Chapter Text
Life was a confusing thing. Beautiful one day, disturbing the next.
It was a cycle.
Birth and Death
The scariest thing about the world was, you wouldn’t know when it was time.
You wouldn’t know until it happens.
And that’s scary.
It’s a scary concept Azure had to grasp onto, too many times as of lately
Too many people he’s lost in his life.
Too many important people.
It was confusing. That thought that sat in their head. Something, someone they used to hold so dearly, taken away by life so cruelly.
And to put it honestly. He wanted to cry, but those tears that he wants to shed don’t come. He’s tired. So tired.
They miss them.
Azure wants them back.
But, life isn’t fair.
Why would it ever be fair?
It’s a cruel thing.
A beautiful, cruel thing.
But, without them, time feels slower.
Like it was telling him he could’ve done more.
Should’ve shown more.
Should’ve said more.
But it’s too late now.
Azure can only lay in bed, curled up in the dark staring at something that wasn’t there.
He’s tired but sleep doesn’t come.
And that feels unbearable.
They want to sleep. They want to sleep so badly.
But it doesn’t come.
Not since then.
Not since a while now.
Azure wishes to dream, he wishes this was a dream. A nightmare. He doesn’t want it to be real..
If only he could jerk awake and gasp, as his mother would come to check up on him.
To whisper sweet comforting nothings into his ear like he was a kid again.
They used to call it childish, now they crave it more than anything now.
To have someone cradle you and comfort you through the brutal burden of life.
But Azure knew this was a delusion.
They’re gone.
They’re gone and there’s nothing he can do about it.
He can’t bare to get up.
Can’t bare with today. Or tomorrow.
He couldn’t even bare yesterday.
They couldn’t bare anything anymore. They have no one.
No one to care
No one to cry to
No one to believe in him
No one to tell him that life was worth living still.
It was a strange thought that would come to him.
Who would care if he died tomorrow?
Who would care if one person in the world decides that life has taken everything away?
He’s a speck on this universe.
A small atom compared to others.
Insignificant.
Wasteful.
Maybe his thoughts had been getting worse, since they’ve run out of pills.
But they can’t even be asked to go out and get some more.
It was just the idea of getting out of bed, was just so… unappealing..
And yet, life moves on.
No one would batter an eyelash at it.
Something so simple as not bothering with the world today.
Or just something more.. terrifying.
Like.
Him dying.
That idea sounds.. crazy. But, they didn’t matter to anyone anymore.
Not after the people that mattered died.
Not after the people that mattered left.
All that was remaining was themself.
All he had was himself.
And nothing more.
He doesn’t know how to react anymore.
He didn’t understand.
It was a difficult concept to comprehend.
It felt like a pit, he was struggling to even get out of.
However, the soft creaking of the window is what makes them look up, effectively breaking him away from his thoughts .
But there’s…Nothing.
Nothing at all.
Nothing except well..
Nothing but a cold breeze.
Trying to peer at that opened window, that was hidden behind curtains, he can see that it’s dark outside. Well duh, there’s no light coming through.
But
How did it even open?
They blinked slowly, sluggishly.
Eyes shut momentarily, from pure exhaustion. They probably fell asleep for a few minutes from how long blinking felt. And he opens them once again.
A blurry light is standing beside his window.
It doesn’t reflect onto the walls or the floor. Or anything actually.
It’s just there.
A light in his room.
Standing next to the window.
And he didn’t think too much of it.
Just shrugging it off as them being just tired.
But the blinding light doesn’t leave. It stays. It lingers. And he stares. And stares. Until he closes his eyes again because they couldn’t bare the light any longer.
He doesn’t know how much time passed, since he closed their eyes again, but something soft touches his forehead.
Something so delicately soft..
A hand, was what it felt like.
A hand, was what he realised.
He grumbled at the touch, it felt warm, too warm.
And it responded. Shushing him, but the warmth still lingered.
They don’t open their eyes, but the warmth becomes tolerable. Because..The warmth..felt nice? Almost.
That’s nice, he thought to himself.
That’s nice.
Azure isn’t even worried right now.
But, if you think about it. Something that came from outside your window, and is now touching your head is probably concerning
But he can’t be bothered to care.
The touch is nice.
He can’t complain.
Yet, Azure felt curious. What was this thing touching his head? Now cradling his cheeks gently, as if worried they’d get damaged if held any tighter. The curiosity was consistent, so he forced their eyes to open.
Gazing at the light standing at the head of his bed, petting his hair.
Cradling their face
Eyes? Could it be it’s eyes?
Maybe eyes.
Possibly eyes.
Staring
Blinking at them.
And It stirs. It tilts Its head at him.
The light settles down and reveals a pure white being. The only thing out of the norm is the fact it has a tail made of what seemed to be bone, and it’s wings are falling apart.
What is this thing?
An angel?
It had the light described in many apparent “books about them”
But it did not have the snow coloured wings
Or the glowing halo.
Or anything in any pictures he’s seen perceiving these creatures.
So what was it?
It’s hand shifted trying to grab their arm but they shoved It away. It didn’t stumble or complain. Only stared.
It’s many eyes staring.
Funnily enough he just realised the many eyes on Its wings.
Blinking at him.
Looking at him.
Perceiving them.
Studying them like a bug.
But it didn’t move again.
And Azure didn’t move either.
‘What are you?’ He wanted to whisper to it.
But their throat felt impossibly dry from the lack of water.
‘What are you doing?’ They wished to ask it.
But their stomach ached in complaint from the lack of food.
Then the form of it shifted, walking? No—moving out of his room.
And returned once more with a glass. And what seemed to be bread?
It passed Azure those items.
Shoved them into his arms and stood beside him once more. Waiting
But the fact it was there didn’t somehow feel threatening. Or judgemental. Rather comforting.
Understanding even.
Which again. A weird concept because this is a creature with lots of eyes and blinding light and warm hands.
The type of creature that would be described to be in a story, or a fairy tale not for kids.
But this wasn’t a story
It’s real life.
And that feels so insanely unreal.
They must be dreaming, but when he pinched himself he did not wake up, drenched in disgusting sweat, panting. No. He was here
And this was real.
Very real.
Extremely real.
This thing was real.
The hand returned, petting their hair, whispering sweet nothings.
Before,
“Shh, rest now, my dear..”
.
And the lights went out.