I’ll make you some food.”
When the old woman stood at her seat, Columbina called her.
“Oh, Sandrone?”
“Yes, my love?”
“I appreciate you so much. Thank you.”
Sandrone smiled and kissed her partner.
“I love you forever.”
“I will love you till the day that I die.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Or even beyond.” Columbina playfully added.
Then, Sandrone saw a picture of their younger selves on the table. She smiled at the memory of it. Two women holding a trophy together.
“It feels like yesterday…” Sandrone commented, and Columbina looked at the photo as well.
“I’d cherish that moment forever,” Columbina said.
II.
(Looking back…)
“Good job, girls!”
“Columbina really did well!” one of the girls commended.
“Yeah, you’re really a star back there,” another commented.
“MVP!”
“I guess you already have it all. Fame, money… What more can you wish for?”
The girls were giggling with each other as they were walking back to the bleachers.
“Right, what’s your wish, Columbina?”
Columbina paused her walk to think, “I want to find love!”
“Love is within ourselves, darling.”
They all laughed, and then they saw a school journalist approaching Columbina with a camera.
A very pretty blonde girl walked towards them.
“Is that love incoming?” one of the girls joked.
“That’s a girl walking right there, you idiot.”
“I mean, is that an issue?”
“Win in a game, win in love?”
“Shut up, everyone,” Columbina looked at the blonde and smiled politely.
“Hi.”
“Whoa, you really did great there. My name is Guillotin, Sandrone from the school newspaper club.” Columbina reached for a handshake, “ Charmed. I’m Columbina.” She introduced herself.
“Can I take a picture with you? It’s for the newspaper front page tomorrow.” Sandrone asked, and the other girls looked at each other with teasing looks.
“Sure.”
“Here, hold the trophy, Columbina.” One of the girls suggested.
“Yeah.”
Sandrone set up the camera. The two of them stood beside each other awkwardly.
“1,2,3…smile!”
“Once more, you should get closer together.” Columbina’s friend suggested.
“Is it alright with you if I put my arms on your shoulders?” Columbina asked Sandrone.
Columbina saw Sandrone look down shyly, and her cheeks turned red.
“Oh, sure. Perfectly fine.” Sandrone nodded.
“1,2,3…kiss!”
“Hey!”
Both of them blushed at the utterance of that single word.
It’s been almost 50 years since that photo was taken. On the back of Sandrone and Columbina, there was a big post written ‘High School Soccer League’
It was the 1950s. Women playing soccer was seen as odd by the public eye, as the sport was dominated by the majority of men. However, some kids in their high school made a women’s league in soccer. Gradually, the league became famous to youngsters and pertained to them as cool kids; however, for the old generations, it left a sour taste in their mouths.
In the following days, it was filled with Columbina’s photos on cards with her name, wearing her soccer uniform. The kids at their school collected it. However, Columbina’s father was able to get one of those cards and was deemed furious about it.
“Columbina, you’re a woman. You shouldn’t be playing ball!”
“But Dad, I’m good at it!”
“The one thing you should be preparing now is becoming a fine housewife for your future husband.”
“I don't need men to lift me.”
Then she got slapped by her dad. Then she walked out of her home.
“I hate this.”
“Columbina, come back here!”
But she never looked back anymore. Ever since that day, she has been living alone. But living alone as a woman in a city is hard and expensive. She barely finished high school, and the job that she was getting was limited, and the recession was definitely not helping the situation.
She was in a diner crying, contemplating whether she’ll come back home and just marry a random man her dad wants her to marry and admit she was not good enough and soccer was for men, or just die in hunger on the streets until someone put a hamburger and fries and a diet cola in front of her.
“I’ve been looking at you for hours, and I couldn’t help but notice you not ordering anything, so I took the liberty to do that for you,” a lady said.
When Columbina looked up, she saw a familiar face.
“Do I know you?” she asked.
“You must have forgotten since you only met me once. I’m Guillotin, Sandrone, the school newspaper journalist. We met at a soccer game.”
“So, I’ll be at the school newspaper tomorrow, I suppose?” Columbina scoffed.
Sandrone shook her head, “Nope, I don’t have a camera.”
“You wouldn’t write about me?” she asked.
“No, but I want to know why you’re crying at a diner during these hours.”
They talked about life for hours. Columbina needed someone to hear her vents and rants, and Sandrone was there to offer her company. After hours of talking, Sandrone finally said something that would be the start of something new between the two of them.
“So, you don't have a place to stay for now?”
“Yes… It’s tough.”
“Would you like to live with me?”
“Hmm?” Columbina was in doubt at first. But Sandrone was fast enough to convince her.
“Living in the city is expensive for girls like us. If we live together, we can help each other cover our expenses.” Sandrone suggested.
“That’s not a bad idea compared to dying of hunger.”
“Alright, roommate is it?”
“Roommates.”
They shook hands for the second time. It’s the beginning of their newfound friendship.
III.
(Present…)
“Columbina, are you ready? We’re going to see Dr Zandik now.” Then Sandrone saw Columbina was on her bed.
“Columbina?” she called out.
Columbina opened her eyes but didn’t move an inch; all she did was speak, “It’s so painful…” she told Sandrone. Sandrone saw Columbina's tears in her eyes as a sign that the pain is causing her great suffering.
Sandrone’s world was starting to crumble. She felt helpless about the situation. When it comes to our end, is there really anything we can do?
“My love, wait, I’ll call an ambulance.” The old woman said in a panic.
Columbina held Sandrone’s hand with all her might and asked, “Please stay with me. I don’t think I’d last longer.”
Suddenly, there were tears in Sandrone’s eyes, and she said, “Don’t say that.” She sat on Columbina’s bed, and Columbina told her to come over and hug her instead.
“Stay with me until my last breath.”
“Don’t say that. Stay with me and breathe!”
“Sandrone, I had a wonderful life with you. I love you truly.”
“Columbina…”
“Do you remember the first time you told me you love me?” Columbina asked in her weak voice. They both reminisce about their past.
“How could I forget?”
And at the moment, all Sandrone wanted was to freeze time. All these old memories flooded her head.
IV.
(Looking back…Sandrone’s POV)
It’s been years since Columbina became a professional soccer player, and I became a journalist myself. We still live together after all these years, and we have each other through good and bad times. We have seen each other cry. Get dressed together. Cooked each different meal together. Basically, she’s a family I never had.
“Hey, roomie.” She greeted me.
“Still playing ball, I see?” I looked at her dirty shirt.
“Yeah. We have a game in the nearby city, wanna come?” She invited me.
“Hmm… I don’t know. I still have to find an article to write about.” I told her.
“You can write about my game,” she suggested.
“Aether will come?” I asked. He was Columbina’s boyfriend at that time. Good guy, a little bit of a womaniser though. But he’s okay.
“Of course,” she nodded.
“Tell him to bring his camera, mine is in repair,” I said.
“Okay!” she gave a thumbs up.
I travelled with Columbina’s team for a week to document their soccer game. I roomed with Columbina and her boyfriend on a separate room at a hotel.
Then she caught him cheating with another girl; surprisingly, Columbina wasn’t sad at all. She was calm and composed, and she just left the scene without saying a word.
She did well on her game the next day, and on our last day of stay in the city, we slept on the same bed.
“I’m cold,” she said.
“Here.” I gave her my bedsheet.
“Thanks,” she said, and I thought she had already fallen asleep as silence encompassed the room until I heard her speak.
“Can…Can you hug me?” Her voice trembled a little. Was she nervous? I will never know. I see no harm done, as we were friends.
“Yes.” I agreed.
And it was the time when she started to feel close to me, and it felt intimate. We fell asleep in each other’s arms.
It became a habit.
Friends do hug each other, and we’re roommates, so it’s normal, right?
I tried to convince myself.
I think I was nineteen and she was twenty-one when we started falling in love. It was many years ago. It seems like another lifetime, really. So many years and yet, it feels like yesterday. Falling in love with another woman is a new feeling. It was tough to get together. The restraints we went through before we acknowledged what we have were hard.
The riots on the streets started. The police raided every gay club they discovered. Every homosexual was being sent to jail, including the cross-dressers. It causes uproars in religions, politics and society.
The front page news was about two women being caned to death for having sex with each other. And two gay men were locked in prison for holding hands in public.
Everything anti-gay was all over, so when I realised that one day, I might be in love with Columbina, I was petrified by my own feelings. I started to drift away.
Columbina looked hurt when I did that, but she didn't say a word about it. There was a lot of distance. It ached inside me.
Then one day, I went home, I heard the television was on, and I saw her crying on the couch. I immediately came over to her.
“Hey, what happened?” I handed her my handkerchief, and she just shook her head.
“My friends were in prison,” she pointed at the television.
“Oh, god. Why?” I asked.
“They’re gay,” she said.
“Oh…” was the particular reason I was scared about, and why the distance between us was created. She held my hand, and it put me back in reality.
“Sandrone… if it’s wrong, then why do a lot of people feel that way? Since when did loving someone become a crime?” she asked.
“I also don’t understand,” I said while looking at the television.
“Do you think they'll be okay?” she asked further.
“I hope so,” I replied.
Then, after being in prison. Columbina’s friends lose their jobs.
The world was cruel.
Especially to people who love.
V.
Columbina and I have barely talked since that news. I always see her reading her book and closing it with a sigh at night. When I’m not working, I listen to the radio for music, never the news. I started questioning what was happening around our country through my newspaper column, and I almost lost my job. So I started writing good things about the government again. I have to live my life this way to survive.
One time, I saw her reading the newspaper, she looked at me and told me, “This isn’t you… You know these are all lies. A lot of people are oppressed, and you still write good things about the oppressors?”
“I almost lost my job, Columbina. We have bills to pay. What should I do?” I told her.
“So this is why you write that being gay is not okay?” She was disappointed in me.
I sighed and said, “It’s not like you’re being affected by it. You’re not even gay!”
She glared at me and said, “What if I told you I am?”
“W-What?”
“...and I was hoping you are too.”
That confession changed a lot about Columbina and me. Starting that day, Columbina’s behaviour around me changed. She became more distant. If before, I initiated it, it was she who started to drift away now. As if she touched something really hot, and she got burned, so she retreated. She treated me as if I didn't exist, and that hurt me a lot.
I didn't understand Columbina’s feelings. She implied she wanted me, and yet, she wanted nothing to do with me. For weeks, neither of us had spoken with the other. I felt as if my chest was starting to combust. I lived with Columbina for so long that not speaking with her felt like something was missing from my life. I need Columbina… I miss Columbina. Fuck it, I love Columbina.
I was writing an article on my table until I saw a tea set upon the table side. It felt comforting as someone uttered my name.
“Sandrone…” I looked up, and it was Columbina. I noticed her eyes were red.
“Were you crying?” I asked and put my hand on her cheek to provide her comfort.
She nodded and leaned to my touch, “I’m sorry. I was scared.”
“Columbina…”
“Tell me this isn't just me who feels the same way. Because it’s killing me. If you don't feel the same, I’ll respect it and go away.” Columbina pleaded as she rested her forehead on mine.
“I’m afraid,” I said as I closed my eyes.
I didn't notice when I started tearing up as well. All the negative scenarios of what could be if I let this feeling out started flooding inside my head.
“Are we really not allowed to love each other just because we have the same gender? Do I really have to care more about what my person’s genitals are than what their soul contains? Straight relationships can fail, and homosexual relationships can fail. It’s the same. People can cheat and spread HIV regardless of their gender and orientation. Child rearing is a choice. Even straight people can opt not to have them. Straight people can lust after someone and sin as much as homosexual people can. So why aren't we allowed to love each other?” Columbina sobbed and held my shoulders tightly.
“Columbina…”
“Just because I like a girl as well, doesn't mean I'm going to harass all girls in the world. I only like one girl, and it’s you… Sandrone, I love you.” She continued.
That was enough to shut all thoughts I had inside my head. I held her hand and looked her in the eyes.
The world can be damned by its judgment, but the world without Columbina… I don't think I can live on it.
“Columbina… I’m in love with you. And I am so scared about what to do about it.” I said as I wiped the tears from her eyes. She started smiling.
“Will you fight the world with me?” I asked.
“Fuck the world, I’ll even burn it down just for you.” Then Columbina kissed me with burning desire.
All the distance faded away as the two of us became one. That night, our worlds collided permanently.
We were cuddling in bed, and she was tracing shapes on my stomach. I was lost in thought.
“My love, what are you thinking about?” she asked me.
“Do you think we will get hurt when we fight the world?” I asked.
“Mhm.” She hummed.
“I don't think I can bear seeing you getting hurt,” I told her.
“Neither do I,” Columbina said.
“What if… the world doesn't have to know about us?” I said
Columbina kissed my cheek and said, “I just want you to be with me. I don't care how. But you’re mine. I’m happy you chose me.”
“Then, no one has to know.”
Maybe silence is also a means of fighting.
VI.
We started to have a relationship together. It was tempting to rally on the streets for gay rights, but we both chose to be private and silent about ourselves. In this way, none of us gets hurt. I decided to take Columbina home for a vacation to meet my parents, as a friend.
It didn’t end well.
(Author’s POV…)
“Wow, you look so beautiful. Do you have a boyfriend? I have a son.” Sandrone’s mother said, and Sandrone almost lost her patience when Columbina just smiled and told her politely, “Thank you, I’m not interested in dating.”
“Too bad.” Her mother said.
The television was on, and the news was all over for gay people. Sandrone’s father commented, “Fuck gay people, they just need a little fuck from real men.”
And that’s when Sandrone decided on something big.
“We have to leave now,” she declared and never looked back.
And so, the only family she has is Columbina and her to Columbina.
“Maybe we should go to other places where we both could be free.”
As long as they have each other, it will be okay.
VII.
“Are we going to make it?” Sandrone asked.
“We will,” Columbina assured.
“I’m scared.”
“Hold my hand.”
They both moved to a new country where no one knows them. They both were trying to get a job there and stick with each other through thick and thin. Being quiet brings them safety and together, but how long can they stay quiet?
Compared to their country of origin, the new country they moved to was a little bit more relaxed on gay rights. Although it wasn’t recognised there, either, there’s no violence. But the oppression is more coming from people who bully queers in the community than the government.
At a job interview, Sandrone was asked, “Are you a lesbian?” because he saw Columbina waiting for Sandrone outside.
“Why?”
“I am a Christian. I don’t think you’ll be suitable to work here at my company if you are.”
It was unfair.
Sandrone took a deep breath and sighed, maybe a lie wouldn’t hurt. They need money. “She’s my friend.”
After all, what power does she have compared to a religion? She’s just going to love in silence.
But circumstances don’t want her to be quiet.
Columbina’s leg started to deteriorate after playing too much soccer in her younger years. Columbina lost her job and was deemed not fit to work, hence Sandrone became the breadwinner of the household.
After years of working and being an excellent employee, the truth came out. She and Columbina are in a relationship, and her Christian employer found out.
But her silence did not protect her or the person she loves. When you are doing something right, when you want to change, you have to start it yourself.
Sandrone took it to the court. The discrimination from their community was becoming unbearable and affecting their livelihood.
“It’s not okay to be Christian and enable gay people.” The employer contested in court, to which Sandrone replied, “The Lord is my Shepherd, and he knows I am a lesbian!”
“You lied to me when I interviewed you!” the employer accused.
“Because you discriminate against me first, and where can I find a job in a community that gives equal rights to people who walk on different paths of life? I might be gay, but I am human too. My partner is suffering from her sickness right now, and I need a job more than ever.” Sandrone cried. Not because she’s weak, but because she finally found her strength and courage to fight for her love against the world. It feels like a relief.
Their issue was written in newspapers. The gay rights activist started walking on the streets screaming for their rights. It’s like everyone in a dream has finally woken up. A human is a human regardless of their orientation. We’re all equal. Heterosexuals, homosexuals and the whole LGBTQ-A umbrella…
‘DISCRIMINATION IS A SIN TOO.’
‘GOD MADE ME GAY, AND HE LOVES ME.’
‘GAY=HAPPY’
‘I DON’T NEED YOUR APPROVAL TO VALIDATE MY WORTH.’
‘LOVE HAS NO LIMITS.’
‘EQUAL RIGHTS FOR EVERYONE.’
Because of this, it woke so many minds, including the judges. Sandrone won the case and was compensated for the damages it caused.
The silence didn’t help her; her voice did.
Columbina was sitting on the corner of the room in her wheelchair, wearing a proud smile.
“That’s my girl.” She smiled at Sandrone as she clapped her hands with everyone. Sandrone ran towards her and gave her a kiss.
“We made it.”
“Yes, my love, we did.”
It was a love worth fighting for.
VIII.
(Present…)
Sandrone found herself standing in a graveyard. She had been crying and weeping for weeks. She had turned into acceptance. She and Columbina had a wonderful life together. Weeks after her lover’s death, gay marriage was legalised. All thanks to her for standing up for equal rights, many people woke up and took inspiration from her deed. She was sad that she wasn’t able to marry Columbina, but in her heart, she will live forever.
“Are you watching everything, Columbina? I’m sorry if everything came too late. But in my heart, you are my wife and my everything. Wait for me on the other side.” Sandrone looked at the sky and closed her eyes. She thinks about Columbina’s smiling face.
For now, may her memories be enough for Sandrone to continue living until the day they will finally be reunited.
There are many things in this world that we just refuse to talk about. It’s either too controversial or we do not know how to stand up for our beliefs. Hence, the issue just stays there forever, and change is not coming. We get stuck, we refuse to move forward, and just hope that maybe other people could change things for us someday. But what if the change is just waiting for us to come forward to start its course?
In the present time, we enjoy the rights of equality in every way, including love. But we couldn't deny the fact that there are still some places in this world where they believe that being in love goes only for men and women; hence, being in love with the same sex is considered a punishable crime or a sin. We all have a different universe inside our heads. All have our own morals and beliefs, but what could we lose if we respect others’ beliefs that don’t inflict pain towards other people? We all have a different concept of love. If we cannot accept, it’s okay. After all, respect is free. But it goes both ways. You wouldn’t understand something unless it happened to you.