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“No! No! Stop please! Stop! Maza! Daza!”
Terrified screams awoke Mandy with a start. Gasping, the little girl sat up in bed. Tiny hands clutched at her purple blanket and she pulled it up to her chin as the screaming turned into sobs. The distress came just across the hall like it did at least once a week – Mar’i’s room.
Footsteps pounding down the hall and from the cracked open door she saw the light in the hall flick on.
“Shh, it’s okay Mar’i, it’s okay,” Dick soothed, his voice calm and gentle.
With shadow-quiet, Mandy pulled back the covers and floated to the door. From the side of her door, she peeked out to the room across the hall where the lights were on. A shadow laid across the hall floor, Dick’s, as he took Mar’i into his arms. The little girl wailed piteously. Her hands covered her mouth but not to cover the sound, she did it when the night terrors came, when she dreamed of Karras pulling her fangs out.
It had gotten a tiny bit better since they had come back to Earth, but not a week went by when the dreams didn’t infiltrate Mar’i’s mind. The outcome was always the same. She would thrash and scream and sob and cry out and someone would have to come and wake her, assuring her it was okay.
But it wasn’t okay. Though Mandy was only four she knew that much.
And it was all her mother’s fault.
Mandy shrank back further behind the edge of the door as thoughts of her mother stabbed into her mind. Komand’r had been the evil one who had ordered Mar’i’s fangs pulled from her mouth. This screaming was her fault and Mandy couldn’t help but feel the weight of it, as if a part of the cruelty belonged to her too.
She hadn’t meant to tell her mother about those days in play with Mar’i or what was happening with the Grayson family, she had only thought her mother was finally taking a genuine interest in her and because of that Mar’i had suffered.
She herself had not gone unscathed by her mother’s cruelty and while she had gotten off worse by Tamaranean standards, already her hair had started to grow back, a layer of prickly black stubble covering the smooth baldness of her head.
But Mar’i would never get those little fangs back all because she had told her mother about the garden secrets and their little hiding games.
Yes, it certainly felt like her fault too.
Riddled with guilt, Mandy flew back to her floating bed and slipped beneath the covers. She covered her head with it as the echoes of Mar’i’s cries assailed her and the memory of her mother’s cruel voice whispered in her mind.
Though they had taken her in and had brought her to live with them on Earth, though they may have called her Mandy, she was still Komand’r the Younger, daughter of Komand’r. They had spared her life, the life of a heretic, and treated her well but that didn’t erase who she was.
How could they even stand to look at her, she wondered?
Shame sprang in Mandy’s heart, making tears well in her purple eyes. She pinched her mouth shut tight, forcing herself not to sob aloud as the tears fell. Loud wailing cries could be for Mar’i. For herself, she wouldn’t split Dick and Kory’s time from focusing on their daughter to attend to a heretic who’s mother was a monster. She could at least give Mar’i that much.
Childish squeals and the ping of bouncing rubber balls filled the playground air. Recesses had become one of Mandy’s favorite times in preschool, especially when they went outside. The weather was cold, which, due to her partial Gordanian heritage she despised, but the skies were clear and all the other kids were eager to play as they talked about what they’d gotten for Christmas.
“My mommy and daddy bought me nail polish!” a little blonde-haired girl, one of Mar’i’s friends, announced. The girl waved a plastic bottle of glittery pink polish through the air like a trophy.
The other little girls flocked to her, braving the crossfire of the balls being tossed by the running boys until all of them had congregated in a corner of the playground. Though Mandy didn’t understand what was so great about the bottle, she went along with the rest. The Earthling cubs were strange but interesting in their own way. A few of the boys had joined them but not many. She didn’t understand why more of the males weren’t interested. Tamaraneans of both sexes loved warpaint.
She huddled close to Mar’i as the daring half-Tamaranean made her way to the front of the group to look at her friend’s polish. The blonde sat cross-legged on the playground and showed off her fingers. The application was sloppy but her nails glittered, more than making up for the shoddy job to the eyes of most of the congregants.
“It’s so pretty!” Mar’i praised as she admired the paint. “Isn’t it, Mandy?”
Mandy warmed at Mar’i’s attempts to wrangle her into conversations and groups. Since coming to Earth Mandy had had trouble making friends. She was not used to the Earth games that cubs here played and she constantly had to remember not to fly so that she could hide her identity as a Tamaranean.
“It’s really nice,” Mandy agreed. “When are you gonna put some on your face?”
The blonde cocked her head in curiosity. “You can put it on your face?”
“It’s warpaint isn’t it?” Mandy asked.
Mar’i shook her head. “No, no Mandy, it’s nail polish.”
“Why just for nails?” The thought of it confused Mandy. It was glittery and nice looking, perfect for warpaint like a Tamaranean war-priest would wear. Why just keep it to the nails?
“Mandy is right,” another girl with dark braids opined. “If it’s good for nails it should be good for everywhere!”
Mar’i looked uncertain. “I don’t think that’s a good idea….”
“I think Mandy is right,” the blond replied. “I got face painted for my birthday it sort of smelled like this.” She held out the plastic bottle of non-toxic polish to Mar’i. “Here, you draw something on my face.”
Mar’i shifted uncomfortably at the request. “I don’t wanna. I don’t think that’s what this is for.”
“I can do it,” Mandy offered, thinking Mar’i was opening another window for her to make friends. “I’m good at drawin’ stuff. I can give ya the goddess’s mane!”
The blonde didn’t understand what that meant, but was eager to have her face painted. She held out the polish to Mandy who instantly went to work. She had an artistic eye and happily painted glittery stars on the blonde’s face.
“Oooh me next!” a girl with pig-tails begged.
“No me!”
“Oh, oh me after!”
The girls began to cluster around Mandy, begging to get polish on their faces as well.
Surprised by her sudden popularity, Mandy smiled and looked over their heads to Mar’i. She had done it. She was finally making friends! She opened her mouth to shout her thanks but the words died in her throat as her eyes found Mar’i.
Mar’i wasn’t smiling back.
Anger burned the half-Tamaranean’s face. She balled up her fists and stomped away, leaving Mandy confused. Why was Mar’i upset?
“Mary wait!” Mandy called out. Her name came stumbling uncertainly from her lips. She still wasn’t used to calling Mar’i her human name.
Thrusting the bottle of polish into the blonde’s hands she pushed through the crowd and ran after Mar’i.
Mar’i had just reached the swings when Mandy caught up to her. She grabbed her by the arm, stopping her. “Mar’i, what’s wrong?”
Mar’i jerked her arm away from Mandy’s grip and scowled at her. “You shouldn’t put polish on your face but you didn’t wanna listen and neither did anyone else, even though they’re my friends!” she stamped her foot. “I hope you get in trouble for once!” she yelled then ran away, still angry that her friends had chosen to listen to Mandy.
Mandy stood frozen, not choosing to pursue. She had thought that Mar’i had wanted her to get popular. She hadn’t meant to make her friends not listen to her. She just wanted to fit in.
The familiar feeling of guilt once more rose like a serpent, coiling around Mandy’s heart. Once again she had taken something from Mar’i.
Snow drifted in lazy fat flakes outside of Mandy’s wide window, covering the city of Bludhaven in a soft, frigid down. The river barges were already covered in a fine layer of white and the edges of the buildings were just starting to fringe with the fine powder.
Arms crossed on the window sill and brow against the cold pane, Mandy stared out, wishing she could disappear into the whiteness and never be found again. That would probably be the best for everyone, so she could stop taking things away from Mar’i.
Whether she wanted to or not, it just seemed like she was getting in the way. Mar’i had been right about the polish, the girls had gotten in trouble for putting it on their faces and now polishes of all kinds were banned from class. The girl wasn’t even suppose to have had it in her bookbag but had snuck it in.
Everyone involved had gotten in trouble and all the fingers had pointed to Mandy as the one who’d suggested it. Dick had had to come down and speak with the teacher about it.
So now she wasn’t only robbing Mar’i but also Dick and Kory’s time. What else would she do, she feared. Would they finally wake up and see just what a hassle she was?
“Mandy, can I come in?” a small voice at the door to her room asked.
The question snipped Mandy’s dour reverie. She looked over her shoulder to see Mar’i standing there. “Ya.” She nodded. “You can come in if you’re not mad at me no more.”
“I wanted to come to say I’m sorry.” Mar’i flew inside then landed to the left of Mandy. “I didn’t mean to say mean things. I was jealous.”
Jealous? Mandy boggled at that. Why would Mar’i ever, ever be jealous of a heretic cub? “It’s okay. I thought it was war-paint,” Mandy confessed, still utterly confused. “I didn’t know it was just for your nails. I didn’t mean to make you jealous or nothin’.”
Mar’i nodded. “I know. We friends again?”
“Never stopped.” Despite the weight in her heart Mandy managed a sincere smile. It was the truth. Mar’i was her very best friend in the whole wide world.
Overjoyed, Mar’i rushed forward and wrapped her arms around Mandy in a hug. She squeezed her tight then let her go and placed a tiny palm on the window. “Good! And I’ll make it up to ya when we leave for Bappaw’s tomorrow. I’ll let you hit me with a snowball first! Daza says it’s gonna snow all night, then in the morning we can go to Bappaw’s house and play in it. We can fly there in the orchard and everything.”
“I can just stay here if ya want,” Mandy offered meekly, still feeling bad about the events at preschool. “You can have a whole day just with grandpa.”
Mar’i cocked her head curiously. She couldn’t fathom anyone not wanting to go to Bappaw’s house. “Do you feel sick?” She stuck her hand to Mandy’s forehead like Kory did from time to time.
“Well….” Mandy balked for a moment, not knowing how to answer. She didn’t feel sick physically, but her heart felt like it weighed a thousand pounds.
“Who feels sick?” Kory asked from the doorway.
Mandy and Mar’i whirled to where Kory stood. A look of worry filled Kory’s face as her green gaze searched the little girls.
Mouth opening and closing, Mandy scrambled for an explanation of some sort but Mar’i was faster. “Mandy says she doesn’t feel good, maza.”
“Wait I… um….” She looked to Mar’i then back and Kory. She had only wanted to give Mar’i some time just with her grandpa, free from an interloper, but Mar’i had inferred sickness. Now that Kory was here, though, she didn’t feel like she had any other choice than to go along with it. “Um… yeah.” She coughed into her fist. “Not feeling so good.”
Concern beetled Kory’s brow. She floated in and picked Mandy up easily. She held her hand to Mandy’s forehead, trying to gauge for a change in temperature. Tamaranean physiology made it so that when they felt ill, they felt cooler rather than hotter. She had been pressing her forehead against the window before Mar’i had come in and the coolness from the pane still lingered against her skin.
“Well you do feel a little cool,” Kory admitted. “You get into bed and I will bring you some d’luma root to chew.”
Mandy groaned inwardly at the thought of having to chew the medicinal Tamaranean root. Kory had brought a substantial stack of it back when they’d left Tamaran, but there was nothing to do about it now. “Okay,” she replied meekly, laying her head on Kory’s shoulder.
“Oh ya you must really, really, feel sick.” Mar’i look of concern mirrored her mother’s. No cub unless they were truly ill would willingly chew d’luma root without fighting their parents on it. It tasted like dirt and old rubber!
“I’ll be checking you too right after I get Mandy to bed, Mar’i,” Kory said as she slowly flew towards Mandy’s bed. “If you’re alright, then your daza will take you and your brother to your grandfather’s this evening. I do not wish for you to catch anything.”
At least that was something good for Mar’i, Mandy thought as Kory placed her in bed. Mar’i would get more time with her Bappaw. That would make the chewing of the d’luma root worth it at least.
Mandy lay in bed sick to her stomach. It wasn’t a real physical sickness, but one that ate at her with so much voraciousness she couldn’t really tell the difference. Not only had she upset Mar’i today now she had lied to Kory.
Great.
Just how far would it all go, she wondered? Would it get to the point where they would have enough of her? Would they send her away, tell Uncle Ryand’r that it was all a mistake and ask that she put quietly put away somewhere where no one would ever speak the name Mandy or Komand’r the Younger ever again?
Well, if they did, it would be no less than she deserved she thought miserably. That’s what a heretic and usurper’s cub deserved.
Loathing herself, Mandy kicked off the covers petulantly, wishing the fabric was her mother’s face, when the door to her room suddenly opened. Kory stood there, still dressed in the crop top with the Nightwing symbol and stretchy black leggings she typically wore around the house.
Confusion found Mandy’s face instantly. Kory was supposed to be going out to a fundraiser soon. She was always dressed pretty for those kind of things, why wasn’t she ready yet for a night on the town?
Kory seemed to read her face and offered her a gentle smile. “Dick’s going to the fundraiser instead of me this evening,” she revealed. “I wanted to stay tonight to keep an eye on you. No one knows how to care for a Tamaranean like a Tamaranean.” Her full green eyes scanned the kicked off covers and for a moment Mandy feared that she would grow suspicious, instead she asked, “Are you feeling up for a snack?”
Mandy nodded shyly. “Yeah….”
“Wonderful.” Kory beckoned her to the door. “Come. Let us find something tasty to munch.”
Excited by the prospect, Mandy rocketed out of bed. All thoughts of faking ill were forgotten as she followed Kory to the kitchen. There were already bowls and whisks and jars of flour and sugar arrayed on the kitchen island.
Kory rounded the island and picked up two aprons from a stool. One was her size while the other was made perfectly for a little girl. “So, what shall we make?”
“Cookies!” Mandy exclaimed as she flew over the island. “With pineapples and hot sauce and chicken nuggets and mustard, lots and lots of mustard.”
To anyone else it would have sounded like an absolutely bizarre combinations of foods, but the Tamaranean palate was extraordinary and had found flavors on Earth that mimicked ones on Tamaran.
“It sounds delicious,” Kory praised then made a spinning motion with her finger. “Now turn around so that I may tie your apron and let us begin.”
The evening passed far more wonderfully than Mandy could have ever imagined. After the delicious burnt cookies dunked in barbeque sauce, they’d cleaned up then watched Mandy’s favorite movie. She sat cuddled up close to Kory, hugging her at the one scary part in the kids film.
When the movie was over they played pounce and tag and Kory sat on the floor patiently while Mandy showed Kory her super-secret binder where she put all her drawings. She hadn’t even shown Mar’i, that was how secret as it was. Kory promised she’d tell not a soul and praised her drawings. She even told her they’d look into more art supplies for her, if she loved it so much.
The entire evening passed just the two of them until at last the clock ticked to eight.
Toy horse in hand, Mandy looked at the clock apprehensively. Though she couldn’t yet read an analog clock the hands were where she knew it was bedtime. She boggled at the hour. It hadn’t seemed like any time at all had passed and yet they must have spent hours together.
Slowly Mandy lowered the toy horse and turned her attention to Kory. She sat cross-legged across from Mandy with another toy horse in hand. Mandy had been in the middle of explaining the names of all the horses and what they could do, but now it seemed the fun was coming to an end.
“Bed time?” Mandy asked anxiously.
“Nearly,” Kory replied. She winked conspiratorially. “But, perhaps you may stay up thirty more minutes so that you may finish telling me of your toys. I will not speak of it, if you do not.”
Mandy beamed. “Ya mean it?”
Kory nodded. “I think it is only fair. Bruce is no doubt allowing Mar’i the same privilege. I won’t deny you.”
The mention of Mar’i brought a niggling sort of recollection to Mandy’s mind. There was a reason she wasn’t with Mar’i and Jake at the manor, a reason that had caused Kory to stay home with her – she was supposed to have been sick.
Instead she had had hours and hours of fun, of baking and movie watching and playing games.
Things a truly sick cub would not have the energy to do.
Gulping hard, Mandy looked down. She was caught and she knew it.
As if reading her thoughts, Kory’s hand tenderly rested on her shoulder. “We have some things to talk about, don’t we, Mandy?”
Mandy nodded in fright.
“First,” Kory said knowingly. “You are not really sick today are you?”
Mandy confessed with a slow shake of her head. She put the toy horse onto the floor and curled her hands into fists, bracing for Kory’s wrath as she would have Komand’r’s. “Am I in trouble?” She and Mar’i both had been punished before for lying. She knew it wasn’t an acceptable practice here but there was no irritation or disappointment in Kory’s voice. If she was upset she didn’t let it show.
“Well, typically you would be for lying but I’ll overlook it just this once.” Kory leaned closer and Mandy warily lifted her head, meeting Kory’s jade-green gaze that looked at her so tenderly. “I know how big of a shift it is from Tamaran to Earth. This has all been a lot, especially with preschool. I supposed that perhaps all you wanted was some quiet time. And then, it transformed into a private afternoon.”
Mandy looked away in shame. “I didn’t play sick to make you stay, honest!”
“I know and I’m not angry.” Kory gently lifted Mandy’s head, her palm warm against Mandy’s cheek. “I’m actually very happy we did this. We can do it again another day, just me and you and we can talk about anything you want. Just no more lying about being ill. Agreed?”
Mandy felt as if she was floating on after, and, after a moment she realized that her feet had come off the ground. It had been an amazing day and she wanted another. Though she loved doing things with Mar’i it had felt good to just be the sole focus, to do things she wanted to do. “Yes! I promise I won’t lie about being sick anymore! Oh thank you, thank you, thank you.” Mandy rushed over, hugging her. “Thank you maza—
Mandy froze the moment the word escaped. The world seemed to draw in onto itself. Her throat tightened as her heart started to race. She had never called Kory maza nor Dick daza. She had just been so relieved, so happy that they could do this again that it had just slipped out.
The horror of it unfroze Mandy as quickly as it had stilled her. She snapped her head up and saw the surprise on Kory’s face. She didn’t know what Kory could possibly think nor did she want to find out. “I… I didn’t mean… I mean I wasn’t… I wouldn’t….”
The right words just wouldn’t come. What did she mean?
“Mandy—” Kory began but before she could say another word, Mandy lifted into the air and raced away to her room.
In a black-haired flash Mandy was in her room. Panicked, she didn’t even think to close the door. She dove beneath the blanket and buried her face beneath her pillow. Maza. Maza. Why had she ever thought to call Kory maza!
Her own mother had hated that word. She had merely called Komand’r her name. And now she had called Kory maza, mother! She must think her a terrible little girl. To think she had earned the right to call her maza even if it was a mistake.
How could she possibly apologize for such a thing? What would Kory say to Dick? What if Mar’i found out?!
Fear plagued her. Kory may not tell Mar’i but she would certainly tell Dick. They never kept anything away from one another. And he would no doubt be furious, especially after all the terrible things Komand’r had done to him as well.
They would probably want to nip it in the bud, probably want to send her away and she didn’t blame them. In fact, she would even help them.
Scrubbing miserably at her eyes, Mandy fought back her tears and jumped off the bed to get to work. She raced to her dresser and opened it, pulling out small white socks and other articles of clothing. She couldn’t take back what she’d said, but she could do this one thing.
Dick had returned home by the time Mandy was done. She padded quietly to the kitchen where a light was on. Two shadows stretched out into the hall, Kory and Dick’s.
Both of them were speaking and Mandy lifted into the air and flew closer, to hear what they had to say. She peeked into the kitchen and saw the two of them seated at the table. Piles of papers and manilla envelopes sat between them, most of them open.
“When should we tell Mandy?” Dick asked. A spoon clinked against the edge of a mug as he stirred something, probably that nasty black stuff adult humans drank.
Kory shook her head and leaned back in her chair. “I don’t know. She seemed so happy today then became sad calling me maza.”
“She’s dealing with a lot,” Dick opined. “I think she’s been keeping it to herself because of Mar’i.”
“I think so too,” Kory agreed. “I hope she’ll understand why we’re doing this, then.”
Despair sunk Mandy’s heart like lead. She almost whimpered in misery but she pinched her mouth closed to stop the sound.
So she had been right. It was too much. They didn’t want her anymore because of Mar’i’s suffering. Well, she couldn’t blame them at all. And they were still trying to be nice to her, trying to find a way to soften the blow it seemed. That counted for something. Maybe that’s why Koriand’r had spent the whole day with her, so it wouldn’t seem so bad.
They had been so good to her. It wouldn’t be easy for them, she knew, kind people that they were, but it seemed like the choice had been made.
Accepting her fate, Mandy landed once more and stepped forward, pulling a pink wheeled suitcase with princesses plastered on it behind her. The sleeve of a green shirt was stuck in the zipper and the outline of a pair of shoes bulged against the left side.
Dick and Kory went quiet as she revealed herself. Both looked at her curiously, taking in the strange site of the overstuffed suitcase.
Kory looked from Mandy to the suitcase, her vexation growing by the minute. “Mandy, I thought you had gone to bed. What are you doing up and with the luggage, my little bumgorf?”
“I gots ready so you don’t have to wait. It’s okay.” Mandy scrubbed at her eyes with her arm, forcing herself not to cry. “I know you’re gonna send me away.”
Shocked, Dick and Kory could only blink at her.
“Where did you get that idea, sweetheart?” Dick asked finally, still stunned.
The sad little girl came to a stop in front of them and heaved her shoulders in a shrug. Her head fell, chin resting against her chest. “Cause Mar’i cries and screams in her sleep cause of what Komand’r did to her and I’m Komand’r’s cub and Mar’i’s friends listened to me instead of her at playtime and she’s your real cub and she should have maza-daughter days not me, so it’s okay you can send me away.”
“Mandy….” Kory shook her head. “We have no intention of sending you anywhere. Cubs fight. They share. What Komand’r did was not your fault.”
Dick sighed gently and rose from his chair. He crossed the kitchen in a few steps, then knelt in front of her. “We weren’t discussing sending you away. We were talking about something else entirely. We’ve been working very hard on getting paperwork in place for you here. It’s all finished now, you’re in the systems and we were trying to figure out the right time to tell you that we want to adopt you. Officially.”
“What’s adopt?” Mandy sniffled.
Dick looked at Kory with a smile. Kory too was smiling. She rose from her chair and joined Dick, resting a hand on his shoulder. “It means we want you to legally be recognized as our daughter. We’d be your parents. When you called me your maza today, I felt like I could burst with pride. We want to truly be your maza and daza in all aspects.”
Mandy blinked up at them, teary purple eyes filled with awe and confusion in equal measure. “You… you mean it?”
“Of course we do, sweetheart.” Dick spread his arms out. “You’re apart of this family, we just want to make it official on all fronts. So what do you, say? Do you want to me Amanda Helena Grayson?”
Beautiful, relieved laughter erupted from Mandy. It was like the sun finally coming free from behind the clouds. Taking to the air she slammed into him, hugging his neck. “Yes! Yes! Yes! And I can call you daza and maza and be your real cub?”
Kory knelt. One arm wrapped around Mandy while the other wrapped around Dick as the three of them hugged. “Of course you can. But Mandy, understand my little bumgorf, it is only a piece of paper. You have been our daughter long before now and we love you so very much.”