Chapter Text
Luca was fine.
Getting drafted at 18 by the Centaurs was not a small thing. In fact, it was huge, a thing he had been working on for a lot of time and a thing that, apart from making him feel proud, served him to prove all the players and people back at home that picked on him and thought he wouldn’t make it because of his classification.
And that was fine because he was a fucking hockey player and he needed to man up and suck it up and all those things people said when you had to be tough.
The first six months went as smoothly as they could go, he attended his dropping appointments whenever he was scheduled to drop, he was always on time to practice, he poured all his heart and energy into being a better player, he went out with the team and he was just good, he knew that much.
But then, homesickness finally hit him and everything went to absolute shit. He knew he shouldn’t miss home, Luca wasn’t a kid anymore, he shouldn’t need his parents to look after him but the pressure of not fucking up sometimes was too much for him to handle alone.
He felt like he was drowning, drowning in a ridiculous ocean of expectations that made his stomach churn in anxiety and his chest felt like it was being crushed by a car.
It also made him feel little, which was very fucking bad. Littles in the NHL were expected to handle their own dropping schedules and as long as it didn’t interfere with their performances they could do whatever the fuck they wanted, and Luca had it handled before, but the whole thing was lowkey driving him insane.
Whenever he attended his center appointment, one of two things could happen: he could spend all the time crying or wouldn’t go down at all, which frustrated him and the nurses on shift. So for his own sake - and everyone else’s - he just stopped attending.
So what if he started avoiding dropping centres and his stomach always felt funny whenever he knew caregivers were around. So what if he sometimes got dizzy or if he also didn’t maintain a regular drop schedule now. He was fine because he didn’t need to be little and he was handling himself fine because that’s what every other little was expected to do.
So yes, he was fine, he had to be.
Until he wasn’t.
It all started on a normal Wednesday, when he woke up to the sun piercing through his window, straight into his eyes. Apparently, he was too tired last night to close his blinds, but that was okay, he still had practice to get to.
So he shook the sleepiness off, threw his blue covers aside and hopped into the shower. He ignored the headache and ache on his limbs, he was probably just sore from yesterday’s practice and he had that headache for a month now so it wasn’t anything new. Nothing to worry about.
Within 20 minutes, he was out of the shower, dressed in sweats, a white tank top and his usual sneakers and he was out the door before he could think too much about it.
It wasn’t a great start of his morning though. Rain was pouring down outside and by the time he had reached his car, he was already soaked. Now, Luca had always been a pretty sickly kid, so as soon as he felt the first shiver run through his body, he knew he was fucked.
By the time he got to the rink, everything seemed to get worse.
“You are an hour late Haasy” Roz announced with a raised eyebrow as soon as he saw him.
“What?” Luca asked. An hour? Since when were 8 a.m. practices not just at 8 a.m.?
“Do you even know what time it is?” Hollzy asked in that awfully straightforward tone that made Luca lowkey go mad.
What time was it? He reached for his phone, and his stomach dropped when he saw the time.
Fucking 9 in the morning. Oh, he was so done.
“Ah, I do not want to hear it Haas, go change, you’re running extra drills to make up for it” Rozy said and Luca didn’t need to be told twice. Five minutes later, he was all geared up and ready to go.
The moment he stepped onto the ice, something felt off, like he was just learning how to skate all over again and Luca was one move away from crashing out, so he just sucked it up and decided to push through it.
To say it was a disastrous practice would be an understatement. He missed easy passes, kept tripping over his own feet, for some reason, he felt oddly uncomfortable in his gear and as if the universe hated him, LaPointe accidentally sent him to the floor.
The impact knocked the air out of him, and when he tried to open his mouth to tell everyone he was fine, blood started dripping from his mouth. Of course today was the day to forget to use his mouthguard.
“Oh my god, Haas” Hollzy was kneeling at his side in a second, holding his head. “Are you okay?” he asked.
Luca could only nod his head because he knew that if he even dared to open his mouth, he was going to burst into tears.
“I’m fine” Came out tinily out of the blond’s mouth, he was fine, he needed to be. “I just bit my tongue”
“That’s why you wear a mouthguard Luca, you’re not that young of a rookie, you know better ” Coach Wiebe added when he finally approached them.
Luca only nodded apologetically, because he really was sorry and ashamed, and everything felt wrong and he just wanted to go back to his apartment and call his mama.
“I’m sorry” he mumbled before standing up and wiping his mouth, cleaning the blood off his hand with his jersey.
Practice continued like that and Luca was awfully aware of how miserable was he failing, he could feel stares on him and that was freaking him out.
Nicky tried to talk with him and soften him up a little, but Luca only gave him a glare before skating off. Good. He didn’t need anyone near him right now, not now that he felt this overwhelming need to drop.
After running his punishment drills with Troy - since he’d apparently fucked up a very basic play - he got off the rink and headed to the locker room to shower and change into his sweats and his tank top. But since Luca had forgotten to hang it up, it was still damp and it smelled funny.
“Here and we need to talk” Roz said while handing him a blue hoodie, probably Hollzy’s since Ilya’s would’ve been too big on him, before jerking his head toward a small office.
The short walk unfortunately passed too fast and before Luca knew it, he was standing still on the corner of said office while Rozanov sat on the desk, looking at him expectantly.
“You have not been dropping” He spat out bluntly, the statement making the rookie look up at him with wide eyes.
“I, how’d you know that?” Luca asked worriedly, stumbling over his own words. Was he that obvious? He didn’t even look half bad today and the times where Luca messed up at practice were usually scarce.
“You just told me” Luca closed his eyes shut, he was so stupid.
“No! I didn’t! You- you are making things up!” Luca shot back desperately, trying to divert the attention from the real issue.
He knew the NHL didn’t really care a lot about what Littles did with their lives, but one thing he knew about his captain was that he did not live by that.
“Listen, listen. Luca, shut up and listen” Roz tried to calm him down before Luca could spiral “I do not argue with babies, so you’ve got two options: you go home with Harris and Troy or you go home with Hollander and me. Either way, you are dropping today”
“This- that’s not happening, I, i have an appointment and” Luca rambled anxiously and was cut off by a frown on his captain’s face.
“Ah, so you think I’m stupid now?” Rozy asked, one raised eyebrow. “Pick. Or I will pick for you”
“I am not picking anything, i-“
“Okay, so home it is”