Chapter Text
Someone says that a heartbreak is easier with time. Not with Ravi, even after more than 3 months had passed, he still couldn’t get that beautiful, mischievous grin of hers out of his mind, or that painful look she gave him the last time they talked. The last time they ever talked.
Ravi sighed at the thought, slammed his bedroom door shut, and tossed his phone onto the bed. Back from work at last. His hands opened the closet door and slowly changed his clothes into something more comfortable. In the mirror, he could see how red and puffy his eyes are. His hand slowly reached and touched them; it stung to the touch. How could it not? He had been crying like hell during these past 3 months, and to be honest, he would say this was better than before. Still crying, but crying less, that must have counted as something, right?
A sigh escaped from his mouth again as he shut the closet door.
Ping!
Ravi jumped at the sound of his phone’s notification. It was just a phone’s notification; he shouldn’t have reacted this much, he knew. Still, deep down in his heart, he knew there was a small glimpse of hope that the notification would be from her, saying, “How are you?” just like how it used to be.
His hand trembled as he reached for the phone, quickly opening it to see what the mysterious message was about.
“Are you lonely? I can fix that.” A stupid dating app advertisement stared at him mockingly, belittling him for waiting and pining after a girl whom he couldn’t even talk to, yet desperately wanted to. He knew what to do with these kinds of ads; his finger hovered over the ‘Block’ button and pressed it without hesitation.
After getting rid of those annoying ads, Ravi was faced with his own reflection on the screen. His eyes longingly look at the “Message” app icon. No. It will only hurt you. Stop it. As he thought, his finger slowly travelled closer to the app. What will you get from looking at them, Ravi? Nothing. His finger tapped on the icon and then on the name “Sarge”.
He scrolled to the first message they had ever sent, trading with each other during the Sal murder case investigation. Serious discussion and playful banter were exchanged back and forth; even without a voice-over, he could hear all their laughs and smiles through texts alone. Even down to how different smiles Pip could make while typing: mischievous, judging, and genuine smiles. His thumb slowly slid over the screen of his phone, wishing it were Pip’s soft cheeks rather than this cold phone screen.
Oh, he could feel it now. When his eyes felt like they were going to burst with tears. First, the burning sensation in his eyes, then the lump in his throat. He tried not to, he had not cried for a week now, is it going to break down again? He shut his eyes, thinking about how Pip would do in this situation. However, thinking about her hurt too much, so he thought of Sal instead.
Sal, his big brother, even without him in this world, his soul was still alive in his and his parents’ minds. He remembered when he was rejected by his crush for the first time in seventh grade. He had cried to no end, not understanding the painful tug in his chest. Sal, despite not knowing what caused his little brother to cry, had offered him a warm hug.
“It probably can’t make your tears go away,” he had said. “But I hope it will make you feel better, even a little is fine.”
So Ravi did just that, he hugged himself, thinking that it was Sal who hugged him. Sal was right; he felt a little bit better. Cold still, but a bit better. Ravi thought back to how two of his loved ones had given him warmth, so much so that he missed them. He was afraid to start over because he was afraid of losing them. Losing their laugh, smiles, and warm hugs twice now in his life. Yet, just like the hugs that Sal used to give him, they were warm, fleeting, and he would hold them close to his heart, even if it would only hurt him.
100 days passed — He was still missing them