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Even to utter his name, the way it rolled off of Ewron’s tongue, felt like a crime. He would casually say it when the leader of the Regime was absent, of course, but to speak the name when they were alone held a whole new meaning. The air would feel heavier on Ewron’s shoulders when he managed to force it out of his mouth. He would tense up when Ash turned to him with an expectant gaze. Under that cold, unforgiving stare. Thrilling was a fitting way to describe the sensation.
He wished he could feel that thrilling sensation. Instead, he just felt naked. In the face of Ash’s sincerity, Ewron would melt.
He looks down on me, usually. I am not his equal, I could never hope to be. And I would not want it any other way. We trust each other, and even so, I find myself desperate for constant reassurance that he won’t leave me. It is terribly cruel to use that reassurance against me.
Back to the point.
They were in that particular section of forest reserved for only Ash and Ewron. Every tree, path, rock and river held life owned solely by the two of them. In the middle, concealed by the foliage, a vast, clear lake, deep enough to hold their boats, their meeting place.
Our place.
Ash had been discussing with Ewron his growing suspicions with the leader of the Polish, Multi. It had been as usual, Ewron dismissing the Polish’s secrets while prying for more of Ash’s. He would let Ash know as much as he wanted if it didn’t kill Ewron. Truly dangerous waters with Multi, wasn’t it?
“Are you even listening?” God, he could listen to that voice all day. The sun shined down on the two warmly, highlighting Ash’s features quite well. Ewron would spare greedy glances at him when he wasn’t noticing to take it all in, the curly hair reflecting the sun’s light and even the scowl looking decently pleasant. Then again, everything about Ash was pleasant.
Ewron raised his head from the boat lazily. “Of course.” He offered a wide, toothy smile, his tail waving, but it did little to relieve Ash’s expression of its unimpressed glower. “Did you know you are looking very pretty today?”
“I don’t have time for your games, Ewron. As you know, I’ve been gone for quite some time, and while it has taken me a lot of effort to learn the current situations of other factions, I know nothing of the Polish. Haiper won’t talk to me. I.. I can’t find him.” Ash looked downcast for a moment before returning his attention to the red panda hybrid. “I need you to tell me what is going on.”
“I told you all I know.”
“Like hell you did.”
Ewron’s ears flattened. “You don’t trust me?”
“Don’t you twist my words to fit your narrative.” Ash rolled his eyes, adjusting the way he sat in his boat, leaning towards Ewron on his side with his hand trailing the edge. “One thing I do know is that you’ve managed to fabricate quite an interesting personality that has half the island fooled. The charming, oh so eccentric Ewron.”
“Not you? You don’t find me charming? You wound me.” They both smirked at that.
Ewron’s smile dropped soon after. “If you won’t trust that I’ve told you everything I know, then I’ll tell you that I’ve told you everything I can,” he muttered. “It’s much harder to give out information than you think, Mr Regime Leader.”
He made a show of turning away with a childish huff, at least waiting a second before turning back, tail drooping as he noticed Ash staring up at the sky instead.
He began to stare upwards too, watching the clouds drift by lazily. He could understand the silence. If Ewron could begin to be true to himself for even a second, he could acknowledge the dull ache that festered within him when he thought about where his heart lied.
Where did it lie? His friends? Would he open it to Nexe or Graf? Multi? He could picture their warm smiles when they had been close. Now, he wasn’t so sure.
The Regime? Absolutely not. He could tolerate Tubbo, maybe even Haiper, but such an organisation did not resonate with his views.
His eyes lowered, landing on Ash, who was now looking at Ewron again, his dark irises containing something akin to sadness. Longing. Was it fake? Was he okay with it nonetheless? He much preferred the cold wall Ash put between them to maintain his professional persona. It was harder to stomach emotional things.
His heart did not know where to lie. But Ewron knew where it could go in times of trouble.
“If I do tell you,” His finger trailed the edge of the boat, a warm smile making its way onto his face, “will you go on a date with me at the Hello Kitty cafe?”
Ash scoffed, rolling his eyes. “You wish.”
There is something very dear to me about these little moments, as much as I inwardly loathe them. Is he still the person who wants to kill everybody with me, even when he jokes around?
Ewron crawled out of his boat and pounced cleanly onto Ash’s, causing the latter to rock suddenly for a second, disturbing the water.
“Well, I can’t tell you from all the way over there.” Ewron smirked at the Regime Leader’s eyeroll.
“Then inform me, Ewron.” Ash leaned in. The glitching barcode on his face intensified as his face got closer. “I’d very much like to know what is that important.”
He’s humoring me. Ewron hardly held back his tail from wagging uncontrollably, but the giddy smile on his face was enough to give him away.
He could say the name now, right? “Ash.” It came out as a whisper, but with how close they were, in that small boat, it carried the same weight it always did. “You missed quite a lot.. That break was long.”
“And you look like you missed me.” Ash gestured gently to the tail which, regrettably, lashed around excitedly now, but Ewron couldn’t care less. “Control yourself, little weirdo.”
“You’re the weirdo!” Ewron retorted playfully.
There was no important information being shared.. at the moment. Just as Ewron had planned. Perhaps he could share a few details about the train accident if Ash remembered his original request.
Their little secret meeting ended abruptly soon after. Ash had suddenly made commotion about finding out Haiper’s whereabouts and needing to visit him.
Ewron had still not been truthful. He felt the ache in his stomach twist around until he felt nauseous, and he lay in the boat, on his back, staring at the clouds as they faded away for the sunset.
Haiper would not live comfortably for long. The radiation would not affect him like it did for a normal human, but it was clearly taking its effects.
An arctic fox hid away and prioritised conserving energy when it felt sick. The front that the spy had put was clearly not very stable.
Do I tell Ash? Will he hate me for withholding this information? Should I act as if I just found it out?
Would he confront Multi?
Ewron groaned loudly and rubbed his face before letting out a long sigh. “What do I doooo…”
Where does your heart lie, Ewron?
That leader of the Regime? Or us, your friends?
“Where does it lie?”
I am his blade. I am his, so what the hell am I doing?
I’ll tell him next time.
Ewron led Ash's boat to the shore and went back to his friends in the Polish cave.