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He’d rather saw his own hand off than make Oscar feel like he owes Lando anything. He never asked Lando to volunteer for him.
After coming back as a unlikely Victor who never stopped seeing the other tributes’ blood staining his hands, Lando withdraws to his new, beautiful house in Victors’ Village, avoiding everything except his necessary Victor’s duties. Lando gets good with makeup, covering his unhealthy-looking gray skin and the purple shadows under his eyes. He wakes up screaming every damn night, seeing the dead eyes of his fellow tributes on his eyelids, but he can still look like million dollars. Perfection is the only way to keep Capitol out of his business.
From nature Lando is finding temporary relief. He can walk for hours, crossing the fields, and resting in the silence of the forest. Squirrels, bunnies, even an occasional deer get used to his quiet presence, passing him fearlessly.
The sounds of the small creek are like a lullaby, and he could see himself taking a nap here if sleep wasn’t such a nightly battlefield these days. The feeling of the old pine’s trunk against his back is almost protective, and the scents of different flowers calm him down.
There Oscar finds him. His face is sharper, older and forever so dear to Lando.
”Lan…?”
”I’m sorry.” Then he is wailing, crying like all the fears of Panem would try to crush his soul and body. Lando isn’t sure what he is apologizing for. He had gone willingly, prepared to die, and has no idea what to do now with his life while all those other teens had gone to their graves.
”Oh, Lan.” Oscar puts his half-full bucket of berries on the ground, and sits down, pulling Lando into a hug.
He tries to wiggle. Lando shouldn’t be taking Oscar’s kindness.
”Let me hold you. You need it.”
”Where have you been? I have missed you.”
”I’m so sorry.” He is still sobbing, his nose stuffy and eyes painful.
”What are you apologizing for?”
They had been something. They had had something. Chaste kisses, Oscar’s hands on his waist, and the scent of dry hay and clean laundry. Oscar had never looked girls that way even though many were interested. He was considerate and quietly kind, a gentleman. Lando didn’t know about any girls. Only one person made any sense in his mind.
”You don’t owe me anything.”
”You can ask everything from me. I’ll never forget you saving my life, but it’s a separate thing, sweetheart.”
Lando tightens his grip of Oscar, like someone could steal him away any moment. Capitol had already tried that once.
”I want you.”
”You can have me. You wouldn’t even need to ask.”
Oscar follows him home to his cold, gorgeous house, studying everything with calm eyes.
”Where is your bedroom?”
Lando hadn’t allowed himself soft and nice things. The simplest blanket, and a small pillow cover his lonely bed. Oscar says nothing, but goes to the closets, opening the first door.
”Go wash your face. Maybe you can get us tea and something to eat.” Lando does that, feeling a little better after splashing water on his face. He stops in the kitchen, preparing hot drinks, simple sandwiches, and some fruit.
Oscar has collected comfort on the bed, filling it with thick blankets, and plump pillows.
”You never gave me a change to say thank you so I’m doing it now. Thank you for volunteering for me.”
He is ugly, but Oscar is beautiful and clean. Lando would still do it again if it meant keeping Oscar like this.
Quietly he accepts the words, Oscar taking a slow sip of his strawberry tea.
”Do you want to talk about it?”
A girl screaming on the wrong side of sanity. A boy who expected an easy win, and was about to push his knife between Lando’s ribs. Lando wasn’t a trained fighter, but he is good on his feet and he had lived on that day. Later he watched from his hiding spot that same boy, a career, going against another career, both of them choking on liters of their own blood.
”No.” Not yet anyway. Oscar had seen most of it on their television screen, but he doesn’t need to know about the nervous thumps of Lando’s heart, or the cold sweat on his shaking body, how he swallowed his tears, how hungry he was for one more minute, one more breath of life.
”Would you stay the night?”
”Let me just walk home, and tell my mom. It won’t take long.”
Oscar is noticing the different supplies and foods, when they walk through the kitchen. His family is not doing badly foFr this district, but they don’t have too much. While Lando has more than he could ever need or want.
”You can take things home”, he is offering, thinking about Oscar’s sisters and parents.
Oscar knows him, and avoids being too polite. He is aware Lando is making the offer with a full, hurting heart, and a rejection would slit him, when he is already on the edge. He just finds a bag, filling it with food.
About half an hour later he is back on Lando’s doorsteps, hugging Lando for a long time, and wanting to share peace with him. Maybe he’d never heal, but his body is a little lighter in Oscar’s arms.