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Derek was silent as he picked up the top, notching the blood stains on the wrists. He glanced at the bathroom where Spencer was busy. He could hear the shower running. He bit the inside of his lip as he sat on the bed, heaving a sigh.
When the door finally opened, Spencer walked out, his face pale and clear that he was tired. Hell, they were all tired. It was one hell of a case.
“Pretty Boy, come and sit here for a moment, please.” Derek kept his voice even; he could see the flash of panic in Spencer’s eyes before he sat down on the bed.
Lifting the top, Spencer froze when he saw the blood stains. Everything in him screamed that he needed to pull it away as fast as possible from Derek, but he also knew that it wouldn’t help. That it would be easier to get this over with.
“What is going on, Spencer?” Derek’s voice softened.
“Nothing…” He trailed off before he leaned forward, face in his hands. He jumped when he felt a hand on his back, gently rubbing his back.
After Spencer took a deep breath, he started to speak. “It is the only way I feel in control. It keeps my mind quiet even if it is just…” He fell silent. He knew how bad this was; he knew that Derek needed to report it.
Jumping as he was pulled against a solid chest, he felt frozen when he saw Derek’s hands against his wrists. “May I?” His voice was low and warm, and even though everything in him was screaming to stop this, he still nodded.
Derek closed his eyes when he saw the crisp cross pattern across the thin wrists, some new, some already starting to heal, and some scarred.
“How long have you been doing this, Pretty Boy?” He kept his voice even, gently rubbing his fingers against Spencer’s hands, hoping it could give him some comfort.
“Ever since Hankel. It was the only way I managed to stop myself from ending it…” A soft sob slipped out before he could stop himself.
Derek simply pulled him closer, angry that he didn’t see how much Spencer was struggling. A year and no one picked it up. “Is there anyone else who knows?” He gently shifted Spencer to be fully on his lap, to hide his face from everything.
“No. I couldn’t really tell anyone. I knew if I did, my career would be over, and the BAU is my only family. I can’t lose you guys. I don’t know what I would have done that time if I had been forced to leave.” The words came out in a rush between hiccups, his hands fisted into Derek’s shirt. As if he were scared that Derek would simply disappear.
A gentle hand against his neck forced Spencer to still, his body almost vibrating with stress.
“Breath, you are not alone anymore. I’m sorry that you struggled with this. I am here if you ever want to talk. You can come to me at any time.” Derek softened his voice as he gently placed a kiss against Spencer’s head.