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The sound of mechanical breathing suddenly filled the air, startling her. Before the rise of the Empire, when Anakin was still a Jedi, Padmé could always feel his presence before he even landed on her balcony. It wasn’t thanks to the Force or to any mystical power, she just knew in her bones that her husband was nearby. Back then, this knowledge brought her only relief and gratitude. All those months of suffering were worth it, because he had survived yet another battle and was able to come home to her.
Now, his arrival caused her nothing but distress, nostalgia and guilt. Distress because despite his refusal to even approach the subject, she was aware that behind his suit, his physical condition was terrible. Not being able to ease his suffering and pain tortured her constantly, remembering her how she had also failed to help him previously with his nightmares and how much it had cost them. Nostalgia because even if the man he was now had tremendously changed, he was still her husband and she missed him terribly. Guilt finally, because no matter how often she repeated herself she was only meeting him to help the Rebellion, she knew deep down that if she ever had an opportunity to run away with him and start over, in a world where Palpatine would no longer be a threat to her loved ones and the Galaxy, she wouldn’t hesitate. Regardless of all the horrendous things he already did and would probably do again in the future, her heart would always belong to him and nothing could ever change that.
However, she was determined not to let these conflicting emotions show in front of him. After Mustafar, she had learned to pretend to feel only coldness in his presence. It was a necessity for the sake of her mission and also her punishment, both for herself and for him.
“Padmé…” the ghost of her husband said, the monotonous vocoder hiding as always his feelings. Anakin always pronounced her name so reverently before, with a hint of eagerness. She despised this synthesized voice but at this instant, it helped her to pretend that this meeting was in no way a personal matter.
“You look even more tired that last time, you should try to sleep mo…”
“That is enough!” She interrupted him at once, unable to bear his concern for her, especially if she wanted to keep her composure. “This is not a social call! I am only here because of the intel you claim to have, so there is no need for us to make small talk, Anakin!”
He flinched. She knew she was probably the only person who still called him by his given name and not by this disgusting Vader surname, mainly because most were unaware of his true identity. The fact that the Hero With No Fear had become the emperor’s right-hand man was unimaginable, and she knew that her husband intended for it to remain that way. Nevertheless, even if his discomfort was obvious, he never corrected her and even if he had done so, she would have ignored him anyways. Calling him Anakin was as much an act of defiance towards Palpatine and all he stood for than a reminder for the former Jedi of who he used to be.
“The Emperor has heard a rumor about some Rebel base on Lothal.” Vader declared, ignoring her animosity. “Shipments of weapons were intercepted. An inspection is planned imminently”.
Padmé gasped in surprise for a fraction of a second, breaking the emotionless mask she had kept until this moment. It was the first time Anakin had given her an information that would help her save some Rebels’ life, since he had become this Sith personification. Until then, he had only mentioned trade agreements and senatorial reforms before they were publicly announced. It was evident to her that he tried to never directly contradict the Emperor’s orders. It reminded her of all the times during the Clone wars her husband has found himself trapped between the Jedi code and his desire to help the suffering civilians.
“I thought you would want to know” he added with an obvious eagerness, the familiar attitude causing an ache in her chest.
“Why are you telling me this? Is it a trick to make us reveal the precise localization of our base?”
Despite her spiteful tone, the former Queen couldn’t help but feel some hope. Perhaps her Anakin finally came back to her. After all, even now, a part of him still wanted to win her approval. Could it meant that he was finally ready to stop serving that horrible man, that tyrant that had fooled everyone, herself included? She had always believed there was still good in him, even after he turned to the Dark side.
As if he had sensed her thoughts, Vader took a step forward.
“Don’t you dare think you can defeat him Padmé!” he retorted, towering over her, his vocoder making his words sound even colder. Even if you save those worthless Rebels, it won’t change a thing. The Empire is indestructible and will live on for centuries!”
“Then why?” she murmured while closing the gap between them. “Why did you come here and tell me about this inspection, if it is all pointless to you?”
“You know why” he lowered his voice, which she supposed was the vocoder’s way to translate a softer tone.
She watched him hesitantly raise a gloved hand towards her cheek and caress it cautiously, as if she would disappear if he pressed too hard. She should have stopped him and rejected this hand that had caused so much hurt but she could not, not after all those months of loneliness. She let her composure drop for a few moments, enjoying her husband’s touch, even through the roughness of the leather. Raising her gaze, she only found her own reflection on his mask. Not for the first time, she found herself wishing that she could see his beautiful blue eyes once more, and therefore prove to herself that she wasn’t imagining whatever this moment was.
If only she was able to made him realize how Palpatine manipulated him, how he didn’t own that lying dictator anything, much less her life…
A distant crackling sound interrupted her train of thoughts. The spell was broken and the moment has passed. Reluctantly but with determination, she backed away.
“I thank you for your cooperation, my lord” she said in a deceptively calm voice. “Your information will be most helpful to our cause”.
Then, before allowing him to see how deeply this encounter had affected her, she turned around and started walking back to her ship.
“I will see you soon Padmé” her husband replied without moving, his ominous tone making his words sound both like a threat and a promise.