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Hello, Doctor!
Hope you're enjoying yourself, out there in the universe, being me!
Just a quick question: have you, by any chance, seen our Venusian wafflemaker? Tomorrow's my turn to cook and I promised Rose my famous Venusian spiced waffles, but I can't find the machine, and the 21st century Earth ones won't do at all. They don't even come with lasers! I tried adding them, but I couldn't quite remember the frequency, and, well... Suffice to say I owe Donna a new hat.
I had assumed when we hit the TARDIS with the Toymaker's mallet it created a closed-loop reduplication event — did it look to you like a closed-loop reduplication event? no, what am I saying, of course it did, you're me — but in that case the two TARDISes should be identical, and I appear to have got a version with no wafflemaker, so maybe it was actually just entirely magic unfathomable by human or Time Lord.
Annnnyway, if you happen to find it, or if you'd care to pop by Venus around two billion BCE and fetch me a new one, it would be much appreciated. Trust me, you'd rather face a Dalek invasion than the look on Rose's face when she's trying to pretend she's not disappointed. Just bring it (or have it delivered, if you're busy) to the spacetime coordinates in the metadata of this message. Which I've sent by short-circuiting the subdimensional safties in the old girl's telepathy circuits, temporarily confusing her as to whether she's my her or your her, thus allowing these words to exist simultaneously in both versions at once. Which of course you've figured out already, because we're very clever. Just, small tip, don't turn the psychic sensitivity up past 9 when you go to send a reply, or you'll end up with a headache that does not pair well with being smacked for accidentally destroying a hat. (Ask me how I know.)
Love,
The Doctor
Hey babes,
What do you mean "our famous Venusian spiced waffles?" We've made those once, and if I remember correctly, we had to put Sgt. Benton out with a fire extinguisher afterward. (Good times!)
Anyway, I found the machine. It was in the boot cupboard. I'm pretty sure what happened was both a closed-loop reduplication event and magic unfathomable by human or Time Lord, which means yours should probably be in the same spot. Check under the giant pile of wellies. (And, no, I don't know why it's there any more than you do. Obviously.)
Give all the Nobles a big hug from me. Tell them I wish...
Ah, never mind. Just give them a hug. And try not to set any of them on fire!
Laters,
The Doctor
Dear Doctor,
Since when do we call people "babes?!"
Anyway, I found the waffle machine right where you said, thanks for that. You'll be pleased to know the waffles went over very well and there was no fire at all. Well, only a teeny, tiny little bit of fire. Barely enough to speak of, really. Except that I owe Donna another hat. I have no idea why she has all these hats! I never see her wearing them. But you disintegrate one hat — okay, you disintegrate two hats — and suddenly you're persona non grata! Really, some days...
Ah, well. Never mind.
I did hug them all for you, once Donna got over the hats. But, c'mon, tell me what you were going to wish? Really, if you can't be honest with yourself, who can you? (No, wait. Don't answer that.)
Love,
The Doctor
Dear Doc,
I'm the hip new me. I'm cooler than a bow tie, baby! I call people all kinds of things, and they LOVE IT!
Although I'm not sure about "Doc." Do I love it or hate it when other people call me that? I can never quite decide. Or I do decide, but then maybe I change my mind. Or I totally hate it, but also secretly kind of like it? Does any of that make more sense to the me that's you? Maybe you have a different perspective on how we interact with humans. Living on Earth with them, like you're one of them. Being, you know. Domestic. What's it even like, coming home every day and knowing they'll be there, the same people, that they won't leave or just suddenly be gone?
Ah, listen to me. Sentimental in my old age, right? Anyway, that's all I was going to say, really. That sometimes I wish I was there with them. Where you are. Even though I technically am. Isn't that funny?
Never mind. Glad you enjoyed the waffles, babes!
Love to everyone,
The Doc?
Dear Doctor (no, I am not calling either of us "Doc"),
Are you all right?
Love,
The Doc. I mean, the Doctor
Dear Doc(tor),
I'm fine! 'Course I am. You know me. We're always fine.
Love,
You
Dear Me,
We do tend to say that when we're not actually fine.
Love,
Me
Dear Me,
All right, you got me. I'd say "can't hide anything from myself," but we both know better than that. Still, in this particular case...
I don't know. I've just been thinking. The bi-generation and all, I figured we were sort of a closed-loop reduplication event, too, so everything I experience as you spirals itself all timey-wimey through to me, and I thought that would make me better. Healthier. You'd have the therapy, and a bit of a rest — which, let's be honest, even the Doctor needs once every millennium or so, no matter how much we pretend otherwise — and all that love, and that'd make everything easier for me. Right? I thought it had done. I mean, I call people "babes" now! I talk about my feelings! I cry! I've been crying so much, it's been so... I don't know. Cathartic. And sad. And happy. Hey, I've even been flirting! You should have seen me. There was this guy, and I... And he...
Well. Appreciate where you are and what you've got, that's all I'm saying, Doctor. And maybe think about upping your therapy game, because I hate to tell you this, honey, but you may need more of it than you thought.
I mean, I am fine, obviously. And I'll be fine. But it might be nice, sometimes, if it was a little easier. That's all.
Love you,
Me
Dear Self,
All right, tell me what happened. Now.
Getting worried,
Yourself
Dear Doctor,
Not much to tell, honestly. There was a guy. He was charming and hot, I was charming and hot. There were evil Bridgerton-fan bird people trying to destroy the Earth via cosplay. And for the first time since River I thought, hey, maybe this is something that could work. Maybe this is something I could have. Without it already being written into my future, even. Maybe this is me being the legacy of you. Domesticity and adventure all at once. Maybe I could have it all, baby!
But it doesn't work that way, does it? Not for us. It's not safe. We were right when we told Yaz we couldn't do it, and nothing's actually changed. It won't change, unless we give all this up, and I don't think we can. Not for good. Can we? You'd know better than I, Doctor. Can we?
Oh, you'd have liked him so much. Obviously.
Yeah, first time since River, and it ended basically the same way. Just sooner and with slightly less complicated time travel. And no Darillium.
Are you happy there, Doctor? Could you do it forever? Could we give this up?
Love,
You
My dearest Doctor,
I think you already know the answer to those questions.
But in case you don't: Yesterday, right before breakfast, I ducked out on a little jaunt, third time this week, and I almost didn't come back. Not because I didn't want to, but because I was almost disintegrated like one of Donna's hats. I can't help thinking about would happen if I just disappeared like that, if I never returned and they never found out what happened. I can hardly bear it. But you know that's not going to stop me. I'll be back at it again tomorrow. I can't give up travel and adventure, any more than you can give up having people who love you.
Maybe the problem isn't that we can't do both. Yeah, maybe it's hard. Maybe it goes horribly wrong sometimes. And I'm sorry, I'm so very, very sorry, about your man. But maybe the problem is that neither of us can do it alone. Maybe it takes both of us to be one whole Doctor, with one whole life. At least sometimes.
I suppose what I'm saying is: come. Come and see these lovely, lovely people who love you because you're me. Which is to say, because you're you. Come and eat Venusian waffles and be hugged by more people than you've ever been hugged by at once, and maybe we'll all take a trip and have a little adventure. Just a small one. Maybe a medium-sized one.
Come on home. Just for a while. You know you want to. I know you want to. I know I want to.
Love and waffles and a very big waiting hug,
The other half of you
My dear, dear, dearest Doctor,
All right. Fine. You've talked me into it.
Tell Donna I'll bring her a new hat.
Love,
Oh, never mind the message. I'm here.