Work Text:
I.
The birds sung in the sky, flying high among the clouds. The sun reflected on the stone paved wall, allowing it to shine brighter .Leaves and weeds crunched under Alarie's heavy steps hitting the stone. It was an abnormally peaceful day ,for the life she led .The grass her shoes crushed was the very same grass her comrades would perish on .Such thoughts couldn't leave her head ,after the past incident...Every piece of the outside; it was as if she'd forgotten how to see clearly.Everything led back to it. Any tree ,resembled the ones so many soldiers perished on. Quick ,yet painful deaths...If only those stains didn't plague the world.**Titans.** Oftentimes, she reminisced of what she'd felt closest to a normal life: Shiganshina...The sudden rupture in the wall..it'd ruined everything. She could never truly settle down. Not as a child with constant traveling, and not as a soldier who'd devoted her heart..just like many others who fell to the tomb .In the end,what had it served..?Titans would keep plaguing the world ,so long as Eldians existed. So was the curse.
Alarie shook her head, attempting to rid herself of the constant worry and stress about Titans. This walk was supposed to 'clear her head';all because she'd let her emotions seep through her masked exterior...
[-diary entry,n°26:]
Tuesday, April 29
8:00
«I didn't get to sleep much last night...I just had so much paperwork, and for what!?Either way ,i wasn't about to let anybody down on my promises, so i finished every..single..paper .As you would guess, that took me the whole night. I wouldn't say i enjoyed it, but a duty is a duty.
I can practically feel my eyes closing by themselves...I knew a double all nighter wasn't a good idea. And shit..this coffee tastes awful .My head is throbbing ,my arm stings ,i can't feel my legs...How will i even get through today? I still have to submit all these completed papers, then there's training..ugh. I'll have to power through it.»
17:00
«I'm pretty sure i passed out during training.. shiiiiit. AGAIN?!They'll start suspecting things if this keeps going.
How did they even manage to get me to the infirmary? It's thirty minutes away from the training grounds!»
19:00
«Hange said i should go walk across the clearings, to 'clear my head'..or whatever it was that they said. I think it's stupid. I don't like walking. There's too many people. And i can't clear my head, either way.
Although...I doubt they're saying this without reason. That would mean they might have figured me out already.
Wait...no. What am i saying? No they haven't .That's impossible. Just because i passed out a few times during training..they can't have deduced the rest just from that. Right? God, i hope they won't start questioning me. Especially that nurse...fuck, she's onto me too, isn't she?»
[End of diary entry.]
Unbeknownst to Alarie ,suspicions had started growing around her health. Rumors flew along the halls ;some said Alarie was an insomniac, others would make remarks about how often she skipped breakfast, oftentimes dinner, and occasionally lunch .One daring member, walls know who, had the audacity to speak about it to the nurse .As a result, her health had become the main gossip topic-
"Oh, look! She's passed out again."
"Hey, have you seen her eyebags?"
"Look at her eyes, they're half closed!"
Alarie couldn't let herself be discovered like this. If they kept uncovering more and more about her state..They'd soon figure out the one topic she never wanted to reveal .And she couldn't let that happen. So was the reason she would keep faking a perfectly fine health. Now, her superiors weren't so stupid, but.. fake it till you make it, right?
-
Alarie found her calves weakening, leading her to find a soft patch of grass to sit on. Her back hit a cherry tree-just out of season. She didn't mind the leaves hitting her face as they fell. It was quite peaceful, actually. She hadn't relaxed like this in a hot minute. The grass enveloped her in it's embrace as she laid upon it ,opening her eyes to gaze at the sky. Birds... clouds. Momentary flying objects ,soon disappearing to leave place for new occurrences. Feeling the light breeze hitting her face, Alarie hummed a tune, harmonizing to the wind's movements. The wind had quickly settled down, much faster than she would've liked. But anyway ,she could keep enjoying the rest of the wildlife around her.
-"The sky is clear, today..."
She didn't mind the light strands of auburn hair brushing past her lips as she spoke, her soft whispers only reaching her own ears .No thought seemed to obstruct her head-Only wind ,singing lullabies to her worn brain .It was always in these situations..she found herself wanting to write. Such magnificent places always inspired her poems .She found beauty in the usual ,in the normal .Even the simple grass ,felt more comfortable than a warm mattress .The evening sun casted an orange glow onto her face ,almost making her seem...at ease .In her bliss, she ignored what would normally bother her to irritation .She let her hair fall back behind her ,untied .She didn't mind letting it hit the grass .Whether it got dirty or not, she was busy basking in the evening dews. Trivial matters would be for later .Her auburn eyes twinkled along to the sun, revealing her irises. The sun always brought out her, albeit hidden, beauty. It was like a warm embrace, slowly leading her to drift off, despite laying on cold, dirty grass. Before she knew it, she had fallen asleep without even doing any of her work :the paperwork ,her training, cleaning....But life didn't wait for work.