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The means to care
Lynae finds comfort in the rain.
With the sound of raindrops hitting the roof, a seeming melody is playing upon her ears. The silence and melancholy, Lynae feels a chime calming her senses. This is one of the rare times where she will remove her earphones while being at home. It is one type of music she will never mind listening. Over, and over, and over again.
Along with the smell of the earth whenever rain sustains it with life once again.
Lynae wishes her life will be the same.
Being in high school is no easy feat. It is the period of one’s life to enjoy what their youth can offer, however, her present environment has other things in mind. Study is of utmost importance. While some still find time to fool around—most often time those kids do not mind about their grades at all—or they are privileged enough to pass.
Lynae carries nothing of those luxuries.
She will hear some kids around her age about becoming an elite in HAND or pursuing a career in HIA. Some of them are part of corporations wanting to climb TOPS. New Eridu is not a place of paradise like what the movies nor dramas portray, but it is also bent to its own liabilities and problems. In fact, it may be better if stories can be a little more honest—and provide a bit of comfort by recognizing the truth.
“Lynae, have you asked your parents about their gift after graduation?”
Her classmate asks, Lynae merely stares at her.
Lynae just shakes her head. Her classmate moves on, but the question lingers in her mind.
They don’t know I exist either.
It may be a beaten story plot about abusive homes, yet Lynae lives in one hard reality. Not the kind with physical bruises and verbal meanness, but a certain feeling where Lynae wants to disappear.
Lynae usually passes by through the sight of her parents, not caring nor asking how her day is. They do not even spare a glance at her, but when it comes to her brother—their eyes sparkle like the endless glitters in the night sky.
Her brother who is always the best. Her brother who is always the pride of the family.
Their eyes are always set at him. Lynae is merely placed in the background. Her brother is always the smart one—while she is a shadow that no one knows of.
Living in the dark is what gives fear—at the same time comfort for her. Fear that she might be like this evermore—and comfort for unknown reasons.
Comfort—of making what pains her.
Lynae will need another bandage.
No one will notice anyway.
Lynae has formed a habit of always wearing sweaters, even during the hotter days. Some kids do find her weird, perhaps a bit of insane, but for her, those remarks are just air. What she does in the dark cannot be laid in sunlight—to keep what brings her comfort.
Not for a certain day.
With unforeseen circumstances, Lynae scrapes her knee by accident. If not for her own foolishness of tripping over. She stares at her right knee, bleeding, and first time she feels pain does not cause by herself. A curse leaves her mouth.
“I’m sorry!” A girl within her age apologizes—who is the cause of accident. Lynae is just walking in the sidelines, when a ball hits her back and strong enough to bring her down.
Lynae glances at the perpetrator and sees a short haired girl, whose hair is still tied in a small pony. Her eyes appear expressive but deep, which Lynae has reminded of her own. Lynae looks down, fearing that her stare may give the wrong message.
“Are you okay?” The girl asks once again.
Lynae stands up. “I’m fine. It’s nothing. Just be careful next time…”
“But you’re bleeding.” The girl insists and pulls something out from her pocket. “Please sit down.”
“I’m good!” Lynae resists but before she can go, the girl grabs her hand.
“No, we have to clean that wound.”
“It’s far from stomach and—”
The girl pulls her down. She wipes the blood with a white kerchief, making Lynae wince because of the stain to its purity, as the girl gently puts a band-aid on the wound in her knee.
She smiles, “There, it looks good.” The girl stands up. “I…apologize once again.”
Lynae just shrugs it. “Thanks, I guess…”
“My name is Ukinami Yuzuha,” she introduces herself then offers her a hand. “What’s yours?”
Lynae is hesitant.
“L-Lynae… Lynae Lovelock.”
She takes Yuzuha’s hand.
Ever since meeting Ukinami Yuzuha, Lynae’s days become a little more occupied with other things. Yuzuha is from the other class in the same year as hers. Lynae is used to be alone every lunch, but having Yuzuha as a company seems not to be bad at all.
“You really prepared that yourself?” Yuzuha asks in curiosity while staring at Lynae’s lunch.
Lynae takes a bit. “No one’s gonna prepare this for me. I should learn it myself.”
“Meanwhile my dad doesn’t let me even go to the kitchen. I envy you.”
Lynae feels a little insulted—but she tries her best not to show it.
“Just be thankful someone is preparing food for you. Not everyone has the luxury…” Lynae says, with her last words trailing to be inaudible in purpose.
But then, Lynae cannot be mad with Yuzuha’s words.
Yuzuha does not know what situation Lynae has.
Until one day it is not.
Lynae has not been careful and finds herself backed away in a corner of the locker room. Some seniors have the idea to vent their frustrations and stress over to someone and she is the unwilling victim. But fighting back is not something Lynae is naive at and her response is to run away. Yet, the seniors have stripped over her sweater and has no chance to grab it. Perhaps, she must have forgotten about it, too. Running and running—she ends up running into Yuzuha.
Yuzuha, with a frown, asks.
“What happened?”
With avoiding eyes and trembling lips, Lynae blurts out.
“Just…some seniors need someone to bully at, somehow. I won’t agree to be their victim today.”
Yuzuha gasps and pulls Lynae in instinct. They somehow reach where the faucets are as Yuzuha looks at her in worry.
“What did they do to you?” Yuzuha asks, sounding indignant.
“…They just almost beat me up I guess.” Lynae curls a bit to her stomach. “I just push one of them and run away.”
Yuzuha tightens her jaw. She grabs Lynae’s arm—then her eyes widen.
“Are they doing this to you? Have they been bullying you for a long time?”
Lynae looks at her. “No…”
“But these scars…”
Lynae realizes then pulls her arm away.
“Tell me, are they doing this to you?” Yuzuha asks.
Lynae is cornered—again.
She averts her gaze.
“Lynae!”
And runs once more.
Lynae is a master of avoiding people.
Whenever Lynae knows where and when Yuzuha will be around, she changes her route or hide behind a pillar. Her phone may ring with Yuzuha’s name at times, yet she will never press the accept button. Yuzuha is a companion she has since forever, yet she stops responding to her since that day.
Lynae wants to keep her comfort to herself only. She does not want to be called crazy once they learn about it. She realizes that she does not want to be called insane after all.
With all the avoidance she does and all other things, it does not work again at one day.
The music room only has one door. Two classes share it for a film viewing. Lynae has the freedom to be at the end of the room, but after the viewing is over, Yuzuha has cornered her enough before she can run. The room becomes empty soon enough—except for the two of them.
Eyes that do not want her to go—Lynae is forced to stare back at Yuzuha.
Yuzuha is about to grab her arm when Lynae steps aback.
“…Can we talk again?” Yuzuha asks. Low tone. Pleading.
Lynae feels another kind of pain. She feels not able to breathe for a second, but it subsides a bit when she feels some warmth wrapping her hand.
Yuzuha catches her hand after all.
“I won’t judge you.”
For the first time, Lynae has someone looking straight to her eyes.
Sincerity.
“I’m sorry…”
Lynae does not want to hear it but understands why Yuzuha mutters it. She gives the reasons and stories why she has those scars—even her comfort in the dark and why she gets accustomed living in it.
“Don’t…pity me like that,” Lynae says. “No one cares about me anyway.”
“I do.”
Lynae feels her heart skipped a beat.
And a tear has fallen from her eyes.
Yuzuha is a kind of rebel, but a thoughtful, considerate and kind person.
She can be feisty at times, but most of the time, has a clear read of the air around her.
Lynae somehow does not think that someone will be able to understand her comfort—and Yuzuha disagrees when she calls it crazy. However, Lynae cannot deny the hard pill upon Yuzuha’s face—whenever she does her comfort again. And Lynae, does not want to be aware that her kind of comfort is not right.
But perhaps, not exactly wrong either.
Each time, with no falter, Yuzuha will wrap her hand to hers.
“If you need someone to talk to, I’ll try my best to listen.”
Yuzuha always says that to her.
Lynae refuses to call the other kids her friends. Lynae always finds them walking away. Lynae will always end up alone again.
Lynae knows that Yuzuha has friends other than her—and they seem to be better people than her. As the time when Lynae learns another kind of comfort whenever she is around Yuzuha—Lynae remains uneasy and begins to think that perhaps…
Yuzuha may leave her someday.
“Is something wrong?”
Yuzuha asks, surprising Lynae.
“What do you mean?”
Yuzuha ponders. “…I can feel you’re upset about something. I mean… I don’t wanna assume anything but…”
“I’m perfectly fine.” Lynae reassures. “For real.”
Lynae knows how to lie.
Days, weeks, perhaps some months have passed.
Lynae conditions herself again to be alone and Yuzuha appears to lessen in bugging her that much. It seems the comfort she has felt is just temporary—and the dark has always been there.
After all, humans are always alone.
Feelings are temporary.
But pain and suffering are always there.
Yuzuha wakes up one day with a text from Lynae.
Thank you for being there, even for a short time.
“Lynae!”
Yuzuha yells as she runs around. It is already late in the evening, but even in this cold winter night, she finds a way to enter Lemnian Hollow in search of something—someone rather. Upon the shores of the Lemnian Island, Yuzuha wants to find a trace of her friend.
And then, to her despair and luck—Lynae is sitting near the shores.
Yuzuha runs to her side—only to notice that Lynae is staring back at her. Yuzuha finally catches her breath while trying to read Lynae’s eyes.
“Where… I’ve been looking for you…”
Lynae does not give a response.
Yuzuha then takes Lynae’s arm—only to see it bleeding again.
“Lynae…” Yuzuha takes out a handkerchief and wipes Lynae’s arm.
“Don’t… Yuzuha…”
Yuzuha’s eyes begin to well some tears.
“Let’s tend this at home. Come on,” Yuzuha says.
“Why you keep being nice to me?”
Silence.
“Lynae,” Yuzuha calls her name and wipes her tears. “Let’s go home.”
Lynae stands still.
“…I’m always hurt like this. They just hurt me like this. But you’re different. Why are you different?”
Yuzuha hugs Lynae.
“Don’t think why I’m different,” Yuzuha says and tightens the hug. “We’re friends, aren’t we? Just think that, okay. I won’t betray you.”
A rain drops.
Lynae closes her eyes and nods.
I was never found when I played hide and seek.
Lynae believes that.
And take me away out of this painted space.
Until Yuzuha has proven her otherwise.