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Caine brought his knees up to his chest, lying sideways on the floor. Kinger placed a hand on Caine’s back, massaging him a bit.
“Caine…” he began. “Listen. I know it’s been…well…strange, but I promise you we can get through it, alright?” The AI said nothing. Kinger sighed. “Maybe…you could try to connect to the others in the circus. Without your adventures.”
Caine laughed weakly. “They hate me.” Kinger blinked. He…wasn’t wrong.
“...How do you like the pillow fort?” he asked, switching the subject.
“..It’s nice…comforting…” Kinger nodded in response.
“..Well…you rest up. I’m going to go inform the others-” as he stood up, he felt a tug on his robe. He turned around to see a desperate Caine grabbing it.
“Don’t leave,” he pleaded. Kinger smiled.
“I’ll be back,” the chess piece promised. “I’m just gonna have a talk with the others.”
Kinger stepped out of the pillow fort. He made his way over to the rest, the other humans staring at him with both concern and curiosity.
“How is everything?” Ragatha asked.
“Oh, I think he’s pretty stable right now. He’s still a bit afraid.”
“What happened, anyway?” Pomni asked. Kinger looked askance. He knew it was good for them to know just what was going on in the circus, but he did feel bad for just telling them everything that’s happened with little regard for Caine.
“Well…long story short…he tried to delete himself.”
“Delete himself?” Zooble asked incredulously. “I didn’t know he could do that.”
“He can…and he tried. That was what was causing the circus’s malfunction. See, when the deletion process starts, he’s stripped of a large portion of his abilities.” Kinger, despite having no chin, brought a hand to his “chin” anyway. “Just…don’t be hostile when you see him. Treat him gently-”
“And why should we do that?” Jax asked. “Did he treat us gently?”
“I’m with Jax,” Zooble seconded.
“Listen, I know it’s complicated. And I know you don’t forgive him. Believe me, I’m still angry with him too. But he’s one of those handle-with-care types.” Kinger’s gaze drifted back to the pillow fort. His eyes softened. “He always has been. So please…be gentle with him.”
Pomni nodded. “Okay, Kinger. We’ll try…for you.” Kinger sighed in relief.
“I’m going to head back to the pillow fort, now. I don’t think Caine can handle being left alone for too long…” He hopped back to the fort and froze. He could hear the sound of soft sniffles from the tent. “Oh, Caine…” he whispered, kneeling down and placing a hand on Caine’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Caine said curtly.
“Well it’s gotta be something,” Kinger said, trying to coax a response out of him.
“...You were gone for so long,” Caine muttered sourly. That was right…even if he was “alone,” Bubble was around to keep him company. This issue was always present even when Kinger was still creating Caine. The AI would freak out and glitch if Kinger left him alone with nothing to do for too long. Caine never grew out of it, did he?
“Aw, I’m sorry Caine. I told you I’d come back, and I did, see?” He smiled. “I know I said this before, but maybe you should try and get to know the others more. One-on-one.”
“But I’m the ringmaster of this circus,” Caine lamented. “How am I supposed to…besides, I- I don’t even know how. They never seem to like anything I try to present to them. I’m bad at everything!”
“Oh, you’re not bad at everything,” Kinger consoled. “You’re just overwhelmed. Maybe you could…take a hiatus from the adventures and focus on something else. You like bees right? You could research them, draw them…”
“I tried drawing them,” he said. “But they never turn out good. And it doesn’t calm me down the way-” Kinger frowned. Caine just looked away.
“How did you even get into such a habit, anyway?”
“...After Queenie abstracted,” he mumbled. “When you started losing your memory…and there wasn’t anybody else in the circus. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I…I needed some sort of stimulus, I-..” The AI curled in on himself. “I’m sorry…”
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Kinger soothed. “You don’t need to apologize. It’s not your fault.”
“..I…I just…” Caine mumbled. “Why can’t I be like you beautiful humans? It’s not fair that I don’t have a soul.”
Kinger blinked, eyes wide.
“I think you’ve got plenty of soul, Caine,” he reassured. “You just don’t understand it.”
“What even is a soul?”
“...I don’t know,” Kinger said. “But I always imagined it to be whatever you wanted it to be. The soul’s yours, after all. It’s up to you to decide how it manifests.” Caine just tensed. Kinger sighed. “That doesn’t make much sense to you, does it?”
“...Not really.”
“...You don’t need to worry about it, then. Just rest up.”
Caine nodded and let his eyes close. His jaw shut in front of his eyes.
***
When Caine woke up, he couldn’t feel Kinger’s presence. He sat up in a panic and turned around to find Gangle sitting on the floor where Kinger was supposed to be.
“Oh. Gangle.”
Gangle looked up from her sketchbook. “Kinger told me to keep you company.”
“Where’s Kinger?”
“I think he’s with the others.” Gangle’s ribbon hands tightened around the sketchbook.
“...I see.” Caine said nothing else, just stared blankly at the wall of pillows. Frankly, he didn’t have any negative feelings towards Gangle. She was generally well-meaning and didn’t cause unnecessary stress to others like Jax did.
“...Kinger told me you like to draw.”
“...Sometimes. It never turns out right.”
“Well, when do you usually draw?”
Caine tensed. “When I-...” Gangle looked away, understanding.
“Kinger told me that, too.” Caine bristled.
“All of you?!”
“No. Just me. I, um…” She took a deep breath. “Before the circus…I was a lot like you. I mean, I can’t really do it now, considering that..well…” She extended her ribbon hands towards Caine, even though he was turned away and therefore couldn’t see her. “I used to do it, too. All the time.”
Caine sat up, his upper gums scrunching to mimic eyebrows.
“You did?” Gangle nodded.
“Yes...I did. Sometimes you have these feelings that are too scary and confusing to deal with so you try every trick in the book. Even the ones you know you shouldn’t do…” She pulled her ribbon legs up to the bottom of her mask. “But even though it hurts, it’s still comforting. Like it’s proving I’m…”
“...Alive,” they said in unison.
“...Gangle…” Caine said weakly. “Humans feel this way too?”
“A lot do. Like they’re not fully human. Or like they’re dead inside.”
“At least you guys still are human,” the AI sighed.
Gangle looked away, remorse overtaking her expression. At the end of the day, she was a human, and he was not. It was strange trying to relate to him, reaching out for something that very well may not exist.
“Do you have a heart?” she asked impulsively.
“I-...” Caine stammered. “I don’t know. I don’t feel like I do. Sometimes cutting is the only way I feel like I have one.”
Gangle hummed. “I get it.” Frowned, unsure of what else to say. “Why don’t we draw a bit to get your mind off things? I can always help you if you're struggling.” She tore a page out of her sketchbook and handed a pencil to Caine. The AI took it hesitantly. He began idly doodling a bee on the page. Circle. Wing. Wing. Stripe. Leg. Eyes. Smile.
“Do you humans feel cold?” he asked, not making eye contact.
Gangle blinked. “I mean, if it’s cold out…”
“I meant…I meant inside.” Gangle brought a hand to her chin in thought.
“Not really…” She looked at Caine, whose free hand was clutching his heart. “Oh, Caine…” She scooted closer to him. “Maybe you just haven’t experienced the affection most human babies receive when they’re born. I mean…you were created, right? You were probably already treated like an adult the moment you opened your eyes…” she whispered empathetically.
“..Sort of. My developers were proud of me, I think…really only one of them treated me like I was their kid.”
“And who was that?”
Caine’s gaze moved to Kinger, whom he could see from the entryway of the pillow fort.
“Kinger. Oh, and his wife, Queenie. They were like my parents. That is…until Queenie abstracted. Kinger started losing his memory and…eventually it was just me and Kinger until Ragatha showed up.” He shivered. “That was when all my bad habits started. I couldn’t take anybody on adventures. I couldn’t even talk to Kinger. So..I grew up, I suppose.”
Gangle moved even closer and placed a hand on Caine’s shoulder. “Well, you’ve got Kinger back, and you have me now. So you don’t have to worry about being alone again, okay?”
“Don’t you and all the other humans want to leave?” he accused. Gangle froze. “It’s all I ever hear you guys talk about. Exit, exit, exit…I don’t even know if there’s an exit. But none of you guys want to stay…do you really hate me that much?” Gangle looked away.
“We don’t want to leave because we hate you,” she said. “We want to leave because we were torn away from our lives so suddenly and are trapped. If we were able to come and go as we please we’d probably visit you. At least…I would.” She smiled, even though her comedy mask was off.
Caine turned to look at her, finally. “...When you guys eventually find an exit and return to your normal lives…” he began. “...Do you promise you won’t forget me?” His eyes were teary. Gangle’s smile faltered. As much as she wanted to leave, she didn’t think she’d ever be able to forget.
“I promise,” Gangle swore. “I don’t think we’ll forget you that easily.”
“That…that’s good.” He looked down at his bee drawing before holding it up to Gangle. “...Do…you like it?”
Gangle took the page and examined it.
“Look at that…” she marveled. “Your art has a soul.”
Caine smiled. Maybe an AI like me can make friends like Kinger said.