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It’d been over two years, and Remus Lupin was finally back in London. After finally finishing his Master's in Berlin, he decided to go back to his hometown before finding work somewhere else, for old times sake.
That had been a long two years, but Remus needed them. He couldn’t have stayed in London, anyway. After the fallout he had had with his ex, there was no way he could’ve kept living here. He would’ve lived in fear of seeing his ex every day, and it hurt too much.
Remus wanted to see Lily first thing after coming to London, but unfortunately, she was busy these days. She still had an exam to study for before getting her degree. So Remus wondered around London that day, wondering if he should call Mary or Marlene. He’d kept in touch with them, of course, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to see them right away. He’d only been prepared to see Lily those first few days.
He was sure, though, that calling James was out of question. James always stood by Sirius, and Sirius had fucked up. Peter was another story, he would always stand by James, though, in Remus’ humble opinion, he was the one who treated Peter the best, not James or Sirius. He stood in the telephone booth, almost dialling Peter’s number.
But he couldn’t do it. Peter was, out of all of his ex-friends, his favourite, but his competition wasn’t strong. It wasn’t worth the energy.
Remus kept walking around the city, taking the tube and the double decker, his legs automatically leading him towards the shadier part of town he had grown up in. His hip started throbbing from all the physical activity, but he decided to ignore it, instead leaning more into his crutch. It probably wasn’t a good idea to go around disabled in this neighbourhood, but Remus couldn’t help himself.
There was some sort of fight in an alley Remus was passing, and the instincts kicked in. He limped inside the dark street and leaned his crutch against the wall before pulling the bigger guy of the lean man on the ground. Then, he chocks slammed the bloke into the wall next to his crutch. It tumbled to the ground.
“Leave him alone, do you understand?” Remus asked. He wasn’t sure why he was doing this. He always had a weak spot for those who couldn’t defend themselves, that was one of the reasons why he had left this neighbourhood, but he himself never understood it.
The bloke nodded rapidly, and when Remus removed his elbow from his throat, he skittered away, wiping the blood of his knuckles on his pants.
Remus turned around to face the other guy. He handed Remus’ crutch to him and he looked very familiar.
Shit.
It was him.
Fuck.
His long black locks were messy now, but they had the same shine as they did before. His cheekbones, though bloodied and bruised, were still sharp indeed. He was still built incredibly lean, but somehow still muscular. His clothes were the same he wore over two years ago, except they were tattered and covered in blood. His lip had the same twitch to the side it had had when Remus had seen it smile last. That smile… And his eyes, his silver eyes, Remus’ greatest weakness.
Bloody hell.
It was Sirius Black.
Remus snatched the crutch from his hand and started limping away. His hip had hurt more only one other time, during the accident that made it this way. The accident Sirius caused.
“Wait! Remus!” Sirius yelled out. “I’m sorry about what happened! I really am!”
Though Remus was taller and his strides were longer, Sirius caught up with him easily this time. Remus cursed his hip silently and stopped. There was obviously no point in trying to get away, and his hip needed the rest.
“Sirius, you can’t fix what happened. You fucked up. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
“But I really am sorry!” Sirius whined. He wiped the the blood of his face with his handkerchief. His fucking fancy handkerchief.
“Your apology can’t change what happened! It can’t bring my hip back to normal! It can’t make my hurt to away!”
“We can try again. I want to. Remu, please”
“Sirius,” Remus said sternly. “I loved you. I loved you so fucking much. And then the accident happened. You caused it and then you disappeared without a scratch. I was in the hospital for a month and you never came to visit! I had to listen to poor James make excuses for you. Shit, Peter was at least fair and honest, and poor James, he loved you too much. I thought… Fuck, I thought you hated me. And then I started hating you. I can’t try again.”
Remus’ voice was steady, never wavering, though having to go through all again hurt like hell. He had to remind himself to breathe.
There were tears in Sirius’ silver eyes. Fuck. “I’m sorry, I—“
“Stop right there,” Remus interrupted. “I don’t need your apologies. I want you to leave me alone.”
Then Remus turned around and left. He hoped Sirius wouldn’t follow him, because if he did, Remus would have to kiss him until both of them grew tired of that. Then, he would’ve made love to Sirius, as wild as they used to do it two and a half years ago, in the middle of the street, he didn’t care. Remus’ body ached for Sirius, his soul ached for Sirius, his mind ached for Sirius. His entire being ached for Sirius, and if he followed Remus, he wouldn’t be able to control himself.
There were familiar steps behind Remus.