Work Text:
Lan Zhan didn’t hate Wei Ying. Sure, she found herself more times than not annoyed by Wei Ying’s constant need to make noise, but how she felt was more complex. What those complex feelings meant were beyond Lan Zhan’s sixteen year old brain. She might have been smart (top of her class, in fact…chased closely by Wei Ying) but emotionally she had the intelligence of what you’d expect from a hormone riddled teen.
Wei Ying made Lan Zhan’s ears redden, the only sign of her emotions she couldn’t hide behind a porcelain facade. Maybe it was a mix of embarrassment (for them both) and annoyance. But that didn’t sit right.
Instead of trying to piece together her feelings, she told Wei Ying to shut up.
“Lan Zhan, how rude!” Wei Ying replied, delighted. “I only asked if the red ears meant you had a crush on someone in class. Or, you know, ears burn when someone is talking about you, maybe someone has a crush on you.”
No matter how Lan Zhan replied, Wei Ying beamed, those straight white teeth flashing. Wei Ying had beautiful teeth. But Lan Zhan pushed that aside.
“You should shut up,” Jiang Cheng, Wei Ying's brother, said. “Can’t you tell she hates your guts?”
“Is that true, Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying asked, a pout on her face.
They’d stopped in the middle of the school hallway and Jiang Cheng grumbled, trying to shuffle Wei Ying to the side. Other students meandered out of the way.
Lan Zhan took in a long, deep breath. “I don’t hate your guts.” Not a lie, but something she knew would only provoke Wei Ying further. Why didn’t she just ignore the girl?
Something in the back of her mind prodded at her, slyly saying, ‘You know why.’
Lan Zhan shook the thought away and continued walking, Wei Ying trailing after, long pony tail swinging behind her.
“Well what about the other parts of me? Do you hate those? You know a girl is more than guts.”
“Oh god,” Jiang Cheng said with a long-suffering look.
“Ridiculous,” Lan Zhan muttered and the class bell rang. Saved by the bell. Her next class was calculus, a class thankfully devoid of any pony tailed Wei Ying.
“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying called after her, “See you in study hall.”
Lan Zhan walked off, ears still red.
***
“Why don’t you ever wear makeup?” Wei Ying asked, snapping her bubblegum. “Not that you need it, I mean, you’re gorgeous.”
Lan Zhan’s ears, which had been red all day, deepened in shade. “Why do you wear it?”
Wei Ying didn’t wear much makeup, but played around with eyeliner and lip colors. It suited her, Lan Zhan thought.
“Self expression!” Wei Ying said with the excitement she gave most things. She scooted her chair a little closer to Lan Zhan’s where they sat around the study hall table. “So why don’t you?”
“I don’t feel the need for self expression in that way.”
“Well, not to be rude, but how do you express it?”
Lan Zhan didn’t know the answer to that question. She dressed neatly in their school uniform (knee length plaid skirt and white button up) and kept her long black hair braided tightly down her back. Every day she looked the same. Wei Ying accessorized, wearing heavy belts and bracelets, and often got chided by teachers for tying up her shirt, exposing just a sliver of her trim waist. Lan Zhan agreed it was inappropriate but had never had it in her to tell that to Wei Ying’s face.
‘Maybe you like it,’ that same sharp voice inside her head teased. Lan Zhan made a face and Wei Ying laughed.
“Don’t tell me you don’t feel the need for self expression, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying needled.
“I express myself with music,” Lan Zhan said, the idea coming to her. She’d played the oboe since age eight, inspired by her older brother's love of woodwinds.
Wei Ying smiled. “Okay, that’s true, you’re like a savant or something, Lan Zhan. Some day you’ll play at Carnegie Hall or become a composer like your brother. But maybe you should try doing something different with your hair?”
“And why is that?” Lan Zhan asked. She didn’t think about her hair, just made sure to pull it back to keep it out of her face.
“Just to change things up a bit. Besides, I have to admit I want to see how long your hair is out of the braid.”
Why did that make Lan Zhan’s cheeks flush pink? First her traitorous ears and now her face? She had to get a hold of herself.
“Why do I feel like I just asked you to do something insanely personal, like skinny dipping in the school pool?” Wei Ying was still smiling, as always.
“It’s easier to deal with when it’s pulled back,” was all Lan Zhan could muster in reply.
“Life’s not all about dealing with stuff, you know. Some of it is just for fun! I think you’d look great with face framing layers. Or maybe a lob!”
“A Lob?”
“Yeah, a long bob. A lob.”
Lan Zhan decided that was enough conversation and hauled out her homework, giving Wei Ying a look.
Wei Ying sighed and turned to her best friend Nie Huisang, who was absorbed in the latest issue of Vogue, and the two chattered away for the rest of the study hall period.
Lan Zhan tried her best to focus on her homework, but something about Wei Ying’s comments on her hair had caught her attention. Face framing layers or the aforementioned lob did not sound like something Lan Zhan would like. A bob, maybe. Something short and easy.
These thoughts kept her occupied until the last bell of the day rang.
“A lob, Lan Zhan! Think about it!” Wei Ying called to her with a wink as they exited the class.
Lan Zhan didn’t want to think about it, but she knew that was all she would do. She had a full weekend to ruminate.
***
Monday morning came too quickly for Lan Zhan’s taste. She wasn’t ready to see people, or really, to have them see her. And that included one very annoying person in particular. But Wei Ying wasn’t hovering at Lan Zhan’s locker as normal.
Who did show up was a group of seniors, girls with shiny long hair and made up faces. Lan Zhan didn’t find herself in too much trouble with the older, popular crowd, but perhaps today her luck had run out.
“You, Lan something,” the tallest girl, Lia Hua, said, eyes narrowing. She was taller than Lan Zhan, which was saying something as Lan Zhan was taller than most boys in her grade.
“Lan Zhan,” Lan Zhan said evenly.
“Whatever,” Lia Hua said. She popped her gum and cocked her pretty little head towards Lan Zhan. “The girls and I were just passing by and we had a question.”
“It’s important!” another girl giggled out. “Because my younger sister Xiao Mei is in your grade.”
Lan Zhan gave a puzzled look, trying to maintain her disinterested demeanor. She knew Xiao Mei, a quiet girl who had a passion for horses, but had never really interacted with her in any meaningful way. She hadn’t even known she had an older sister.
Lia Hua gestured to Lan Zhan, her hair in particular, and made a sour face. “Are you like a lesbian or something?”
Lan Zhan’s hands immediately went to her head, fingers running through the new short hair. She knew changing her appearance in such a drastic way would draw attention, but she hadn’t expected this. Maybe she should have gone with a more feminine look, a lob like Wei Ying had suggested. But instead she decided that if she was going to cut it, she was going to cut all of it off. It wasn’t as short as a pixie cut, but close, with short face framing layers. Her brother had taken her to the salon over the weekend and helped her pick out the look.
“Lan Zhan’s not a lesbian, what a joke!”
Lan Zhan turned to find Wei Ying standing next to her. Wei Ying’s face was a bright red and her hands were clenched in fists.
“She’s the prettiest girl in school and you’re just jealous,” Wei Ying said. “And a lot of girls have short hair these days, I think it brings out her bone structure. She doesn’t even need hair and she’s twice as pretty as you and all your makeup.”
Lan Zhan’s ears just about combusted in flames.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan gritted out. “You’re not helping.”
“Why are you defending her?” Lia Hua snapped. “Wait, unless you’re a lesbian too? What, mad we called out your secret girlfriend?”
The girls burst into laughter and Wei Ying stepped forward, clearly about to do something stupid. Wei Ying was younger and shorter than the other girl, but Lan Zhan was sure Wei Ying could take her in a fight. Wei Ying was stronger than she looked, wiry and quick. It’s why she was so good at team sports.
Lan Zhan put a firm hand on Wei Ying’s shoulder, stopping the other girls forward movement. “This is boring,” Lan Zhan said. “Let’s go to class.”
“Stay away from my sister,” the other girl said to Lan Zhan.
“Lan Zhan could get any guy she wanted, why would she even spare a glance at your sister?” Wei Ying said.
The bell rang and broke up the little scene, the popular girls calling nasty names as they walked off.
Lan Zhan turned to head to class, but Wei Ying stopped her.
“That was so stupid,” Wei Ying said. “Just because you cut your hair you’re a lesbian now?”
Something twisted deep in Lan Zhan’s guts as Wei Ying spoke. She tried to stop her retort, but her tongue ran away with her. “What if I was?”
“What?” Wei Ying looked absolutely dumbfounded.
“A lesbian,” Lan Zhan said smoothly. “Would you defend me then?”
“But you’re not, I was just trying to-”
“Hm,” was all Lan Zhan said in response.
“Don’t be this way, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying pleaded. “I didn’t realize that suggesting you cut your hair would bring you all this trouble. It looks amazing, by the way. You really do have the bone structure and-”
“Go to class, Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan interrupted. And with that Lan Zhan turned sharply on her heel and headed off to class. She’d half expected Wei Ying to follow after as she often did, but this time Lan Zhan walked to class alone.
***
Lan Zhan didn’t expect Wei Ying’s silence to be so loud. Wei Ying avoided her all day, not even looking her way. Not once.
Lan Zhan braced herself for an awkward experience in study hall, but Wei Ying didn’t show up. Lan Zhan sat alone at their table, Nie Huisang had apparently skipped too.
Why had she pushed Wei Ying that way? What had she wanted Wei Ying to say? Wei Ying had just been trying to defend her and Lan Zhan had shown no appreciation.
And she’d clearly made Wei Ying uncomfortable. And for what? She wasn’t actually a lesbian… was she? Why had she pushed that point so hard?
Lan Zhan had never questioned her sexuality, in fact she didn’t think about it at all. Nope, never. Not even at night when she played over the day’s interactions with Wei Ying. She’d never had feelings for anyone so what did it matter? No one had ever drawn her attention. Well, besides Wei Ying, but not in that way.
Wei Ying didn’t make her heart flutter or her palms go all sweaty. She just made Lan Zhan’s ears blush. And her cheeks. And made her stomach do something akin to jumping jacks and somersaults in a confusing way.
But that was something else all together. Lan Zhan hadn’t figured it out, but she did not have a crush on Wei Ying. Why was she even going down this route? They were barely friends.
They weren’t anything. And that was final. That was precisely why Lan Zhan never questioned things like this, it just made her feel weird and out of sorts.
Lan Zhan turned to her homework, willing herself to get lost in school work, but somehow the whole period had gone by in an instant while Lan Zhan was preoccupied thinking about Wei Ying.
Lan Zhan groaned and put her head in her hands. All this because of a haircut.
***
The next day found Lan Zhan back at her locker, hoping she wouldn’t be the target of another drive by bullying. No one else had questioned her about her new haircut, in fact she’d received more compliments on her hair than she could handle. She hadn’t known how to take the compliments and just graciously nodded her way through it.
“Copying your little girlfriend, huh?” That shrill voice cut through the din of the busy hallway.
It was Lia Hua from the day before, but this time she wasn’t throwing verbal barbs at Lan Zhan, she was throwing them at… Wei Ying?
Lan Zhan’s eyes widened as she took in the scene. Wei Ying’s customary pony tail and red ribbon was gone, in fact, most of her hair was gone. She’d cut it, not as short as Lan Zhan’s but definitely shorter than a lob or a bob or whatever Wei Ying had called it.
And it looked good.
“As if Lan Zhan would date me,” Wei Ying scoffed back, rolling her eyes.
“So you admit it, you’re a lesbian?”
“So what if I was?” Wei Ying said back cheerfully. “At least I’m not a homophobic jerk like you.”
Lia Hua sputtered back and Wei Ying met Lan Zhan’s gaze. And held it. The only thing that broke the moment was the ringing of the bell.
***
They didn’t get a chance to talk until the last period in study hall. Well, they didn’t really talk, Wei Ying passed Lan Zhan a note like they were in grade school or something.
It was not endearing. Not at all.
“Sorry,” the note read in Wei Ying’s quick and messy scrawl.
Lan Zhan eyed her, raising a questioning brow.
Wei Ying sighed and pulled the paper back, writing, “for those girls.”
Lan Zhan could have just asked her what she meant out loud, but instead she wrote back, “You didn’t do anything.” She pushed the note to Wei Ying.
Wei Ying bit her lip and wrote, “you were right about the other day.”
Lan Zhan couldn’t respond, she didn’t know how to.
Wei Ying sighed again and took the paper back. She wrote, “I wouldn’t judge you for anything.”
Their eyes met over the paper and Lan Zhan was almost certain her palms had started sweating. She took the note and wrote all she could think to say, “thank you.” And she meant it.
Wei Ying smiled at her, a real mega watt Wei Ying smile, and Lan Zhan swore her heart skipped a beat.
And then the bell rang.
***
“Ah, Lan Zhan, wait up for me!” Wei Ying called, jogging across the quad, waving her hands frantically.
Lan Zhan slowed her pace by half a step and Wei Ying caught up. Lan Zhan was on her way to her weekly private oboe lesson and she wouldn’t be late even if she was dying to know what Wei Ying could possibly say to her next.
“Are you a lesbian?” Wei Ying blurted out unceremoniously.
Lan Zhan took it in stride. “I don’t know.”
Wei Ying made a frustrated noise. “How can you not know, Lan Zhan? Haven’t you ever had a crush on somebody before?”
Lan Zhan’s feet faltered and she stopped. She looked up at Wei Ying and said simply, “I don’t know.”
“Lan Zhan, you’re making this so difficult.”
“I’m not trying to,” Lan Zhan said. She adjusted her grip on the oboe case in her hands. “How do I know?”
“Well,” Wei Ying said, moving from foot to foot in an antsy manner. “There’s a way to test it, you know, if you are, uh, into girls.”
Lan Zhan felt her ears redden, cheeks flush, heart pound rapidly in her chest and her clammy hands almost dripped with nerves. She took a steadying breath. “How?”
“Kiss a girl.”
“What girl?”
Wei Ying swayed forward a little on her feet and looked around them. They were alone under a large tree near the end of the quad.
Wei Ying cleared her throat and said, “Me?” Then Wei Ying’s face contorted into a look of pure horror and Lan Zhan was sure she was about to take it all back when…
Lan Zhan swayed forward and their lips touched. Once. Barely a brush. Lan Zhan leaned back. Holy shit, she had kissed someone. And not just someone, but Wei Ying. And Wei Yings red lips had been warm and soft and, fuck, her feelings for Wei Ying came into sudden focus.
‘Finally,’ that traitorous voice in her head said.
“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying breathed. “That was my first kiss.”
If possible Lan Zhan’s ears reddened further at this admission. She tried to speak but nothing would come out.
“Soooo…” Wei Ying smiled in a sheepish manner. “What do you think?”
Lan Zhan’s mouth had gone dry and she managed to get out, “I need to go to my oboe lesson!”
But Wei Ying leaned in again and their mouths touched firmly, for real this time. Heat zinged through Lan Zhan’s entire body and she dropped her oboe case. Because her hands needed to touch Wei Ying. She cupped Wei Ying’s sweet face and kissed back. It was the nicest sensation she had ever felt.
They didn’t get serious with the kiss, but kept it innocent and gentle. Lan Zhan assumed there would be time for more exploratory kisses when they were in less of a public place.
Wei Ying smiled brighter than the sun when their lips parted, her own cheeks red. “That was really, really nice. Want to try again? I want to run my hands through your new hair.”
For the first time in her life Lan Zhan skipped oboe practice.
Sometime later, as they waited for Lan Zhan’s uncle to pick her up, Lan Zhan couldn’t help but ask her own question. “Are you a lesbian?”
Wei Ying seemed to think it over carefully. “Maybe I’m bisexual. Maybe you are, too.”
Lan Zhan’s fingers found Wei Ying’s and in the dusk of the cool October evening they kissed one last time.
“Definitely not bi,” Lan Zhan said.
And this time Lan Zhan wasn’t saved by the bell, but by her uncle pulling up. Wei Ying trailed after her as always, blabbering on a mile a minute about something, and nothing had really changed, except everything.