Chapter Text
The tears would not stop flowing.
They were like a waterfall crashing in the darkness.
Hayase was completely out of breath and she wasn’t sure if it was because of how far she ran from the art room or from the hyperventilation from all the crying. Probably a little bit of both.
She wasn’t sure where to go so she just ran and ran until she found a half-abandoned equipment closet behind the auditorium that happened to be unlocked. It was filled with spiderwebs and the windows were blacked out with only a tiny beam of light poking through. Which was perfectly fine because the darkness is what she wanted.
All Hayase could think of was brought her here. She’s never broken down this hard before. It just feels like the weight of everything that’s been building up has finally broken her steel dam that was holding back the ocean of emotions that she refuses to let out.
The day started like any other. Hayase went to go see Naoto in the morning for a little one on one. But ever since the new school year started, the Art Club had gained a new member in the form of Hana Sunomiya. What used to be an opportunity for some alone time with her Senpai has turned into an awkward third wheel situation.
Hayase hasn’t been able to have any alone time with Naoto since the school year started because Hana is in there all day, every day, working on her sketching. Hayase honestly admired her determination and dedication to her craft, it’s actually something that attracted her to Naoto in the first place, but she can’t help but resent her for always being around and not giving her and Naoto any time to be alone.
She’s been crushing hard on Naoto for the past year and now that he’s in year three, Hayase needs to make some progress if she wants to pursue a relationship with him before he graduates.
Hayase is trying to take every opportunity that she can to get closer to Naoto but it’s just awkward when other people are around. She already has a hard enough time expressing her feelings or making herself vulnerable, so the idea of doing it when there’s an audience is absolutely terrifying.
Seeing Naoto in the morning didn’t exactly go the way she wanted so Hayase had to wait until lunch break to see her crush again. But now, instead of one extra body, there was six. Gamo, Yoshi and Sakura decided to tag along with Hayase to have lunch with Naoto. Hayase couldn’t deny them entry without outright expressing her emotions so she had to let it happen.
Gamo and Yoshi had been prodding harder and harder about her feelings for Naoto lately and it’s all so damn frustrating. They’re supposed to be her best friends that are there to support her but sometimes it just feels like they’re only there to tease and sabotage Hayase’s advances. And then there’s Sakura, who seems like she could care less about anything except for the boys she flirts with.
When they arrived at the Art Club, they find that not only was Naoto there, his two friends, Takao and Hino were also there along with Hana. Hayase had mixed feelings about them. They seem like good friends who have similar interests with Naoto but every time they come to the Art Room to see Naoto, they give Sakura more attention than anyone else. And when Sakura doesn’t come along, it seems like they always make up some excuse to leave.
It made Hayase wonder why they’re even there. Are they there to hang out with their friend or lust after the sexy gyaru? It doesn’t help that Sakura feeds into it. She is a bit of an attention whore and those two always give her the attention that she craves.
Everything about it puts Hayase in a foul mood. She likes to spend time with her friends but she wants some alone time with Naoto every once in a while. But instead of alone time, she has to deal with Takao and Hino lusting after Sakura while she playfully flirts back, Hana’s relentless sketching and Gamo and Yoshi continuously poking and teasing her about Naoto.
To top it all off, Naoto has been working on a piece since the beginning of the year. It’s a highly detailed oil painting that he’s hoping he’ll be able to submit in a contest in Tokyo. If he gets accepted, it could help get his name out there for his pursuit in a career in art.
He’s been keeping the painting a huge secret from us all but he says that it’s something that makes him really happy about coming to the art room lately. That just makes Hayase extremely curious but she’s still really happy that he’s trying to pursue something like this. A year ago, he would never have thought to do something like this but here he is. The only thing that’s bothering her is he’s so focused on it that he’s barely given her any attention.
They’ve grown so close together over this past year that Hayase was sure that it would start to bloom into something more soon. She just wasn’t sure where Naoto was at. Does he just consider her a close friend or would he want to pursue something more romantic? Hayase wasn’t sure, but for now, he’s giving all his attention to this art piece.
She knows he’s busy and has a lot of work to get done but Hayase can’t help but feel lonely and forgotten about. Things just don’t seem to be going her way lately.
As they’re sitting around the table, eating their lunch, Naoto and Hana are working on their art. Hayase tries keep up the façade that nothing is bothering her but sometimes it’s hard when she wants something and she’s not getting it.
Sakura was flirting hardcore with Takao and Hino. Hayase was pretty sure she wasn’t even interested in them and was only craving the attention. Hayase would look over at Gamo and Yoshi and see them whispering and giggling to each other while sending weird glances Hayase’s way. The vibe feels off and Hayase already feels excluded as it is. She looked over at Naoto to see him focused on his painting. She watched him for a good couple minutes and he didn’t take his eyes off his canvas once. He didn’t even notice her staring at him.
She then saw Hana approach Naoto to inquire about something. Hayase couldn’t hear her but whatever they were talking about made them chuckle to each other and that in of itself made Hayase a little ticked off.
After Hana went to sit back down on her stool, Hayase decided to get up and check on her Senpai herself. “Hey, Senpai, how’s it going?”
“O-oh, hey Nagatoro, it’s good.” He had his canvas turned away from everyone else. He didn’t want them to see what it looked like until it was at least near complete. The only one allowed to see it was Hana, which also made Hayase a little annoyed.
“How’s the painting coming along? Any chance that I can take a look?”
“N-no, not yet, I’m not ready for you to see just yet.”
“Why not? Maybe I can help with it.”
“N-no, that’s okay, I won’t need your help.”
Hayase took that statement a little harder than she should’ve. “Oh, okay then.”
Takao then spoke up, “Yeah trust me, you don’t wanna take a look just yet.”
“It does look like it’s coming together really nicely though.” Hino added.
“Wait, they’ve seen it but I can’t?”
“W-well, yeah, I showed it to them yesterday.”
“And Hana can see it too?”
“Yeah, she’s been helping me with it.”
“But I can’t help you with it? What about all the help I gave you for the festival last year?”
“That was different, this piece is more important than those ones.”
Hayase felt offended. All the festival paintings were of her and him saying they weren’t important made her really upset. “So, what you’re saying is that the festival was some pointless event that didn’t matter and all those paintings you did of me meant nothing at all? And now that you’re shooting for this big contest in Tokyo, you have to focus on what’s really important?”
“Hayachi, relax, it’s not that big of deal. You’d understand if you knew what he was painting but it’s not ready for you yet.” Gamo said.
Hayase was getting pissed now, “Wait, are you saying you’ve seen it too?”
“Well, yeah, Paisen showed me and Yoshi it a few days ago.”
“What the hell, am I the only one that hasn’t seen it then? Sakura, have you seen it?”
Sakura was like a deer caught in the headlights. “N-no, I haven’t actually.”
“You’re lying, aren’t you?”
“No, Toro-Chan, I promise, I haven’t seen it.”
Hayase turned back to Naoto, “Okay fine, Senpai, tell us why Sakura and I can’t see it then? I thought this was supposed to be a big secret but you’re excluding me and her now?”
“N-no, that’s not it at all, Nagatoro. Well, to be perfectly honestly, Sakura can come see it, I just can’t have you seeing it.”
“Ooh, I can come see it?” Sakura jumped out of her seat and hurried on over.
Hayase felt her blood boiling. She’s been feeling alone and excluded for a while and now she’s about to be excluded again? Seriously, what’s the big deal? Why can’t she see it? Everything about it is just pissing her off.
“No, if I can’t see it, then I’m not letting you see it either,”
Hayase grabbed hold of Sakura’s arms and stopped her from going around to Naoto’s side.
“Toro-Chan, what are you doing?”
“Hayachi, you need to calm down, it’s not that serious!”
“Shut up Gamo, this doesn’t concern you!”
“You’re hurting me, Toro-Chan, please let go!”
Sakura was trying her best to fight Hayase off but the Judo star was too strong for her. Gamo and Yoshi sprung up to try to break them apart. Hino and Takao stood up too but they weren’t sure what to do so they just stayed in the back by the table.
Hana was scared and stayed out of it while Naoto stood up to try and help the situation. “Nagatoro, please let go of Sakura! It’s not that big of deal!”
“Well, it is to me! Why am I the only one that hasn’t seen it? You’ve been working on this for weeks and I still can’t see it but everyone else can? That’s bullshit! And why is Hana the one helping you and not me? Now that you have someone who’s artistic, you don’t need me anymore? You’ve hardly spoken to me since the school year started!”
Hayase’s emotions were at critical mass and there was no coming down from this. She was annoyed that she couldn’t see the painting but she was also just frustrated at everything else that’s been going on.
Naoto had been too focused on his art piece that he’s barely given her any attention. Plus, there’s Hana. Hayase doesn’t hate the girl but she hasn’t been able to see Naoto without her lurking around. And all they do is bond about art, which is something Hayase can’t do. It shouldn’t make her jealous, she understands the situation but seeing this younger girl bond with her crush over something that she can’t do makes the fire burn hot in her soul.
And when it comes to her own friends, Gamo and Yoshi seem to always be doing their own thing. It’s like they’re part of a joke that they’re intentionally leaving Hayase out of. And whenever she sees Sakura, it’s always with Hino, Takao or some other boys tailing her every move.
And Hayase has recently joined the Judo Club to revitalize her dream of winning an Olympic medal. But the progress of getting back into form is slower than she was expecting. All the other members talk crap openly about how Hayase’s a spoiled prodigy who thinks she can just waltz back into the sport like nothing ever happened. Orihara is still a big obstacle for her. And even though she’s been really nice, she’s still her rival who beats her at every turn.
All of these things have been building up inside Hayase and now she’s ready to explode on everyone and everything.
“Hayachi, seriously! Ya need to calm down!” Gamo shouted, doing her best to pull them apart.
“Let go!” Yoshi said, doing the same.
“Please, you’re really hurting me!” Sakura was starting to cry now.
“I don’t care! I’m not letting you go!”
“Nagatoro, please stop this!” Hino said from the back.
“Sakura is your friend, let her go!” Takao added.
“Shut the fuck up you two, Sakura’s not gonna go out with you just because you’re nice to her!”
“Nagatoro! NAGATORO! STOP!” Naoto shouted as Gamo and Yoshi finally got them separated. The ensuing force of it caused both Sakura and Hayase to fly back in opposite directions.
Sakura slammed into Takao and Hino and the three of them rolled over the table and onto the floor. All the food that was laid out for their lunches completely splattered all over their clothes and the floor, making a huge mess.
Hayase flew in the opposite direction, towards Naoto and Hana. Naoto had tubes of oil paint, palettes covered in mixed colors and wet brushes soaking in solution, all piled on a good-sized table to the right of his art piece that was being made on a huge canvas held up on a decent sized easel. Hayase couldn’t stop in time before slamming into the easel, knocking the canvas off and facedown onto the table with all of the messy art supplies.
The impact of the canvas made the table explode, getting wet paint and solution all of Naoto, Hana and Naoto’s art piece that he’s been working on for weeks.
Hayase was able to stay on her feet and when she noticed the canvas, she saw punctured holes and paint splattered everywhere. She turned to Gamo and Yoshi, “Oh my God, what the hell is your guy’s problem? You should’ve just left me and Sakura alone! Now look what you did!”
In her mind, this was Gamo and Yoshi’s fault. They shouldn’t have gotten involved. And Sakura should’ve just stayed put when Naoto said she could come see it.
Gamo was completely dumbfounded, “Are you fucking kidding me right now, Hayase? You were strong arming the hell our friend just because she wanted to see a painting? You were making her cry and we had to pull you off of her. And now look what you’ve done, she’s a complete mess.”
Gamo, Yoshi and Hayase look over in the direction of Sakura, Hino and Takao. They were still scraping themselves off the floor. They were completely covered in food from all of our lunches. Takao and Hino were helping Sakura up while she was crying her eyes out.
Hayase’s mood was completely over the top and she wasn’t thinking clearly by any means, she was just pissed off at everyone and everything and nobody was going to be safe from her wrath. “Oh, whatever, look, she has her two incels helping her out now. She’ll probably blow them later as a thank you for being her knights in shining armor.”
That made Sakura cry even harder, with Hino and Takao getting increasingly pissed off, “Hey fuck you Nagatoro, that’s your friend you’re talking about!”
“Yeah, we’re not incels either, you’re just being a complete bitch right now!”
“Shut up and go jack off to a magazine you fucking losers!” Both Takao and Hino turned away in disgust.
“Hayase, you’re way out of line!” Yoshi tried speaking up.
“I’m sorry, Yoshi, are you actually forming a thought of your own for once or are you just echoing what Gamo says as usually! There’s a reason you barely speak and it’s because you never have anything interesting to say!”
Yoshi immediately started bawling.
Gamo was pissed off beyond belief. In the short span of a few minutes, Hayase has completely flipped on everyone in the room and made two of her closest friend’s cry. She got up in Hayase face and tried to use her height to intimidate her. “I don’t know what the fuck your problem is Hayase, but you’re being the biggest bitch on the planet right now and I’m getting sick of your shit!”
“Gamo, I can’t even begin to explain how much I don’t give a shit about the words that come out your mouth.” Gamo’s face was showing nothing but shock that Hayase was saying these things. “You’re saying I’m the biggest bitch on the planet? Ever since I’ve known you, you’ve been the biggest bitch in the universe. The only reason I even became friends with you in the first place was because your family owns the gym I trained at. That’s the reason your only friends besides me are a dimwitted lackey and a cumguzzling slut.”
Gamo opened her mouth to try and say something in return but words wouldn’t come out. Hayase could see small sparkles in her eyes like she was about to cry before turning and embracing Yoshi and Sakura, who were crying even harder from the harsh words that Hayase had said.
Hayase then turned to see Hana helping Naoto up while he was scrambling to try and salvage his ruined painting. “Get away from him you harlot!”
“Wh-what? I’m j-just—” Hana tried to explain.
“I know what you’re trying to do and I’m not gonna let you. Keep off of my Senpai and leave us alone!”
Hayase’s evil tone pierced right into Hana’s soul and she ran out of the art room, completely covered in paint, tears forming in her eyes too.
Hayase approached Naoto next. He was her Senpai and she thought she had to protect him from all of the trespassers. This is their fault. If it was just her and her Senpai then everything would be fine. But they had to come in and ruin everything that he worked so hard on.
He was sitting on the floor staring at the ruined canvas that he’d been slaving over for weeks now. Oil paint and solution were soaking into his clothes. Tears were starting to well up in his eyes as he saw his ticket to an art career completely destroyed. More than that though, it was going to be a piece that he truly loved and a piece that meant the most to him. More than any other oil painting that he’s ever done and possibly will ever do again. That’s why he’s spent so long on it, so much time and energy, keeping the secrets hidden until the right moment. But now it doesn’t matter. All the work that he’s done has all been a waste. All because of her.
“Senpai, it’s okay, I’m here for you now!” Hayase tried placing a hand on his shoulder but Naoto swatted it away. “Senpai…?”
“Leave…” His tone was ice cold.
“W-what? W-wait, Senpai…?”
“LEAVE!!!” The word echoed throughout the art room.
He gave Hayase a look of complete hurt and disgust. And that’s when she knew that he really meant it.
Hayase then caught a look at Naoto’s art piece that was so important to him. Through the smeared paint and torn up canvas, Hayase could see that it was a big collage painting of everyone all together. Gamo, Yoshi, Sakura, Hana, Hino and Takao were all painted brilliantly. All of them laughing and having fun in the art room. There was a huge blank space in the middle of the canvas with sketched outlines of something that hadn’t been painted yet. Hayase was a little confused at first because she and Naoto weren’t in it. But then she realized that the huge space in the middle was reserved for the two of them to be there together. They were going to be at the center of his masterpiece.
And it finally clicked in her head that that’s why he wasn’t ready to show her yet. Naoto had painted everyone else with exquisite detail but he hadn’t painted the two of them yet. All of the rage and frustration that was built up and exploded has somehow evaporated and replaced by shame, guilt and regret.
Hayase was trying to recall exactly what she just said and why she said it but she didn’t know why. “S-senpai, I’m s-sorry… I didn’t know…”
“WE WERE TRYING TO TELL YOU!! BUT YOU WOULDN’T LISTEN!!”
Tears started to well up in Hayase’s eyes. Naoto had never shouted at her like this before. “I-I know, I-I’m s-sorry.”
Naoto got up and marched to art room door, he slammed it open and pointed out, “I want you to get out and don’t even think of coming back!”
Hayase turned to look in the door’s direction. Before her, she saw all the damage that she did. Gamo, Yoshi and Sakura were huddled together, crying in each other’s arms. Hino and Takao were standing, trying to clean the food off of each other, just waiting for the situation to be over. Naoto was at the door with rage written all over his face, staring daggers at Hayase. All of them were looking at Hayase with absolute disgust.
Hayase head was clearing up and was just now realizing what she had done. She was completely blinded by her anger and emotions that she said words that she didn’t even mean. Or maybe she did mean them? She really wasn’t sure.
Hayase tried to say something to her friends and to Naoto but nobody wanted to hear it. She was a monster to them now. They hated her. Hayase grabbed her green backpack and ran out of the art room as fast as she could. She ran and ran until she found a place that nobody would find her.
What made her say these things? Did she really mean them? The past few weeks have been frustrating and as hard as she tried to keep it together, it was a like a powder keg ready to explode. And all it took one tiny spark to make it explode. Is there something wrong with her? Why is she so incapable of having a normal relationship? Everything has to be a game. She always has to get in her own head about everything. She’s jealous, angry, vindictive and cruel. Hayase had some of the best friends she could ever ask for and a boy of her dreams who probably loved her the same way she did him, but now that’s all gone. She’s come to the conclusion that she never deserved them anyway. And they’re probably better off without her.
She wasn’t sure what was going to happen next. All she knew was that she had destroyed just about every friendship and relationship that she’s ever cared about. She hurt people that she thought she loved. She attacked people she barely even knew. She acted like a rabid animal and now everyone hates her. She’s horrible.
Maybe she should just stay here in this spider infested equipment closet. It looks abandoned. Like nobody has touched it in years. Nobody will find her here. She’s a cancer to the world and they’ll be happier without her. All she’s been able to do since she was put on this earth is tear people down.
And that’s what she did. She didn’t go back to class. She didn’t go to Judo Club. She just laid there on the floor of the equipment closet until she saw the tiny light from the window fade out and she knew that the sun had gone down. Had she really been laying there for hours? Should she just stay there for the rest of eternity? Maybe she should go home? She doesn’t want to be seen by anyone right now. She feels disgusted with herself that she can act so vile and cruel to people she considered her closest friends in the world.
Hayase managed to get herself to her feet. Her body completely stiff from laying on the ground for the number of hours that she did. She checked her body really quickly for spider bites and miraculously didn’t find any. She slowly opened the equipment closet door. Her mind was convinced that she was going to find all of the friends that she’d offended standing just outside, given her the same look of disgust that’s ingrained into her brain.
When she finally got the door open, she found nobody there. A small sigh of relief came out of her and she decided to trudge on home, praying that nobody would see her. Luckily, she made it all the way home without encountering anyone.
When she walked inside, her sister, Misaki, was there to greet her, “Hayase, there you are! Where have you—” She cut herself off at the sight of Hayase. She had paint and dirt all of her. Her face and hair were a complete mess from all the crying. And the emotions on her face showed nothing short of shame and guilt. “Oh my God, Hayase, what happened to you?”
Without saying a word, Hayase started bawling again as she lunged into Misaki’s arms, embracing the comfort of her sister. She was probably the one relationship she hasn’t completely destroyed today. “I’ve ruined everything and I don’t know what to do!!”
“Shh, it’s okay, Hayase. Let’s get you cleaned up and you can tell me what happened. Whatever it is, we can figure out a way to fix it.”
On that note, Misaki helped her broken sister take a bath and get into some fresh clothes. The entire time, Hayase was crying her eyes out and not saying a word. By the time Hayase got cleaned up and comfortable, she was in no mood to talk. She didn’t eat, she didn’t speak, she barely did anything besides cry. She cried herself to sleep that night having dreams of all of her friends looking at her with disgust.
She didn’t go to school the next day, or the next. She wasn’t ready to face them. The shame was too much. She knew she needed to fix this somehow. But did she even deserve it? She had to at least apologize for what she’d done. That much was obvious. That was the least that they deserved.
She really didn’t mean the things that she said. As usual, her emotions got the better of her and she went completely overboard. In truth, she loved all of her friends and her Senpai but what she did to them was unforgivable. Even Takao, Hino and Hana deserved better. She barely even knew them and they caught strays just for being nearby and trying to help.
From the moment she unleashed her wrath, the relationships that she had would never be the same again. Hayase has caused them too much pain to be able to go back to as if nothing happened.