Work Text:
Feelings I can't express
---written by lucy---
-Summary of this story: shiro talks about his feelings while zombie is there for emotional support listening-
-TAKES PLACE IN THE CITY
- Recently, shiro has been acting weird all day! We are currently looking for a place to stay in since we well, successfully got into the city. But this time I've never seen him like this. It's like something is holding him back to speak or from what I assume can't tell me something.
- "shirooo"
- "yes..?" looking at me wondering what I need
- "uhhhhh shiroo..." AHH WHAT DO I SAY NOW??!! I CAN'T JUST BLUNTLY ASK HIM WELL.. THAT!!!! "you'veee beeeenn quiettt.. are yoouuu okayyyy?"
- "..." "I'm fine zombie, I'm just tired that's all."
- "ohhh okayyy!!" I know he's lying to me. Now I know it's definitely something he doesn't wanna tell me. I want to respect that, but for some reason it makes me.. angry, angry that I can't help to solve whats making him act weird! I just want to help him, that's...all.
- After that so called "conversation" we walked in silence. Awkward silence.
- JEEZZZ THIS SILENCE IS KILLING ME!!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE WE ARE GOING!!!! I said, well obviously in my head not out loud.. haha..
- "heyy shirooo" I sheepishly asked.
- "hm?" shiro this time made eye contact with me. I don't know if I should feel relieved he noticed me, or scared at the way he's, looking at me.
- "uhhhh I wass wonderringg, when we are gonnaa get tooo the placee weee aree stayinggg inn??"
- He quickly replied back to my question, "I believe there's about 10-15 minutes until we get there, so don't worry about being far from the location." He turned back and started walking again.
- 10-15 MINUTES!!!!!???? OF WHAT?? COLD TOURTURE? WAAHHHH IT'S SO COLDDD BUT I CAN'T TELL HIM THAT IT WILL WORRY HIM PLUS, THERE'S OTHER THINGS ON HIS MIND MAKING ACT WEIRD TOO!!!! WAHHHHH
- Shiro looked back at zombie mid whine and smiled. "hey, you know I can see you whining, right?" shiro mentioned gigging a little. It took a few seconds to process, then zombie realized what shiro said. "HUHH?!!? I'M NOT WHINING!!! I'M UH.... UHHHH.. JUST FORGOT ABOUT IT!!!!" zombie said flustered, blushing a little at the fact that shiro saw him like.. that.. Shiro chuckled and turned around, and started walking again.
- I guess after that, things sorta eased up. The air was less heavy and between me and shiro it was less awkward, but still, that weird feeling shiro has is still there, and I don't know why.
- I was about to doze off because of the amount of walking we did when all of a sudden shiro looked back at me.
- I flinched until he said "hey, we are here" as he pointed to a apartment I assume we were gonna share.
- It was a isolated apartment with no near buildings around it, it gave me a feeling it was abandoned, which kind of scared me about living here.
- Then, we went inside. It was surprisingly decent looking, and luckily not at all creepy or abandoned haha..
- A few minutes later after we got in we set up our room, well the we is probably mostly shiro doing all the work (sorry shirooo!)
- We both sat down on seperate beds, FINALLY resting after walking for so long! But, I caught shiro looking at me, the same way he does when he's either worried or sad.
- "heey shiroo..?" I said while looking at him
- "Oh! uhh y-yeah..?" startled at my sudden concern of him.
- AHHH OKAY OKAY ZOMBIE LISTEN TO YOURSELF!!! HE'S NOT OKAY AND HE LIED SO IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO CONFRONT HIM ABOUT IT!! TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND JUST SPIT IT OUTTT!!!!
- sigh..
- "shiro, I know your not okay, and I know that you lied to me earlier." I said surprisingly without stuttering.
- shiro flinched "what..?" he whispered. I could see he understand that I wasn't fooled by his lie earlier.
- "shiro, I don'ttt gget it. Your obviouslyyyy saddd but yet hide your true fffeelings from me.. I don't mind lllistening, reallyyy! I justtt, don't want to see my frienddd being sadd.. "
- shiro for the first time really looked at me. "Zombie yes I'll admit, I did lie to you. But there are several reasons why I don't want to tell you.. " he said fidgeting with his hands.
- "But shiro!" I said persistently. How can I ignore the fact that I'm not worthy enough to tell me your struggles? You can just tell me I really won't mind!
- "Zombie please, it's not just that really it isn't.." he said
- He looked uncomfortable in this situation but I didn't notice and kept speaking
- "SHIRO! I'M TIRED OF IT REALLY!! EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME SOMETHING HAPPENS YOU DON'T TELL ME! WHY WHEN I TELL YOU MY FEELINGS I DON'T GET YOURS IN RETURN?? IT FEELS UNFAIR AND MAKES ME MAD THAT I CAN'T HELP WITH WHATEVER YOUR STRUGGLING WITH!!!
- " Zombie, please stop shouting and let me explain... " he whispered which I couldn't hear.
- I saw the discomfort in his eyes so, I stop yelling."shirooo..If you feel sad you can talk about it with me, I really don't mind, I just want you happ-"
- "HOW THE HELL CAN I TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT WHEN YOU REMIND ME OF THEM!! I CAN TRUST YOU BUT I CAN'T TRUST MYSELF..? IT'S A SICKLY LOOP I HAVE TO STRUGGLE WITH EVERYDAY!! YOUR ACTING LIKE IT'S A EASY PROBLEM WAITING TO BE SOLVED! BUT NO, IT'S MORE THAN THAT DON'T YOU GET IT?"
- "shiro I-I didn't mean to make it sound like th-"
- "LET ME FUCKING TALK."
-"..."
-"EVERYTIME I LOOK AT YOU, YOU REMIND ME OF THEM! I CAN'T STAND IT!! I KNOW WE ARE FRIENDS BUT I CAN'T EVEN SEE IT LIKE THAT!! I ONLY WAIT FOR IT END TO START THE CYCLE AGAIN!!! I CAN'T DEPEND ON ANYONE, I WAS MEANT TO BE ALONE.
-"shiro.. I-Im sorry I didn't kno-!
-"THAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM ZOMBIE. YOU DON'T KNOW. YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME, AND IT'S MY FAULT, MY FAULT."
-"YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE HORRIBLE PEOPLE THAT YOU REMIND ME OF. THEY WERE SO NICE, TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. AND I FELL FOR THEIR LIES. THEY BETRAYED ME AND LEFT ME BLEEDING. I WAS ALONE, ALONE WITH NO ONE TO LEAN OR DEPEND ON. I ONLY BECAME FRIENDS WITH YOU BECAUSE I WAS LONELY. NOW THAT I KNOW YOU, YOUR EXACTLY LIKE THEM, TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. I DESERVE TO BE A-ALONE I... I... don't deserve to live... do I...?"
-"s-shiroo...your..crying.."
-"oh..?" haha... I am.. I was so caught up into the moment I snapped, didn't I..? please zombie please... Im deeply sorry.. I just don't want to anyone again..
-"shiro... Listen, I won't leave you or betray you. I guess now I know why you didn't tell me.. You were scared and feared that I would leave you like they did, didn't you?
- *sniff* I guess.. I just thought... *I would be alone forever...*
-"well your not. You have me remember?"
-"I guess..."
- "..." hey shiro..
-"h-huh?"
-"can I talk about my experiences too..? Maybe it will help you well, stop crying."
- "oh.. sure."
- "you know, back at the inn I was all alone. No one to comfort me about anything? But, when I saw you shiro, something changed in my and.. My heart."
- "z-zombie what do you m-mean..?"
- "haha.. I'll admit I did kind of stalk you for a bit but not for the reason you think. I was interested in what you did and wanted to be friends.. But at that time, I was too scared to do that.. Thinking if you saw me I would have been killed immediately hahah..."
-"shiro did you know why I attacked those people back at the train station?"
-"n-no..i just guessed it was your bloodlust side taking over..."
-"well, it was that and well.. Something else that I didn't tell you about.
-"but before that.. Shiro promise me that even if you disagree with me.. To not leave me.. Please..?"
-"Z-zombie what are you trying to say..?"
- sigh..
- "shiro... I-I..uh..I-I!! KYAAAA THIS IS TOO MUCHH!!!! GOD MY CHEST IS TIGHT MY FACE FEELS HOT..!! S-SHIRO I L-LOVE YOU!!... REALLY I DO..!!
- "..."
- "You do..?" he said sounding shocked and somewhat interested??
- KYAAAA SHIT DID I MESS UP? OH MY GOD HE HATESSS MEEE AHHHH!!!??!!!
- "zombie... I.. Well.. Love you too...and this time it's not a lie.."
- "Shiro you mean it..?? you really do..??"
- "Yes.. I do."
- then I noticed Shiro coming closer to me.. Until he was basically breathing on my face.. I've never seen him these close to me.. His breath feels warm.. He was staring at something on my face.. He was looking at.. My lips..? Then he grabbed me and..
- kissed me..
- his breath smelled like a mix of flowers and vanilla.. This feels too nice.. Please can this last a bit longer.. Let this selfish side of me take over shiro..
- he pulled back from me, face flushed with red and looked at me..
- "well.. Is that enough to prove that I love you..?"
- "I pulled shiros hoodie collar and said "more than enough...my little bunny"
- "and this time, I was the one to kiss him instead.."