Chapter Text
I let out a relieved sigh and pushed up my glasses once I heard the bell ring, finally time to go home. I gathered my things and placed them in my book bag as I listened in on my deskmate and his friend’s conversation.
’A party? What could possibly be fun about underaged drinking and fornication?’ A scoff escaped my lips.
For a split second I paused, when I heard my name being brought up, so tilted my head up in their direction.
”Yo, Shirou Nakagawa. Are you…uhh..are you coming to Yoshihiro’s party?” my deskmate asked cautionally, as if he was afraid I’d lash out because of his question.
I shook my head, trying to not give away how I would rather come out to my entire family than come to such a party. I had gotten used to my classmates taking caution when speaking to me, I did have a pretty bad track record after all so I couldn’t exactly blame them. What really caught my eye was the name of who was hosting: ‘Yoshihiro’. I wasn’t familiar with the name, perhaps a new student? I would have to check it out later.
The way to my locker was short, which meant I could hurry out of the school before my classmates attempted to spark conversation with me. Today, however, I wasn’t as lucky. Opening my locker, I was disturbed by a foreign voice to my left.
“Hey, dude!” The voice exclaimed and I generously gave it a glance, curious as to who was disturbing me. Seeing the face didn’t make me recognize the voice any more.
The stranger looked to be my height, slightly taller, darker skinned, looked to be from central Africa, he had thick dreads put up in a high ponytail. He was fairly handsome and pretty built, though most passersbys would not notice due to his slacking posture and baggy clothes.
”…Hello,” I drily responded, trying to make it clear I had no interest in the conversation.
”You comin’ to my party this weekend?” So this must be the Yoshihiro my deskmate was speaking of before.
”No, I will not. Frankly, I believe “partying”, as you put it, is a waste of valuable studying time and just a clear excuse for horny teens, such as yourself, to create teen pregnancies and spread STDs!” I scolded the other teen.
After finishing my lecture I was shocked to see Yoshihiro chuckling and much to my dismay: my heart fluttered at the laugh. Quickly, I tore my eyes away from his face before my own got too flushed.
”You’re mad funny, dude.,” he said after he had finished his laughing session. “N’ you could’ve just said no, y’know?”
”I did,” I tsk’d, grabbed the rest of my things from my locker and closed it.
I was hoping my blatant display of annoyance would make him stop bothering me, instead he followed me as I walked out.
”Ya could’ve said it nicer,” he shrugged. “Name’s Yoshihiro Mujinga, you?”
”Nakagawa.” I don’t even consider stopping or slowing down for even a second.
”What’s your first name, mr proper?” I saw him cross his arms over his chest from the corner of my eye.
”Why should I tell you? My-“
”Alright, alright! No need to give me anotha’ earful!” He cut me off, then dismissively waved his left hand at me.
I let out one more tsk and clutched the strap of my book bag when he let out another laugh. I hoped he would stop following me once we reached the school gates but “coincidentally” enough, his house was in the same direction as mine.
For the rest of the walk I ignored his attempts at conversation, eventually he realized I was not a fan of his company and finally shut his mouth. We came to a fork in the road where we went opposite ways, Yoshihiro gave me a quick wave goodbye and I responded with an even quicker nod.
Once reaching my house, I straightened my posture and wiped my clothes of dirt. At the entrance I took off my shoes and changed into my indoor slippers. My summer jacket, I hung on the rack next to me, all while thinking back to the audacity of that damned boy. Even in my thinking I could hear the sizzling of frying food from the kitchen, the smell hinted at the same.
”Dìdi!” I was brought out of my thinking by my big brother greeting me by ruffling my hair “How was school, little Jun?
”Ani!-“ I start in Japanese before I can correct myself. “Gēgē, I told you to only call me Shirou now!”
”Jun suits you way better, Dìdi,” he teased as I attempted to fix my completely ruined hair.
“It doesn’t matter, Yǔ. We are in Japan so we need to have Japanese names!” I struggled to keep my temper at bay, letting out annoyed groans and grumbles as I made my way to the kitchen.
My other brother was standing over the kitchen stove, wearing mamā’s old apron and his glasses fogged up by the steam.
”Where’s bàba?” I carefully step over Mimi, who was attempting to nuzzle against my leg, to get to the sink and wash my hands.
In reality I didn’t need to ask where dad was, out working as usual. That didn’t mean I couldn’t have some hope that either of them would say something along the lines of ‘he’s resting on the couch.’
”Work,” Cōng answered, quick and simple. I didn’t do any gesture to acknowledge the answer but I was aware they could most likely sense my disappointment through my silence. Grabbing an apron off its rack, my ear caught the noise of my brothers mumbling something at a volume impossible for me to hear from where I stood.
At the counter I searched for the vegetable knife, holding the well used wooden cutting board in my other hand.
”Where is the cai dao?” I ask without tearing my eyes from my searching.
”We threw it out, it was getting rusty.” Yǔ shrugged and leaned against the worn down counter.
I froze in place at the sentence, it felt like the world had stopped spinning, like I could just die right there. After tearing the apron off myself, I slammed it and the cutting board onto the floor and let out a groan out of a mix of frustration, anger and loss.
My brothers didn’t seem too affected by my outburst, barely keeping their eyes on me as I stormed out of the kitchen.
“It’s like they don’t even care about keeping māmā’s memory…” I grumbled while I walked to my room, Mimi followed closely behind, letting out confused meows with every step I took. I slammed my door after letting Mimi in and carefully made sure to lock my door and covered the windows with the blinds.
Mimi skillfully jumped up on my bed and got cozy on my pillow. She watched me like a predator while I searched deep in the hidden parts of my closet, pulling out a traditional red qipao with beautiful golden embroideries of different flowers and plants. Looking over it, I did not see any rips, only faint traces of my mother's old habit of picking at loose seams. Even the embroidered name on the tag sat perfectly.
”lì Oda…” I read aloud without realizing.
As I continued my closet digging, I found my makeup kit eventually. It was a fairly sized wooden box with the names of several women from my family engraved along the sides, showing the ownership of my ancestors. I hadn’t used the makeup that much, exempt for occasionally powdering some of it on my arm to see if it still worked.
I shed my uniform, keeping my ears on alert in case I heard any nearing footsteps or door opening. Once I was fitting into the Qipao I was even more alert than before. My reflection was like a whole different person, a braver person, a happier person. I let out a squeak when I heard someone nearing my bedroom door. Quick as I could I ripped off the qipao with care and tossed it back into the closet, along with the makeup kit.
The door creaked as it opened, thankfully I had enough time to put on a shirt so I wasn’t completely naked.
“You didn’t greet me at the door, dìdi,” my eldest brother peeked through the door. “Yû told me what happened…”
I stared at the floor, taking occasional ashamed glances at my older brother. I wouldn’t mind if Kǎi saw me wearing mom’s old qipao but if dad or Cōng found out I would be lucky if I was still alive.
“I get that you miss māmā, we all do…” he took a deep breath, “But it’s impossible for us to keep everything from Nanjing.”
He sat down on my bed next to Mimi, mindlessly petting her as he spoke.
“I know…” I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt. “It just feels like they’re trying to replace her with nothing!”
We heard Yû yelling about dinner being done so we cut the conversation short and made our way to the kitchen.
Dinner was good and I went to bed after finishing my studying, Mimi snuggling up next to me as I drifted off to sleep.