Chapter Text
I’m used to travelling alone.
My endless journey to find the truth of our world; to discover what the Witches had in mind when they created us, Cookies…
It had always been a lonely one.
An endless, solitary pilgrimage that had led me here, to Beast-Yeast, where I found the truth was far more dreadful than I imagined…
This was the only thing on my mind, as I walked through the abandoned forest path, on my way back to the Silver Kingdom.
If I’m quick enough, I can warn the Faerie Cookies of the upcoming danger. After all, they, and their safety, are my responsibility now— I am their Guardian. And even though I’m not quite sure anymore on how much longer I will remain to be, how much longer will I still have the chance to protect them, and all of Cookiekind…
No. I mustn’t think like this. I cannot think like my fate is already sealed, when it isn't. Or is it just what I tell myself to keep going? It’s hard to say— walking through Shadow Milk Cookie’s domain had been a challenge of its own. The foggy air seeps into your dough, clouding your mind with doubt and confusion.
I can only hope that Pure Vanilla Cookie’s alright…
When I returned from the catacombs after facing Silent Salt Cookie, I knew that there was no going back from here. As much as I wanted to see my friends, as I wanted to see Him again… I knew that there is a far more important task left for me to do. And for that, it is better if my friends believe I’ve left them.
…Again.
I seem to have a habit of disappointing those around me, I noticed. It’s a habit I’ve carried in myself for as long as I can remember. From my Academy days, and my dangerous curiosity… To that fateful day at the Witches’ Banquet, and the monster that had been born from it.
Dark Enchantress Cookie.
I am her, and she is Me.
There’s no point in denying it. No apology, no penitence, no spellwork or ritual can undo what I have done. For what I have unleashed upon the Cookie World.
And so, it’s only I, who can finish it.
Only I, who can…
“...Pure Vanilla Cookie?”
I spotted the blond Cookie across from me at a crossroad, and I could immediately feel my heart beating in my throat.
What is he doing here?
“White Lily Cookie!” He waved with his staff, as he graced me with one of his bright, hopeful smiles. How long has it been since I’ve seen him so… happy? Was it when I woke up from my slumber? Or when I last saw him, before I set off on my most dangerous journey?... “I’m so happy that you’re alright!”
He looked bright. Not just his smile, I noticed, but his whole being seemed to… glow. Like warm, golden sunlight.
But of course; he had awakened! All of my friends did, at least according to what Silent Salt Cookie has shown me in the catacombs. And in the end, so did I. But seeing Him like this… It took my breath away at a glance.
Or perhaps it was the shock. Because, once again; What is he doing here?
“But…” I tried to speak, but couldn't seem to find my words. So instead of addressing the obvious, I started with another detail I noticed. “Gingerbrave, and his friends… Where are they—?”
“They are safe. I sent them back to the Faerie Kingdom, with Carameleon Cookie,” he reassured me, almost immediately. “As for me, I…”
A brief pause, as he transformed back into his old self in a blink of an eye; from the shorter hair, to the vanilla orchid staff, that now closed its eyes as its wielder opened his own. His voice became quieter and softer—somehow even softer than it had already been—when he continued;
“...I know that we agreed, that our paths no longer align, but…” I had to bite my lip as Pure Vanilla said those words. Of course he didn't listen. Of course he didn't want to let me go— it was like hearing that stubborn little boy at Blueberry Yogurt Academy, all those years ago. It broke my heart all over again, and filled it with that old, familiar guilt of dragging him into something he shouldn't be in; something he didn't deserve to bear the consequences of…
But I found myself listening to his earnest confession.
“...But the more time I had to think, the more I realized,” he raised his head to look me straight in the eyes, “I can't let you go again!”
Even though I should've seen those words coming, they still left me speechless. He sounded certain, but I couldn't help but hear that fragile hint of pleading in his tone.
Pleading. For me.
Me, of all Cookies!
“I… I have already lost you once, White Lily Cookie,” he carried on before I could even get the chance to deny him. “...No. Not once. Every time you set off on your own; every time you slipped through my fingers, I couldn't help but feel like I should've been there for you.” He stepped closer, still searching for my eyes that had drawn away since then. “...I should've been by your side. When we were students at Blueberry Yogurt Academy… When your curiosity has driven you further and further away from what we know… When you had to face such a terrible fate alone…”
Oh, his kind, compassionate heart.
It was always something I had always admired and despised at once. The bittersweet duality of yearning for that kindness that I knew one day could cost him everything.
But it already has, hasn't it?
When he befriended the girl with the lily scent and poisonous touch, the one that would one day ruin his life. Only Pure Vanilla Cookie could feel sympathy for the one responsible for the fall of his Kingdom.
“Pure Vanilla Cookie…” I called out to him, uselessly; words just kept flowing from his mouth as if they were his last ones.
“…I know you can't forgive yourself for what Dark Enchantress Cookie had become, what she had done… But you don't have to carry this burden alone. Never again… Because I’m here.” …He is. He really is here, following me all the way to Beast-Yeast, to the Silver Kingdom, to this very crossroad we’re standing at— all because he wants to help me. Me! “I never stopped you… Even when I felt like I should've.”
Another pause. My heart stopped for a moment, as my brain frantically tried to fill in the blanks, trying to connect the dots he’s drawn across the story of our friendship and the past few days, trying to figure out what could have possibly driven him to go against our agreement.
“It’s a crime of my own, as much as it is yours,” he finally said.
Does he… really believe that?
Does he really blame himself, of all Cookies, for what I had done?
It really is the Pure Vanilla I know and… and…
“So let us be there for each other, from now on!” He smiled again, coming to the conclusion only a Cookie like him could come to, even after all this time. “Because…”
“Pure Vanilla Cookie!” My voice finally came out louder than a whisper, finally interrupting Pure Vanilla’s endless spiral of self-blame and reassurance. He blinked, catching himself rambling and blushing lightly with the small, bashful smile of someone who had realized they got a little carried away. I helplessly returned the shy smile, then took a deep breath as I figured out how to voice the storm inside me. “Your words… They truly warm my heart, but…Are you certain? That this is what you want?”
The Cookie in front of me kept his smile, confirming his intentions with a calm, gentle nod of his blond head. “Our paths… Our fates…” I couldn't help but reference the old riddle from our academy days. “Like the solar eclipse, our time together was destined to be brief.”
“And like the solar eclipse, we promised we would meet again,” he retorted without missing a beat, before his voice took on an amused tone. “Besides, you were always one to speak of defying fates, White Lily Cookie! …And I have always admired you for that.” Then he turned serious again. I noticed how one of his hands sneaked up to fiddle with the holder of the Soul Jam on his chest, running his nail along the edges as a nervous habit. “During my journey to the Faerie Kingdom… And my encounter with Shadow Milk Cookie… I have realized something I failed to see before. All this time… During our days at the academy, or our adventures together; all your endless curiosity and determination…”
“All this time, what you needed was someone to understand you.” His smile turned bittersweet at once, those mismatched eyes that have been searching for my gaze all this time now suddenly drifting away. “…I wish to be that Cookie. If you’ll let me. “
He wants to… understand me?
…It’s true, that during our days as students, he was always more hesitant than I was.
Far more reluctant, despite all his stubbornness and support and encouragement. There were times, when I felt… frustrated with him. And, as guilty as it makes me, there were times when I thought he was…
Holding me back.
He should’ve held me back.
But now… when I look at him… I don't see that anymore.
He’s here, and he wants to help me clean up the mess I’ve made…
“You truly wish to… understand me?”
“Yes.”
“Even if you won’t like what you see?”
“I shall cherish it.”
“…Even if it hurts? If it’s dangerous?”
“I shall face it.”
“It won't be easy. If we truly wish to stop Dark Enchantress Cookie…”
“…We will have to put everything we know to good use…”
“…Together,” we said, finally in sync that I swear may have skipped a beat at the sincerity in Pure Vanilla's voice.
Can I allow myself to hope?
Can I allow him close, even if I know what it may cost?
A small, selfish part of me whispers “yes”. The part that had secretly yearned for him to hold my hand, even when I pulled away from his grip.
That part of me remembers the hope I felt upon my awakening— the enlightenment that came upon reuniting my Light of Freedom, that deep, certain knowledge of what I must do. I feel it now, as well.
Perhaps there is a way to make things right. Perhaps I don't have to walk this path alone, as I had initially thought— perhaps being free doesn't equal being completely independent.
Maybe he could understand me, after all.
But then I remember my plan, and… I can't help but feel conflicted.
“We can do it, White Lily Cookie!” His bright smile returned at once, his hands gripping his vanilla orchid staff with newfound determination, as he unconsciously took another step closer. And I let him.
“I certainly hope so, Pure Vanilla Cookie,” I nodded briefly, and couldn't ignore the looming dread at the thought of sharing my plan— and what it might mean for me. “We must recount what we have learned so far.”
And so I proposed my original idea to him.
A hypothesis. A last resort, essentially.
After I studied and analysed each and every strategy and plan Dark Enchantress Cookie could’ve worked up, I only came to one logical conclusion of what she might be planning. Of what I would do, if I was in her place— after all, who would know her better than I do?
She plans to tear open a rift between dimensions. It’s something I had started experimenting with during my days as a student— and became the very incident that got me expelled and reduced the academy to ruin. Of course she would try to meddle with power beyond her ken; it is something I always did, after all.
And if that ever happened… the consequences would not only be irreversible, but also likely the very end of the Cookie World as we know it.
My last resort… What I had planned as a final blow against Dark Enchantress Cookie is to summon the amalgamation of ancient spirits—Cookies abandoned and undone by the Witches long ago—and bring this being to Dark Enchantress Cookie from beyond the rift. It’s only a hypothesis that might not even work in the end.
And even if it does… with the defeat of Dark Enchantress Cookie, I came to realize that I could also cease to exist. After all, as I am right now, I’m only half-a-Cookie; my other half being Dark Enchantress Cookie herself. And if she were to crumble… It wouldn't be too much of a stretch to believe that I would, too.
Don't get me wrong. I don't… want to crumble. Not when I had finally come to accept who I am. Not when I could finally hold Him close again… I want to live. Just as any other Cookie.
…But as a strategist at the verge of war, I must consider each and every possible outcome. And this one in particular, is a very realistic outcome.
What else would confirm it better, if not the quiet horror I saw twisting Pure Vanilla’s face with each word that left my mouth as I described what I was on my way to do.
The way his eyes widened, eyebrows furrowed in that awfully specific way. His lips pressed tightly together to suppress the urge to bare your teeth like a scared animal.
I know what he thinks I’m trying to do.
He’s not right. But… honestly, I don't blame him for thinking so.
Because that is exactly what the old me would’ve done.
“...White Lily Cookie— you can't—” Pure Vanilla sounded as if all his breath had been sucked out of his lungs; something like a final gasp of air before tragedy strikes. There was fear in his eyes that shouldn't have belonged there.
“I know how it sounds,” I tried to keep my voice steady as I reached out to take his hands in mine, but stopped halfway through. “My plan is perilous, and tricky… and it might not even work— not with my dough unscathed.” I took a deep breath, before looking back at his face. “But only I know what I’m planning. It’s the only way.”
“No, it’s not!” He cried out. He actually raised his voice, as he defiantly returned my pleading look.
A beat of silence, until I called out quietly. “Pure Vanilla Cookie…”
“I can’t… I won't let it end this way.” His hand, the one that wasn't holding bruisingly tight into the staff, gripped into his blond locks as if he was trying to anchor himself. I could hear the panic rising in his voice, no matter how hard he tried to sound stern, for once. “We will find another solution; another way to stop Dark Enchantress Cookie! Anything, but this…” His voice cracked at the last word. He couldn't keep the trembling out of his tone, his hands, his lips… “White Lily Cookie, I can't… I can't let you do this.”
“...Pure Vanilla Cookie,” I called out again, softer this time. “I know you said you wouldn't let me go. That you followed me all the way here, just to be by my side… I appreciate it.” I tried to give him a small smile, something that could have the same effect on him, as his smile has on me. But alas, my lips aren't built for smiling, after all. And despite my desire to comfort this Cookie I can't help but break every time I let him close… I also felt the need to warn him, for once. “But in this war that’s ahead of us… There is going to be jamshed…. Who would know it better than you?”
“And that's exactly why I can't let you go through with this plan!” Pure Vanilla retorted vehemently, shaking his head, before composing himself. “…I’m not the naive student I once was. I know there’s going to be pain, and loss, and agony.” Then his voice dropped to a quiet, fierce warning— or was it a plea? “But I can't let you sacrifice yourself out of penitence.”
Sacrificing myself.
I suppose that’s what it sounds like, yes.
Sounds exactly like what a wretched, guilt-ridden Cookie would do. Sounds like what the girl who woke up from centuries of slumber would do, upon realizing what she had unleashed upon her world.
I suppose that is what White Lily Cookie would do, after all.
But also… This is not about penitence anymore, but he doesn't know that. Doesn't know that what I faced at the catacombs had changed me in ways he couldn't map out yet. Doesn't know that my guilt doesn't define me anymore— or at least, I don't want it to.
This is not penitence. Not even a sacrifice, much less a plan. Only an uncertain, desperate hypothesis I’m praying would work.
But he doesn't know that— after all, he decided to seek me out personally, even though my letter would’ve told him everything he needs to know.
…Or, well, not everything, I suppose.
“…Please, White Lily Cookie, I beg of you! There must be another way!” It was now him who reached for my hands— without hesitation, without distrust, but pure, unfiltered fright. “Don't shut me out, don't try to shoulder this burden on your own! I'm here, and from now on, I promise I always will be!” And there he goes again, trying to fix everything without anyone ever asking him to. Classic Pure Vanilla Cookie. If he only let me have a word, if he only let me explain everything… “Just… give this a chance,” he pleaded, trying to calm down, but the trembling wouldn't ease. “...Give us a chance.”
He squeezed my hands with force that undoubtedly reminded me of his shepherd roots, and didn't let go. Of course he didn't. I believe he’s made that abundantly clear by now.
…Hold on, though…
Wait a moment…
“...Us?”
Pure Vanilla went quiet. Not with shock this time, not with sorrow or hesitation, but consideration. His grip on my hands turned gentle again. We stood there in silence for a moment, waiting for the other to say what we both thought was coming.
Truth be told, I didn't mean to bring this up just yet. Not until the war is over— not until I’m certain that I can actually go through with any promises I might make.
But if it’s Him who takes the lead… I might as well follow.
“…I should've said this long ago, but… I could never gather the courage,” his voice kept its quiet tone, dropping almost to a whisper. “Not when you were so free, so independent. I thought I would only hold you back. And… I thought I had time.” A slow shake of his head. “But then suddenly you were gone, and I thought I'd lost you forever—”
The blond Cookie bit his lip before he could begin to spiral and ramble again— seems like it only took him one conversation to recognise this trait of his. One more step closer. “…When I found you again… I was overjoyed,” he confessed. It was always baffling to me. What does he see, when he looks at me? Relief? Joy? Or perhaps is it… “I felt like I got a second chance; to protect you, to understand you, to…” he swallowed thickly “…to tell you how I feel…”
My breath caught in my throat.
Does he…Does he really?...
Could I still be dreaming inside that silver casket, or is he really telling me this?
“Did you…also…?” I could feel my brows furrowing against my forehead. It seemed obvious and impossible at once.”I always thought my journey was a solitary one… That inviting my friends further into my world would only put them in danger, as it so often did.” I glanced down at my arms, always concealed with leaves and vines wrapped around them like bandages. I only started wearing these during my academy years, when my usage of dark magic has begun to taint and corrupt me— my limbs blackened and became charged with this sinister, forbidden power I seeked out. They still are. And he knew this, and he still held them as if they were precious.”…My touch was always… poisonous. Everything I've ever touched has turned to ruins. It was only you… who ever dared to hold my hand, despite all this.” The blond Cookie gave me one of his soft, comforting smiles, which I tried to reciprocate, best as I could, before lowering my gaze to the ground below us instead. “But deep down, I always knew I wasn't worthy—of your friendship, your trust, your light… So I never dared to hold you close, even when my heart told me otherwise.”
“White Lily Cookie…” His eyes softened, somehow even more so than they already are. The small, relieved smile that crawled up his face reassured me that I was right about this conversation— about what we were both harboring inside of us for all these years, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge it. By then, it hardly came as a surprise when we spoke again, together in sync;
“I love you.”
“I always did…” He softly pulled me closer.
“...But I kept it to myself…” And I let him hold me, for once.
“...Because I never wanted to chain you down, and…”
“...Because I wanted to protect you.”
“My one and only…”
“...Precious…”
“...Companion.” We said the same word, and knew what it meant; companion might not be the first word that usually comes to mind… But it is the one that sums up our history and relationship the best. After all, our paths have been intertwined from the very start— and kept crossing again, and again, and again.
And you know what? I don't regret it, not one bit.
“...We will find a way,” Pure Vanilla presented this as a fact, a statement— and I believed him.
“...We’ll find a way,” I echoed, finally finding it in myself to just pull him close, wrap my arms around him and not let go, and it didn't even bother me that he’s roughly a head shorter than I am.
“Because in a world where no Cookie has to suffer alone— you’ll never be an exception, either.” My beloved healer returned the embrace, burying his face in my neck.
“...And neither will you,” I murmured against his fluffy, woolly hair. But soon after, I still couldn't just let silence sit. “...Pure Vanilla Cookie?”
“Yes, White Lily Cookie?”
“...Thank you.” My arms around him tightened unconsciously. “For finding me… For reaching out to me, and guiding me back into the sun… You never let me down.” I pressed a kiss against that beautiful, star-shaped birthmark on his forehead. “...And so, I won't let you down, either.”
And I meant every word.
Because my guiding light has found his way back to me, despite all my warnings…
And I will let him stay, and hold him as close as I should’ve from the very beginning.
My one and only Vanilla, my Sun… My everything.