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Keep going forward.. Just keep going.
It was all An let herself think as she ran past building after building, the rush of adrenaline in her system meshing with the cool early-evening breeze. The pounding of her sneakers against the pavement reverberated throughout her entire body, reminding her of her capabilities. She loved the thrill of pushing herself further than the day before, especially when she had steam to work off.
Each step brought her closer to catharsis, towards a clear mind. With every person that she passed in a blur, she was able to forget a little more of her selfishness (which while not a long-term solution, it would at least help her regulate before group practice in the morning). She desperately needed the distraction. Since leaving the STAY GOLDEN venue, she could hardly bear to sit with her guilt. It had helped to talk with Haruka, but the dread was hard to ignore. When her emotions spiraled into negativity like that, it always helped to get her body moving, which is what led her to leave for a run even though it would be dark in just an hour or so.
Despite the exhilarating pounding rhythm of her heart, An couldn’t quite keep her mind clear. Haruka’s advice lingered in the back of her thoughts, reminding her that she needed to have a serious conversation with Kohane. She had to be the one to fix this. She had to apologize to Kohane, even if it hurt. But she was so scared that it would tear them apart- or worse, that they were already torn too deeply.
Somewhere in the back of her mind she could hear Kohane’s voice- sweet, beautifully clear and exactly as resonant as it had been that first time they sang in Weekend Garage. Her heart ached with longing at the cruel reminder, the imaginary sound only getting louder as she ran towards the school.
Suddenly, her voice stopped, and when Kohane’s song returned, louder again, An realized that it wasn’t just an illusion. She skidded to a halt at the playground and sure enough, her partner was sitting on top of the metal beams, becoming silent when their eyes met.
“An?” Unlike her previous singing, Kohane spoke meekly.
An felt her heart sink for the first time since she set out on her run, falling from the blissful high that came when she pushed her limits, and a part of her instinctively wanted to rush on- but she knew that if she didn’t set things straight, no matter how hard it was to face the very girl she made to feel weak just the day before. No. She couldn’t avoid this apology.
Despite her intentions, as she opened her mouth to explain everything she had realized since STAY GOLDEN, her throat went dry. All the words she wanted to use, all the ways she could beg for forgiveness were gone as she stood paralyzed.
Kohane’s brows furrowed in that cute little way they did when she was nervous. “I didn’t expect to see you today; I know I should rest before our practice tomorrow, but I figured I needed some more experience since… um…” She fidgeted with the bottom of her right ponytail, trailing off without further specification. It still felt like the event was a sore, bruised wound that neither girl could touch. Not yet, anyway.
“What were you singing just now?” An finally managed. It wasn’t one of the songs the two of them had practiced together, or anything she had heard in passing from buskers or other performances.
“I learned it from Meiko, she said it’s good for improving timing, or something!”
Timing. Of all things. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to An after she had specifically tried to help Kohane with that aspect, but again that sinking feeling grew in her. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah! There’s one part that switches from being syncopated to swing time a lot, it’s really tricky.” Quieter than before, Kohane sung what was indeed a very difficult rhythm. Even just hearing it, though, An could tell that Kohane’s timing was wrong, and before she could filter the thought into something constructive, she launched into a lesson.
“You need to go into the swung part a little faster, otherwise it’ll sound like you’re behind. That kind of thing is really important to nail! Do it like this: ah-ah ahhh, ah-ah ah-ahh.” She hated how belittling her voice came out, even if it was unintentional. That was exactly what she needed to stop doing, yet her instincts were hard to repress. So many years of listening to people sing and judging them against her idea of what would be good enough to surpass Rad Weekend had made it all too easy for criticism to creep to the forefront of her mind. Even now, even when it was the person she wanted to reach the top with.
She didn’t need to look into Kohane’s eyes to imagine her discomfort.
“Oh, I see. Thank you, An, for teaching me these things.”
Deep down, she still felt glad to know that she could help Kohane improve, but the praise didn’t warm her heart as much as it fed into the anxiety she had felt since the moment they stepped off stage. Why couldn’t she just apologize now? Why let Kohane go on thinking she needed to improve so badly when it was really her own fault her team failed? She had to do something. A tiny step towards reconciliation would be enough!
“Can we try together?” An suggested on a whim.
Kohane’s eyes brightened somewhat. “Of course!”
Though she didn’t quite know the words, and she could feel exhaustion beginning to settle into her muscles, An cleared her throat and started to sing the section again. This time, Kohane joined in, creating a two-part harmony. Their voices were both raw at first, and they both hit notes that were too flat or a little out of sync. There was a tension that came through in their song, both trying to reach each other in a way that words couldn't.
Yet, as the sun set, An felt the energy in the air shift into one that she had never experienced while singing with someone else. It was a little like the feeling she got at concerts when the speakers were so loud that the bass reverberated in her bones, but this moment was warmer, more grounding than overwhelming. While she tried to remember Kohane’s melody, she sensed her voice wobbling and before she could overthink it again, she suddenly pulled her teammate into a tight embrace.
“Kohane, I’m so sorry,” spilled from her lips.
“Huh? What happened?”
Tears formed in An’s eyes, a pool of all of her emotions from the past day. Her shame, her sorrow, her fear that she ruined her chance to ever sing with Kohane again- it flowed through her body, and she couldn’t hold back any longer.
“I was so caught up in winning STAY GOLDEN that I totally overlooked your feelings and what was more important for our team. I thought that-” An started to sniffle, “- I thought that I was being a good partner by covering your weaknesses so you could focus on your strengths, but in the end I wasn’t believing that you can shine on your own. I do believe in you, and I want to keep singing with you!”
“I’ll keep working harder, please don’t give up on me!” Kohane’s own eyes filled with tears, reflecting the orange light of sunset. “I understand why you did what you did, so please don’t feel bad, An. I promise I’ll practice until I won’t need to rely on you or the others.”
An pulled away from their embrace. “That’s not it! I want us to be more equal, starting right now. I can learn from you too, y’know,” she chuckled. “Like the lyrics to that song! You should help me out with them; I was totally making it up just now.”
“Really?”
“I just wanna make sure I can rely on you, too. That’s what makes us a great team.”
🎵
In the morning, fresh dew covered the playground, the sun just barely peeking over the town’s buildings. An’s body tingled with excitement as she took the familiar route, and though she was sore from her run the day before she couldn’t help but hurry to practice with her renewed sense of pride in Kohane and hope for her team. An wanted to keep chasing that feeling she got when they sang together until they could become something truly great.
“An! You’re early too?” In a moment of deja vu, Kohane’s voice again broke An’s train of thought. Unlike the previous evening, she radiated confidence and joy, bathed in the early golden light.
“Heh, looks like we’ll have to start without the guys.” She ran over to Kohane, pulling her into a loose hug. “Wanna lead some scales to warm up?”
Kohane’s eyes sparkled, hardly able to contain her smile. “Of course! I just got this tuning app on my phone so we can check our pitch too!”
“Wow, that’s perfect!”
As they began the scale, Akito and Toya appeared at the park’s entryway. They wore matching looks of satisfaction upon seeing the girls.
“I told you things would be okay, didn’t I?” Akito grinned, elbowing Toya and nearly knocking the iced coffee out of his hand.
“I knew they’d make up somehow; it takes a lot to break a duo’s bond.”
Kohane waved over at the boys, signaling them to join her and An. Together, they started warming up again, and maybe it was something in the air, but An could have sworn they were more in sync than ever before. The misunderstanding was cast aside, taken up by the seeds of a blossoming future.
Vivid Bad Squad had a long journey ahead of them, that much was clear, but as long as they worked hard and kept moving forward as a team, there was nothing they couldn't do.