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False knows that somewhere along the way, they tipped over the edge. Edged themselves past the point of no return. Her and Ren might not seem like "normal" friends anymore, but they don't know how to proceed beyond that point. So... they don't. And False doesn't think about it.
At least, she tries not to think about it. Nothing about her and Ren makes sense, so trying to sort themselves out with logic and social convention will never work.
So she doesn't think. She lets her instincts guide her. If it feels natural, it's right.
Ren, Jono, and Oli are currently jamming in their music corner and building up synergy. Oli's on the keyboard, Jono is on the drums, and Ren, of course, is playing the guitar. False stands there, soaking it all in. The music sounds great, they're in harmony, and everyone's loving it.
False was playing the maracas before, but now she's just a bystander observing the other three. Yet, she's standing in the middle of the music corner. Nobody minds— in fact, the three musicians barely notice her, too absorbed in the music they're collectively making.
False isn't thinking (again, she's trying not to think about what's going on between her and Ren), but now she has to take a pause. Why is she here— scratch that, that's a question that she knows the answer to before she asked it. It's Ren, because it's always Ren, and if the question is False, then the answer is always Ren.
Ren's strumming the guitar, his eyes closed as his body moves in time with the music. False's eyes latch onto him. It's a magnetic force, she swears. Her eyes always find Ren for some reason, but this year, for this meetup, it's like she genuinely can't take her eyes off him. It's no longer passing interest or curiosity, it's a need. False isn't the most expressive when it comes to words, and she knows she can't fully describe the tender emotions welling up in her heart. All she knows that it's achingly real. Ultimately, he's Ren. (He's her Ren.)
False has always been impressed by Ren's guitar playing. It was charming even through Discord and without face cam, but now he's here, he's right in front of her, he's real and so is she. There's no filter to distort their impressions of each other. She can reach out and touch him if she wishes. Pat his head, even.
Instinctively, False leans back on a table, one of her knees crooked for balance. She lets the music wash over her like the distant aroma of spring flowers, yet the underlying tension sends an indescribable electric current through her veins. Caught up in the rhythm, she absentmindedly uses her phone to tap on her thigh, her other arm propping her up. She's trying not to stare at Ren, but unlike last year, her insatiable greed is overcoming her self-consciousness.
Dammit, even if everyone is looking, she'll always look at Ren.
Ren's eyes are closed and he's bopping his head to the music. It's fascinating to see him lost in his own element, his usual nervousness melting away because he genuinely loves this. It's one of False's favourite sides of Ren: the confident and competent side. If Ren believes he can do it, he can do it. Her eyes trace over his silhouette— his hair, greyer than last time, the way his fingers strum the guitar, the Twitch logo on one of his very few T-shirts (seriously, False thinks she's seen every one of his T-shirts, and that's not even an innuendo), the way his jeans hug his legs— okay, okay, off topic. But whatever. False's so frazzled that her sense of shame is slipping away.
Ren lifts his head ever so slightly. False can see his eyes are still closed, but her body's convinced Ren's looking up and looking at her. Her lips almost quirk up in a smile, then she catches herself and turns away. That's when she remembers Jevin is filming and he's probably going to post this. False swallows, her tongue darting out as if to smooth over the line of her lips that never became a curve. She awkwardly fidgets, suddenly bashful. It's like she's a flustered schoolgirl in a teen romcom watching her crush play in a band. That may sound like a ludicrous metaphor, but in the end... is it so bad?
Ren, unaffected (because he's not looking at her!), continues playing. The symphony continues. False doesn't dare to directly stare at Ren anymore, feeling nervous pinpricks on her skin.
Still, she wants to be lost in whatever Ren's lost in. She wants to be a part of what he loves so much. And if she can't do that, she's content to watch and admire him.
Ah. Dammit.
In the end, she really does like this guy.