Archive of Our Own

𑁍ࠬܓ (현진, 용복) : YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL
── he loves her, but he's nothing but a shadow to her. maybe he isn't just meant for her. maybe, there's someone else waiting for him.

she was beautiful. as beautiful as the first light of dawn stretching across a quiet sky, painting it in soft shades of blush and gold. as beautiful as the sound of rain on a tin roof, a rhythm of nature that lulls even the most restless soul to peace. 

she carried a beauty that was more than skin deep—deeper than the surface of her smile or the gleam in her eyes. it was in the way she moved, the way her presence filled the air, like the first notes of a familiar melody. 

she was beautiful, like the steady hum of the earth beneath bare feet, grounding and gentle, yet full of quiet power. like the way a flower opens itself to the sun, unashamed, vulnerable, reaching toward something greater. her beauty wasn’t loud or boastful; it whispered, it lingered. 

she was as beautiful as the silence after a storm—still, yet trembling with the memory of chaos. as beautiful as a secret only the stars know, a story written in the folds of the universe, unseen but felt. she carried galaxies in her eyes, constellations formed of hopes, dreams, and unspoken fears. 

there was beauty in her strength, the kind that didn’t demand attention but radiated from her being like the warm embrace of the sun. she was as beautiful as the moments when time seems to pause—when the world holds its breath, watching her, captivated. 

and yet, her beauty was also in her fragility. she was a glass heart, reflecting the world in shards of light, even as cracks ran deep. she was as beautiful as a bird learning to fly, uncertain and trembling, yet full of endless potential. 

she was beautiful in her laughter, like bells ringing in a faraway chapel, calling out to anyone who could hear. she was beautiful in her sadness, like the ocean at twilight, depths unfathomable but so achingly serene. 

her beauty was in the stories she told, the love she gave, and the dreams she dared to chase. it was in the way she looked at life, even when it hurt, with eyes that sought wonder and hands that still reached for the stars. 

she was beautiful, like the way the moon kisses the ocean, constant yet fleeting, a reflection of something greater. and though the tides of life pulled her away, though time threatened to erode the memory of her presence, she remained beautiful. 

beautiful in the way she lingered, like the scent of lavender on a breeze, like the trace of music in the air after the last note is played. 

beautiful, as if the world had poured all its grace, its pain, its joy into her being and asked her to carry it. she did, and she was radiant. 

and that’s how i thought of her. 

while to her, i was just an acquaintance, a project partner, a shadow.. someone who wrote stupid poems about her, some artist, that she didn't know, painted her all the time.

another face in a sea of people who passed her by without a second thought. 

but her? she was my muse. she was— is my.. everything. 

even when she didn’t realize it. 

even when she thought nobody was watching her, locked in the music room, tears glistening from her eyes and cheeks as she quietly sobbed. her hands, so steady and graceful when she played the piano, trembled as she cradled her face. her shoulders shook under the weight of something invisible yet suffocating. i wasn’t supposed to be there. i wasn’t supposed to see her like that. but i did, and i couldn’t look away. 

the girl who wore her smile like armor was falling apart in the silence of that room, and i felt like i was intruding on a sacred moment. her tears fell, one after the other, as if her sorrow was endless, as if she had been holding it all in for too long. and even in that moment—especially in that moment—she was still the most beautiful thing i’d ever seen. 

her beauty wasn’t diminished by her pain; it was amplified by it. it was raw, unfiltered, as if her soul had broken through the surface to show the world that she was human, that she wasn’t untouchable, that she was hurting. and all i wanted to do was gather those pieces of her, the ones she thought were too shattered to be whole again, and hold them in my hands like they were precious. 

i watched as her fingers traced the keys of the piano, not to play but to ground herself. her breathing was uneven, her chest rising and falling in stutters as she fought to compose herself. she didn’t know anyone was there. she didn’t know i had come back for my forgotten glove, only to find her, the girl i’d quietly loved, unraveling before my eyes. 

and maybe that’s why i couldn’t bring myself to leave. because she didn’t let anyone see her like this. because she always carried herself with this unspoken grace, this quiet strength, like she didn’t want to burden anyone with the weight of her sadness. but here she was, alone, crumbling, and i felt it like a punch to the gut. 

i wanted to say something. anything. but the words stuck in my throat, heavy and inadequate. what could i possibly say that would make her pain less sharp, her tears less bitter? so, i just stood there, a coward in the doorway, watching her world fall apart. 

when she finally lifted her head, i saw it—the way her eyes, swollen and red, carried the kind of sorrow that only comes from loving and losing, from dreaming and breaking. her lips parted slightly as if she wanted to speak, but no sound came. she just sat there, staring at the blank sheet music in front of her, like it held all the answers she couldn’t find. 

and in that moment, i realized something. she didn’t need someone to fix her. she didn’t need someone to tell her everything would be okay. she just needed someone to see her. to really see her, without judgment or pity, without expectations. to understand that even in her brokenness, she was whole. 

so, i stayed. not close enough for her to notice me, but close enough that, if she looked up, she wouldn’t feel alone. i leaned against the doorframe, my heart aching with every breath she took, and i stayed. 

because even if she never saw me, even if she never knew how much i cared, i wanted her to feel something—anything other than the emptiness i saw in her eyes. 

and maybe that wasn’t enough. maybe i was just a boy with a glove in his hand and feelings he didn’t know how to articulate. but it was all i had to give. and for her, i would have given everything. 

and then, the next time i saw her was at the indoor court, where our basketball team was practicing under the golden embrace of the muted rays of the late afternoon sun that shone through the big window.

she was there, sitting on the bleachers with two of her usual friends, her laughter bright and carefree, cutting through the humid air like a song.  

she cheered for us as if nothing had happened, her hands clapping with an enthusiasm that drew glances and smiles from the other players. 

but i noticed what no one else did. i noticed the faint redness around her eyes, the subtle swell of her lids—the remnants of a storm she had weathered alone.  

still, she smiled, wide and radiant, as if to say, i’m fine, don’t look too closely.

well, it wasn’t rare for me to see her here, after all, it was him who she was here for in the first place.

him.

he stood a few feet away from me on the pitcher’s mound, his confidence exuding from every movement. he was tall, with broad shoulders and a grin that seemed to light up the field. his uniform fit him perfectly, like he was made for it. the way he carried himself was effortless, like he had the world in the palm of his hand—and maybe he did.  

i watched as he caught her gaze and, with a mischievous smirk, sent a small kiss flying her way. she caught it with an exaggerated motion, her cheeks blooming with a blush that even the sun couldn’t outshine. her friends giggled and nudged her, whispering things i didn’t need to hear to understand.  

he was all that a girl could ask for.  

he had the charm that turned heads wherever he went, the kind that made people want to be close to him just to share in his glow. he was quick-witted, always ready with a joke that left everyone in stitches. he was the kind of guy who made you feel like the most important person in the room when he looked at you, even if you weren’t.  

and on the court, he was a force to be reckoned with. his hoops and dribbles were sharp, fast, and clean—so perfect it was almost infuriating. he didn’t just play basketball; he embodied it, like the game was an extension of him.  

the team loved him. we loved him. the crowd adored him. and she… she looked at him like he was the sun, like she could orbit around him forever and never tire of the warmth.  

and me? i was just the captain of the team, the one calling the shots, shouting instructions, holding it all together. but i wasn’t the one she was watching. i wasn’t the one making her laugh, the one who made her cheeks flush that particular shade of pink.  

it was him.  

i hated how much i admired him. how could i not? he was everything i wasn’t. where i was quiet, he was bold. where i hesitated, he dove in headfirst. where i stood in the shadows, he basked in the spotlight with ease.  

and maybe, just maybe, i hated how happy he made her.  

because when he sent her that kiss, when she caught it with a grin so wide it looked like it could split the sky, i realized that i couldn’t give her that. not the way he did. not with that ease, that confidence, that undeniable presence that turned her sadness into laughter in an instant.  

so i watched from the sidelines, pretending i didn’t see the way she lit up for him. pretending i didn’t care that she was cheering for someone else, that her heart was somewhere i could never reach.  

but the truth was, it tore me apart.  

because i knew what no one else did—that she cried alone in music rooms, that her laughter was sometimes a mask, that her beauty wasn’t just in her smiles but in her pain, her strength, her vulnerability.  

and i knew, deep down, that he didn’t see her the way i did.  

he saw her as the girl in the stands, the one who cheered him on, who caught his kisses with a laugh. but i saw her as the girl who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders and still found a way to dance beneath it.  

but as someone close to him, i knew he loved her. even if he couldn't process it as much, but he really did.

and yet, despite everything, i couldn’t hate him. not really.  

because he made her happy. and wasn’t that what i wanted, too?  

still, as the ball dribbled under his hands, the perfect angle passing square through the basket hoop, and the crowd erupted in cheers, i couldn’t help but wonder:  

what if she turned her gaze my way, just once? would she see me standing there, waiting for her? or would she still only see him?

well, that's what he was, he was just.. him.  

christopher bang. or rather, chris.  

her boyfriend.  

my… best friend.  

the words sat heavy in my chest, suffocating and sharp, like shards of glass i couldn’t swallow. chris, the guy who had been by my side through countless games, late-night talks, and stupid jokes only we found funny. chris, who knew my secrets, my struggles, my dreams. chris, who had always been my biggest supporter on and off the court.  

chris, who had her.  

he was the kind of person who didn’t need to try to make people love him—they just did. with his easy laugh and soft-spoken wisdom, he had a way of making everyone feel seen, understood. he wasn’t just the team’s star player; he was the glue that held us together, the one who reminded us that we weren’t just players but brothers.  

and he was hers.  

i should’ve been happy for them. i told myself that over and over. be happy for them, hyunjin. he’s your best friend. she deserves someone like him. someone better than you.  

but no matter how many times i said it, the ache in my chest didn’t go away. it gnawed at me, relentless and cruel, every time i saw the way she looked at him. like he was her whole world.  

and chris? he looked at her the same way.  

i saw it in the way his eyes softened when she was around, in the way his grin widened just a little more when she laughed. he adored her, protected her, loved her with an openness i couldn’t even bring myself to admit i wanted.  

i hated him for that.  

and i hated myself more for hating him.  

because chris didn’t know. how could he?

i had never told him about the way my heart raced every time she walked into a room, the way i memorized the sound of her laugh, the way my hands itched to brush the stray strands of hair from her face.  

i never told him about the nights i stayed up replaying every conversation i had with her, wondering if i’d said enough or too much. i never told him how i couldn’t breathe when she smiled at me, even if it was just in passing.  

i never told him because it didn’t matter.  

she was his. and i? i was just the captain of the team, his best friend, the one who should’ve been cheering them on from the sidelines.  

instead, i was standing here, on the court we both loved, pretending that every stolen glance at her didn’t feel like a betrayal. pretending that i wasn’t breaking a little more each time she caught his flying kisses and smiled at him like he was the only thing that mattered.  

because he was the only thing that mattered to her.  

and i was just the shadow.  

i tried to ignore the way my gaze lingered on her as she sat on the bleachers, her laughter carrying over the cheers and the sound of the dribbles. i tried to ignore the way her smile faltered for just a second when she thought no one was looking, the way her fingers fiddled with the hem of her shirt like she was trying to hold herself together.  

i tried to ignore it all. but it was impossible.  

because i saw her. i always saw her. and i couldn’t unsee her, no matter how much it hurt.  

but chris was my best friend. and she was his.  

so i clenched my jaw, gripped the baseball tighter in my hand, and forced myself to look away.  

because if there was one thing i knew for certain, it was this:  

i would rather break my own heart a thousand times over than let either of them know how much i was breaking inside.

and soon enough, practice had ended, and the sound of sneakers squeaking on the polished wood faded into the hum of low conversations and the occasional thud of a stray basketball.

i wiped the sweat from my face with the hem of my jersey, my throat dry despite the water i’d just gulped down. my chest heaved as i caught my breath, leaning against the wall near the bleachers. my teammates had already started to disperse, their laughter echoing as they shoved each other toward the locker room.

but i stayed back, as i always did.

because she was still here.

she stood at the far end of the bleachers, laughing with him, who had his arm slung casually around her shoulders. her eyes sparkled in the dim light, her laughter ringing out like a melody that didn’t belong in this sweaty, chaotic gym. she was radiant, even in the simplest way she carried herself—like she belonged to a world far gentler than this one.

chris leaned closer to her, whispering something that made her tilt her head back and laugh louder. he smiled at her, that easy, confident smile of his, the one that said he didn’t have a single doubt in his mind that she was his. and why would he? he had everything—a charm that drew people in without effort, a talent that made him the pride of the team, and her.

i clenched the water bottle in my hand, the plastic crinkling under the pressure. i told myself i should look away, that i had no right to watch her like this, but my feet stayed rooted, and my gaze lingered.

i didn’t even notice the footsteps approaching until a voice, bright and effervescent, cut through my thoughts.

"hey! hyunjin, right?"

startled, i turned to see a blonde guy standing a few feet away, his hands tucked casually into the pockets of his sweatpants. his hair was an impossible shade of gold, soft and messy, like sunlight had woven itself into every strand. his face was alight with a grin so wide it could’ve lit up the entire gym, and freckles danced across his nose and cheeks like constellations on a canvas.

"uh… yeah," i managed to mumble, taken aback.

he tilted his head slightly, his smile never wavering. "i’m felix. we share a couple of classes, i think? history and, uh… literature? or something like that."

i nodded slowly, vaguely recalling his face in the back row, but we’d never exchanged more than polite nods in passing.

"anyway," he continued, his voice light and lilting, "i just wanted to say—you were amazing out there. the way you move on the court? it’s like… i don’t know, art or something."

i blinked, unsure how to respond. compliments weren’t something i was used to, especially from someone who had no reason to notice me. "uh, thanks," i said awkwardly, scratching the back of my neck with a faint smile.

the sunshine guy's grin widened, and he gave a little laugh, as if my reaction amused him. "seriously, though! you’ve got this… i don’t know, this elegance when you play. like you’re not just playing to win—you’re playing to express something. it’s cool."

i stared at him, caught off guard by the sheer earnestness in his voice. there was no hint of sarcasm, no undercurrent of competition—just genuine admiration. it was disarming, the way he looked at me, his eyes warm and unassuming, like he truly meant every word.

before i knew it, we were walking together, his deep voice filling the space between us as we headed toward the locker rooms. he kinda talked with his whole body, his hands gesturing animatedly, his steps light, almost bouncy.

he told me about how he wasn’t much of a basketball fan but had come to watch the team play and ended up being more impressed by me. he mentioned how he loved the way i dribbled, how i always seemed to find the perfect opening. "it’s like you see the game differently than everyone else," he said, his tone laced with wonder.

i didn’t say much, but felix didn’t seem to mind. he carried the conversation effortlessly, his words tumbling out in a cheerful, unfiltered stream. his voice was soft but lively, like he couldn’t contain his excitement about even the smallest things.

when we reached the locker room doors, he stopped and turned to me, his hands tucked back into his pockets. "well, i guess this is where i leave you," he said with a little shrug, his smile still firmly in place.

"thanks for the talk," i said, feeling a strange warmth settle in my chest.

"anytime," he replied, his grin softening into something more sincere. "see you around, hyunjin. keep playing the way you do, okay? it’s inspiring."

with that, he turned and walked away, his golden hair catching the light, his footsteps light and unhurried.

i stood there for a moment, staring after him, his words echoing in my mind.

okay, conversing with a literal golden retriever wasn't on my schedule, but i'm not complaining.

the next few days unfolded like a gentle spring breeze, carrying the blonde closer into hyunjin’s orbit with an ease that felt both foreign and comforting. he seemed to appear everywhere, his sunshine-drenched smile lighting up hallways, classrooms, and even the spaces hyunjin hadn’t realized were so dim before.

it was strange, this feeling of someone so effortlessly making themselves a part of your days, like the way sunlight filters through curtains uninvited but welcome all the same. felix had a knack for filling silences, his words tumbling out in cheerful, rambling tangents that somehow made sense by the end. and though hyunjin usually thrived in solitude, he found himself listening more, responding more, even smiling more.

of course, she still lingered in his mind sometimes—a soft, bittersweet memory of something unattainable. but with felix around, the ache dulled. it wasn’t that he forgot her; it was that he didn’t feel quite as hollow. his presence was like a patch of warm sun on a chilly day, an undeniable comfort that didn’t demand anything in return.

felix, for all his bubbliness, seemed to bring out something softer in hyunjin too. perhaps it was the way he carried himself, light and delicate, or the way he spoke with a sincerity that felt unguarded, untainted by cynicism. whatever it was, hyunjin found himself treading carefully around him, as if felix were made of spun glass and the last thing he wanted was to leave a crack.

—

it was seungmin, felix's roommate, who told him about the rooftop.

"felix? he’s probably up there," seungmin had said nonchalantly, shuffling through his locker, as he glanced at the guy. "he likes the quiet. eats lunch there a lot."

hyunjin had hesitated at first, unsure if he was intruding, but curiosity won out. so here he was, climbing the worn staircase that led to the rooftop, the faint sound of the bustling school below fading with each step.

when he pushed open the heavy metal door, there he was.

he was sat cross-legged on the stony floor, leaning against the low wall that lined the rooftop’s edge. a neatly packed lunch box sat in his lap, and his golden hair gleamed in the midday sunlight, almost too bright to look at. he was popping a grape into his mouth when he noticed hyunjin, his eyes lighting up with a smile that was as welcoming as it was disarming.

"oh hey, hyunjin," felix said, his voice soft and lilting. "didn’t know you’d be here too."

"ah… i, um…" hyunjin stammered, suddenly feeling awkward, like he’d just walked into something private. he shifted the strap of his crossbody bag and glanced around, unsure of where to place himself. "seungmin told me you were here."

felix chuckled, gesturing to the spot beside him. "well, come on then. no sense standing there like a lost puppy."

hyunjin let out a small laugh, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly as he moved to sit beside him. he settled onto the floor, his back against the wall, and pulled out his sketchbook and pencil from his bag.

"i… thought maybe i’d sketch," hyunjin said, his voice quieter now. he glanced at felix, who was now chewing thoughtfully on a slice of apple. the sunlight hit felix’s face at just the right angle, illuminating the constellation of freckles across his cheeks and nose.

felix looked over, curiosity sparking in his honey-brown eyes. "you sketch?"

"yeah, a lot." hyunjin responded, lowering his gaze to the blank page that sat on his lap. "guess i never really mentioned it, huh?"

"i guess so," the blonde's eyes lightened in admiration, "so is that your artwork on the phonecase then?"

"yeah, actually," hyunjin muttered, "it's nothing much, though."

"i'd say it must really mean something to you. i'd beg and pay thousands to see your pieces," he giggled excitedly, staring at the guy with the brightest smile in the universe.

hyunjin's eyes shifted awkwardly, meeting his bright ones as he absorbed the genuineness in the blonde's eyes and smile.

"so what do you usually like to draw?"

"anything.. random," hyunjin replied quickly, looking down once again. "but i usually end up drawing flowers, um, people, and happy moments."

felix hummed in understanding, his focus returning to his lunch. for a moment, they sat in companionable silence, the soft rustle of the breeze and the distant sounds of the school below creating a cocoon of peace around them.

but hyunjin couldn’t stop glancing at felix out of the corner of his eye—the way his lips curved as he smiled to himself, the way his fingers carefully plucked a grape from the box, the way the sunlight seemed to adore him, draping him in a golden glow.

"felix?" hyunjin said suddenly, his voice breaking the quiet.

felix turned to him, eyebrows raised in question. "mhm?"

hyunjin hesitated, his grip tightening on his pencil. his heart thudded in his chest, and he cursed himself for how awkward he felt. "i… i wanted to ask if… you’d let me sketch you. like—be my muse. but i mean—that’s only if you’re okay—"

felix’s face lit up in a way that made hyunjin’s breath catch. "me? really?"

hyunjin nodded, his gaze dropping to his sketchbook. "you just… you look—" he paused, feeling the words stick in his throat.

beautiful? ethereal? like you’ve been kissed by sunlight itself?

"—interesting," he finished weakly.

felix let out a soft laugh, and hyunjin dared to look up, only to find felix grinning at him with an almost childlike delight.

"i’d be honored," felix said, his voice warm and sincere. "just tell me what to do."

hyunjin swallowed hard, his fingers trembling slightly as he poised his pencil over the page. "just… stay as you are. you’re perfect."

the words slipped out before he could stop them, and his cheeks flushed immediately. but felix didn’t tease him for it. instead, he just smiled, leaning back against the wall and tilting his head slightly, his golden hair catching the sunlight again.

and as hyunjin began to sketch, his pencil capturing the gentle curve of felix’s jaw, the scattered freckles, the light in his eyes—he realized that for the first time in a long while, he wasn’t thinking about anyone else.

only him.

the day had slipped into late afternoon, the golden hour casting a soft glow over the campus as students trickled out of the buildings. hyunjin adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder, his footsteps slow as he made his way across the courtyard. it had been a long day—lectures, practice, and a lingering exhaustion he couldn’t quite shake—but at least it was over.

the quiet shuffle of his sneakers on the pavement filled his ears until a familiar voice called out from behind him, bright and lilting.

"hyunjin! wait up!"

he turned to see felix jogging toward him, his blonde hair catching the sunlight in a way that made it almost shimmer. he was all literally energy, even after a full day, his smile as wide as ever.

"hey," felix said, falling into step beside him, slightly out of breath. "i thought that was you. heading home?"

"yeah," hyunjin replied simply, his voice low, though he found himself softening as he looked at felix.

felix’s grin didn’t falter, and he adjusted the strap of his own bag. "long day?"

"something like that."

they walked together for a moment, the conversation easy, as felix filled the air with his usual cheerful chatter. he talked about how the lecture on renaissance art had gone completely over his head, how he’d spilled coffee on his notebook but somehow managed to save his notes.

hyunjin listened quietly, nodding here and there, letting felix’s words wash over him. there was something soothing about felix’s voice, a buoyancy that felt almost contagious, like he could lift the weight of the world just by talking.

but then hyunjin’s gaze shifted, just for a second, drawn by the sound of a familiar laugh.

there she was.

she stood a few steps ahead, just off the main path, her head tilted back as she laughed at something her friends had said. chris was there too, with his arm casually draped over her shoulders, his expression as confident and easy as ever.

the sight tugged at something deep in hyunjin’s chest, a sharp reminder of what he’d tried so hard to bury. but before the ache could settle, before felix could notice the flicker of something in his eyes, hyunjin turned back.

he quickened his pace.

felix, ever the observant one, picked up on it immediately. he glanced at hyunjin, a hint of curiosity in his eyes, but if he had any questions, he didn’t voice them. instead, he jogged a step to match his longer strides, his usual cheer slipping back into place.

"you know," felix began, his tone light and almost casual, though there was a faint undercurrent of nervousness, "i was thinking… my roommate says i bake pretty good brownies. and, well, i was planning on making a few batches tonight."

hyunjin slowed slightly, glancing at felix.

felix scratched the back of his neck, his grin faltering just a little, though his voice stayed steady. "i mean, if you’re not busy or anything, maybe you could come over? you know, hang out. have a taste-test session or whatever."

hyunjin blinked, caught off guard by the invitation. felix’s words were casual enough, but there was something in the way he spoke, the way his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, that made him realize he might actually care about the answer.

for a moment, hyunjin hesitated. the idea of spending more time with felix, of stepping into his world, felt strange and unfamiliar. but at the same time, the thought of walking home to an empty apartment, of being alone with his thoughts, felt heavier.

"are you sure?" hyunjin asked finally, his voice quieter than he intended.

felix’s grin returned, brighter this time, like he hadn’t expected hyunjin to even consider it. "of course! it’s no trouble at all. i mean, unless you hate brownies. in which case… who even are you?"

hyunjin let out a small laugh despite himself, shaking his head. "i don’t hate brownies."

"good," felix said with mock seriousness, pointing a finger at him. "because i don’t think i could be friends with someone who does."

"friends, huh?" hyunjin murmured, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

felix tilted his head, his expression softening. "yeah. friends."

hyunjin exhaled, the tension in his chest loosening just a little. "okay. i’ll come over."

felix’s face lit up, the kind of smile that could chase away the darkest of clouds. "great! you won’t regret it, i promise. my brownies are kind of legendary."

as they continued walking, felix started talking again, his words spilling out in that familiar, giddy way. hyunjin found himself relaxing more with each step, the weight of the day beginning to lift.

the streets were quieter now, bathed in the warm hues of the setting sun. felix walked with a light bounce in his step, his hands casually stuffed into the pockets of his jacket. hyunjin walked beside him, his longer strides slowed to match felix’s pace.

"so, how did you get into baking?" hyunjin asked, his voice breaking the comfortable silence between them.

felix turned his head toward him, his grin widening. "oh, you know. it started with cookies. my older sister, rachel, loved baking, and she taught me when i was a kid. at first, i was terrible—like, really terrible. burnt everything. but i kept at it because, well, cookies, you know?"

hyunjin nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. "i can see that. you seem like the kind of person who’d persevere for cookies."

"hey, cookies are worth the effort," felix shot back, laughing. "and then i branched out. muffins, cakes, brownies—pretty much anything sweet. now it’s kind of my thing. therapy, i guess. plus, helps keep seungmin's sass in check."

"therapy?" hyunjin raised an eyebrow.

"yeah, like… when the world feels too heavy, i bake," felix explained, his voice softer now. "measuring ingredients, mixing, smelling something warm and sweet in the oven—it just makes things feel a little lighter, you know?"

hyunjin glanced at him, his chest tightening at the sincerity in felix’s tone. "i get that. for me, it’s drawing."

felix’s eyes lit up. "oh, yeah! you’re amazing at it. i mean, i’ve only seen a small portion of your sketches only today, but i bet they’re incredible. like, real talent. i can barely draw a stick figure."

hyunjin chuckled, shaking his head. "thanks. it’s… kind of like what you said. it helps me process things."

felix nodded thoughtfully, his gaze drifting to the sidewalk ahead. "that’s cool. i think everyone needs something like that, you know? something that feels like home."

they walked in silence for the moment, the sounds of the city filling the space between them.

when they finally reached felix’s building, he stopped at the entrance and turned to hyunjin, his expression softening.

"thanks for coming," felix said, his voice quieter now. "i wasn’t sure if you’d say yes, but… i’m glad you did."

hyunjin felt a strange warmth spread through him at the sincerity in felix’s words. he gave a small nod. "me too."

felix’s grin returned, brighter than ever. "come on. let’s make you a brownie believer."

with that, felix pushed open the door, and hyunjin followed him inside, his steps feeling just a little lighter than before.

—

the kitchen smelled like butter and cocoa, a rich and decadent aroma that only deepened as felix set out the ingredients. the room was modest, the counters slightly cluttered but lived-in, with felix’s cheerful energy filling every corner. hyunjin leaned against the counter, arms crossed loosely, watching as felix flitted around the kitchen.

"okay," felix began, turning toward hyunjin with a measuring cup in hand. "first things first—have you ever made brownies before? or like.. baked and cooked? at all?"

hyunjin only blinked, "uh.. i once helped my best friend sauté tofu and veggies?" he spoke, unsure.

"and..?"

"and..? oh, i think i burnt the tofu a bit. i didn't realise the stove was on high flame.."

felix smiled, ducking his head slightly as he set the measuring cup on the counter. "alright, rookie. let’s start with the dry ingredients."

he talked hyunjin through each step, his voice soft but enthusiastic as he explained the difference between unsweetened and dutch-process cocoa, how to measure flour properly, and why sugar mattered so much in baking.

hyunjin nodded along, following felix’s instructions, though his eyes lingered more on felix than the ingredients. the way his hands moved, quick but precise, and how his lips pursed when he concentrated—it all held his attention in a way he wasn’t used to.

"okay, your turn," felix said, sliding the bowl of dry ingredients toward him.

hyunjin straightened, stepping closer. "what am i doing?"

"whisking," felix replied, holding out the whisk. his freckles seemed to stand out more under the soft kitchen light, his cheeks tinged with a faint pink as hyunjin’s fingers brushed his when he took the whisk.

hyunjin glanced down at the bowl, then back up at felix. "am i supposed to do this a certain way, or…?"

felix giggled nervously, his gaze flitting away before returning to meet hyunjin’s. "it’s not that complicated, i promise. just, uh… here, let me show you."

he stepped closer, his smaller frame just brushing against hyunjin’s side as he placed his hands over hyunjin’s on the whisk. "you want to go in small circles, like this," felix said, guiding his movements. his voice was quieter now, and hyunjin could feel the warmth radiating from him.

the blonde's blush deepened as he realized how close they were, his words faltering. "y-you don’t want to overmix, though. just until it’s all combined."

hyunjin’s heart gave an unfamiliar flutter, his eyes briefly dropping to felix’s face. he noticed the way felix bit his lower lip in concentration, the way his lashes cast delicate shadows on his cheeks.

"are you hot?"

felix’s hands froze for a second before he quickly pulled back, his face going from pink to scarlet. "n-no, i’m not!" he stammered, avoiding hyunjin’s gaze as he fussed with the edge of his apron.

"i mean- maybe, i don't know, i'll just go get some.. paper napkins, yeah." felix muttered, clearly flustered.

hyunjin chuckled under his breath, the sound low and warm, but he didn’t press further. he resumed whisking, letting felix regain his composure, as he left the kitchen to get those 'napkins'.

when felix finally came back, his expression was determined, though the pink in his cheeks hadn’t quite faded. "alright, rookie, let’s move on to the wet ingredients."

they worked together, felix explaining and demonstrating, hyunjin following along. at one point, felix reached up to grab a mixing bowl from a high shelf, but his fingers just barely brushed the edge.

"need help?" hyunjin asked, already stepping closer.

felix turned to protest but stopped when he saw how easily hyunjin reached up and grabbed the bowl, his long fingers steady and confident. their eyes met briefly as hyunjin handed it to him, and felix let out a soft laugh, his shoulders relaxing. "thanks. guess being tall has its perks."

hyunjin smirked. "you say that like it’s a bad thing."

they continued, the atmosphere growing more comfortable, even playful. felix teased hyunjin about his whisking technique, calling it 'too aggressive,' while hyunjin shot back that felix was 'too much of a perfectionist.'

as they poured the batter into the pan, felix handed hyunjin a spatula. "here, scrape the bowl."

hyunjin obeyed, his movements slow and deliberate. "is this up to your perfectionist standards?" he asked, glancing at felix with a raised brow.

felix laughed, his shoulders shaking. "i’ll allow it."

when the brownies were finally in the oven, felix leaned against the counter, letting out a content sigh. "now we wait."

hyunjin stood beside him, his gaze drifting to felix’s profile. the golden light from the oven reflected off felix’s hair, making it shine. he looked peaceful, almost ethereal, as he rested his chin on his hand.

"you’re good at this," hyunjin said after a moment, his voice quiet.

felix turned to him, his brows knitting together in confusion. "good at what?"

hyunjin hesitated, his lips quirking into a small smile. "making people feel at home."

felix blinked, his cheeks flushing again, though his smile was soft this time. "that’s… really nice of you to say. thanks, hyunjin."

hyunjin didn’t reply, just nodded slightly, his eyes lingering on felix for a moment longer before looking away.

the next time the two met was after hyunjin’s basketball practice. the court was still abuzz with movement as players cooled down, collecting their water bottles and laughing about plays that went wrong or almost-right. hyunjin wiped his forehead with a towel, sweat clinging to the nape of his neck, when he caught a glimpse of felix sitting in the bleachers.

he was easy to spot—blonde hair glowing under the gym lights, freckles standing out against his flushed cheeks as he beamed at hyunjin, waving excitedly when their eyes met. hyunjin felt his breath hitch for a second, but he masked it with a small smile, lifting a hand in acknowledgment.

as the rest of the team dispersed, hyunjin walked over, the squeak of his sneakers echoing softly. felix hopped down from the bleachers, practically bouncing toward him.

"that was a great game," felix exclaimed, his eyes bright. "you were amazing out there, hyunjin. that shot you made toward the end? unreal."

hyunjin let out a awkward chuckle, the corner of his mouth twitching upward. "thanks. glad to know i’ve got at least one loyal fan."

felix laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "you’ve got a lot more than just one, trust me. but, uh… if you ever need someone to cheer louder, i’m your guy."

hyunjin tilted his head slightly, studying felix’s flushed face and earnest expression. "you free right now?" he asked, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

felix blinked, caught off guard. "oh, uh, yeah. why?"

hyunjin shrugged, looking away briefly. "my roommate’s out for the day. place feels too quiet, and i might get a little bored. care for some company?"

felix’s lips curled into a small smile, his cheeks dusted pink. "yeah, sure. i’d love to."

the walk to hyunjin’s apartment was quieter than usual, though not uncomfortably so. felix had asked about the game, his enthusiasm spilling into every question—did hyunjin practice that three-pointer often? was his coach strict? who was the best player on the team?

hyunjin answered each question patiently, his tone soft, almost fond. felix’s excitement was infectious, and hyunjin found himself smiling more than he realized.

when they reached the apartment, hyunjin unlocked the door and stepped aside, gesturing for felix to enter first.

the room was neat but far from sterile. a desk in the corner was cluttered with paint tubes, brushes, and sketchbooks. several canvases leaned against the wall, some completed, others only half-finished. felix’s eyes widened as he took it all in, his gaze darting from the paintings to the guitar propped in the far corner.

"wow," felix murmured, walking closer to the desk. his fingers hovered over a sketchbook but didn’t touch. "this is amazing. i mean, i only ever saw the two you showed me, but—hyunjin, these are incredible."

hyunjin scratched the back of his neck, looking away.

felix gaped softly. "not only are you the hottest guy on the campus’ basketball team," he began, the words slipping out before he could stop them. realizing what he’d just said, his eyes widened, and his cheeks turned bright red. "i mean—g-good looking.. guy on the basketball team,"

hyunjin's cheeks tinted red at the comment.

felix? well his ears still burning. "and.. say you paint, sketch, and play the guitar too? is there anything you can’t do?"

hyunjin followed felix’s gaze to the guitar. "i can’t play much," he admitted, walking over to pick it up. he sat on the couch, the sleek, ash-gray instrument resting comfortably in his hands. "still learning the basics. there’s this one chord i just can’t get right."

felix tilted his head, curiosity sparking in his eyes. "which one?"

"b major," hyunjin replied, strumming a few notes and wincing when it came out wrong.

felix’s face lit up. "oh, seungmin’s a music major, and he spends half the day playing guitar in our apartment. i might know a thing or two."

hyunjin arched an eyebrow. "really?"

"yeah," felix said, sitting beside him on the couch. "i could help, i guess. there's this song seungmin loves, and i think it has the chord."

hyunjin tried playing the chord again, failing to play it well.

"hold on, i think it goes like this," he said, reaching out to guide his fingers. felix’s touch was warm, and hyunjin found himself watching the way he adjusted the strings in his hands.

"okay, so b major is tricky," felix began, his voice soft but steady. he demonstrated the chord, the sound ringing out clearly. "you just have to press down a little harder here."

hyunjin leaned forward slightly, studying felix’s fingers. "like this?" he asked, mimicking the position.

"close," felix murmured, reaching out to adjust hyunjin’s grip. their hands brushed again, and felix froze for a moment, his breath hitching. "s-sorry," he stammered, pulling back and trying to put some space between them.

hyunjin’s gaze softened, his voice a hushed reassurance. "it’s fine. don’t worry about it."

felix cleared his throat, his cheeks flaming as he looked down at the guitar. "uh, right. try again."

as hyunjin strummed, the chord came out cleaner this time, and felix smiled, the tension melting away. "see? you’ve got it."

hyunjin didn’t reply immediately, his eyes lingering on felix’s face. the way felix’s freckles seemed to glow in the warm light, the curve of his smile, the softness in his gaze—it all felt strangely grounding.

for the first time in a while, y/n didn’t linger in hyunjin’s thoughts. instead, all he could think about was the boy sitting across from him, blushing and laughing softly, and how felix made everything feel just a little bit brighter.

the guitar sat forgotten between them. hyunjin was still holding it carefully, his hands lingering for a moment before he sat straight again, exhaling quietly. felix was still sitting beside him, his legs tucked under himself, a soft hum of contentment escaping as he looked down at his hands, fidgeting slightly.

“thanks,” hyunjin said suddenly, his voice low but steady.

“i-it's nothing,”

hyunjin gave a faint smile, his gaze soft as it settled on felix's flushed cheeks. he didn’t say anything, but his eyes lingered, trailing over his face—those bright, sun-kissed freckles, the curve of his lips, the way his blonde hair fell messily over his forehead.

felix noticed the silence and tilted his head slightly, his expression curious. "what? did i say something weird?"

"no," hyunjin murmured, shaking his head. he looked down, his hands resting on the guitar, fingers curling slightly as if grounding himself.

hyunjin laughed softly, but the sound faded quickly as his eyes found felix’s again. there was something in his chest, something he couldn’t name but felt like it had been there for weeks, quietly growing every time felix smiled, every time he blushed, every time he laughed.

before he could stop himself, hyunjin leaned forward, his movements slow, hesitant. felix stilled, his breath hitching as hyunjin’s face came closer, their noses almost brushing.

"felix," hyunjin murmured, his voice barely audible.

felix’s eyes searched his, wide and vulnerable, his cheeks tinged pink. "y-yeah?"

hyunjin hesitated for a fraction of a second longer, his heart pounding in his chest. then, with a quiet exhale, he closed the distance.

their lips met softly, hesitantly, as if testing the waters. felix let out a small, surprised sound against hyunjin’s mouth, his hand instinctively reaching up to rest against hyunjin’s neck. his fingers trembled slightly, but they held on, anchoring him.

hyunjin’s hand moved carefully to felix’s waist, his long fingers curling gently around him, as if afraid to hold on too tightly. felix tasted sweet, like the faint hint of chocolate they’d snacked on earlier, mixed with something softer, warmer, uniquely felix.

felix’s lips were soft and pliant, moving tentatively against hyunjin’s as if he were afraid of doing something wrong. but when hyunjin deepened the kiss just slightly, tilting his head to fit their mouths together more snugly, felix let out a quiet sigh, his shoulders relaxing.

the kiss grew slower, more confident. hyunjin’s other hand found felix’s smaller one, their fingers intertwining. he squeezed gently, his thumb brushing over felix’s knuckles as he pulled him just a fraction closer.

felix shifted slightly, leaning into hix touch. his other hand slid further into his hair, his fingers tangling in the dark strands. when hyunjin pulled back just a little, felix chased him instinctively, their lips brushing again in a way that felt almost desperate.

hyunjin gasped softly, the sound low and warm as he rested his forehead against felix’s. his breath was uneven, his chest rising and falling in time with felix’s.

hyunjin’s heart raced as he pulled back slightly, his breath catching in his throat. his mind scrambled to process what had just happened, the rush of emotions, the spark that had ignited between them. his fingers, still loosely holding felix’s hand, twitched slightly, and his voice came out quieter than he intended.

"'m sorry," hyunjin murmured, his eyes flickering down to the space between them, suddenly feeling like he’d overstepped, like he had done something wrong. his chest tightened with uncertainty, and for the first time in a while, he felt unsure.

felix blinked, and the brief moment of silence felt heavier than it was. he hesitated, but then a soft, reassuring smile tugged at his lips. he reached up to gently cup hyunjin’s cheek, his touch tender, his thumb brushing over the soft skin there.

before he could respond, felix’s eyes softened, and without another word, he leaned in once again, their lips interlocking immediately.