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The light shining through the windows and the quiet tinkering woke me before the blaring alarm, one of those rare mornings where I got to sleep in. With no classes to teach, I got to laze around as much as I wanted.
I stretched, sheets sliding down my chest, joints popping more easily these days. Even with all the adjustments the Eridian scientists had made, gravity was still winning, bit by bit. The quiet ache, although tolerable, never quite went away.
"Hey Rocky," I greeted, voice slightly rough from sleep. I slowly eased myself off the bed, quietly mourning the cozy warmth.
“Hello Grace,” Rocky chirped from his place next to the bed, claws going through practiced motions as he worked on one of his projects. The new suit he made allowed for more movement, the stretchy membrane bending and flexing exactly the way it needed.
I yawned widely as I walked up to him, crouching slowly as my knees protested. Hugging his carapace gently, I rested my face against the xenonite-covered body, careful not to disturb the arms busy assembling…something. Whatever it was, it looked way more complicated than my tiny human brain could comprehend. I’d learned early on that Rocky could build complex structures out of parts that had no business fitting together.
Rocky hummed, content, not stopping his motions even for a second as one of his claws rested against my upper arm. The familiarity of it all made me warm all over with joy, lips stretching into a smile that I couldn’t stop even if I tried.
After years spent on Erid, I still haven't grown bored of this routine. You'd think that after 4 years of forced close proximity during our journey to Erid, we both would value some time apart. There was only so much time you could spend constantly with another being before going crazy.
I even tried forcing myself at first, excuse after excuse to be on my own, trying to let Rocky enjoy more time with other Eridians and his mate. We both quickly realized how miserable we got - Rocky made sure to drill into my head how stupid I was being for no reason at all. How many times do I have to tell Grace how important he is, question? Human memory is bad but it can’t be that bad.
Now most days were spent together when we weren't working, with Adrian joining in more often than not. Rocky sometimes grumbled about how we could spend the whole day discussing differences in Eridians and human cultures but I knew he was happy about how well we were getting along, observing us interacting for hours on end.
“Grace slept well, question?”
“Mmm,” I hummed in reply, enjoying the slight warmth of the xenonite shell that always seeped through, the temperature just toasty enough to be pleasant but not scalding. I was close enough that my breath fogged up the shell every time I breathed out.
“Grace always dumb when he wakes up.”
“Give me a break, buddy, my weak human brain needs time to wake up,” I grumbled right back, easing myself fully onto the floor.
“I know.” And wow, ouch, he didn’t pull his punches even right after I opened my eyes, ”Eridians are waiting on the decision about Hail Mary flying back.” The last part was said quietly, almost like Rocky was reluctant to share it.
I froze for a moment, suddenly struck with the realization that I haven't thought about Earth and going back to it for many weeks now, mind occupied with new lesson ideas, the Eridian children soaking up knowledge so quickly with their perfect memory. The time that wasn’t occupied with my current “job” was spent with Rocky and Adrian, brainstorming and messing around.
Now I realized I got this information weeks ago and haven’t thought of it at all, dismissing Rocky’s inquiry and telling him I'll let him know soon. The “soon” came way quicker than I had anticipated.
“Yeah, right.” I replied after a few quiet moments, my voice cracking towards the end. Clearing my throat I sat back, noticing Rocky’s full attention on me, tools discarded aside.
Thousands of excuses started forming in my mind, ready to stall as I have been doing for a long time now.
When we arrived at Erid, going back was out of the question - malnutrition left me weak, physical recovery had to take priority over anything else. When I was strong enough to move around on my own with little issues, Erid still was busy figuring out how to make sure I lived long enough to see the ship fixed.
The temptation to come up with something was strong but with Rocky's attention fixed on me I couldn't do it again.
"I don't think I want to go back," I blurted out before I could stop myself.
It was as if time stopped, Rocky froze, his usually animated body didn’t even twitch.
Armando’s bustling in the kitchen was barely audible, drowned by the heartbeat thundering in my ears. Hands sweating, my mouth kept running as it always did when it really shouldn’t, "I know that everyone worked so hard on the ship and I don't want to waste all the efforts, I'm so thankful no words can describe it but," I stopped, turning my gaze to look at Rocky who still hasn't moved an inch, "I don't think I could go back now. So many years alone on the ship and I want to see what Adrian can do about the stars at night in my zone, y'know? Or how you can improve my suit so I can actually explore Erid better,” I rambled on and on barely taking time to breathe, ”and I don't think I could be without you again, Rocky." I finally managed to croak out, my throat closing up and eyes burning despite my best efforts to stop being the leaky blob Rocky claims I am.
I finally stopped. My hand trembled against my forearm, gaze lingering on the burned claw imprint. Somehow, out of all things, that’s exactly what gave me the courage to keep going.
"There's nothing on Earth that'd be worth more than a day spent with you, I haven't thought about my planet in a long time now.” I gasped out, my eyes burning as tears finally spilled over my cheeks.
“Then don't go.”
Rocky said, as if it was a simple choice between deciding to sleep in on a day off or being productive. I blinked at him slowly, taken aback enough to end my spiralling. Rocky always joked about how he could restart my brain the same way I restarted a laptop when it wasn’t responding properly. He always has a way of cutting through panic with bluntness.
Rocky raised his claw, the membrane stretching around it as he wiped a tear from my face, always so careful of my soft, human body.
“Stay on Erid. Selfishly, I don't want you to leave. Who would watch you sleep when you are all alone, question?”
My heart threatened to burst out of my chest, relief washing over me so quickly I felt dizzy. He wanted me to stay, he wanted me to stay on Erid.
“Technically, humans don't need to be watched,” I said with a shaky smile stretching on my face, pointing out the obvious. He knew, I was sure of it, but the banter helped me settle.
It was easier to joke than admit how much it meant to have the space to think, to decide for myself, instead of being forced into choices that weren’t mine.
“Liar, you get anxious after too many nights alone.”
I couldn't even protest, knowing fully how true it is. I just leaned my face firmer against his claw, grounding myself with the touch.
“Okay, I'll stay then.”
“Good, now stop leaking. Adrian wanted to discuss which stars you want to see at night. Biome team is eager to work on this."
I just stayed there, leaning into him, letting the tension ease out of my body.