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Pearl hadn't expected being Lapis's Meep Morp teaching assistant to be quite like this.
Alright, she had agreed to it — and enthusiastically, at that. She genuinely believed that using toilet paper rolls as an art medium was a brilliant choice — starting from something found in human everyday life, it wasn't only cheap and easy to come by, but also a highly malleable material. Plus, it gave gems a window into how humans actually lived. She was delighted that Lapis had actually listened to her share her knowledge of humanity; she'd managed to connect with quite a few human friends that way herself.
Pearl had seen many of Lapis's meep morps, and they truly were a fusion of creativity and life. She did have some personal reservations about Lapis's rather lacking enthusiasm for explaining the concepts behind her pieces. The thing was, she could never quite figure out how it happened — but every time Pearl brought the topic up, the conversation would somehow drift until she was the one to deliver a lengthy monologue analyzing the meaning of the work. Lapis would be giving her that full, unhurried nod of complete agreement (with a thumb up), and then the whole thing would just… quietly dissolve. Every time.
Still, Pearl was genuinely pleased when Lapis's invitation arrived. As a Pearl, she felt she had real things to offer in the realm of artistic creation. Visual art wasn't exactly her strongest area, but — well, what could she say? She had six thousand more years of experience in the human world than any of these gems. If anyone was suited to be the teaching assistant for this class, Pearl was absolutely certain there was no Gem better qualified than herself. She was so, so glad Lapis had noticed that. So glad that she just needed to make sure this is a real thing.
“Yes, the meep morp class TA. At Little Homeworld.” Lapis sighed, shifting her posture. This was their Sofa Hours — their standing date, just the two of them tucked into the sofa together, watching TV, Pearl trying to talk a little less — which she had promised — and Lapis was already regretting she'd brought any of this up. “Pearl, this is the third time you've asked me that in one commercial break. Are you sure you're up for this? You don’t have to force yourself.”
“Of course I can. I absolutely can. No, not just can, it's just—”
“Yeah, I know, you're just too excited and—yeah, yeah, I know—just a tiny bit nervous. Come on, you said you'd sit here with me." Lapis patted the cushion beside her and pulled the blanket open, trying to stop the anxious Gem from pacing back and forth in front of her.
Pearl glanced over at Lapis and found herself caught in that gaze of hers — mild on the surface, but leaving absolutely no room for negotiation. “Alright, alright. I'm just… this is your class. I don't want to let you down.” Still muttering under her breath, Pearl obediently sat down next to Lapis. She still wasn't quite used to all of this — by which she meant dating, relationships, being lovers? It all took a lot of time for her to process. She sometimes genuinely envied how Lapis seemed to have no such problem — simply rolling over and sprawling across Pearl's lap like a cat who owned the place, pulling the blanket up, and taking her time to settle into exactly the right position.
“Who said anything about watching TV?”
“I just wanted to rest a bit. Don't like it?” Lapis gave the owner of her rather stiff pillow a sideways glance.
“N — no,” Pearl said, her face betraying her as it flushed a bright, helpless blue.
“Then we're good.” Having her consent, Lapis closed her eyes in satisfaction.
“Lapis, I am really happy to be your teaching assistant. But I don’t know – I mean, I'm not sure what kind of help you’ll need? The other gems always speak so highly of your classes. Should I be preparing something? Would you like me to integrate human art history? Though the historical records written by humans are honestly riddled with factual bias —”
“Pearl.” Lapis opened her eyes with a fond sign, giving her easily-anxious girlfriend a reassuring smile. “You’ll do great. Don’t worry, there's actually nothing you need to do. In this case, doing nothing is the best preparation for morps. You know what I mean?”
“Hmmm…… well, humans in recent centuries did develop a new ritual called performance art,” Pearl paused, falling deep into thought. “According to Goldberg's definition, the concept of ‘presence as creation’ in performance art is, in itself, the art… although I personally completely fail to understand what sitting in absolute silence without touching an instrument for 4 minutes and 33 seconds is supposed to represent …” She noticed Lapis’s glance, and she cleared her throat with deliberate casualness. “I’ve just happened to read a few … books lately.”
Lapis tried to suppress a smile. She knew perfectly well how much research this earnest gem had been done secretly just to under her better — though for reasons of pride or something like it, Pearl seemed so desperate to hide it from Lapis. Unfortunately, keeping secrets had never been Pearl’s strong suit. Lapis had considered whether to admit that she herself knew essentially nothing about human art history (nor particularly cared to;she simply enjoyed making these things). But seeing Pearl over-invested and trying to hide it was just... incredibly cute. She loved seeing Pearl like this, and Pearl looked happy doing it, so Lapis didn't feel especially guilty about keeping her mouth shut.
“Hey, there’s nothing funny about books!” Pearl complained defensively.
“Oops. Busted.” Clearly, suppressing smiles wasn't one of Lapis's strong suits either. “Just think you’re cute.” Lapis lazily reached up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind Pearl’s ear, then rolled over, curling up on her side to face her lover. “Shh. I want to sleep now, my love.” She purposefully slowed her pronunciation of the word 'love', clearly confident it would make Pearl entirely compliant. “Steven taught me a human concept a while ago called a ‘nap’. I’d suggest you give it a try…” The sentence ended there, trailing off into the quiet, even rhythm of sleep.
“I'll never understand why humans decided different lengths of sleep at different times of day each needed a separate name.” Pearl shrugged lightly. Looking down at the sleeping blue gem, her eyes softened. “Whatever you say.” She closed her eyes, fighting the urge to stare at her girlfriend's sleeping face.
She knew there were things she could never make up to this gem. And she knew that all of this — the classes at Little Homeworld, the lazy afternoons, and the very fact that she was able to be herself and fall in love with someone who had not a single thing in common with Rose, and become partners — all of it was so precious. She wanted to help, even if it meant doing things she didn’t quite understand.
But she really, really hadn't expected that being a teaching assistant would be so... bewildering.
“Uh… what did you say?” Pearl couldn’t believe what she’d just heard. She very much wanted to remind Lapis that they were in a meep morp class attended by many gems, that she was a teaching assistant, and this was absolutely not the time or place for any of their extremely private, entirely-not-for-public-consumption secret games–but Lapis’s gaze was so firm and confident, completely without any of that specific, suggestive look she usually had during those times.
“I said, Pearl, I want you to put your hands behind your back and kneel down.”
“Wha—”
“Just do it.” Lapis's tone left no room for argument. And so, the terrifying renegade Pearl, renowned and feared throughout Gem history, knelt down without resistance, looking completely devoid of any majestic authority. Pearl decided to squeeze her eyes shut to escape the pointed, curious stares of the surrounding gems.
“Teacher,” a gem who had clearly just arrived for class raised a hand, “is this your Pearl? What did she do wrong?”
Pearl’s eyes flew open in annoyance and was just about to say something when she felt Lapis’s hand gently rest on her shoulder.
“We don’t do the punishment thing anymore. This is Pearl, and she’s nobody’s Pearl but her own. But this is a meep morp class, and as long as no one gets hurt, you’re free to do whatever you want. Now – the medium we’ll be using on our morps is this.” She gestured, and Pearl summoned a roll of toilet paper from her gem.
“Ahem, allow me to introduce myself. I am the teaching assistant for this class, Pearl—Lapis!? What are you doing??” Lapis had simply taken the toilet paper roll and started pulling the paper out, longer and longer, with no intention of stopping.
“Pearl. Quiet. Do nothing, remember?” Lapis placed one finger against Pearl’s lips with a smiling face before proceeding to wrap the toilet paper directly around Pearl’s head.
“Teacher, isn't this a punishment?” The gems in the audience were clearly growing even more confused.
“Just watch.” Lapis continued pulling the toilet paper in sweeping lengths — Pearl was entirely unable to say a word because the notoriously talkative gem’s mouth was currently bound tight by two-ply tissue.
Normally, Pearl loved watching her lover making art. When creating morps, Lapis was always intensely focused, treating her work far more seriously than she ever let on. During these moments, she shed her lazy, mischievous demeanor, dropping the teasing attitude she usually reserved for Pearl, replacing it with pure, dedicated concentration. Pearl knew Lapis truly loved creating — and she didn't mind having a front-row seat to those earnest eyes — but she had never anticipated becoming a component of the artwork itself.
“Done!” Lapis presented her finished work with a theatrical sweep of both hands, palms up. “Everyone. This,” She pointed to her marvelous masterpiece aka her so called teaching assistant, “is meep morp. You’re free to imagine how you’d like to use the toilet paper to create anything. And usually, when we finish a morp, we give it a name. As for this one—” She looked it up and down seriously, noting the completely silent but visibly eye-twitching Pearl. “Hmm… I think I’ll call it ‘Social Disaster’.” She nodded in satisfaction and added brightly, “I’ve heard that humans sometimes use toilet paper for vandalism.”
She shot Pearl a proud look — one that said both see, I listened to what you told me and look I did explain my artistic concept — which Pearl, at this precise moment, could not have cared less about. All she wanted to know was when Lapis was going to free her from this Social Disaster. Kneeling in such a humiliating pose in front of a live audience and being displayed as an art piece itself was absolutely not within the scope of what Pearl had envisioned when she thought about “helping out”.
“Alright, class.” Lapis said, turning back to her still confusing students with a satisfied look on her face. “Try it yourselves. See what you can make with toilet paper. That concludes my demonstration.” Lapis clapped her hands twice, then leaned slightly toward Pearl and whispered softly into her ear, “That pose has gotta be tiring. I’ll make it up to you properly when we get back. Thanks a lot.” she snapped a quick picture on her phone as she said it—an act that seemed thoughtful but was actually incredibly cheeky.
Pearl looked at her lover — smug, bright-eyed, entirely innocent without a trace of malice — and felt a profound sense of helplessness. She knew Lapis. She knew she actually loved playing pranks, that she wasn't nearly as cruel as she sometimes claimed, that she was a genuinely kind gem at heart — but today Pearl had also learned that this gem could sometimes be genuinely, spectacularly oblivious. Not that Pearl could deny, entirely, that Lapis standing at the front of the class looking so confident and fulfilled was incredibly attractive. She'd rather be watching from a seat in the audience, Pearl thought.
Teaching assistant. Pearl decided that after this class, it would be necessary to give Lapis a lecture on what that job title actually meant. As for how exactly Pearl intended to re-educate her — or what Lapis's promised “reward” might turn out to be — well. That was a different story.