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"Oh Stanley, if only you were here to see them with your own eyes," Xeno droned on, staring at the flowers that had been delivered to him earlier with a smile, now safely placed in a watered vase. He was laying on his stomach, a throw pillow stolen from the couch tucked under his chest, legs swaying in the air as he spoke. "They are the most elegant flowers I've seen- This mysterious admirer simply must be someone I personally know to understand my tastes like this. But who could I have known in our teenage years that would be this madly in love with me?"
Stanley laughed on the other end of the phone, so far away yet the closeness between them as strong as ever. "Who knows? I still think your stalker's PR team needs a raise to have you going on about them like this."
It was a mystery that had bothered him from the first letter. Fifteen years of age, a letter arrived at his doorstep. A confession of love from someone who claimed they couldn't reveal their identity yet, but couldn't hold back their feelings any longer.
Just because their emotions couldn't allow them to reveal themselves, didn't mean science wouldn't. Or so he thought, but they were clever. Scarily clever. Hardly a trace was left behind, repeated attempts to track them left no results.
If he was being completely honest with himself, that was what had garnered his attention over everything else. The attention to detail, the scientific knowledge required to keep their little crush such a secret- It had turned from a one-sided show of emotions to a game of cat and mouse, every little squeak of love from his secret admirer having him rushing to finally catch his prey once and for all.
Truly, there was no more elegant way to confess one's feelings.
"My biggest concern is their patience. It's been over half a decade at this point, and not even a single attempt to establish a two-way connection has been made. If they're so concerned about my feelings, to the point of hiding everything about their identity, to the point of continuing this charade for so many years, why do they not seem fussed about receiving an answer?" He mused, running his fingertip along the pillow's seam.
"Hmm… Perhaps it's not about getting an answer for them." Stanley remarked. "Maybe they get something else out of it."
Xeno huffed. "Are you trying to imply my secret admirer is a pervert that gets off on being romantic to me from afar?"
Any annoyance he had melted with Stanley's laugh on the other end. "No, no- Well, maybe. All I'm saying is, maybe they don't care about knowing what you think. Maybe you just knowing you're loved by them is enough. Or maybe they just like having your attention in this way."
He pinched the corner of the pillow, rolling it between his fingers. "Hmm, I see… An answer, a resolution, means an end to the game. A cold, hard, definitive proof that lacks the excitement of chasing your theory beyond the limits of known knowledge. In other words, every gift, every letter is an experiment. A test that I, by design, must react to on some level. And as long as the experiment is open, the obsession remains, and their scientific pursuits may-"
"Yep, yeah, exactly. You got it Xeno, ten points to you."
He buried his head in the pillow, sighing heavily. "Romance is so confusing. If anything, I'd love to write a paper on this admirer of mine. Their mental state must be fascinating to operate like this for so long. Such an inefficient approach to romance… Do they even want to be with me?" He let out another sigh. "If only they were as brutally and uncharismatically honest as you, Stanley."
"Pfft. Yeah, right, I could never be like that guy. Another letter, going on about your smile like that? You're the sulkiest guy I know. If I wanted someone with a great smile, I'd marry a toothpaste model."
Xeno's laugh caught in his throat as a cold wash fell over his body. He glanced at the letter that had come with his flowers, abandoned just a bit ahead of him.
The letter where his admirer had went on and on about his smile.
The letter he had yet to read aloud to Stanley.
The silence was palpable, an awkward laugh coming from the other end. "…Guess they don't have to be a model, 'spose I could settle for a dentist's son or something."
"…Stanley, how do you know what was in the letter?"
…Silence. Then, the most frustrating answer Stanley could have possibly given him. "Hmm? Sorry, didn't catch that."
"Stanley Snyder. How do you know what my secret admirer sent me?"
More agonizing silence. Then, the fakest attempt at an explosion sound. "Whoa, what was that? Sorry Xeno, I've got to go, sounds like there's trouble at the baseloveyoubye-"
"Stanley! Answer my question!" He huffed into the phone, only to be met with the sound of their call ending.
Oh, he could kill that man.
What a horrible, horrible end to their game of cat and mouse!
He threw the letter onto the floor, burying his head back in the pillow. What was he supposed to do now? The answer had been found, Stanley's reaction left no other explanation.
Dear god, Stanley was his secret admirer.
Stanley Snyder.
Who was cool-headed, rational, intelligent, attractive beyond reason, a catch anyone would be happy to have. Who wasted over half a decade playing these games with him, when he would have happily entered a relationship had he simply confessed the moment Xeno approached him with the mysterious letter! Wasting all of this time over some foolish overblown fear!
It wasn't so much the secrecy that was getting to Xeno, as much as it was the audacity to be so nervous in the first place! Stanley was cool, he was perfect, he was someone anyone would want by his side, toxic gas habits or not! What was he supposed to do now with this information? That Stanley had been the one to love him this whole time? That Stanley was the one who wanted him more than anything, yet kept himself at arms length to protect his own feelings?
…His beloved childhood friend wanted no one else by his side. It was enough to make him blush, it had his cheeks turning red and arms feeling weak. He was the one who really thought all of those sweet things about him, confessions that left him with a pep in his step and a hum in his voice the rest of the day. The one that thought this dork was more than just a lonely science loving nerd.
Someone worth spending their life with, in romantic harmony.
Just as he reached for it, the phone rang. A heavy sigh came on the other end as he picked up, satisfying some smug part of him that wanted to be upset about the whole thing. "Okay, okay… Yeah, it's me. Look, it was only ever meant to be one letter, but you looked so happy and it just spiraled out of control-"
"Half a decade, Stanley. Five years! As your best friend, I demand you have some self respect! Chasing a guy for five years and not even confessing- Pick yourself up off the floor! You are better than this!" He rolled onto his back, glaring at his ceiling as he spoke.
"Xeno, come on! I-"
"As your crush, however… I am very flattered. Of all the ways to confess, it was not a bad one- I quite enjoyed the game, honestly." He held the pillow tighter, a smug smile forming on his face. "I should have known, only you could trick me like that for so long."
The relieved sigh that came from Stanley eased a tension he didn't even know had built inside of him. Even at his angriest, he supposed he still couldn't stand the idea of upsetting him so. "So, no hard feelings? You're not… Mad or anything?"
He huffed. "Stan, my dearest childhood friend, I'm absolutely livid with you." The loud gulp from the other end made it hard to keep his tone as even and cold as he wanted it to be. "Not because you have feelings for me, I honestly could say I feel the same way, but because you of all people should have had the confidence to say something! I won't forgive you until your self image improves, perhaps we could start with-"
"…You what?"
"Yes, I won't forgive you. Honestly, thinking so lowly of my best friend, how dare-"
"No, no, before that. Do you really feel the same?" He had never heard Stanley sound so desperate. It was almost cute, if it wasn't for the purpose of dragging an embarrassing "I love you" out of him.
Xeno sighed. "Stanley, that is not what we're talking about right now. I'm worried about you! You should know how great of a catch you are, and as your best friend it is my duty to beat it into your skull until you-"
"But you like me? Like, actually like me?"
Resisting the urge to scream, he buried his head in the pillow. Was he truly not going to ignore his slip up? "You'll get your answer when you've shown significant progress in your self image. Honestly, the signs were there from the beginning, despite all of my warnings about your health you still continue on with those toxic, horrible cigarettes of yours-"
Having sufficiently annoyed Stanley into giving up, he sighed. "Alright, alright. If I'm to go on this "self improvement" journey of yours, I should start by getting some sleep, yeah? Good night, Xeno."
"Good night, Stanley." He stared down at the screen of his phone, now reflecting the end of their call. For once, he actually was glad Stanley was gone. Picking up the abandoned letter, Stanley's true feelings written plainly for him to see, he smiled. A smile so inelegant, so goofy, so utterly full of the warm and fuzzy feelings that had built inside of him.
It was a sight Stanley would have to earn, perhaps by starting with a true confession, face to face. Or quitting his smoking habits, Xeno would happily settle for that. Then of course would come marriage, filing their first joint taxes, maybe adopting children, and griping about everything under the sun like the grouchy old men they were destined to be.
Ah, it really was convenient that his secret admirer had turned out to be someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with anyways, wasn't it?