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Sigrika was always so expressive, and Denia knew that. Some people say she wears her heart on her sleeve, but it’s more like her heart is her entire being. Her facial expressions can tell a thousand stories, and her body language reflects tenfold. Even now, with Sigrika running around her dorm like a headless chicken, Denia can presume her dilemma. Sigrika probably took on way too many responsibilities from other people, again, and is now pushing herself to accomplish them alongside her own obligations. It would be laughable to Denia if it weren’t such a recurring scenario.
Denia lazily rests on the couch of Sigrika’s dorm. She’s supposed to be doing some paper Professor Mornye gave her, but she’s honestly just here to make sure Sigrika doesn’t get peer-pressured to sign up for another club activity. Slumped against a pillow, she can barely see Sigrika behind the back of the couch. She’s only sitting just high enough to see the tips of her pointy Royan ears dart across the room. If there was one part of Sigrika that was surprisingly expressive to Denia, it was definitely her ears. They seem to twitch and move around as much as her arms and legs. Which of course means they tell stories of their own, too. Looking at them now, her ears are slightly drooped behind her braids. Assuming it’s also accompanied by a furrowed brow and a small pout, Denia knows that’s Sigrika’s telltale sign of her feeling stressed.
“Okay! If I just finish my Royan tribe cultural exchange teaching plan before lunch, I’ll have a bit of time to go over to Isla to help her out with her project, and then I can give Lynae those parts she wanted after- oh wait! I had that appointment with Dr. Luuk… hmph, maybe I can reschedule that…”
Denia huffs in frustration at the sound of Sigrika’s rambling.
In the chaos of getting projects completed, helping people out, preparing for study expeditions, and everything else that Sigrika idiotically volunteered for, Denia sees right through it all. Sigrika’s a people pleaser; that was obvious to her even before they were best friends. She thinks deep down, Sigrika is self-aware about it too. But Denia wonders if she really understands why she feels the need to please people so badly. Does Sigrika really believe it’s just out of kindness in her heart? Maybe, but that’s not exactly the truth. Does she think it’s her duty to fulfill these self-inflicted responsibilities of a Helodic Six Successor? Eh, that’s closer. In reality, Denia knows Sigrika’s actions and desperate desire to constantly show results are tied to her sense of self-worth. If Sigrika doesn’t constantly prove to this amalgamation of voices in her head that she can do it, she deems herself a failure. And to tell the truth, that pisses Denia off.
“Ugh, Siggy. Stop.” Denia says as she sits up on the couch, a slightly annoyed expression on her face. People’s worth shouldn’t solely be determined based on their ability to constantly pump out good results—at least not Sigrika’s worth.
“Huh, did you say something, Nia?”
“Just come here.”
Sigrika moves to the other side of the couch, approaching Denia. “Oh, did you need help on that assignment Professor Mornye gave you? I know it’s probably more advanced than what I’m doing right now, but I might be able to offer a different perspecti- hmph!”
Sigrika is suddenly silenced as Denia shoves a piece of fruit crackle into her mouth. She learned very quickly that a surefire way to have Sigrika calm down is to give her some of her favorite food. “Did you even eat breakfast this morning, Siggy? I gave you that plant nutrition bar before class, but it’s still here.”
“Hm? Ah, I’m sorry! I was going to, but then Lynae wanted to show me the modifications she did on her bike, and then S.I.G.M.A stoppe-“
Interrupted again by another fruit crackle shoved in her mouth.
“You talk way too much about people I don’t really care about.” Siggy’s ears drooped again, but this time it wasn’t out of stress. This time, it’s more sadness than anything. Cute.
“But Nia! I thought you liked hearing me talk about my day?”
“Yeah, your day, not whatever motorcycle accident Lynae somehow lived through once again.”
“Hey, there was no accident this time! Everything went well. She even offered to give me a ride whenever I’m free.”
Denia frowned at that. “Huh…for once it’s a good thing you’re so busy all the time.” She mutters under her breath.
“Hmm, what did you say?”
“Nothing,” Denia doesn’t know what possessed her to say that. Probably because she’s annoyed Lynae keeps bothering Sigrika when she’s busy. Yeah… that makes sense. “Just sit down for a second, Siggy. You need to relax.” She pats down on the space next to her on the couch.
Sigrika opens her mouth to protest, but Denia just glares back. She promptly shuts up, takes one last piece of fruit crackle, and sits down next to her. Immediately upon sitting down, Denia notices the way Sigrika’s shoulders start to drop, as if all the weight she was carrying on them fell off. Good, Nia thinks. Good to know she has that effect on her. Sigrika has too many friends who seem to add to her work pile instead of taking away from it. And while calling this relationship “true friendship” might be a stretch, especially with Denia’s …connections and intentions, she can’t help but think it’s the closest thing to true friendship she’s ever experienced. Maybe in a perfect world, Sigrika thinks Denia is her best friend in the entire world, and Denia actually is: no hidden intentions, no secrets, no chains that restrict her, and no gloves to hide her. Is that what Denia wants? Is she allowed to want that?
“Hey, what’s on your mind?”
Denia snaps back from her thoughts, realizing she was silently staring at Sigrika for a few minutes. Not that she was really looking at her, but now she sees her fully. She sees how different she looks when she’s relaxed like this. Sigrika’s body language indeed reflects her mood; even her ears look relaxed. Are ears supposed to do that, look relaxed? Denia’s hand, having a mind of its own, reaches toward Siggy’s ear, moving a piece of her long braid out of the way to get a better look.
“Huh, is there something wrong with my ear?”
Her hand falters, shocked at her loss of control. She’s usually better at this, suppressing everything. So why is she breaking now?
“Yeah, they’re just…big. Too distracting.”
“Oh yep! That’s common amongst Roya. My father always says, ‘The bigger the ears, the better to hear Soliskin's chuus with!’ Helps with shepherding, too. I like your ears more, though! Your ears are…”
“Small. Yeah, I know.”
“-cute!”
“What?”
“Cute. They’re cute. They’re so round! I see them a lot around campus nowadays, but yours are so different from everyone else’s.” Sigrika flashes a soft smile. One different from her usual sunshine smile. This one’s reserved, like a sunrise hidden in the depths of early morning hours, rewarding those who arrived early enough to bask in its glory.
“They’re just… so you, Nia.” Siggy lifts her hand towards Denia’s ears, but Denia stops her. She grabs her wrist, suddenly but gently.
“I’m sorry! I should’ve aske-“
“No, it's fine. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that people don’t just call ears cute out of nowhere, you know? Or ever need to touch them.” Denia feels her own ears start to get warmer at Sigrika’s smile, but thankfully, her hair covers them.
“Hmm, okay. Sorry, I won’t touch them.”
“I didn’t say you couldn’t. I just said most people don’t need to.” She doesn’t understand why she didn’t deny her. Just like she doesn’t know why this interaction feels as if it’s slipping out of her hands, like Denia’s losing control.
“Well, good thing you always tell me I’m not like most people.” Sigrika leans a bit closer. Her face is just a few inches from Denia’s. She’s looking at her ears now, as if wanting to reach for them a second time. Obviously, trying to get a better look behind her hair, but Denia just can’t help but feel like Sigrika’s looking straight into her soul. It’s like her heart is a complicated rune that only she can decipher. Maybe she figured out why Denia was feeling so many things. Maybe she sees her in a specific light that Denia will never be able to see herself in: That obnoxiously Sigrika-coded bright kind of light that illuminates the true beauty in this world.
That possibility is terrifying to Denia, but so very tempting. Tempting enough to dive fully into.
“That’s because you aren’t. You aren’t like most people. You’re different from everyone else here, including me. You always have been.” Denia’s mouth trails off, almost mumbling the last words. Denia’s used to not having control over her body at times, but for the first time in forever, she’s not afraid of it. She’s letting herself fall, because it’s what she wants.
“Is it bad? That I’m different.” Curiosity, Denia thinks, is reflected in Sigrika’s ears.
“…the world is a cruel place. It will punish those who are different, but you never let that hinder your mood. I don’t understand how the world treats you the way that it does, and you’re still able to look up at it with hope in your eyes. You aren’t afraid to be different, to just be yourself, and that’s beautiful, Siggy. You’re beautiful.” Somehow it’s not enough. Every word that Denia seems to think of just isn’t enough to describe the feelings that she carries.
“I always wanted things in my life to be a little different.” Please let this be enough.
Possessed. Enraptured. Drowning. Denia leans in, pressing lips against Sigrika’s own. Like gasping for fresh air, relief washes over her. For a moment, everything is just them: their tangled breaths, their synced heartbeats, and their soft lips together. But with a taste of air, Denia remembers how to breathe. Like receiving an electric shock, she jerks back. Her actions and their unspoken consequences violently catch up with her. She sits there speechless as the wave finally hits her all at once.
“I-I don’t know why I did that, Siggy I-“
And it quickly drowns her again. Sigrika cuts her off with a kiss of her own. This time, it’s not hesitant or impulsive or fleeting. It’s passionate, meaningful, and slow. It’s everything Sigrika is to Denia. It’s bright. It’s confusing. She wraps her arms around Denia’s neck again, stealing her breath away once again.
Denia pulls back further this time, but Sigrika whines and leans in for more. She tightens her grip on her shoulders, almost possessively. Craving. Desperate. It’s as if a dam has finally broken open. Like Sigrika has nothing to hide from her anymore. “More, Nia.”
“Sigrika-“
Desire is shown in the way her ears perk up and twitch towards her. “Denia, I want more. Not just this,” she gestures to their lips, “but all of you. I've wanted this for so long.”
“Sigrika, I don’t- I didn’t mean-“
“You didn’t mean it? You didn’t mean to call me beautiful, or you didn’t mean to kiss me like it meant something?”
“I…I don’t know.”
Sigrika sighs, still holding onto her, and she leans her forehead against Denia’s. She closes her eyes and gently whispers, letting the words grace freshly kissed lips, “If you didn’t mean it, tell me. I’ll open my eyes, and you’ll look at me and tell me the kiss means nothing to you.”
Denia sees in her peripheral vision that Sigrika’s ears tremble alongside her shaky breathing. Hesitation.
Sigrika continues, “But if you’re not sure… give me this chance. You always tell me to be a little selfish. So, can I have this? Can I have you? I want us together in ways where I can show you how important your presence is to me. I want you to be by my side and be certain that there’s nowhere else I want you to be. If it did mean something to you, please let me have this?” Her voice is soft and unstable, but out of vulnerability, not uncertainty. Sigrika’s never looked so determined before.
And Denia finds that terrifying. She should be worried about everything. The plan, the Fractsidus, the control It has over her. The literal chains around her chest and the bright red gloves shrouding her hands physically display her burden. There are things she wants to say that she can never tell Sigrika and things she never wants to say that will reach her ears eventually. But even with all of that, Denia can’t help but want what Sigrika wants. She wants a future outside of her circumstances. A future not dictated by fear or power, but of her own fondness and desires. A future where Sigrika can count on her and Denia can feel like she belongs. She knows the Fractsidus are smart, and their plans are still in motion, but she can worry about that later. Not in this moment where Sigrika’s holding her so gently, holding her as if nothing else matters. And it really doesn’t matter. Nothing really matters as much as Sigrika does to Denia.
So when Siggy opens her eyes, Nia kisses her back. Siggy’s ears? Blissful.
_____________________________________
It’s been 2 months since they started dating, and Sigrika thinks her dorm clearly reflects that. Denia’s textbooks now take up half of Sigrika’s desk, even though she should be using them to study, but Sigrika supposes it’s ok since they study together more often than not. Containers of dusk honeypot and fruit crackle litter her room as Denia keeps buying them for her every time Sigrika is even the slightest bit stressed. They now take the place of where some of her clothes used to be, as a quarter of her wardrobe is apparently missing (and she’s 100% sure they’re all at Denia’s room, that thief!) However, out of all of the changes, Sigrika’s favorite new addition is her photo collage of them on her wall in her bed nook. Various photos of them from their previous dates, and even some of just Denia by herself, are scattered alongside doodled hearts and smiley stickers. Sigrika’s most recent and current favorite photo is one she took of Nia during their visit to Bjartr Woods. The soliskins certainly had… taken their time getting used to Denia’s presence, but there was one that seemed to warm up to her quite well! It made for a very cute picture when it decided to snuggle into Nia’s lap. Sigrika gushed about it for hours that day while Denia made threats about stealing it from her room. Yet it’s still there, taped up to her wall.
Sigrika has never felt lighter. Of course, they still get into their fair share of arguments. Nia often gets upset at her for overworking or taking on too much, and Sigrika gets upset at Nia for being too secretive or closed off at times. Sigrika knows she needs to curb her people-pleasing tendencies, but she doesn’t think Denia notices how unkind she can be to herself. Some days, she finds Denia pulling back from a kiss or a hug. Siggy can see in her eyes that Nia thinks she doesn’t deserve to be with her for some reason. And no matter how many times Sigrika asks, she can’t figure out the reason why. But at the end of the day, Nia will have a crack in her armor and show Siggy the side of her that has her falling all over again. Through it all, they will always end up finding their way back to each other. Sigrika is sure of it. And today is no exception!
Siggy opens the door to her dorm, excited to see Nia after her long day. She’s still not the best at saying no to certain requests and not overextending herself, but things started getting a little bit easier to balance when life throws you a girlfriend who gets grumpy if you come back late.
She finds Denia sitting on the couch. Sigrika comes up from behind Denia, putting her arms around her shoulders. “I’m back! Hi Nia.” She leaves a quick peck to Nia’s cheek, to which Denia just hums in acknowledgment. She’s busy looking at her phone, seemingly ignoring Sigrika. But Siggy knows better than anyone that Nia cares, just in ways that make her feel comfortable. Sigrika wouldn’t have it any other way.
Ignoring whatever she’s doing on her phone, Sigrika takes the time to admire her girlfriend. Of course, she does so every second she can spare, but she still hasn’t gotten tired of it yet, and she doesn’t think she will anytime soon. Denia’s pink and blue hair twists flow down her shoulders, glowing in the late afternoon sunlight. Her curls are so, so pretty and soft, and Sigrika is lucky to have someone who cares about hair as much as she does. Nia always spent a lot of time making sure her hair was perfect, and now that Siggy has girlfriend privileges, Nia cares for her hair too! Denia spends so much time doing her braids, and while she appreciates it, Sigrika also thinks Nia takes her time so she can touch her hair longer.
Speaking of hair, Sigrika runs her fingers through Denia’s hair, pushing them back behind her ear. To which Denia lets out a hum of approval. Her fingers graze her ear briefly, Nia’s cute, squishy, round ears. Denia always mentions she thinks Siggy’s ears are cuter because hers are pointy, but her round ones are so much cuter! Sure, a lot of people have them, but she’s never seen them this close before. They’re so adorable and perfect! They could probably fit in her hand. She wonders if Nia would let her do it this time? Surely now she can touch them, maybe hold them, or even kiss… AHHH no, she can’t! That’s too far, right? She buries her face into Denia’s neck in embarrassment, whining into it.
“If you want attention so bad, you just have to ask for it, you know.” Nia lazily reaches her free hand up to ruffle Siggy’s hair.
“It’s not that…” Sigrika grumbles.
“Ok, then I suppose you don’t need me doing this, then.” Nia drops the hand.
“No, wait, I didn’t say stop!” Siggy pushes her head further into Nia’s neck, urging her to continue.”
Nia laughs, hand returning, “You’re getting better at that, you know? Expressing what you want when you want it. I mean, obviously not all the time, but you have to start somewhere.”
Sigrika hums in acknowledgment, enjoying the head scratches and warmth. Well, as much warmth as Denia usually provides. Even before dating, Siggy noticed how abnormally cold Nia is. And now whenever they cuddle, Sigrika often finds herself warming her girlfriend up instead of the other way around. Is that why she always wears gloves and poofy sleeves? Or maybe that’s why she wants to cuddle so often, to preserve body heat?
“Nia, how come you are always so cold?”
“Huh? Maybe it’s just because you freakishly always run hot.”
“Mmm, not true. Whenever I hug people, they don’t feel nearly as cold as you.”
Denia stops moving just for a second. “…You’re hugging other people like this?”
“Huh? Like what? Like how I'm hugging you right now? Not, really, why?” Sigrika replies, confused.
“Ugh, never mind. Just come here on this side.”
Denia tugs on Sigrika’s arms to get her to come around. When Nia says ‘never mind’ that usually means ‘something is bothering me, but you don’t have to get right now. You'll realize it soon enough.’ Understanding that, Sigrika crosses from the other side of the couch to sit next to Nia. Before she even has the chance to throw herself on Denia’s lap, Denia, who’s now thrown her phone to the side in lieu of someone much more interesting, pulls Sigrika into her lap.
Sigrika falls and almost hits her head against Denia’s, if it wasn’t for her arms catching her against the couch. “Hey, watch out! I could’ve hurt you…” Sigrika falls snugly into Denia’s lap, with Denia letting her arms rest around Sigrika’s waist (which Siggy is realizing is one of Nia’s favorite places to hold her). Denia looks amused at Sigrika’s concerns. “You’d never hurt me. You probably could if you tried, but you’d never.” Nia’s tone is so quiet and pure, almost as if she’s reciting a promise: one that Sigrika didn’t make, but also one that she didn’t need to. It’s like Denia knew, in her heart, that Sigrika would never. And Siggy felt proud; more evidence that her affection was slowly helping Nia come to terms with the fact that she deserves to be here.
On her lap, Sigrika smiles and cups Denia’s face. “Hi…” she whispers as she admires her girlfriend. Letting it happen, Denia just closes her eyes, indulging in the affection. Sigrika goes to tuck Nia’s hair behind her ear again, the previous embarrassing thoughts being overridden by the affection she carries in her heart. Why should she be embarrassed for wanting to love the cute parts of her girlfriend? Especially parts that are so soft, round, and warm- wait. Warm?
“Hey, your ears are warm!” Sigrika goes from cupping Denia’s face to cupping her ears, comparing the two by going back and forth. The temperature difference is staggering. Her ears definitely feel warmer of the two, but the longer she goes on, the warmer Nia’s face feels too. That’s probably just from Sigrika transferring her warmth! Right?
“Wow, I didn’t know your ears could get this warm! Mine are always so cold.”
Nia, adamantly not looking at Sigrika for some reason, turns her head even further away. “My ears wouldn’t be so warm if you didn’t touch them. They’re just ears, Siggy.”
“Is this why you didn’t want me to touch them before we started dating? Cause you didn’t want me to know you had a secret warm weak spot.” She says teasingly as she rests her head on Nia’s shoulder, looking up at Nia’s ears.
Nia rolls her eyes, this fact oblivious to Sigrika. She sighs as she reaches for the phone she haphazardly threw on the couch. “Yeah, sure, you totally got me. My ultimate weakness is in my ears, great discovery, girlfriend.” Her sarcastic tone flew over Sigrika’s head, like a bird she couldn’t quite snap a picture of.
Before Nia could continue to check her messages, Siggy decided to just go for it. What’s the worst thing that could happen? She cares so much for this girl, might as well let her know. She lifts her head off her shoulder to place a soft kiss on the lobe of Nia’s ear. She doesn’t hear her saying anything, except she does hear a thud as Nia’s phone drops back on the couch. She continues her affection.
“They’re just so cute, Nia.” Siggy just can’t help herself. If Nia was gonna stare at her ears all the time, it’s only fair she gets to do…what she wants! Although Nia’s never kissed her ears before… Well, Nia always says she should indulge in things more, so she surely won’t complain if she does so here.
And Denia doesn’t complain. In fact, she doesn’t really say anything at all. Eventually, she just clears her throat, letting her arms tighten around Sigrika’s waist. “I thought you just wanted to touch them, not kiss them, princess.” Her words are distant and unwelcoming, but her actions are inviting and warm as she pulls Sigrika closer.
Siggy softly giggles into Nia’s ear, trailing more pecks alongside her cheek, only to go back to her ear. Nia, unknowingly to Sigrika, sits there in defeat and in victory at the same time. Begrudgingly enjoying the moment while also panicking to hold onto some sense of pride.
Intoxicated by the amount of affection she feels, Sigrika rambles, whispering words she’s never said in Denia’s own ears. “I told you before that I like your ears so much because they’re so different from mine. That they’re different from what I’m used to. But now that I think about it, that’s kinda what I like about you, too. You’re different in the way you see me. Sometimes I feel like people’s expectations are like gold. They’re heavy and precious, so I’m always careful not to drop them. But you? Your expectations of me are like stars. They shine so brightly because a version of myself reflects in your eyes whenever you look at me. The version you see of me is the person I want to be. So yes, I think you’re different from me in all the ways that matter. That’s why I love your ears, Nia. And I think that’s why… I love you.” The last part of the sentence was spoken so quietly that it would’ve fallen on deaf ears if it wasn’t for the fact that the ear it was meant for was right there. Just mere millimeters away from her lips.
The soft, warm, and red ears. Wait, Red? They can change colors??
“Ok, that’s enough.” Nia slightly shoved Sigrika back, not enough for her to fall but just for Denia to catch a breather.
“I can’t believe you just said that.” Sigrika couldn’t believe it at first, either, but in hindsight, it was so obvious. This is the easiest riddle she could ever solve.
“Said what? That I love- AH Nia!”
However, just because Denia would never let Sigrika fall, that doesn’t mean she’s free from a little punishment. Nia tickles Sigrika’s sides, which just so happen to be her actual weak spots.
“Saying things like that while you’re kissing my ears and expecting me not to react is an unusually cruel punishment from you, Siggy.”
“Nia, stop! You know I can’t handle tickles well ther- ahh!”
And Nia actually does stop, but only to pull Siggy into a tight hug. Sigrika feels Denia take a deep breath against her. The exhale she lets out causes her bangs to sway. Her eyes are closed again, and Sigrika feels so grounded. The moment slows down, like time paused just for them to have this. “Thank you. You somehow always surprise me and exceed my expectations, even in moments like these. No one in my life has ever cared for me like you do, and I don’t think anyone I meet ever will.”
“...I really do, you know. I really love you, Nia. I’ll say it every day until you know.”
“I know, Siggy. I know, but say it every day anyway.” The last sentence is a promise. Sealed with a kiss to Siggy’s ear.