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I remember that day like it was yesterday. We were all sharing the poem we wrote for class. I was up, having spent all night coming up with mine, but I was nervous. Finally, I mustered the courage to speak, but midway through, a bunch of girls started laughing, and then the entire class joined in. It was awful. But my big sister Kanon was waiting for me at the big tree after school. I was crying, but she asked read my poem. Somehow, my tears stopped in an instant. Kanon read my poem, seeing the A grade, and smiled.
"This is great!" she told me. "You put a lot of feeling into it."
I shook my head. "But everyone hated it!" I cried. "A bunch of girls started laughing, then everyone else did."
Kanon, ever cheerful, replied. "And what were their poems like?"
I paused. "They didn't present any poems."
Kanon beamed. "Then what reason do they have to make fun of you? You went up. They didn't."
She shook her head. "Some people are just jealous. They only get power from putting down others.
She then put her hands on my shoulders. "But you're not going to let them win, right? You have a world waiting to listen to you."
I smiled, giving my big sister a big hug. "Thanks, sis! Good luck at the recital! I'm really excited to hear you sing!"
Kanon gasped, paused, then smiled back. "I hope you enjoy it!"
Little did I know at the time that she was a big fat hypocrite.
----
So many years have passed since she fell on that stage that day. I had written another poem dedicated to her, the sister who inspired me so much, but she didn't even look at me. She just looked at the ground with a frown on her face, without a care for anything around her. The skies were so dark and cloudy. But I thought, fine. It was just one failure, right? She'd get back up again like she'd tell everyone else to.
But something inside her died that day. She kept auditioning again and again, but every time, she'd freeze up. She smiled less and less over the years, being very quiet, going places with her headphones while filtering the world out, and spending so much time in bed. I kept knocking on her door, asking if she'd like to play together, but she kept ignoring me. Then one day, she left her door unlocked, but still acted like I wasn't there.
"Sister!" I greeted. "It's Saturday! Any plans for today?"
She was still in her bed, rolling over to get away from me. It was a dark, rainy day, with ominous storm clouds in the sky. I couldn't take it anymore.
"Are you just going to stay in here all day?" I demanded.
"What's your problem?" Kanon moaned, as if she was still sleepy.
"You!" I yelled. "All you do is sleep and listen to your headphones! What happened to the old Kanon? The girl who wanted to share her song with the world?"
"How is that any of your business?" Kanon retorted sarcastically. "Go and play on your own if you want."
I was fuming. "Fine! Stay here! Throw your life away! See if I care!"
Kanon got up, her hair a mess. She put on her glasses, and glared at me. "You want to go out in this weather so bad?" she snapped. "Then go! At least then I won't have to hear your annoying voice!"
So that's what she thinks of me, isn't it? Fine. I ran out and slammed the door. But all she did was moan and go back to bed.
----
The sky was still dark that afternoon as I arrived back home, drenched in water. I so badly wanted to show her how useless she was. But instead, I felt so cold. The clouds were rumbling, and I didn't want to be outside for the lightning. So I took off my boots and walked upstairs to my room. But as I passed by Kanon's room, I heard her speak behind the door.
"Shibuya Kanon"
"The light of hope in our lives."
"Beloved Sister."
I was stunned. It was the haiku I had written to commemorate her recital in elementary school, before her collapse. She wasn't the only one I inspired. All the girls around her loved her, because she was always telling everyone to do their best. I wondered now how she felt about it.
I opened the door slowly. It gave a small creaking sound, but Kanon was as oblivious as always. But I noticed tears streaming down her face as she looked out the window to the dark sky. A flash of lightning occurred, and then the rumbling thunder seconds later. It was then that she picked up her guitar and started to play some notes.
I wished to let her concentrate, so I closed the door and walked away. But before I did, I heard her start singing a few notes. I realized then that Kanon wasn't gone forever. And I couldn't wait to hear what song she's come up with.
As I returned to my room, I saw our old photo on my closet. It was us, smiling together in front of the big elementary school tree as the multi-coloured autumn leaves blew around us.
...I miss you Sister. I can't wait for the sky to be clear again.