Chapter Text
Gorya didn’t notice it at first.
Because Shasha was always there.
Always leaning against the wall outside her classroom.
Always sitting too close during lunch.
Always finding a reason to be near her.
It was annoying.
It was constant.
It was… normal.
Until it wasn’t.
“Where’s Shasha?”
Gorya didn’t even realize she said it out loud until her friend looked at her weirdly.
“Since when do you look for her?”
Gorya frowned.
“I’m not. I just—she’s not here.”
Her friend shrugged.
“Maybe she finally got bored.”
The words shouldn’t have meant anything.
Shasha got bored easily.
Everyone knew that.
That’s just how she was.
Right?
Gorya told herself it didn’t matter.
So what if Shasha didn’t show up that day?
Or the next?
Or the next?
But by the end of the week…
It felt wrong.
There were no random texts.
No teasing comments.
No “accidental” encounters in the hallway.
Nothing.
Just silence.
And Gorya hated it.
She found her a week later.
Of course she did.
Because apparently, when Shasha disappears…
Gorya goes looking.
Shasha was near the school gates, leaning against her car.
Laughing.
With someone else.
The sight hit harder than Gorya expected.
Because that laugh—
That smile—
That used to be directed at her.
“Shasha.”
The name came out sharper than intended.
Shasha looked up.
Their eyes met.
And for a second—
Something flickered.
Recognition.
Something softer.
Something that used to be there all the time.
Then it disappeared.
“Gorya,” Shasha said casually.
Too casually.
Like nothing had changed.
Like everything hadn’t changed.
Gorya crossed her arms.
“You disappeared.”
Shasha tilted her head slightly.
“Did I?”
“Don’t act like you didn’t.”
A pause.
Then Shasha smiled faintly.
“I just got busy.”
Busy.
That’s it?
“With her?” Gorya asked before she could stop herself.
The other girl beside Shasha shifted awkwardly.
Shasha noticed.
“You can go,” she told the girl gently. “I’ll catch up later.”
When the girl left, the space between them felt heavier.
Quieter.
More dangerous.
Gorya didn’t waste time.
“What’s your problem?”
Shasha let out a soft laugh.
“My problem?”
“Yes. You were everywhere, and then suddenly you’re gone like nothing happened.”
Shasha looked at her.
Really looked at her.
And for the first time…
Gorya felt uneasy.
“Nothing happened,” Shasha said quietly.
The words felt wrong.
Because something *did* happen.
Gorya just didn’t know what.
“Stop talking like that,” Gorya snapped.
“Like what?”
“Like I don’t matter.”
Silence.
Then Shasha smiled again.
But this time…
It didn’t reach her eyes.
“You said it yourself.”
Gorya frowned.
“When?”
Shasha’s voice stayed calm.
Too calm.
“That I was just playing around.”
Gorya’s stomach dropped.
That day.
That stupid, careless day.
“I didn’t mean—”
“It’s fine,” Shasha cut in gently.
Too gently.
“I get it.”
“No, you don’t—”
“I do.”
Her voice didn’t rise.
Didn’t shake.
And somehow…
That made it worse.
“I’ve always been like that, right?” Shasha continued. “Flirting. Messing around. Not serious.”
Gorya opened her mouth—
But nothing came out.
Because she had thought that.
Shasha nodded slightly.
“Exactly.”
Something in Gorya’s chest tightened painfully.
“Then why does it feel like you’re punishing me?”
Shasha blinked.
Like she didn’t expect that.
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
Her voice cracked.
“You stopped talking to me.”
Shasha looked away briefly.
Then back.
And this time—
There was something real in her eyes.
Something raw.
Something tired.
“I stopped chasing you.”
The words hit harder than anything else.
Gorya froze.
“What?”
Shasha let out a quiet breath.
“I got tired.”
Silence.
“I kept showing up,” she said. “Kept trying. Kept hoping that maybe one day you’d see me as more than just—”
She stopped herself.
Looked away.
Then finished anyway.
“—a joke.”
Gorya’s chest ached.
“That’s not what you are.”
Shasha laughed softly.
“Then what am I?”
Gorya didn’t answer.
Because she didn’t know how to say it.
Didn’t know how to admit it.
Didn’t know how to fix it.
And that hesitation—
That one moment—
Was enough.
Shasha nodded.
“Yeah. That’s what I thought.”
She pushed herself off the car.
“Don’t worry,” she added lightly. “I won’t bother you anymore.”
And that—
That was the moment Gorya realized something was very, very wrong.
Because she didn’t feel relieved.
She didn’t feel free.
She felt like she was losing something.
“Shasha, wait.”
Shasha paused.
Didn’t turn around.
Gorya’s voice came out softer this time.
Uncertain.
“Why does it feel like you’re leaving?”
A long silence.
Then Shasha spoke.
Quietly.
“Because I am.”
Gorya’s heart dropped.
“Why?”
Shasha finally turned.
And this time there was no teasing.
No mask.
No pretending.
“Because you only look at me like that when I’m leaving.”
Gorya froze.
“Like what?”
Shasha held her gaze.
And for the first time—
Gorya saw it.
Everything.
“Like I matter.”
The truth settled between them.
Heavy.
Unavoidable.
Gorya swallowed hard.
“Of course you matter.”
Shasha shook her head.
“No. I matter when I’m about to disappear.”
A step closer.
“Not when I’m right in front of you.”
Gorya’s chest tightened painfully.
Because she couldn’t deny it.
“I didn’t realize—”
“I know.”
That hurt more than anything else.
Silence stretched.
Then Gorya whispered “Don’t go.”
Shasha stilled.
“…What?”
Gorya took a shaky breath.
“I don’t want you to go.”
Shasha’s expression softened.
But she didn’t move.
“Why?”
The question was simple.
But the answer wasn’t.
“I don’t know how to say it,” Gorya admitted.
“Try.”
So she did.
“I hate it when you’re not around.”
Her voice trembled.
“I hate seeing you with other people.”
A step closer.
“I hate that you stopped choosing me.”
Shasha’s breath caught.
“And I hate that I didn’t notice sooner,” Gorya whispered.
Silence.
Then “Gorya…”
“I’m not good at this,” she said quickly. “At feelings. At… whatever this is.”
Another step.
Closer now.
Too close.
“But I know this isn’t nothing.”
Shasha looked at her like she was afraid to believe it.
“You don’t get to say that just because I’m leaving,” she whispered.
Gorya shook her head.
“I’m saying it because I don’t want you to.”
That did it.
The distance between them finally broke.
Shasha stepped forward—
Close enough to feel her breath.
“Then say it properly.”
Gorya’s heart pounded.
“I want you,” she said softly.
Silence.
Then stronger “I choose you.”
And just like that everything changed.
Shasha let out a shaky breath.
“Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear that?”
Gorya gave a small, guilty smile.
“Yeah.”
A pause.
“Sorry.”
Shasha laughed quietly.
“You’re unbelievable.”
But she didn’t step away.
Instead she stayed.
And this time…
Gorya didn’t let her go.