Archive of Our Own

Ivan wakes to the sound of his mother knocking on his bedroom door. He feels a bit disoriented, he doesn't know what time it is, or how long he's been asleep. He doesn't bother raising his voice to tell her to come in, as she is already turning the handle. 

Ivan shuts his eyes again and listens to the sound of her feet shuffling to his bedside. Ivan feels the bed shift as she sits down behind him and rubs her hand on his back in a comforting embrace. He feels a bit embarrassed when tears prick his eyes. 

“Ivan?” His mother questions, “are you awake honey?”

He opens his mouth to speak, but has a hard time getting the words out. He settles for a slight nod of his head.

“How are you feeling?” his mother asks.

Ivan takes a deep inhale, and mumbles in a very small voice “i’m okay.”

His mother bends down and kisses his shoulder before massaging her hand in his hair. “Is there anything I can do for you? Are you hungry?”

Ivan shakes his head no, and lets out a faint “just tired.” 

“I know sweetheart,” she responds “Have you gotten up yet today? You might feel better if you move around a bit.”

Ivan turns around to face her, “I don't think so, what time is it?” 

“It's about 18:00” she responds.

Ivan is surprised to realize he has slept through the whole day. He remembered falling asleep last night, but could have sworn that was only a few hours ago.

“I haven't gotten up then,” he responds. He nuzzles his face into his mom’s leg and shuts his eyes again. He hears his mom let out a deep sigh as she rubs the back of her hand against his cheek. 

Ivan’s mom reaches over to his bedside table to pick up his pill organizer. She opens the slots from the past couple days to check if he has been taking his medication. She is relieved to see that he has been, however notices that he has not yet taken his pills for today. She plucks them out of the case, and pulls Ivan to sit up a bit. He reluctantly rises and leans against his headboard with a dramatic sigh. 

“Let me get you some water so you can take these.” His mom says as she rises to get a glass from his kitchen. 

Ivan listens to the sound of the crickets buzzing, and the birds chirping. He feels sad thinking about how nice everything is. He can hear the peaceful sounds of early summer and see the soft pink glow of the sun setting behind the crack in his window shades. His mother is being so sweet and caring to him. And with all of this he still feels so sad. 

His mother returns to his bedside with a glass of water for him. He didn't realise that he was crying until he felt her brush away his tear. “Take this” she says, dropping the pills into his hand. “They will make you feel better.” 

Ivan is not so sure, but he takes the pills anyway. He thanks his mother after taking a sip from the glass and handing it back to her. 

“Come outside with me?” his mom asks. “The weather is lovely, and the sun is setting. The sky looks beautiful.” 

Ivan hesitates, he wants to go back to sleep, but feels bad rejecting his mom as she looks so hopeful. “Okay,” he says in a small voice. He feels a little better when he sees her smile. 

Ivan feels a bit lightheaded when he moves to stand up. He realises that he hasn't eaten since yesterday afternoon. His mom notices this and puts her hand on his back to steady him. “Come on, I'll get you something to eat.”

They walk downstairs, and Ivan’s mom leads him to a bench on their porch. The weather feels nice, summer has been setting in the past few weeks, and Ivan is glad to have winter behind him. “Ill be right back,” his mom says, and she disappears back into the house.

Ivan had been sitting in silence for a few minutes before his mom returns outside. She hands him one of the electrolyte drinks they keep on hand for when he has a hard time remembering to drink water. “I want you to try and drink this whole thing” she says, “you’re probably very dehydrated.” Ivan accepts the drink and takes a small sip. “Here is your phone,” his mom passes him the device, “it's been going off like crazy the past few minutes.” “I am making you a sandwich, it'll be ready soon,” his mom says before heading back into the house. 

Ivan doesn't need to look at the contact to know who's been trying to get in contact with him. 

07:25 

Lovro: i started a new show last night, it seemed like the kinda thing you’d like tho so im saving it for us to watch together

Lovro: i don't want to go to schooool

Lovro: i wish you were coming

Lovro: i miss you

11:47

Lovro: vanessa just asked if she could dye my hair for practice

Lovro: i was thinking red but idk, i dont want to look like a tampon

Lovro: maybe i’ll do blue again

13:13

Lovro: just got off school

Lovro: are you still sleeping?

18:12

Missed call from “Lovro”

Lovro: lmk when you’re up

Lovro: i'd like to see you

Lovro: maybe when you’re feeling better we can go for a hike?

Lovro: i’ll even let you nerd out about trees

Ivan lets out a small smile as he reads his messages. Lovro is such a light during his dark days, he doesn't know how he survived so long without him. 

18:15

Ivan: sorry i just woke up

Ivan: you’d look cute with red hair

Ivan: the blue is one of your finest looks tho

Ivan: i’d like to go for a hike with you

Ivan: once i’m better

Ivan: i miss you

Ivan was about to just call Lovro, but was interrupted when his mom returned outside. “Was that who I think it was?” His mom said with a smirk as she passes him his sandwich. 

Ivan smiled, “Yes. He was just checking in.” Ivan grabs his sandwich and takes a small bite. He really has no appetite, and eating felt a bit nauseating at the moment, but he didn't want his mom to worry too much so he powered through. 

They sat in silence for a few minutes while Ivan ate. Once he was about halfway through his sandwich he couldn't stomach it anymore, and pushed it aside. 

“Your father and I have to go out of town for a few days,” his mom spoke as she looked guiltily at Ivan. “Somthing came up with the business that we can't get out of. I really don't want to leave you like this but it seems we have no choice.”

“It's okay,” Ivan said, "I'll be okay.” He wanted to reassure her, he hates the idea of feeling like he's holding people back. Like they feel they can't go about their lives because of him. He honestly doesn't mind being alone when he's like this, but he knows his mom doesn't quite trust him to be by himself. He can't even fault her for that though, he does have a history. “When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow morning. I really don't want you to be alone though, so I called Ana while I was making your sandwich and asked if you could stay with them for a couple days.”

“Mom,” Ivan said with betrayal in his voice, “why would you do that? She's going to feel obligated to say yes and I don't want to burden them.” In any other scenario Ivan would be elated for the opportunity to have a sleepover at Lovro’s. He just hates the idea that he's burdening them now, and they’ll feel like they need to babysit him. Ever since Lovro found out that Ivan is bipolar, Ivan has been waiting for Lovro to realize that this is all too much and leave him. He worries that this is going to be a push in that direction.

“Honey, you are not burdening anyone.” She scoots closer to him and puts her arm around his shoulder. Ivan fights not to let another tear slip out, he's already cried too much today, which isn't too good for his whole “I’m fine enough to be on my own” argument. She continues, “you need help, and that's okay. The people around you love you, they want to help you.” 

Ivan drops his head, he doesn't have the strength to argue. His mom pulls him into a hug, “I know it's not ideal, and I'm really sorry I can't be here. Everything is going to be okay, I promise.” Ivan leans his head on her shoulder as they watch as the last bit of the sun sets behind the hills. He really hopes she's right. 

-

It was early the next morning when Lovro heard a knock at his door. He smiled as he got up from his bed and walked toward the living room. He was excited for Ivan to stay over for the next couple of days. It was so hard for Lovro to be apart from Ivan when he knew he was struggling. 

Lovro’s mom had already answered the door and was greeting Ivan and his mother. 

“Good Morning guys!” exclaimed Ana, “come in, come in.” They all exchanged hellos as Lovro’s mom opened the door wider, and Ivan and his mom shuffled into the small living room. 

Now that Lovro could get a better look at Ivan, he noticed how tired he looked. Ivan was the biggest in the room, and still managed to look so small. 

Lovro smiled at Ivan as he went over and gave his arm a squeeze before pulling his bag off his shoulder and sliding it on his own. Lovro wasn't too sure how to act. He had gotten more comfortable with pda in front of his friends, but still felt a bit awkward doing anything in front of both of their moms.

“Thanks for looking out for him” Ivan’s mom states. Lovro notices Ivan blush and look down.

“It’s no problem!” Ana exclaims, “Ivan’s always welcome here.” She looks to Ivan with a warm smile to reassure him. Ivan utters a small “thanks,” not quite able to meet her eye. 

“Well,” Ivan’s mom states, “I'm sorry to rush out so quickly, but I should really get going.” She turns to Ivan and pulls him into a hug “I love you, baby. I'll see you in a few days.” 

“Love you too,” Ivan returns.

Lovro can see the concern in Ivan's moms face as she plants her hands on his face and pulls back. For a minute he thinks she is going to say nevermind, and cancel her trip. But, nonetheless, she pulls Ivan down and kisses his forehead, she strokes his cheek before pulling away. She says bye to everyone in the room and hesitantly walks out the door. 

“Come on,” Lovro instructs. He leads Ivan down the hall to his room with a hand on his back. 

The boys walk into Lovro’s room, and Ivan immediately drops down on the bed. He looks around the room a bit before looking up at Lovro, “did you clean?”

Lovro blushes, “well, I didn't want you to have to sit in my mess if you're going to be staying here for a couple days.” 

Ivan stares at Lovro, and looks away as his eyes begin to water. Lovro immediately goes to comfort him. He puts an arm around Ivan’s shoulder and his hand on his leg, “whats wrong?” Lovro asks worriedly. 

“Nothing. I'm sorry,” Ivan responds. Lovro stares at Ivan for a few seconds before Ivan speaks up again, “I just don't want to put you out.” 

“Are you kidding?” Lovro smiles. “You’re not putting me out, I'm excited for you to be here.” Ivan raises his eyes to make contact with Lovro. “Trust me, I want you here.”

“Okay,” Ivan responds, barely above a whisper. “M’tired.”

Lovro moves to pull off Ivan’s shoes, and pull back the covers of his bed. He leads Ivan down and rests beside him. Ivan turns to rest his head on Lovro’s chest as he closes his eyes with a sigh. Lovro runs his fingers through Ivan’s hair as he falls asleep. 

-

Shortly after Ivan’s mom left, Ana sent her a text reassuring her that Ivan will be okay and not to worry. She knows what it is like to be afraid for her son. She knew Lovro was going through a really hard time before he met Ivan. She didn't know why exactly, as it took a long time before Lovro was comfortable talking to her about what he was going through, but she knew he was unhappy. She is just grateful that he has Ivan now, she has never seen her son so happy.

An hour or so after Ivan’s mom left, Ana heard Lovro walk out of his room. Lovro was in the kitchen filling up a water bottle when Ana walks over to him to ask how Ivan was doing.

“He’s okay I think,” Lovro responds, “he’ll probably just sleep most of the day.” There was a sad twinge to Lovro’s voice. “I can't skip school today, because I have that chemistry exam I can't miss. Will you be here for a couple hours to look out for him?”

“Yes,” Ana responds, "I'm working from home today.”

“Okay, good,” Lovro says. “Would you be able to bring him something to eat around lunchtime? He won’t ask for anything, because he’ll probably be too afraid of burdening you, but if you just bring him something he’ll take it.”

Ana frowns, “awe, poor thing.”

“I know,” Lovro replies, “I try to reassure him, but I don't think he buys it.”

“It's okay,” Ana replies, “we’ll just have to show him that he's not.” Lovro smiles. 

“What should I bring him? Is there anything in particular he likes?” she asks. 

“Umm,” Lovro thinks, “Probably just something simple, I doubt he’ll have an appetite, but he’ll need to eat something. He usually likes peanut butter toast.”

“Okay, I can do that.” she responds. 

Lovro lingers in the kitchen, eyes shifting around, he looks like he might cry. “Hey,” Ana says, as she pulls him to her in a hug, “he's going to be okay.”

“I know,” Lovro replies. “I just feel bad leaving him, I don't want him to wake up to me gone.” 

“He’ll be alright, i’ll be here,” Ana responds. She pulls back and touches her finger to Lovro’s nose, this makes him smile. “Now go take your exam, good luck.”

“Thanks,” Lovro says as he takes one more nervous look down the hall toward his bedroom door, and turns to leave the apartment. 

-

Ivan wakes to an empty bed. He panics for a moment, thinking Lovro finally had enough and left him, before he realises that that is irrational given that he is currently in Lovro’s bed. As he shifts his position, he notices a post it note stuck to the edge of the bed. He picks up the note and reads it.

Sorry I had to leave you, I have an exam I can't skip. Don't be too shy to ask my mom for anything you need. I’ll be back around 14:00. I Love you.

-L

Ivan reaches for his phone to check the time, and sees that it's 12:37. He feels disappointed, he’d hoped it would be closer to the time Lovro would come home. 

Ivan goes to close his eyes again, hoping to sleep until Lovro returns when he hears faint scratching at Lovro’s door. He goes very still so he can listen carefully, and hears the scratching continue. He worries he might be hallucinating again, but with where he's at in the mania/depression cycle that shouldn't be happening right now. He slowly rises from Lovro’s bed and pads over to open the door. As he cracks the door open, a little cat slips past his feet and into the room. Ivan is shocked. Had Lovro told him he had a cat? 

He shuts the door and goes to lay back down on Lovro’s bed where the cat was currently making itself comfortable on his pillow. Ivan lays his head on the pillow beside the small cat, and he can feel its whiskers brush his face as it curiously sniffs him. He hears himself chuckle for the first time in days. 

Once the cat is finished sniffing him, it adjusts to press its little head against Ivan’s face and begins to purr. Ivan reaches up and runs his fingers through its soft fur. He sighs contentedly as he closes his eyes and leans closer into the cat. 

They lay like that for a few minutes before Ivan hears a knock at his door. He reflexively jolts up, knocking the cat up from its sleep, causing it to look at him, bleary eyed. 

“Come in,” Ivan tries to say, but it comes out a bit shaky. He clears his throat as the door opens. 

“Hi sweetie, I'm just bringing you something to eat if you're hungry.” Ana says as she places a plate of peanut butter toast with a muffin on the side on the bed beside Ivan. 

“Oh, thank you,” Ivan replies, a bit awkward. His eyes shift as he doesn't know where to look.  

“No problem,” Ana smiles as she sits on the bed beside him. “I see you’ve met Nala, I'm surprised to see her out of her hiding spot.”

“Yeah,” Ivan returns, “I didn't know you had a cat, I thought I was hallucinating again,” he jokes, trying to lighten the mood. He immediately begins to regret this though, he doesn't want Ana to think her son is dating a freak. As his thoughts begin to overwhelm with panic he is interrupted by Ana’s laugh. He smiles in return, immediately feeling better by her response, as the tension in his shoulders dissipates.

Ana reaches over and strokes her fingers through the cat's fur. “No, you’re good,” she chuckles, “most people don't know we have a cat since she's so shy. I rarely see her out of her hiding spot when we have guests over. She must like you.”

Ivan smiles at that, and reaches to pet Nala. 

Ana pushes the plate closer to Ivan, “this muffin is a new recipe I'm trying out, you'll have to let me know what you think.”

“Okay,” Ivan replies. It gets silent between them for a second as Ana watches Ivan. He realizes that she wants him to take a bite now, so he sits up and reaches to pull the plate to his lap. He takes a bite of the muffin, and is surprised to find that it is actually really good. He was expecting to have to fake a smile when he found the muffin flavorless, as all food seemed to be at the moment. 

“This is really good, thank you.” Ivan tells her. 

She returns a satisfied smile, “good, I’ll have to make a note that you like this one in my recipe book.”

Ivan feels overwhelmed with emotion that she would think to make a note just for him. Oh god he thinks, he feels the tears fight to prick his eyes. Please don't cry in front of Lovro’s mom over a muffin recipe, he tells himself. He attempts to turn away so she doesn't see the mental battle he is currently going through.

She seems to notice this, however, as she scoots closer to him and moves to rub her hand on his back. “How have you been feeling today?” she asks. “Any better?”

“Maybe a bit,” Ivan replies, he's not sure if this is true, but he doesn't want her to worry. “Thank you for letting me stay here, you really didn't have to.”

“You’re welcome,” Ana responds, "I'm glad to have you here, so is Lovro.”

Ivan looks down to meet her gaze, and they smile at each other. Ivan looks away with a deep breath, feeling a bit relieved. 

Ana pats Ivan on the back before standing up to leave. “Is there anything else I can get you?” 

“I’m okay,” Ivan replies.

“Okay,” says Ana. “I'll just be in the living room if you need anything. Do you want to come out to the couch with me? You can watch something on the TV” 

“Thanks, but I think I'll just sleep for a bit until Lovro gets back.” Ivan replies.

“Okay,” Ana responds as she begins to walk away, “If you change your mind, I'll be there.” She smiles at him, and closes the door behind her. 

Ivan takes a few bites of the food before laying back down. Nala returns to her spot beside him and resumes purring. Ivan takes a quick selfie of him and Nala cuddled up together, and sends it to Lovro. 

12:54

Ivan: [image attached]

Ivan: I hope your exam went well

-

Later that night, Lovro and Ivan are cuddling in bed. Ivan’s head is resting on Lovro’s shoulder as Lovro runs his fingers through Ivan’s hair. Nala is also cuddled up with them, lying on Lovro’s stomach right under Ivan.

“Do you want to watch that show I was telling you about?” Lovro asks Ivan.

“Sure,” Ivan replies. “I might fall asleep though.”

“That’s okay,” Lovro responds, reaching over to grab his laptop. “I’ll just switch to one of my animes once you fall asleep.”

Ivan lets out a small smile and lifts his head to look at lovro. Lovro bends down and presses a soft kiss to Ivan’s lips, followed by a kiss on Ivan's forehead as he settles back on Lovro’s chest. Ivan then bends down and kisses the top of Nala’s head, so she doesn't feel left out. Lovro chuckles. 

About ten minutes into the show, Ivan's eyes start to feel heavy. Just as he is about to fall asleep he hears a knock at Lovro’s door. The door creaks open, and Ana peeks her head in.

Usually, Ivan would sit up, so as not to be in such an intimate position in front of Lovro’s mom, but tonight he is too tired to move. Lovro doesn't seem to mind as he continues to run his fingers through Ivan’s hair, and pauses the TV show. Ivan keeps his eyes closed as he hears her take a few steps into the room, he doesn't have the energy to respond if she tries to talk to him, so he lets her think he's asleep. 

“Im just checking in before I head to bed,” Ana whispers. “I was going to offer if you wanted me to blow up the air mattress in here, so you two don't have to squeeze into that tiny bed. He seems pretty content though,” Ana nods toward Ivan, “so I assume you’re good?” 

“Yeah, we’re alright” Lovro responds in a low voice, “thanks though.” 

Ana smiles, and moves to back out of the room. “Goodnight sweetie,” she looks to Ivan, “hopefully he feels a bit better in the morning.”

“Yeah,” Lovro responds, tightening his grip on Ivan, pulling him closer, “goodnight mom.”

Ana shuts Lovro’s door, and retreats to her own room. Lovro looks down at Ivan and gives him another kiss on the forehead. He switches tabs from the show they were watching to his anime. He turns down the brightness and volume to nearly silent. Ivan nuzzles closer to Lovro’s chest and falls asleep. 

-

Ivan is curled up on the couch in the living room with his head in Lovro’s lap. Lovro had finally convinced Ivan to switch from the bed to the couch so he could get a change of scenery. They were passively watching a baking show that Ana had left on the TV, with Lovro running his fingers through Ivan’s hair when they hear a knock at the door.

“That’s probably Vanessa,” Lovro says, gently lifting Ivan’s head from his lap to get up and open the door. Ivan sits up a bit, leaning his back against the couch as Vanessa walks in the room. 

Vanessa greets them with a smile on her face, holding a bag of hair supplies, “hey,” she says to both of them.

“Hi,” Lovro greets as she leans in to give him a quick hug.

She immediately turns to Ivan, walking toward him and bending down to hug him from his position on the couch. Her hug with him lingers longer than with Lovro. “Hey,” Ivan says as she pulls back, putting a small smile on his face.

“Where do you want to do this?” Vanessa asks, turning to Lovro.

“On the balcony,” Lovro responds. He shows her outside to the chair and table he set up for the hair dying station.

Lovro sits down in the chair, as Vanessa begins unpacking the hair dye and tools from her bag. She lowers her voice and asks Lovro, “how’s he doing?”

They both turn their heads to look at Ivan. He has laid back down on the couch, facing the TV. He had a vacant look in his eye, however, that suggested he wasn't really watching the show.

“He’s okay, I guess,” Lovro responds, “I got him to leave the bed, so that's an improvement.” Lovro tears his gaze away from Ivan and looks at the view from the balcony. He watches how all the people in the apartments across from him are living their lives totally separate from his, as if they are living in a different universe.

Vanessa pats Lovro’s shoulder, “he’ll be okay,” she reassures.

Lovro looks back at her and slightly smiles, “yeah,” he says in a small voice. He is ready to change the topic, so he says next, “so what color are we doing, did we decide on blue?”

“Yeah, I got this turquoisey blue that I think will look nice. It will be similar to what you had before.”

“Cool,” Lovro replies, looking back off the balcony to people watch. 

Vanessa and Lovro fall into light conversation as she applies the bleach to his hair, trying to lift the brown. 

After about 45 minutes of applying the bleach, and letting it sit, it is finally time to rinse it out.

They walk to the bathroom as Lovro sticks his head in the shower, and Vanessa disconnects the shower head to rinse his hair.

“I’m excited to finally have my hair dyed again,” Lovro says.

 “Yeah?” 

“Yeah, I feel so boring when my hair is brown.”

Vanessa laughs, “why did you dye it brown in the first place? I was surprised to see you do that.”

Lovro considers this for a moment before saying, “I don’t know exactly, I think I just wanted to blend in.”

Vanessa returns, “and you don’t anymore?”

“I guess I’m less afraid than I used to be. Meeting Ivan helped a lot with that.” Lovro pauses for a few seconds, and continues, “His presence kind of forced me to confront the whole gay thing. I had been suppressing it for so long.”

Vanessa nods, “I’m glad you found each other. Ivan seems much happier now, with you, than he was back when I knew him a few years ago.”

Lovro smiles and blushes, Vanessa laughs. “Come on,” she says, “time to put in the blue.”

They walk back into the living room, and Lovro pauses to sit on the couch beside Ivan. Vanessa keeps walking out to the balcony to prepare the color. Lovro reaches to where Ivan is laying down and puts his hand on his shoulder. 

Ivan looks up at him, he appears shocked for a second, before his face forms a small smile, “oh my,” he says, reaching up to touch Lovro’s blond hair. 

Lovro chuckles, “it won't stay like this, she's about to put in the blue.”

“Hm,” Ivan responds. He retreats his hand back down to the couch and closes his eyes as Lovro strokes his cheek.

“Do you want to come watch?” Lovro asks with a hopeful look on his face. He moves his hand from Ivan’s cheek to gently run his fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. 

Ivan opens his eyes and looks at Lovro. He pauses for a second, deciding what he wants to do, before he responds with a soft, “sure.”

Lovro smiles and stands up from the couch, lifting the blanket off of Ivan and throwing it to the side. He stands by the couch, watching Ivan, as he moves to the sitting position and rubs his eyes. Ivan looks up to Lovro’s smiling face and chuckles. He stands up and leans in to kiss his forehead. Lovro beams up at Ivan and blushes as he pulls away, so Ivan leans down once more and kisses his lips. 

Lovro grabs Ivan’s hand and walks ahead of him, leading him outside. Before he sits in his own chair, Lovro pulls up a chair to sit beside his for Ivan. 

Vanessa and Lovro fall into conversation again as she applies the hair dye. Ivan mostly observes, and occasionally adds comments to their conversation. Once Lovro’s hair is fully saturated, Vanessa tells him that they have to wait 30 minutes before they rinse. 

Lovro’s phone lights up on the table. He picks it up to see a message from Eva.

15:53

Eva: i hear vanessa is dying your hair

Eva: can i pleaseeeeee come over and hang out with you guys

Eva: i’m bored

Eva: and i want to see the hair

Lovro: okay

Eva: 🤩

Eva: omw 

“Eva’s coming over,” Lovro says, setting his phone down on the table. “She wants to see the hair.”

“Yay,” Vanessa exclaims. Ivan nods.

“What is that?” Ivan asks, pointing to Lovro’s phone. Lovro is confused for a moment before he realizes Ivan is talking about his phone’s background. He recently changed it to the selfie Ivan sent him of himself and Nala the other day. “You made that photo your background?” Ivan asks, his eyes have gone wide.

Lovro blushes, embarrassed to see Vanessa looking at him with a wide grin. He can tell that she is thinking about how whipped he is. He glares at her before returning his gaze to Ivan, “it’s a cute photo.”

“I thought you had my baby picture there because you didn't want people to be able to tell so obviously that we were a couple?” Ivan questions.

Lovro lets out a huff of air, “I don't know, I guess I just don't really care about stuff like that anymore.” 

A smile cracks Ivan’s face as he blushes, Lovro smiles back at him and reaches over to grab Ivan’s hand and bring it to sit in his lap. 

They stare at each other for a few seconds before their moment is ruined by Vanessa, “Aweeee,” she drawls out with a wide smile, “Lovro, you’re soooo romantic.” 

Lovro whips his head toward her and furrows his eyebrows, “shut up,” he exclaims. Vanessa laughs. 

-

About twenty minutes later, Eva arrives.

Lovro opens the door for her, and she immediately gasps upon seeing him. “Oh my god, the diva is back.” Eva laughs as she hovers her hands above Lovro’s hair. 

Lovro rolls his eyes, “yeah, well.”

“You were so boring with the brown. I missed colorful Lovro,” she exclaims. 

Lovro scoffs, “oh really? Good to know you thought I was chopped.”

Eva gasps, “nooo,” she draws out, “you just didn’t look like yourself.” 

“Oh, okay,” Lovro responds, “nice backpedaling,” he teases. 

Eva rolls her eyes and walks past him. She goes to the balcony and greets Vanessa and Ivan, bending down to hug the both of them. Once she pulls back, she sits down in Lovro’s chair. Lovro walks out to the balcony after her, “oh great, you call me ugly, and then steal my seat. I’m so glad you came over.” Eva rolls her eyes in response. 

Instead of bringing out another chair for himself, Lovro settles down on Ivan’s lap. Ivan quickly wraps his arms around Lovro’s waist and buries his face in his shoulder. Lovro caresses Ivan’s arms with his own, and rubs the backs of Ivan’s hands with his thumbs.

A few minutes later, Lovro gets up to rinse out his hair. Vanessa doesn’t come with him this time, and stays on the balcony with Eva and Ivan. Lovro turns a nervous glance back at Ivan before he walks into the bathroom. He hopes all these people being over isn’t too much for Ivan. 

As he quickly tries to rinse out his hair, Lovro hears someone come up behind him. He doesn’t look up, but when he feels a large hand land on his back he knows it is Ivan. Ivan drops down the toilet cover, and sits to watch Lovro as he rinses his hair. 

“You know,” Ivan speaks up after a moment of silence, “the first time I saw you was when you had your blue hair.”

Lovro pauses to look up at him for the first time since he had walked into the bathroom. “What? When?” Lovro asks.

Ivan chuckles. “It was about six or so months before we met at the party.”

Lovro’s jaw drops, “six months?” he exclaims.

“Yeah, about that,” Ivan responds. “It was right after I was put on meds for the first time. My parents and Sonja were driving me crazy, always in my business and asking me how I was feeling. I could tell they were on edge around me, like they thought I'd snap at any moment. So, I started going on these really long walks to get out of the house.” Ivan smiles, “And one day, I was walking past the skatepark and I noticed this gorgeous boy with blue hair.”

Lovro smiles at him as his cheeks turn pink. He has rinsed all of the color out, so now he is standing up, towel drying his hair as he listens to Ivan talk.

“I sat down on a bench across from the park and just watched you skate around for a little while.” Ivan adds with a chuckle, “creepy, I know.”

“Nooo,” Lovro responds, drawn out, he drops the towel to the side, and kneels in front of Ivan, grabbing his hands to hold in his own.

“I ended up walking past the skatepark every time I went for a walk, hoping I’d see you again.”

“Did you?”

“A couple times, yeah,” Ivan responds. “I went on that way for a couple months. I was so shocked to find out you went to the school I transferred to. I told myself I’d regret it forever if I didn’t try to talk to you at least once, so that's how I ended up at that party we met.”

 “Why did you never tell me this?” Lovro asks.

“I don’t know,” Ivan blushes and tears his gaze away from Lovro’s eyes to look in his lap, “it kinda made me feel like a loser.”

“No,” Lovro says, reaching his hands up to cup Ivan’s cheeks and lift his head to make eye contact again. “It’s really sweet,” He leans in to press his lips to Ivan’s. It’s not a heated kiss by any means, but rather warm, and tender. As Ivan sighs into Lovro’s mouth, Lovro wishes he could take away all the pain Ivan has ever felt. It pains him to think about Ivan from a year ago, sad and vulnerable, not understanding what was happening to him, desperately holding on to the image of Lovro to stay afloat. He kicks himself for all of the times Ivan was so close, and he had no idea. He thinks of all the time they missed out on, and how he could have been there for Ivan sooner if only he had looked up. 

Their kiss is interrupted by Eva yelling from the balcony, “Lovroooo, come on, we want to see the hair.”

Lovro pulls back from Ivan as they look at each other and chuckle. Lovro leans in one last time to touch their noses together, before pulling back and standing up. Lovro pulls Ivan’s hands, helping him to his feet. 

Lovro turns away from Ivan to walk to the balcony, but turns back around when he feels Ivan gently brush his hip with his fingers. “I’m going to go lay down in your room for a bit,” Ivan says.

“Okay,” Lovro responds, trying not to let the disappointment show in his face. Lovro tilts his head up, asking for a kiss. Ivan walks forward and pecks Lovro on the lips before walking past him, and toward his bedroom. 

Lovro sighs and heads out to the balcony.

-

19:03

Rita: Hi, Lovro, this is Ivan’s mom. I took your number out of his phone a little while ago in case I ever needed it. I’m just checking in to see how Ivan’s doing? 

Lovro: Hi, he’s doing a little better. He’s begun leaving bed and moving around a bit more. We had some friends over today, and he hung out with them for a little while.

Rita: Good! I’m glad. 

Rita: Is he taking his medication?

Lovro: Yes

Rita: Good. Thank you for looking out for him, I really appreciate it.

Lovro: No problem, I like being here for him.

Rita: He’s very lucky to have you💕

-

Lovro and Ivan are lying in bed, with Ivan’s head on Lovro’s chest. Lovro opens his phone to look at the photos Vanessa posted of his hair on her instagram. Before he can search Vanessa’s name, however, a post from Eva pops up on his home screen. Lovro smirks and angles the phone so Ivan can see, “what is this?” he asks questioningly. 

Ivan chuckles as he sees the image. It is a selfie Eva took with her and Vanessa on each side of Ivan, both of them are leaning in to kiss each side of his cheeks as Ivan smiles in the middle. “What? We took that while you were rinsing your hair,” Ivan adds, with a playful tone.

Lovro scoffs, “so you’re cheating on me now?”

Ivan smirks, “I’m sorry, it’s not my fault I’m irresistible.” Lovro lightly shoves Ivan away before immediately tightening his grip, bringing Ivan back to lay on his chest. Lovro wraps a hand around Ivan’s head and kisses the top of his head. “I may have many boyfriends and girlfriends,” Ivan jokes, “but you’re my favorite.”

Lovro feels his cheeks heat up as Ivan buries his face deeper into his shirt. “Awe, I can’t tell if that’s sweet or not.” Lovro chuckles. 

“It’s sweet,” Ivan murmurs into Lovro’s shirt. “I love you,” he pauses for a few seconds before adding, “so much.”

Lovro smiles, he buries his face in Ivan’s hair, breathing in the smell of his shampoo. “I love you,” he responds. Lovro suddenly feels very serious,  he thinks of all the pain Ivan has to endure. He thinks about how unfair it is that this happened to him by chance. He thinks about Ivan as a child, happy and free, with no idea what was soon to come for him. 

Lovro’s eyes well up, Ivan must notice the shift in his breathing, because he lifts his head from Lovro’s chest to look him in the face. He immediately frowns upon seeing tears fall from Lovro’s eyes. Lovro tries to shift his face away to hide from Ivan’s gaze. Ivan reaches up and caresses Lovro’s cheek, wiping away a fallen tear, "what's wrong?” He asks with his eyebrows knitted together.

“Sorry,” Lovro replies, desperately trying to stop himself from crying. Now that Ivan is looking at him, however, that only makes things worse for his vulnerable state. “I was just thinking about how you deserve so much more than what you were given.” 

Ivan drops his head. He pauses for a moment before shifting to lay on his side, turning Lovro so they could look at one another. Lovro sees a contemplative look on Ivan’s face, he seems not to know what to reply, so he just leans forwards and presses their foreheads together. They lay like that for a while, with Ivan rubbing Lovro’s back as he sniffles, and Ivan wipes away any more of Lovro’s tears that fall. 

-

11:14

Jakov: guys that movie we’ve been wanting to see is finally out

Mario: fuck yesssssss

Mario: took forever

Mario: you guys want to come over to watch it?

Jakov: sure

Lovro: i can’t

Mario: wtf why

Jakov: bro we’ve been waiting forever

Lovro: you guys can watch it without me if you’re so desperate

Mario: bro no

Mario: that ruins the fun

Lovro: sorry

Jakov: what are you so busy doing?

Jakov: too busy for us?😔

Lovro: Ivan’s still over

Lovro: i don’t want to leave him

Jakov: oh, how’s he doing?

Lovro: he’s okay

Lovro: he’s just been sleeping a lot

Lovro: i don’t want him to wake up to me gone

Jakov: dw, that makes sense

Mario: can we watch it at your house then?

Mario: i bet a good movie with friends will be just what tomos needs to cheer him up

Jakov: 💀

Lovro: i don’t think it works like that

Mario: come on brooooo 

Mario: we’ve been waiting months😫

Lovro: alright, fine

Mario: 🤩🥰😍

Mario: i love you😘

Lovro: alright, calm down

Jakov: haha

Jakov: when should we come over?

Lovro: come over whenever, i’m not doing anything

Jakov: okay, I’ll be there in about an hour

Mario: 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️

-

Jakov is sitting on the couch in Lovro’s living room when they hear a knock on the door. Lovro opens it and Mario bursts in, “Brooo, I’m so fucking hyped!” he says to the both of them as he walks in the living room. 

Mario sits down on the couch and asks, “where’s Tomos? Is he gonna watch with us?” 

“I don’t know,” Lovro replies, “he might still be sleeping.” Lovro tosses the remote to Jakov’s lap, “get it set up, I’ll go check if he's coming.” 

Jakov pulls up the movie as he watches Lovro walk down the hall. Lovro peeks his head in his bedroom, staring for a few seconds before gently shutting the door, and returning to the couch. “He’s still sleeping,” he says with a disappointed tone, “maybe he’ll come out later.”

Jakov pats Lovro on the back, and gives him a reassuring smile. Lovro forces a smile back, and turns his head to the screen as Jakov presses play on the movie. Jakov lowers the volume a little bit, trying not to disturb Ivan. They all sit back and fall into silence as the movie begins. 

Jakov notices how fidgety Lovro seems. He keeps glancing away from the movie to watch his bedroom door, and Jakov has had to tell him to stop biting his nails before he draws blood multiple times.

About 45 minutes into the movie, the bedroom door to Lovro’s room slowly opens. Jakov and Lovro look up, while Mario is too locked in on the movie to notice. 

As Ivan pads out of the room, Jakov looks to Lovro. He has a small smile on his face as he looks at Ivan, and Jakov notices how he has visibly calmed from the anxious energy he was carrying only moments ago. Once Ivan walks into the living room, Jakov greets, “hey, man,” holding his hand out.

“Hi,” Ivan responds as he sits down on the couch beside Lovro and fist bumps Jakov.

“Tomos!” Mario exclaims, finally breaking his attention from the screen, he stretches his arm past Jakov and Lovro to dab up Ivan. 

Ivan chuckles, and Mario immediately resumes all attention to the movie. 

Jakov watches out of the corner of his eye as Ivan curls up beside Lovro. He brings his knees up and tucks his legs to rest on top of Lovro’s lap, and curls his head down to bury his head in Lovro’s shoulder. Jakov notices Lovro smile as he kisses Ivan’s forehead, and reaches his arm out to wrap around Ivan’s back. 

For the rest of the movie, Lovro was relaxed and didn’t fidget anymore.

-

Later that night, the boys had left and Ivan and Lovro were still lounging on the couch. They had turned on some random TV show that neither of them were paying attention to as they lazily made out. Ivan was laying on his back while Lovro was on top of him. Ivan has both hands gently threaded into Lovro’s hair as he breathed in the soft whimpers Lovro was letting out into his mouth. They weren’t doing anything too heated, as Ivan still didn’t have much energy for anything more than kissing. Lovro didn’t seem to mind, though, as he gratefully took whatever Ivan was willing to give him. 

While lost in the feeling of kissing and holding one another, they almost missed the unmistakable sound of keys gingling in the door’s lock. Once they realize what is happening, Lovro quickly shoots up and crawls off of Ivan just as Ana, opens the door and walks in. Ivan sits up and wipes away any wetness that was around his mouth. 

“Oh,” Ana says, looking between the two of them. She definitely knows what she nearly walked in on. She awkwardly fumbles for her words and says, “hi, boys. How are you feeling Ivan?” 

“I’m doing a little better, I think,” Ivan responds, noticing Lovro’s nervous shifting where he sat.

“Oh, that's good, I’m glad.” Ana awkwardly chuckles, while looking from Ivan to Lovro. “Well, I’m going to go start on dinner.” She hesitates for a moment and smiles before walking into the kitchen. 

Ivan looks at Lovro and tightens his lips, trying not to laugh. Lovro’s face is bright red as he drops his face into his hands. Ivan scoots toward him and rubs his hand on his back. Lovro looks up at him again, and Ivan notices his swollen lips and messy hair. His hair is sticking up in all directions from when Ivan gently tugged on the roots to coax out the sounds from Lovro that he loves so much. He reached out his hand and flattened down the sticking up hairs, as Lovro’s intense gaze bore straight into him. It takes everything in Ivan not to lean forward and kiss Lovro again. 

Ivan tries to think of a new subject, given Ana is in the kitchen and fully within earshot. “My mom texted me today, she said they’re coming home tomorrow.”

Lovro frowns, “oh, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Ivan responds, “I’ll probably head home tomorrow morning.”

Lovro looks so sad as he watches Ivan, scanning his face, “you don’t have to go.”

“I know,” Ivan says, he scoots forward a little bit so his knees knock against Lovro’s, “but I should, my mom’s been worried about me. She’ll want me to come home.”

“Oh,” Lovro responds, “okay.” He adds, reaching forward to intertwine his and Ivan’s fingers, “I’ll miss you.” 

Ivan smiles, “I’ll miss you too.”

Lovro reaches his hand up and brushes his fingers along Ivan’s whisker dimples, “I like it when you smile.”

Ivan laughs, “do you?” Lovro nods, and despite his mother being right in the next room, he can't stop himself from leaning forward and pressing a kiss on Ivan’s lips.

Lovro pulls away enough to rest their noses against each other, “I love you very much,” Lovro whispers.

Ivan closes his eyes and presses their foreheads together. He whispers back, “I love you more.”