Chapter Text
It’s rough to love someone so much that you're willing to murder yourself just for the tiniest bit of recognition, of attention, of… love. That's the story of Toya. A story he knows all too well, since those were his last breaths. Waking up to an impeccable white ceiling was unexpected, to say the least. He thought he was in heaven for a moment, which didn't make sense at all. Why would someone like him go there?
That's when he looked around, his sight caught the ceiling lights; of the curtains at his side, slowly moving with the wind; of the sheets of the bed he was lying in. The life support tubes on his wrist, the bandages all over his body… He couldn't help exhaling a cold breath as he processed what was even going on. Toya’s memory was a little blurry… He remembers tears, a lot of tears. A lot of punches to the trees. A lot of gripping his hair out, of screaming in frustration. A lot of fire on his hands, burning down every tree that surrounded him. Maybe he would finally pay attention then.
He thought he had died. He was pretty sure he was dead, it was too late. No one was coming to save him. But… He was still here? All of the burns and bandages he had… God, mom and dad were gonna kill him. Wait.
Toya suddenly turned his head to the side, realizing he wasn't alone. There he was… his father, his favorite person in the whole world… He was stagnant, eyes wide with surprise, seeing his son moving and breathing.
“Toya…” he mumbled, getting up from his chair with slightly shaky arms. He wasn't even in his hero suit… Shouldn't he be working?
“Dad…”
Before he could say anything coherent, his father enveloped him in an embrace. It was tight and loving, different from any interaction he ever had with him. A hug… how long had it been since he had received one? He hugged back, already feeling the emotion building up in his eyes. “Dad… I'm sorry.” said Toya in a broken voice, his little hands held tightly to the fabric of Enji’s shirt. “I'm sorry… I tried to… kill myself.”
“...I know, son.” the man mumbled in response. “I'm the one who should be sorry. And I am, I am so sorry for not going to Sekoto… I was busy with work, I really was. …But… after your suicide, I realized everything I've done…” Enji separated from the hug to wipe a single tear from his own eye, and looked directly at his child. “Being a hero isn't that important… It's not more important than you… It's not more important than Shoto, than Rei, or Fuyumi or Natsu… You made me realize that I needed to put my stuff together… Over these four months, I grieved and I reflected on myself… That’s why I… I quit being a hero, and I gave up on surpassing All Might.”
Toya’s eyes widened with shock. “What!?” He practically yelled, Enji had to hold his shoulder for him to not move too much and move his life support. “But… But that's why we exist! …Why I exist! What am… is Shoto gonna do with his life, if not surpassing All Might!?”
For a moment, reality crumbled in front of Toya’s eyes. His whole purpose, his whole reason to live, his whole life, everything that he knew was completely obliterated that moment.
“Toya… I know this is all my fault… I lit this fire in you, and that fire that you caused in Sekoto… I am to blame for it, too. But I don't want to be the Number One Hero anymore. I just want my family to be happy and healthy now… I want you to find passion for something, to make friends… To have your own life and be happy.” The boy didn't respond, he just stared, unbelieving, at his father. He sighed at his non-response. “I'll be here for you, son. I know it will take you a while to process everything and recover… We'll be here, looking at you and loving you.”
Once again, there was no response, and the room fell into an awkward silence for a minute, until Toya spoke again.
“Wait— Four months?!”
…
It's been nearly a week since Toya woke up. He was still processing everything, but his recovery went smoothly as soon as he regained consciousness. He never went unwatched or uncared for, either his siblings, his parents, or his doctors and nurses were there to make sure he didn't hurt himself. This gave him a lot of time to catch up with everyone, to properly meet his youngest brother and to make peace with his family… Mostly. And hey, even classmates and teachers came to visit, even though Toya was always closed off to everyone and too concentrated on his training, they still gave him good wishes and expressed their concern for him. He had never received this much attention… But it felt nice.
“What happened to Shoto's face?” Toya asked his siblings, his mouth was half full of soba from the lunch he was eating.
“Well… Mom was really stressed… And she accidentally threw a pot full of boiling water on him, I think.” Said Fuyumi, although she didn't exactly understand what happened.
“But Shoto’s left side is resistant towards hot stuff” he replied with a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah, but she was panicking and forgot that, so she tried to put ice on his face.” said Natsu this time, grabbing Shoto by the collar of his shirt for him to not steal Toya’s soba. “Shoto, stop it. You know you can't eat his food. Toya needs it to recover!” The little boy looked at his older siblings with a pout.
“You know what? I don't mind. Shoto, open your mouth” said Toya, grabbing some noodles with his sticks while giggling. “Say ‘aaah’.” the little kid gladly did as he said, but couldn't wait for the whole plane game so he just jumped and bit the sticks.
“Whoa! Shoto!” Natsu chuckled while holding a very happy Shoto, chewing on the noodles like a cow. “You could've hurt your teeth with that bite, man!”
“Let him be,” said the older one while laughing. “He still has baby teeth, he'll grow new ones.”
“That's the point, Toya! He has baby teeth” replied Fuyumi with her fists on her hips, even though she herself was trying not to laugh as well.
…
Days later, Toya found himself in his hospital bed, hugging his mother like a needy five-year-old.
“Mom… I'm sorry for all the things I told you…” he murmured under his breath, his mouth against the shoulder of his mom.
“You have apologized three times already today, Toya.” The lady chuckled at the cuteness, she never thought she'd had her child back, let alone cuddling to him like this. “I'm the one who has to apologize a billion times… I can't believe I neglected you so much. I’m…”
“Waagggh, I don't wanna hear it!” he interrupted her with a grunt, holding even tighter to her. He was tired of apologies, he wanted to hug his mom. Rei just smiled and kept quiet.
Several minutes of peaceful silence passed by, until the nurses came in to do their daily check-in on Toya’s recovery. His burns had already scarred long ago, and his damaged lungs from the smoke were also healing fast. After checking everything was alright, and consulting with his doctor, they came to a conclusion.
“Toya will be discharged from the hospital tomorrow by 12 p.m.” Those words sounded like music to Toya’s ears, making him beam with excitement.
“To avoid this from happening again, I'll give you a receipt for Toya’s quirk.” said one of the doctors, writing something down in a notepad and giving it to Rei. A quirk suppressor… “Also, if things get too bad and therapy isn't enough, don't be afraid to call our mental health department.”
He then turned around to Toya and gave him a lollipop. “You were very brave during these weeks. Here, a reward”
The boy took the lollipop while rolling his eyes. “...I’m thirteen, you know…” He grumbled under his breath before offendedly putting the candy on his mouth.
…
It's been a couple of days since Toya was discharged from the hospital, now taking pills that suppressed his quirk and being on suicide watch, which made him practically unable to be alone. …Well, he liked attention but it did get to a certain point.
There was an issue, though. He was coming back to school that day, and their family couldn't exactly just follow him around there. Toya had just begun high school, none of his siblings were there yet. This made Enji uneasy, he was still mentally scarred by his son’s suicide attempt, and knowing that he had no friends at school or desire to make friends whatsoever… Well, it certainly didn't help.
This led Enji to look for kids in his son’s class to hire as “friends” for him, to keep him watched, protect him from any potential bullying, and stop any attempt of anything. Thanks to this worry of his, it was a pleasure to find a kid directly under the Hero Commission’s wings sharing class with Toya. He contacted the Commission easily, explained the situation and managed to hire this kid, Keigo Takami. He was two years younger than Toya, but so smart that he had skipped a couple of grades.
It was going to be a perfect influence for his son, good grades, compliant behavior and relatively social. There was only one issue… This kid was being trained to become a hero. Would Toya feel jealous of him? Would this encourage his desire of becoming a hero? Would they even get along? A lot of doubt went on in his mind… but he didn't have that much time, so he was going to try his luck with this kid. He hoped this helped Toya, even slightly.
…
“You're Toya Todoroki, aren't you?”
Toya looked up from his lunchbox, his eyes finding sharp amber ones. He was eating practically alone in the classroom, refusing to go to the canteen to eat. He didn't reply, he just nodded tiredly and kept eating in silence.
“Can I eat with you?”
His eyes came back up again, slightly surprised, but after a while he just shrugged and swallowed the food already in his mouth. The blonde kid sat on the chair next to him and opened his lunchbox. A perfectly balanced meal, according to the government. It looked bland and greyish as fuck.
“Why didn't you go to the dining room to eat like everyone else?” Asked the younger boy.
“...I know how they're staring at me. At my face, at my arms. I bet they're thinking it looks disgusting, or wondering what happened to me. …Especially the ones that know me from elementary.” He sighed. “...No, I know they know what happened. I don't wanna hear about it.”
“So… You think they're all pitying you?”
“...”
“Yeah. Probably.” Toya took another bite of his sushi, which made Keigo realize he had to eat too. After a silent while where the sounds of swallowing and mushing reigned, the blonde kid spoke again.
“I know what happened, but I don't pity you.”
“Oh, really? Then why are you out here eating with me?” he asked in a sarcastic tone.
“I don't like going to the dining area either… Seeing everyone eat yummy food while I eat… this.”
Toya couldn't help but let out a giggle at that. “And here I was, saving my comments about your food. Who even packs that? It looks like prison food.”
“...Yeah, kinda is.” he said with a slight smile, barely a giggle. He grabbed a bunch of peas with the fork and mixed them with the unsavory grey mashed potatoes, trying to combine the different foods on his lunchbox for any sort of change. “You're so lucky I'm not a fan of sushi or I'd be drooling right now.”
“Pfft— Don't worry, I'm more of a noodles guy. Buuuut, my mom says you can't live out of noodles. At least it’s not… whatever all that is.” He grabbed a piece of his sushi and threw it into his classmate’s lunchbox. “Here, add some flavor at least.”
Keigo just let out a quiet giggle at the gesture. …Whatever, it couldn’t be that bad.
“Hey, by the way… What’s your name?” asked Toya as he grabbed one of his last pieces of sushi and put it straight into his mouth.
“...Uhh… Call me Keigo for now. I don’t like my surname.”
“Whoa, that feels intimate for our age. Wait, you’re that one gifted nine year-old so it makes sense.”
“...I’m eleven, bitch.” grumbled the younger boy.
“Whooa! Who taught you that?!”
“Everyone swears all the time in this class.”
“But you’re a little child, you can’t say that”
“You’re like two years older than me!”
Keigo kept defending himself while Toya mocked him all the way through lunch. None of them were used to social interaction but at least it went sort of smoothly. That day, Toya could come back home saying he made a lunchbox friend, at least, even if he didn’t yet know the truth about his new friend.