Archive of Our Own

Would Soobin say the universe's cruel? Perhaps not. He wouldn't say the world's unjust, or unfair, or all sorts of those mean things, even though at some certain extent, he knew it could be true. But would Soobin say fate's kind though? Absolutely not.

How could Soobin say destiny's nice when he had to have... all that? He had gotten unlucky since he woke up really late that day after sleeping late due to helping his mom close their family's noodle shop at midnight, because his older brother was out of town. Then, he realized that his uniform wasn't even ironed because his schedule had been too hectic to even take care of his own laundry at all, so he had to iron them first in a hurry. While he did make it on time on the second schedule of the bus, luckily enough, he still had to make it to the school gate and it was pretty difficult.

You see, Soobin went to visit his cousin's house somewhere in a tropical country just two weeks prior during his short break. It was fun, obviously, and Soobin had the best time there. However, he had gotten a little bit adventurous. So, when he did climb a mango tree with his cousins, he didn't know how to get down like the others and instead, he jumped down and broke his right ankle on an immediate impact. 

Therefore, there Soobin was, at school, walking with his crutch, while only having a few minutes to make it to his class on the third floor before the bell rang. He'd understand that it was his hardship that he needed to endure as a sophomore, but with the added burden, it just felt too much. But, Soobin had no other choice than to accept his fate and walked as fast as he can though he was struggling too.

What Soobin didn't account was this: Soobin had never been late before. He had always been that straight 'A,' always diligent student who'd always come early, so he might've forgotten that during those last minutes, a wave of high schoolers would rush on like a stream of the river to their respective classrooms. And since Soobin couldn't go quick like those other kids, he ended up trapped and almost tripped.

Though then, by some miracle, Soobin was still standing on his own two feet. He opened his eyes, those were once closed since he was almost certain he'd fall, and saw the someone who was gripping his hand tight. But before he could administer who the person was, the same boy circled his arm on Soobin's back to support him, and slowly helped Soobin to walk.

"Come on," the mysterious blond haired boy said. He adjusted his grasp and led Soobin. "Let's get you to your class."

"T-thank you," stammered Soobin without even getting a glimpse of the face of the boy. To say Soobin was in awe was an understatement. Of course, he knew that some students were kinder than others, but still it was quite unexpected for someone to want to even help him during such a crunch of time. And to see that the boy was not someone who ran in his friend group circle, and most likely a stranger to Soobin, it felt even weirdly heart warming.

The two finally made it to the stairs. Though then the bell already rang, the boy still walked with Soobin. But Soobin held the boy's waist and looked at his name tag. The color of the boy's name tag indicated that 'Choi Yeonjun' is in his junior year. "Yeonjun sunbae, don't you have to go to your class too? You have lessons to attend, right?" 

"Well, I'm already late anyways, so better make the most out of it. Don't you think so?" Yeonjun chuckled as he turned to Soobin. He smiled, corners of his lips upturned and made his pinkish cheeks fuller, until his feline like eyes crinkled. He seemed so beautiful with the rays of orange sunlight, seeping through the blinds on the window of the staircase, beaming over him and making him glow under it. "Let's go."

Soobin could feel his heart skip. He knew it's cliche to like someone upon the first sight, just because they're kind and beautiful, especially when the boy seemed to have no idea what he's doing to Soobin's poor heart. But how could Soobin help it? Soobin wouldn't say he had a type, for he only had three crushes over the course of his life-two unrequited and one went abroad with no signs of wanting to reconnect with Soobin at all. But Soobin had a soft spot for pretty boys who wouldn't hesitate to help people around him, and that Yeonjun sunbae happened to be one of them.

"You're Soobin, right?" Yeonjun asked as they walked up the stairs. He moved his hand to hold Soobin's, fingers between Soobin's, instead of his arm around anymore since it was getting more difficult. He looked at Soobin whose jaw almost dropped. "Oh, no, I didn't stalk you," he clarified, then pointed at Soobin's name tag. "It's there for a reason, right?" He giggled, the soft voice he emitted a lovely tune in Soobin's ears. How adorable.

"Yeah," replied Soobin, barely able to say a word to the sweet boy beside him. He could feel his hand getting sweaty and clammy, despite the air not being as warm. He bit his lips nervously.

Yeonjun smiled again when they finally made it halfway to the second floor. "It really sucks that this stupid school's elevator never works," he said. "This is so not disability friendly. What a douche of a school." He grinned when Soobin huffed. "Anyways, how did you get that?" He asked, pointing at Soobin's crutch, curiously.

"Oh this?" Soobin asked back. Despite being a little anxious, he could feel how Yeonjun was actively trying to engage with him and he felt less intimidated by his little crushing situation. "I jumped from a mango tree and landed the wrong way."

When they reached the second floor, Yeonjun just looked at Soobin with wide eyes, as if amused. "You what?" He tilted his head slightly, almost unsure, as if confused. "I mean," he immediately corrected his stand, "there's nothing wrong about that, but it's just weird. I thought you broke it while playing basketball or some sorts of sports or anything."

Soobin snorted. "Yeah, as if," he replied. He adjusted the glasses on the bridge of his nose, somehow emphasizing his point even further. "You take one look at me and see if there's any sporty bone in my body. I spent half of my time watching anime, reading novels, and playing video games, and the other studying, so there's no way I broke this because of sports." He chuckled lightly, a bit embarrassed. He knew Yeonjun didn't seem the judgemental type to look down on people who wouldn't play sports, but still he felt ashamed that he didn't even play at all.

Because then, Soobin had an inkling of who Yeonjun was. Well, Soobin hadn't really heard much about the boy, but his popularity and the fact that so many girls and boys in his class had a crush on him. However, it would've been unbelievable if the boy hadn't been a part of something that made his reputation. Usually, kids like Yeonjun would end up very popular if he's a part of the student council or if he played some sort of sports. Judging from his fit physicality and perhaps the lack of worry about being an exemplary student, Soobin was almost certain that Yeonjun would be playing sports.

"Well, you never know," responded Yeonjun as he tugged Soobin along again to climb the second set of stairs. "I wouldn't be able to guess." He huffed. "You're tall, so I kind of assumed that you played some sort of sports."

Soobin huffed lightly. "I mean, I'm not the regular manly guy, I guess," he responded. "Even my favorite color currently is pink."

Yeonjun rolled his eyes. "It's just a color. And not playing sports doesn't make you less manly, okay?" He insisted. "Okay, you know what?" Yeonjun looked at Soobin. "Let's make it fair," he continued. "I tried to guess yours, now you guess mine." Though then, he pursed his lips. "If... it counts as sport, that is."

"Dance?" Soobin answered almost too immediately. He might've heard from somwhere that Yeonjun was a part of the cheers team, so he must've been from the dance club. And from how Yeonjun said it so unsurely, it must've been dance. He could smell that people's-judgements induced doubt anywhere.

Yeonjun widened his eyes again. He looked almost too adorable with his 'surprised Pikachu' face. "Oh?" Then, he huffed. "Well, I'm predictable, aren't I?" He continued to tag Soobin along. "Where else would you find a blond guy in this school but in the dance club, huh?"

Soobin smiled. "Well, if it makes you feel better, you just have that cool aura with you, you know," he said. "I doubt any other school athlete would have such a charm like you do."

A small laughter escaped Yeonjun's throat. "Is that your way of telling me that I look intimidating?"

They finally made it to the third floor. Soobin's class is only a few doors down the hallway, but it felt like Yeonjun was refusing to let go of his hand. It's not like Soobin's complaining, for he enjoyed Yeonjun's company more than anything. 

But then something bothered Soobin. "Intimidating?" He raised his eyebrows quizzically. "Is that what people are telling you?"

"Some people said I am," answered Yeonjun. "They say sometimes I stare too hard that I look like I'm about to kill people." He snorted. "Maybe, that's just my bad eyesight, but some people still said the same thing after I got colored contacts, so maybe I'm a bitch."

Quite the contrary for Soobin, really. "No, you're not," said Soobin, so softly it almost came out as a whisper. He looked into Yeonjun's eyes, unsure if he should touch the boy's face. He didn't want to scare Yeonjun off, but Yeonjun was just far too lovely to not want to hold. For a brief moment, he wondered how Yeonjun's plump lips would feel against his, something so tender and so magnificently his. "You're pretty," he blurted out. "Maybe people are scared because you're so beautiful, but I'm not intimidated by it."

"Oh?" Yeonjun's mouth formed a little 'o.' "Thanks? This is pretty much the first time someone said that to me." He chuckled lightly, bashful as he tugged Soobin's hand again. 

Soobin was very flustered. Red spread across his cheeks to his ears, like wildfire as his heart continued to beat abnormally quick. Had he gotten too far? Had he been stupid? Was the compliment too much? Should he had hesitated? Soobin gulped and looked down shyly. "You're welcome," he whispered timidly.

When they finally stopped in front of Soobin's classroom, Yeonjun finally let go off his hand. But before Soobin could look up and say a word to Yeonjun, the blond had already moved forward and hugged Soobin. His head was right on his shoulder and his arms around Soobin's torso. 

For a second, Soobin couldn't believe that it was real and not a dream. His hands hovered for a while but then finally found rest between Yeonjun's backpack and his back. "Sunbae-nim?"

Yeonjun finally lifted his head. There it went again, a soft beam painted across his lips so beautiful that it could color Soobin's skin with red for days. He scrunched his nose. "Don't sunbae me, Soobin-ah," he said, so fondly. "Just Yeonjun, or Yeonjun hyung if you prefer." He finally moved backwards. "Well, it's nice to meet you, cutie."

Soobin's lips were locked. He felt speechless, unable to even say a bit of thanks. He just stared at Yeonjun with perplexity in his eyes. It's like his brain short circuited and he was a statue.

"I hope I can see you around!" Yeonjun left Soobin and waved while he walked away. 

But even after Yeonjun left his sight, Soobin still felt his face being especially warm. He swallowed as he tried to gather his own thoughts and entered the classroom. When he walked towards the seat beside Beomgyu, he could feel his friend's eyes squinting at how his cheeks were red.

"Why is your face so-"

"Shut up," said Soobin abruptly.

It's safe to say Soobin couldn't concentrate on the lessons the entire day.

"So, mind telling me why your face was so flushed this morning?" asked Beomgyu as he sat beside Soobin. When Taehyun and Kai, their gaming friends who happened to be freshmen in the same school, who're sat across them, looked at Beomgyu with questions in their eyes, Beomgyu just sighed. "This guy came to class ten minutes late, looking like a boiled shrimp," he said, pointing at Soobin. "It's like he's having an illicit affair or something."

"I'm not," defended Soobin, short, sharp.

"Did you make out with anyone though?" asked Taehyun as he moved the pickled bell peppers from his tray to Kai's tray. "I mean I would also kind of look disheveled too before class when Kai and I-"

Soobin looked up and cleared his throat. "Okay, I understand. I don't need to hear the details of your gross relationship life." He rolled his eyes.

Taehyun just chuckled and smirked, knowing Kai's ears were red too. "It's not disgusting. It's just you're jealous that people younger than you, who equally have no life as you, are already happily together and can do all sorts of couple things that we're ready of," he countered. "Unless you're already with someone you made out with this morning." He wriggled his eyebrows.

"I did not make out with anyone!" exclaimed Soobin, borderline shouting. He gulped when all three of his friends seemed shocked at his sudden high pitched voice. "Okay, listen," he said. "I just happened to wake up late this morning, alright? I had to help my mom close the shop because my brother's out of town and my sister had to take care of her baby."

"Still doesn't explain why you're blushing when you entered the class," said Beomgyu, munching on his rice. "You weren't out of breath either."

Soobin took a deep breath. There was no point in hiding anything from his friends, apparently so. "Someone helped me up the stairs," he said. "And he's very breathtaking. Heard enough?" He clicked his tongue and scooped his meal.

"Oooohhh... Soobin hyung has a crush? Have you finally moved on from Arin noona?" Kai chuckled, earning a smack on the top of his head from Soobin. "Ouch!"

"For the last time, Kai," said Soobin. "I had a crush on her twin brother." He sighed. "And it's not like I can do anything anymore about it since their family left to China and it's been ages with no contact!" He grunted out of frustration. He wasn't easily rage baited like that, but everything had been taking a toll on him and his nerve endings were too exposed to ignore the overwhelming stimulations getting into him. He didn't even feel like eating anymore.

Everyone on the table went a little quiet, seemingly understanding the situation that they probably went a little overboard to stressed out Soobin. 

But the moment was broken as soon as a cackle entered the cafeteria hall in the most cliche way possible. There Yeonjun was, walking all in his glory with his blond hair swooped back, laughing with his group of friends who were following his lead. There was just that kind of charisma Yeonjun had while he brought himself, like he was effortlessly worthy to be worshipped and all that. He walked alongside his friends, passing Soobin's table and he smiled and waved at Soobin.

Soobin's mouth was agape. It already was from the moment he saw Yeonjun entering the area, but his jaw only dropped lower when Yeonjun waved at him. He swore he could hear a hair pin drop. It felt like such a sacred thing when nothing was ever that special to happen. Though perhaps, it was for Soobin.

"Just wave back, you idiot," whispered Beomgyu as he raised Soobin's wrist to wave at Yeonjun. Beomgyu, himself too, waved at Yeonjun. When he felt Soobin's eyes glaring at him, he raised his eyebrows. "What? I'm friends with him."

"You are?"

Beomgyu shrugged. "I mean we're acquaintances and follows each other on Instagram," he replied as he scooped a spoonful of beef into his mouth. "We used to go to the same English tutoring group, before he left to San Jose. It's a surprise he went back to Seoul three years ago and we met when we enrolled here." Then, he stopped his munching abruptly. He slowly looked at Taehyun and Kai, both looking back at him with a suspicious amount of tension.

Taehyun dropped his spoon. "You don't say..."

"You have a crush on Yeonjun sunbae?!" Kai almost yelled before he closed his own mouth with his palms. When he could feel Soobin's glare at him, he gulped and slowly removed his hands. "Sorry.."

"I mean, I didn't know you were into guys like him," said Taehyun. When Soobin raised his eyebrows quizzically, Taehyun just simply said, "You know. Popular." He shrugged. "I mean he's kind and he's talented and all that, but I didn't know you were into guys like him."

Beomgyu snorted. "Well, he kind of has a thing for blonds- ouch!" He squealed a little when Soobin stepped on his foot under the table. He chuckled then. "Soobin, I'm just stating the obvious here! Your favorite hero on League is Lux and your favorite character of all time in anime is Nanami Kento. What else is there to not recognize?"

Soobin got defensive. "Well, I have depth too! I like them for their characterization and stories!"

"But you did like them because they're blond?" Taehyun asked, softly. "You were first attracted at them because they're blond."

Bingo. Soobin gulped. There was no way to back down then, because Taehyun was right. It's not like he was fetishizing blond hair or anything, but the concept of blond hair was just fascinating to him that he didn't realize he was liking characters and people with blond hair. It may have started when he loved both Barbie and Ken during his childhood, but maybe somewhere along the lines, he brought it too. He just realized his past crushes had lighter hair too, and the most recent one had his hair dyed blond as well. He looked down sadly. 

"Aw, come on, man," said Kai. "It's totally normal to have a type, hyung. There's nothing wrong with that." When Soobin's eyes slightly lit up, he pursed his lips a little. "I've also heard that Yeonjun sunbaenim is really nice too despite being seen as intimidating." Then, he recognized something. "And having a type is okay as long as you don't start liking me because of my blond hair, that'll be al- aw!" Kai winced when Soobin stepped on his foot from under the table.

Soobin rolled his eyes in annoyance when Kai whined and sought protection from his boyfriend.

The bell rang. The classes ended as the sun was setting. Beomgyu had gotten home first because he had to attend a family gathering, since he was convinced he should ask his far older cousins to give him money to build a new gaming PC. Taehyun and Kai were off to do... whatever gross matters they had. Therefore, Soobin was left alone, since he didn't really have any other close friends other than the ones in his circle.

During times like those, Soobin wished he'd drive a car instead of having to rely on his feet to get back home. Sure, he'd love to go by feet instead of buses on the evenings. It felt nice to take his time and breathe, clearing his head space. But then, when all is said and done, Soobin's condition wasn't exactly quite fitting to do that then.

At least the sky's beautiful to admire then. Soobin walked on his own, cursing himself mentally for not bringing his headphones, though at least there weren't anyone around so it's quite peaceful. Sometimes, Soobin wondered if having some kind of serenity would require a price to pay.

"Hey, Soobin!"

Soobin looked to his left. An unfamiliar silver sedan was there, going in such a slow pace, its passenger's window rolled down. Then, he realized the driver was the one calling him, and the driver was... Yeonjun? "Oh, hey, Yeonjun hyung," he said, hiding the fact that he felt himself blushing slightly for no reason.

"Come in! Let me take you home," said Yeonjun. "I think I've seen you walk home a couple times, but looking at your condition now, maybe it's better to come around with me, don't you think?" He smiled. There was a kind of softness emitting from his gaze.

"Ah, no need, Yeonjun sun- hyung," Soobin said as he waved his hands. He was afraid he'd make a burden to Yeonjun, so he'd rather not. Also, not to add, he didn't know if he's physically capable of not blushing when he's in a close proximity with Yeonjun. "I'm just going to take the bus home." He tried to smile politely.

Yeonjun snorted. "But you'd still have to walk from here to the bus stop and from the stop you're dropped on later to your house, which is a fuss, really," said Yeonjun. "Just get in. I swear I won't bite." He grimaced.

Soobin was reluctant. He didn't have anymore to say, per se. It's just that he felt bad enough for being such an annoyance to Yeonjun that morning already, that he didn't want to be another one that evening too. 

"Ah, your crutch," said Yeonjun before getting off his seat. He walked around his car and took Soobin's crutch and backpack, before putting them carefully on the backseat. He leaned on his passenger seat's door. "You need to let your ankle rest to heal properly, Soobin-ah. Or did you forget our biology lessons that your immune system has to work harder during hypermetabolic states like yours?" He raised his eyebrows.

Then, Soobin sighed. He gave up. He was weak with logical reasonings and so he complied. "Okay, I'll go with you," he said. "Are you sure though? Are our houses even in the same direction?"

Yeonjun grinned and opened his door. "Don't worry about it." He helped Soobin to the seat and covered the roof with his hand, so Soobin would not hit it with his head due to his tall posture, because Yeonjun was just considerate like that. "If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't have offered," spoke Yeonjun as he closed Soobin's door. He turned back to his own seat, and buckled his own seatbelt after clicking Soobin's in. "Okay, lead the way."

The whole ride ended up being pretty chill, weirdly enough. Yeonjun seemed to very sensible. He noticed that Soobin wasn't enjoying the music he'd put out and turned the volume lower since Soobin declined his offer on taking ahold of the playlist. He asked Soobin about his school life so far, and told the younger that he noticed that they had a mutual through Beomgyu. "Beomgyu used to be really chatty back when we were younger," he said. "I believe he's more subdued now, but back then, he was just really energetic. He was a very good student in our tutoring class though, but after the hours, he'd turn into a jelly monster during play times."

"Well, that's the Beomgyu I know from primary too," replied Soobin. He fidgeted with his pants, a bit nervous to be on a drive with Yeonjun. "He's very nice and soft and warm, but at the same time, you can ask him to be wild and he will be."

Yeonjun smiled. "He's a cool person to be around," he replied. He paused when the red light stopped them. Then, "Are you... you know, with him?" He asked as he looked at Soobin.

Soobin furrowed his eyebrows. At first, he couldn't understand what Yeonjun meant. Then, it clicked. "Boyfriends?"

The blond gulped. He coyly nodded. "I mean you both have been close forever. Usually, it'll end up like-"

"No!" Soobin exclaimed, borderline squealing. "I love Beomgyu with all my heart but I cannot picture a relationship with him." He paused. "It feels incestual." Then he bit his lips, thinking for a while. "And it perhaps is? I think we're fourth cousins once removed."

"That's quite far, though." Yeonjun stepped on the gas pedal again.

"Still, it's disgusting to picture myself on a date with him." Soobin sighed. "I actually have accompanied him on a date once to an amusement park, I think. The whole time, he was doing aegyo to the other guy. I wanted to puke every other minute and it's not because of the rides."

Yeonjun chuckled. "But, Beomgyu is cute, so I'd give him a pass. He's like an adorable puppy sometimes." He pursed his lips. "I mean we don't run in the same friend circles anymore, but back when we were little, we were. He's the little brother I never had, honestly."

Soobin felt the fondness radiating from Yeonjun's voice. It was so warm that he wondered how could one be so full of love. "You don't have siblings?"

"Nope," replied Yeonjun. He shook his head slowly. "Unfortunately, so. I'm an only child, so I often feel lonely at home," he continued. "I think that's why I'm inclined to have lots of friends, you know?" He looked at Soobin slightly. "I need to fill in the spaces."

A smile bloomed on Soobin's face. He knew he wasn't brave enough, but he wanted to pay Yeonjun back. He wanted to try to help Yeonjun out too, the way he could. So, "Can I fill that space too?" 

Yeonjun grinned. "I was kind of hoping you would."

Every day since that day, Yeonjun insisted on picking Soobin up to school and dropping Soobin off from school. He said it'd be a waste for his passenger seat to not be used by anyone. He even got acquainted with Soobin's parents and older siblings, sometimes bringing them small gifts for absolutely no reason. 

Still, Soobin and Yeonjun would run in different friend circles. Yeonjun, with his friends, seemingly unattainable and shining so brightly. Meanwhile, Soobin was on the sidelines, watching as Yeonjun blossomed under the attention. Sometimes, they'd exchange glances during lunch breaks, but nothing much, since they'd mostly converse during their rides to and back from school.

Sometimes, Yeonjun would randomly chat Soobin. He'd send random videos and posts he'd find funny, and Soobin too would send things they could bond over when they'd talk. At their peak, Yeonjun would hang during weekends in his room, just to play video games that Yeonjun hadn't known about initially or watch movies Soobin would like to nerd out about. 

At some point, Soobin started questioning if everything could end up the way he wanted it to be.

"So, how's your relationship going with Yeonjun sunbae-nim?" asked Taehyun all in a sudden.

Soobin was third wheeling Taehyun and Kai then, at Taehyun's house, on a national holiday, but he couldn't care less that day. He needed to finish the game series they started together before the two started dating and he was determined regardless. Yet then, Taehyun's question sort of threw him off the hook. "What?"

"I mean both of you have been going to school and going back from school together for like almost a month now," addressed Kai. "There's no way nothing's going on between you two."

"Right," chimed in Taehyun. "You guys even hangout during weekends, which is ridiculous because you're the most difficult person to convince to hang around outside weekdays and longer breaks."

Soobin thought it was getting ridiculous too. He knew the amount of time he'd spent with Yeonjun, growing closer with the boy and all the things they did didn't feel casual. He didn't know if he could say the same for Yeonjun though, because the boy probably saw it as something normal he'd do with his friends. 

"Soobin hyung," said Kai. "I think you need to acknowledge that Yeonjun sunbaenim might like you back too."

But, Soobin only scoffed. "It's almost impossible, don't you think?" He sighed. "It's not like I'm insecure or anything. It's just that I don't think he likes me like that," he elaborated. "He's just that kind to everyone else. He'd probably do the same if any of you were in need." He didn't realize the tone he was using sounded really sad.

The other two only went silent as they succeeded on finishing the level. They only needed to do one more stage before the final boss, but neither were applauding in excitement. They only looked at each other before looking back at Soobin.

"But what about how you feel? You like him, right?" asked Kai.

Well, there's no point in denying it. Soobin liked Yeonjun, maybe more than he's supposed to. It's like somewhere along the lines, he didn't realize that the gaps between the brick walls of his heart had been infiltrated. Ivies rooting within him, love coming so unexpectedly towards the person he didn't know he could feel so strongly for. At first, Soobin thought it was just a silly crush, but perhaps the month had changed his perspective and made him realize that it probably was that serious. Had Soobin fallen for Yeonjun was a question he'd endure every night before he slept and it haunted him a lot. The ghosts of Yeonjun's tenderness had left its mark on Soobin, like a stamp, like a brand.

"It feels pathetic to even say it out loud." Soobin placed his console down. He sighed. 

Sometimes, Soobin got scared of his growing love. How much he loved Yeonjun felt like it's eating him alive. He felt so much that he's afraid. He feared he didn't know what to do with all that adoration in his hands. But the love he had was fiery and burning, he was scared that if a drop fell on Yeonjun's skin, it'd melt the older boy away. 

"So, you've fallen in love with him," stated Taehyun, in a-matter-of-factly.

Soobin relented. 

"You need to tell him then," said Taehyun.

"I wish it's that simple," replied Soobin. He knew they were young and young love tended to be passionate and done so abruptly, but Soobin had always been careful with the matter. He was a huge romantic before anything, and he held that value of love so dear to his heart. He's deliberate and he didn't want to ruin anything, especially regarding Yeonjun in that matter. He didn't want to break something so beautiful, be it Yeonjun's heart or their blooming friendship. "But I'd rather not risk what we already have." There was a piercing arrow stabbed right through Soobin's heart, but he couldn't say a word about it, nor he wanted to take it away.

Kai sighed. "But what about your feelings?"

"I guess I just need to keep it away for now." Soobin forced out a smile, before picking up his controller back.

Thing was Soobin was not okay at all. Soobin himself was already an emotional person. But thinking about Yeonjun made him break down while listening to A Little Happiness by Hebe Tian. And a figment of Yeonjun in his imagination made him spiral. Yet Soobin didn't want to stop.

"Hey," said Soobin as he opened the passenger's seat. He noticed that Yeonjun was wearing a different perfume then, similarly to the one he'd say would smell good on Yeonjun the last time they went to the mall together. He slipped on the seat and buckled his seat belt. "Did you have fun yesterday?"

Yeonjun just smiled. "It would've been more fun if you were there," he replied as he stepped on the gas pedal. "Too bad your ankle isn't in the prime condition to go on a marathon with me and Gyu."

Soobin just huffed. "I wouldn't have gone to a marathon unless you drag my dead body to either way," he said. "I don't even know why people would willingly spend their time and energy to do marathons on a national holiday. Your concept of fun is bizarre. And I had a game to finish with Taehyun and Kai, so thank you very much for the offer, but I'm not interested."

"In me or the marathon?" Yeonjun was in his flirty mode again.

While Soobin tried to get used to Yeonjun's flirtiness, he never truly did. His stomach still did a somersault when Yeonjun would take his hand and hold it as he drove. His heart still jumped when Yeonjun would use cheesy lines at him. He would still be flustered when Yeonjun would initiate little hugs and gift him little presents out of nowhere and offer Soobin some help without being asked to. Like right then, Soobin could still feel his thoughts growing more incoherent. Still, he feigned nonchalance, and, "Both."

The blond chuckled. "Well, you hurt me, Soobin," he said. Then, he suddenly took a turn to a unfamiliar street. 

"So, why did you pick me earlier today?"

"Oh, yeah, so," replied Yeonjun, hesitant, "I forgot to tell you, didn't I?" He looked at Soobin briefly. "I'm picking up my friend too today. She twisted her ankle two days ago during a practice and the doctor told her that it'd need around a week to heal, but her parents couldn't drop her at school, so we're picking her up."

Oh.

Soobin hesitated a little. "Ah, so we're going to pick her up the whole week?" He fidgeted with his pants. He didn't want to overreact or be jealous or anything because Yeonjun was being genuinely kind the way he'd usually be. He didn't have the rights to anyways. "And drop her off at home too?"

"Yep," said Yeonjun as he stopped in front of a house, pressing the horn on his steering wheel. He looked at Soobin and smiled. "But just for this week, and then it'll be just the two of us again." He huffed. "You'll always be my one and only passenger princess." He winked.

But Soobin only snorted. He wondered then maybe Yeonjun would stop going with him once his ankle heals too.

A girl came out of the gate. Someone that seemed like her house maid assisted her as she was aching the whole time she was walking. When she went to sit on the back seat, Soobin finally recognized the girl.

"Hwang Yeji?" Soobin looked behind him. He forced out a smile at the pretty girl who grinned back at him. "You twisted your ankle, huh?" He asked, trying to not sound bitter, out of courtesy.

Yeji huffed. "Did Yeonjunnie tell you that?" She leaned back and rolled her eyes as he hugged her own arm on her chest. "Yeah. I slipped on someone's thrown out sock and had my foot on the wrong position, so yeah."

"Mind you I already told Changbin to put it away," said Yeonjun as he drove away. "It's not my fault you ended up twisting your ankle."

Yeji groaned. "It partially is," she said. "Maybe, if you didn't move so widely and gracefully, I wouldn't have been sidelined and fell down."

Soobin huffed then looked back to the front. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt. The entire ride he listened to Yeji and Yeonjun talking back and forth, joking around with the flow, all so flawlessly. He didn't say a thing, except for a few 'ooh's and 'hmm's. 

Then, Soobin thought if he ever truly belonged in Yeonjun's life.

Soobin had thought about it often. He'd think about how different and contrasting he was from Yeonjun and how unreachable the older boy was to him. Yet still, his love persisted somehow.

The first period was starting, but Soobin was still wiping his cheeks from tears in the bathroom stall. He didn't even know why he was being so dramatically devastated, like he was really affected with such a small thing. When he came out, he had to wash his face so he wouldn't seem so swollen and clearly just finished sobbing.

Besides, the acts of service of picking and dropping him up was bound to end, wasn't it? Yeonjun was being kind to Soobin, but he'd have his own limits too. Soobin sighed. Perhaps, he was just a passing in Yeonjun's life. Who was he to expect more?

He bit his lips as he stared at his own reflection. The reflection of the person who didn't say a word as Yeonjun tried to help both him and Yeji upstairs, but rather slipped his hand away from Yeonjun's, leaving the older boy questioning. The reflection of the person who noticed how easily Yeji fitted Yeonjun's personality, more than he ever could. The reflection of someone who couldn't handle a flicker of his future where Yeonjun would no longer be around him, simply because Yeonjun didn't have to help Soobin anymore.

Soobin had to avoid Yeonjun at all cost, before everything broke him even further.

During lunch, Soobin sat on his usual table. Only, Taehyun and Kai were missing, because the two caught flu from Kai's sister. So, it was just him and Beomgyu.

"You seem gloomy today," stated Beomgyu. "And it can't be from missing Tyun and Kai because you just went to play with them yesterday." He looked at his friend across him. "What happened?"

Soobin shook his head reluctantly. "Nothing," he mumbled as he stirred his rice weakly, the way he had been for the past ten minutes. He didn't even taste his meal a bit.

"Something's wrong with you. I can tell." Beomgyu sighed. "And I won't budge until you tell me what it is."

Still, Soobin stayed quiet. When his eyes diverted towards Yeonjun, he bit his lips. He could see from Yeonjun's back that he was supporting Yeji's back. He's really that kind that Soobin might've forgotten for a second that Yeonjun really would've done what he did to Soobin to anyone else if he needed to. He could feel something sting in his chest, but he didn't say it. Soobin lost all his apetite.

"Soobin," called out Beomgyu.

Soobin looked at Beomgyu with glassy eyes. "I'm just not hungry," he muttered, voice hoarse, croaking out. "And by the way, can you drop me off at home this evening? And maybe pick me up too tomorrow and the rest of the week?"

Beomgyu just looked at Soobin, gaze filled with concern. It's like something needed to be said from the tip of his tongue, but he held it back. "Okay. Whatever you need, dude."

Soobin's glad that he had Beomgyu as his ride or die. At least, he had a means of escape then.

The rest of the week couldn't go anymore slower. 

Soobin didn't block Yeonjun on social media, but he purposely replied slower. He also stopped interacting with Yeonjun outside of school hours, and even during school hours, Soobin would mostly pretend he didn't recognize Yeonjun's presence. The worst was that Soobin stopped going with Yeonjun all in all, under the premise of 'I want to spend more time with Beomgyu.' It was a flimsy lie, for sure, but Soobin had to do it. As much as Soobin hated it, it's like he's loosening the grip on the tie, so it wouldn't feel so soul crushing when the time comes and he'd have to let go off the severed connections.

Still, Soobin missed Yeonjun, even though he was the one who prompted it. He'd stare at Yeonjun from the corners of the hallways, quietly wishing he was holding said boy's hand. He'd doodle randomly at class and ended up drawing Yeonjun by memory. He'd see the new pieces of clothing his sister had sewn and be instantly reminded of who would be interested at those fashion stuff. The ivies had been far rooted within him that there's no point on cleaning the surface anymore.

Maybe, Soobin longed for Yeonjun's presence more than he thought he would. He would feel his stomach stir in jealousy every time he heard Yeonjun laughing with someone else, when he's supposed to be happy that Yeonjun was happy. He would clench his fist unnoticeably while he watched Yeonjun surrounded by his friends and his admirers. He would feel his breath hitching every time Yeonjun was around, like he couldn't be normal about Yeonjun. And it's infiltrating Soobin's entire system.

The next week was finals week, which meant no break between days. 

Still, Soobin refused to go with Yeonjun anymore. He kept on making up excuses to not spend his time with Yeonjun. Once, it was his mother picking him up to go to the hospital and check his ankle's condition. Then, it was two days of studying with Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Kai.

But the further Soobin went without Yeonjun, the more he felt like he was losing his mind. So, Soobin gave up finally and went home with Yeonjun. Though then he couldn't say much, afraid the jar of feelings would break upon a small contact. 

"How's your ankle?" asked Yeonjun, sincerely.

Soobin gulped. "Doctor said it's okay now. I don't need to use crutches anymore," he answered shortly.

"Well, that's nice to know," uttered Yeonjun.

"Finals is over," said Yeonjun as he stopped by Soobin's house, finally rolling up to the spot again after begging Soobin to come around but somehow never allowed to. He looked at Soobin, something about his gaze was so different. "Our school's holding a dance night before the summer break, because they want to do something different instead of the regular festival." He bit his lips. He paused briefly. Then, "Are you coming tomorrow?"

When Soobin met Yeonjun's eyes, he could feel something shifting in the air. He thought he'd finally stop being so tensed up about Yeonjun, but just one look was enough to make Soobin's breath shudder. "I don't know," he murmured. "I'm not very keen on socializing events."

Yeonjun blinked. Something sad colored the glint of his eyes. "Oh," he responded. "Okay."

"Okay." Soobin swallowed before leaving the car. But before he could even reach his gate, a figure embraced him from his side. "Yeonjun?"

"Please let me hug you for a few seconds," pleaded Yeonjun. "After that, I won't bother you anymore if you don't want to." He sounded like he was almost crying. "I just really missed you." He buried his face on Soobin's neck, arms around Soobin's chest.

Soobin could feel his heart drop into his stomach and sink. He wished that Yeonjun meant it more than just a friendly matter, though he knew that wasn't the case. So, he didn't budge, but he didn't say anything either.

When Yeonjun left that evening, he didn't even bid Soobin a goodbye.

Soobin could feel a damp patch on his shoulder.

Soobin finally realized then: he just couldn't let go of Yeonjun. He didn't want to either.

He stood, then, before his bathroom mirror. A box of blue hair dye and a box of bleach was set on the sink. Even if it might not work, at least he'd try to fit in Yeonjun's life. It's silly, really, that his effort would come with dying his hair an unusual color, but for Yeonjun, he'd try. Even if he ended up not being able to work it out, there's no harm in trying, right?

Maybe then, if Soobin thought Yeonjun deserved better than him, he shouldn't just let Yeonjun go. Maybe then, if Soobin thought Yeonjun deserved someone who'd fit his life better, then maybe Soobin should be one, making an effort. Maybe then, Soobin should try, the way Yeonjun had made an effort to befriend him.

He took one final deep breath. When determination took over him, Soobin was unstoppable. He smiled.

Soobin was going to the dance no matter what.

"What in the actual fuck?" Beomgyu raised his eyebrows.

"Holy shit," said Taehyun and Kai, in sync, as they saw Soobin.

Soobin decided he'd go to the dance by Beomgyu's car, alongside Taehyun and Kai as well. He wore a simple sky blue button down that matched his hair color, and a pair of simple black pants. He figured wearing colored contact lenses as well to replace his regular thick rimmed glasses to match his look better. It was not much of a change, but considering Soobin, it's kind of a bold move to pull up that way. "Whatever happened to 'hi' and 'hello,' huh?" He slid on Beomgyu's passenger's seat, buckling his own seat belt.

"Yeonjun sunbae-nim is going to freak out when he sees you," commented Kai.

"I was hoping he would."

The school really did experiment with a different vibe that year. Usually, school festivals would be all out and really loud and tacky, but that year everything seemed more watered down. It was at least much better to Soobin's nature, since he's not very much drawn to noise, even though he knew it was just another tactic used by the student council since the school must be cutting their budgets again. At least, the good side it brought was the warm and welcoming atmosphere that made Soobin feel comfortable, just to his liking.

It was pretty simple really. The decorations on the ballroom were minimalistic, with white and gold curtains and some balloons in the same colors. The lighting was low and purplish, but sparkled with the golden fairy lights spread everywhere. Everyone seemed like they were enjoying their time, slow and subdued, with drinks on their hands-which weren't alcoholic obviously, swaying away with the gentle music the school band was performing in the background.

Taehyun and Kai immediately hit it off on the snack bar. They said something about wanting to hoard the egg tarts, and Soobin would rather not follow their stupid shenanigans. Meanwhile, Beomgyu was met with his crush at the front door, and he instantly disappeared to try and charm the boy. So, Soobin was left alone.

Therefore, Soobin wondered where his legs brought him. There were a few girls forming circles with their friends, dancing to the lovely tune playing. Some boys decided to talk on the corners of the rooms instead. There were also couples on the dance floor; some guys with their boyfriends, some girls with their girlfriends and some guys with their girlfriends, and everyone seemed to have found their place, each with their own completing partners, moving to the rhythm so gently. Soobin smiled, feeling fuzzy inside at how everyone was indulging in their fun in their own way.

It was then until Soobin's eyes found another pair of eyes.

There Yeonjun was standing a few feet across Soobin all alone. He seemed so soft under the warm light, his hair dyed pink somehow as he wore a pair of golden rimmed glasses. Yeonjun didn't even wear anything fancy though he must've held himself to a higher fashion standard, as white gauzy fabric draped on his torso which still left his shoulders bare alongside a long, black skirt that flowed until his ankles. He looked so beautiful then, still so, and perhaps, even more so, and Soobin was utterly mesmerized.

Soobin felt like it was their first time meeting all over again. He could feel his heart skipping a beat. He could feel heat rising up to his head, emanating through his skin. He could feel everything everywhere all at once; the feelings didn't feel overwhelming anymore then, as it gave Soobin peace. It's like Soobin finally accepted how in love he was with Yeonjun and as if he knew what he needed to do with all those love in his hands.

Slowly, Soobin walked pass the couples and met Yeonjun.

"Alone?"

"My friends are all with their own partners," Yeonjun said, voice barely above a whisper. When he met Soobin's eyes, his lips started to quiver. He paused. "I thought you weren't coming."

Carefully, Soobin took Yeonjun's hands. He held them both softly, feeling Yeonjun's skin on his. "I needed to see you," admitted Soobin. "I think I might die from missing you if I didn't." He let the dam open its door, stream of rivers filling between the rivulets again, flowing onto its firth.

Yeonjun opened his mouth, like he wanted to say something. But he didn't. He only looked at Soobin with glassy eyes, glittering under the fairy lights. He looked at Soobin like Soobin was his world.

Soobin recognized that gaze then, finally. He smiled. "Yeonjunnie."

It was instant when Yeonjun wrapped himself against Soobin. His head lowered snuggled right on Soobin's shoulder as he tightened his arms around Soobin's torso. Tears and sobs escaped him, as if he's finally safe in his own home. 

With the courage he had been gathering all night, Soobin placed his arms around Yeonjun's waist. He let his head fall on Yeonjun's shoulder too. When their warmth was shared, Soobin felt like he had fully healed. He held Yeonjun's hands.

"I thought- I thought you hated me," croaked Yeonjun out. "You've been avoiding me for these past two weeks and I thought you didn't want to be my friend anymore."

"I'd never hate you, Junnie," replied Soobin, softly. "I could never. I don't think I'd ever want to either." He pursed his lips.

Slowly, Yeonjun removed himself to meet Soobin's gaze. "I thought you were ignoring me," he said. "I kept on wondering where I went wrong, if I did some mistake to you without knowing. I wanted to come out and apologize to you but it seems like you didn't even want to talk to me. Then, yesterday, you barely even wanted to talk to me, and I thought that-" He stifled. "I thought that I could never have you around anymore."

Soobin didn't realize he made Yeonjun be in so much pain. To know that he was the cause of Yeonjun's ache made him physically hurt from the guilt pressing his ribs. He wiped Yeonjun's tears softly from his cheeks. "You'll always have me, Yeonjun." It's never your fault. It's mine and I'm fixing this.

Yeonjun gulped. He paused for a while, his gaze stuck on Soobin's. "Then, will you still have me if I tell you the truth? When I come clean?"

Soobin almost froze at the words. Suddenly, he spiraled back again. Was that where Yeonjun would say that he's dating someone else and he noticed Soobin's crush the whole time and he didn't want to stop being friends with Soobin and-

"I like you, Soobin." Yeonjun's breath was shaky. "I think I'm in love with you."

Never in Soobin's wildest dreams he thought that Yeonjun would say those words to him. It felt surreal to have Yeonjun liking him, let alone utter out such words to him, so to declare his feelings. Soobin felt like his world just got turned upside down. "Y-you are?"

Yeonjun nodded. "I thought that's why you avoided me," he confessed then. He sighed weakly, trying to hold back his tears. "You found out that I liked you and that my flirts were real and that my intentions with you changed somewhere along the way and that you're disgusted and-"

Soobin couldn't hold it anymore. All the love he had held for those weeks crawled out of his body like spiders from hatching eggs, so impatiently so, so greedily and selfishly so. Therefore, Soobin couldn't even wait until Yeonjun stop talking to cup his face and pressed his lips against Yeonjun's. He could feel Yeonjun's shock, but then melting into his kiss easily, arms thrown around Soobin's waist and hands palming Soobin's back.

With the same amount of vigor pouring out, Yeonjun kissed Soobin. He slotted his lips between Soobin's, as if not wanting to let go, locking in and sealing in what he had been waiting for. When he became breathless, he finally pulled away, letting his forehead rest against Soobin's. "Do you..." The end of his sentence trailed off, like he was unsure.

"I do," said Soobin, with utmost certainty like he had never been before. "I love you, too, Yeonjun. I should've let you know earlier."

"Then, why did you-"

Soobin bit his trembling lips and huffed. "I was jealous, I guess," he answered, honestly. No more hiding. "I'm sorry. I probably didn't realize how insecure I was for thinking I would never fit in your life. I thought you'd fit more with people like Yeji, or someone cooler, but never someone like me."

That's when Yeonjun pulled away. He stood up with his eyebrows raised, hastily wiping away the remnants of his tears on his cheeks. "Hold up," he said. "So, what you're saying is you're depriving me of you, distancing yourself from me, because of.. Yeji?"

"Not really because of her, but in a sense," Soobin shrugged lightly, "i-it kind of is."

Yeonjun rolled his eyes and gritted his teeth. He groaned. He pointed at the corner of the ballroom. "Look."

Soobin's eyeballs almost rolled to the ground. At the corner of the ballroom, he saw Yeji making out beneath the curtains unbeknownst to the teachers, with a girl that he used to see hanging out with Beomgyu, someone named Ryujin if he supposed. He gasped.

"You idiot," whispered Yeonjun as he pinched Soobin's side. "She's literally gay and she has been dating Ryujin for as long as I know! Maybe, next time, ask me instead of assuming things, Binnie!"

"Ouch," whined Soobin. He grimaced. "Well, maybe you should've been more direct to me about your feelings too," he countered, circling his arms around Yeonjun's waist again.

"I have," countered Yeonjun back, circling his arms around Soobin's nape. His feet swayed with the tune of the song, unintentionally. "You just thought I was unreasonably far like the moon when I've been standing in front of you the whole time, telling you how much I want you."

And perhaps, Yeonjun was right.

Soobin wanted to cry of his foolishness. All those time, Soobin saw Yeonjun giving his all for Soobin. He should've known that Yeonjun did love him in such a way too. He should've listened to his friends when they said to acknowledge Yeonjun's feelings mirroring his. How could he not realize all that time that Yeonjun yearned the way he yearned and longed the way he longed? Had Soobin recognized earlier, he would've gotten with Yeonjun quicker. He felt silly, then, when his foot was the one hurting but his eyes were the ones that lost their function.

How could Soobin not notice? Soobin, who changed his hair to blue, and dressed in a higher fashionably way he never did, even getting colored contacts that made his eyes feel dry, just to make himself 'fit' in Yeonjun's standard, maybe Yeonjun's 'coolness.' And it's the same for Yeonjun, who dyed his hair pink because pink was Soobin's favorite color, wore glasses and simpler clothing, just to make himself 'belong' to Soobin's life. Soobin felt stupid then.

"You have," repeated Soobin, softly. "Sorry. I should've known."

Yeonjun shook his head. "It's not your fault," he replied, tucking a stray hair from Soobin's forehead to behind his ear, before letting his arm circle around Soobin's nape again. "Maybe, it's just destiny, don't you think? We needed that time and space to grow and learn, don't you think?"

Soobin huffed. "Maybe, we did." He smiled. He could never not be fond at Yeonjun. Soobin wished to be nowhere else but in Yeonjun's hold for the rest of his withering life. "So, what are we now?"

"Whatever you want us to be," said Yeonjun, simply, as he smiled, legs swaying to the tune.

"Boyfriends, it is, then." Soobin connected his lips again with Yeonjun before moving to the music. When Yeonjun moved his hands to hold Soobin's as they moved, Soobin smiled. "Do you want to be?"

"Yes," said Yeonjun, a beam blooming. "I was hoping you'd want that."

Would Soobin say the universe's cruel? Perhaps not. He wouldn't say the world's unjust, or unfair, or all sorts of those mean things, even though at some certain extent, he knew it could be true. But would Soobin say fate's kind though? Right then, he could. Right then, with Yeonjun's hands in his, he was certain he could face anything, so yes, fate could be kind.

As long as he had Yeonjun, Soobin knew the world could be overcome, and any path could be walked down no matter what.