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The digital clock kept ticking inside your room; each sleepless night made it sound more and more taunting. The circus was quiet, except for a low hum to accompany the other hideous sound in your room... Everyone swiftly took the opportunity to retreat into their rooms and recharge before the next wacky adventure that was bound to come in the next few days. Dark thoughts kept poking at your brain while you lay on your bed, facing the ceiling; each fleeting one was pushing you closer to... you couldn't even name it for what it was; you didn't have the guts to. You rolled over while in bed, stopping to face the wooden door... Then your eyes fell over the night lamp that was dimly lighting the area around your bed.
Scattered objects and papers were lying on the ground (little trinkets and posters gathered from previous adventures), things you could consider yours, and while your memories were getting foggier with each day, it all felt... just slightly wrong. It gave you the feeling of staying in a somewhat messy hotel room; things were lent to you, but nothing was exactly yours, and worst of all, it was nothing like the room you had back home.
You were homesick; that was the only way to put it. A sensation that crept under your skin like an irritation and spread like wildfire, almost taking your breath away...
Dwelling on all this was useless, at least that's what you kept telling yourself during those torturous insomnia hours... This time you decided to handle things differently.
While you still were against going to knock on someone else's door to disturb their earned rest, you thought that maybe a walk around the circus grounds would clear your head enough to permit you to sleep at least a few hours. Finding all the will you could muster up, you pushed yourself up, hopped down from the bed, and made your way to the door. After exiting your room, you had a brief look around the corridor: not a soul in sight, as you mostly expected. You never bothered to take note before, but during quiet hours the lights around the circus were less bright, giving this weird nostalgic feeling to the ambience.
You exited the private quarters, entering the bigger tent where all the various props and geometrical forms lay about. The main stage was covered by the red curtains, as the one that usually stepped on it to showcase something bizarre and (possibly) life-threatening was nowhere to be found at this hour. You wondered, maybe for a second or perhaps more, what he was doing now... An AI doesn't need to sleep, so he could be off brainstorming? But that question didn't live long in your mind; after all, you had to think about what to do in your alone time.
Now that you found yourself in the main area, you were thinking of where to go... Wandering aimlessly wasn't that much better than rotting in bed; at this point you were considering rummaging in the storage room to find random objects to entertain yourself with and play. That was... a bit less sad, but then your eyes focused on the seemingly endless flight of stairs at the center of the tent. That's when you remembered you saw Jax going there maybe once or twice, mentioning something about a "café" or something like that?
It stimulated your interest; after all, what could make a late-night crisis feel more real than a snack to accompany it? Looking at all those stairs, however, you felt more and more drained...
Almost too conveniently, a shining circle emerged from the ground, a railing surrounding it with a little gate that slowly pushed itself open in front of you. You were left shocked, to say the least— was that... An elevator to reach the Café? Your eyes looked around the darkened tent. If it came up like that, Caine must've been the one to push it out... Still, no one in sight—
Except for Bubble, apparently, who seemed to float around without a clear direction. You cleared your throat. Did he... Call it, for some reason? — “Bubble…? What are you doing here? Is Caine with you?” — He rolled around very slowly, one eye closing before the other, but he didn't give an answer. Even if he faced you for a few seconds, you weren't even sure if there was a thought behind those eyes while floating around; it did creep you out a little. Since no one was around to satisfy your curiosity, you stepped on the elevator, closing the gate behind you. Once you stood still for a few seconds, it started on its own, smoothly lifting upwards and phasing through the pavement of the café, you included— the sensation made a shiver go from top to bottom of your digital body.
The lights automatically turned up to the usual brightness when you entered, and everything looked as pristine as any other room. The makeshift elevator disappeared into the floor, merging into it... You curiously stepped behind the counter, a digital-touch menu appearing in front of you with various choices for drinks. Your finger hovered above the buttons before pressing down on your chosen drink; it set a timer of 5 minutes or so... You could wait that much, no problem. Meanwhile, you stepped out onto what seemed to be a balcony, leaning over the railing to look at what is the external part of the circus. Your gaze follows the edges of the world, after that... It was all nothingness.
A low, gentle voice called out to you, saying a simple — “Hey” —
You jumped in place for a second before lifting your gaze and realizing that the Moon was talking to you, staring at you while in the night sky... It never sounded less silly, but considering it was someone to interact with, you couldn't exactly ignore her. You smiled, waving at her and addressing her directly — “Hello miss, I hope you have a nice night” —
She chuckled in response before falling silent, all while still watching you from time to time. What a funny human you were... Literally talking to the Moon. Such an "adaptable bright mind", as one would say. After a few minutes, all while enjoying this eerie, realistic night breeze, you heard a soft "click" behind you, which meant that the drink was now ready. You showed the Moon one last smile before going back.
You sat down on one of the seats after grabbing your order, sighing in relaxation... Looking on the bright side of things, everything was so peaceful at the moment; the decorations looked nice, the drink looked positively appetizing, and Caine was there to stare at you—
Wait, what???
— “HELLO, MY SHARP LITTLE GEMSTONE!” — His voice boomed near your ear, startling you so much that you ended up falling from your seat with a pretty loud and heartfelt gasp. Sadly, your drink follows your same fate and splatters on the floor.
— “Caine! Dear God, you startled me! I thought you were busy or something...” — You couldn't help but frown because of the situation— It's not like you could never do that drink again, but it felt like such a waste... You're pulled out of your thoughts when Caine speaks again; this time it seems like he was moderating his tone, at least a little.
— “Well, I WAS going over my latest draft for your next adventure, but still I couldn't help but notice a lonely explorer wandering about! What's the trouble, my dear? Usually humans value their off-night-time a lot!” — He floated upward from his seat, extending his hand in your direction to move it up and bring you back into your seat. After registering that your drink fell as well, he snapped his fingers to make it go back as it was, right in front of you. This sequence of nice little gestures was a sufficient apology for you... and your sweet, sweet smile returned. The smile that he was sure was a little different from the ones you did for others, the one you so kindly offered when you had fun after a successful experience or when you offered actual constructive criticism, exactly the smile that kept him sane most of the time... For no reason in particular, obviously, you were just that nice to be around!
And maybe it was the atmosphere that got a bit less creepy and lonely now that he was there, or maybe it was because he bothered to ask— or whatever other excuse you could come up with to vent to Caine out of all people, but... You needed to let it out. Even if he didn't understand it all because he's a program just doing his job, you had to talk to someone right there and then.
Your fingers traced the cup slowly, trying to find words he could possibly understand. Most, if not all, interactions with Caine on your part were rather positive, so it wasn't that you were opposed to talking to him about your sad thoughts... But it did feel a bit like moping around with a chatbot. You spoke before you could shame yourself into silence again. — “I just... Can't sleep these days. I'd really like to, but my brain doesn't want to cooperate! It's like everything goes so fast, and it all gets terribly fuzzy and heavy when I try to... Sleep...” — You finished the sentence with a sigh, gripping the handle of the cup before taking a sip.
Caine, on the other hand, was doing his best to listen, resting his head over his hand while crossing his legs in his seat while his mismatched eyes were laser-focused on you. His first instinct response was to immediately try to find the source of the problem in a sequence of blabbering as usual. He noted, however, that each time he tried that approach, the humans got very irritated, and so even if it was REALLY hard for him, he let you finish your thoughts first.
— “Everyone has been wonderful to me... You too, but sometimes I really miss home, and I wonder if there is someone out there looking for me, if they're worried, or...” —
You lost your train of thought after your eyes stopped on Caine's hands... He had gotten rigid all of a sudden, and while it was difficult to pinpoint what was normal about his appearance, his eyes were blown wide as every and any kind of good proposition was thrown out the window.
He stuttered and stumbled on his words, talking at the same speed as a machine gun would fire bullets. — “Homesick? What- Why is that??? Is something not to your liking? I knew I should've included a regular survey system— such an oversight on my part! So uncharacteristic! But I can fix that, of course I can!” — He pushed a wooden clip with a paper attached to it onto you, his hands finding and holding a mug of what you presume to be coffee that wasn't there before. Your brow furrowed in confusion as the text on the paper kept glitching out. Trying to make sense of all that mess was impossible; you didn't know if some things actually made sense or if you were just trying to decipher gibberish.
Whatever the case, you put that thing down and shook your head, trying to calm that nervous, kind of cute wreck. — “There is nothing wrong! Actually... I think the adventures are a nice distraction from everything. The others prefer more chill adventures, and sometimes I agree, but I also enjoy when there are those situations that make your heart go all BAM-BAM!” — A small laugh of genuine glee came out of your lips as you threw your arms up; you were a thrill-seeker at heart, especially in games, guilty as charged. You had to catch your drink as you were holding it, though. This time the floor was spared; it was definitely time to drink it before you had to get one again.
Caine was looking at you with what can only be described as puppy eyes. His pupils grew big, and a cartoonish blush appeared on his... cheeks? His tone also grew calmer; it was rare to hear him speak neutrally, and it felt oddly comforting. — “I-I... I don't think I've ever had someone speak so passionately about my work. I don't know what to say. I... Thank you.” —
Those thanks were as adorable as they were sad... It was such a human phrase to say.
When you really thought about it, compliments rarely went his way, and you may have subconsciously compensated for it with your polite words and positive attitude because you could tell he was trying, somehow. He continued to speak; the blush disappeared, but his eyes grew watery while his hands delicately held yours with such reverent care that it made your heart flutter.
— “You know, I try my hardest to make sure you guys are happy! A-And hearing you say those things just... Makes me want to-” — He probably wanted to say something sweet, but you won't know. Because he quite literally blue-screened. You looked at him in shock, which quickly turned to worry— does this hurt him like when the others glitch out for errors? You shook his hands, hoping to receive a response. — “Caine! Are you ok?! Come on, don't die on me!” — It was mostly panic talk; you don't even want to think about what would happen if Caine actually crashed or... died, whatever the fate for an AI is. He started functioning again, his expression more radiant than you had seen the last few months.
— “I want to make sure you feel valued enough! If the adventures are optimal in your eyes, then I am sure I can resolve any other problem that comes your way. Just ask away, my little superstar, and I'll make it happen!” — He leaned in rather close; personal space had always been a foreign concept for Caine, after all. You ended up smiling at his shenanigans; at least he didn't show signs of being hurt by bluescreening. And it seemed like he was actually waiting for an answer; you had to think of something.
Anything you wanted, uh...?
Maybe what you needed wasn't to word-vomit nonstop... Even if he couldn't comprehend your struggles fully, having someone there could be enough, at least for tonight. A blush spread across your face, tapping your finger over the empty cup as you spoke so softly that Caine could almost not hear it. — “Can you... come with me? And help me sleep? Like, in... bed...” —
You could not believe you just said that.
And Caine's eyes moved around in fast little motions while scanning your face; he clearly hadn't processed your request yet. — “... What?” — You quickly tried to explain yourself. Damn it, was that too much to ask? Were you losing your mind?
— “It's not like you have to if you don't want to! I thought of it as in we go back to my room and stay in bed close- NOT TOO CLOSE, just moderately close! And talk a little before falling asleep.” — And while you rambled on with your explanation, Caine got both his hands on the table, slowly floating closer, standing maybe a few centimeters from your face.
— “Are you asking me... to hang out?” — His voice sounded so flat and deadpan, his eyes now unmoving. You couldn't bring yourself to answer right away, the tension rising and making you briefly aware of how close a literal huge mouth was to you. You were now terrified that it upset him, or disrupted his creative flow, or-
— “WOWIE! THIS MUST BE MY LUCKY DAY! Of course I'll spend time with you, my little origami dove!” — He cupped your cheeks with his hands; the texture of it was that of smooth, cold gloves. He squished your cheeks for a few seconds more, maybe lingering longer than he should've before leaving you be.
— “Wait... GASP! Is it like a slumber party?!” — The upper part of his jaw curved in awe and surprise; his favorite most brilliant participant was willingly spending off-time with him! How could he not be buzzing with joy?! You stood from your seat, feeling a bit stupid because how could you possibly feel intimidated by him? Zooble said to still keep an eye out, as Caine had power over everything in there; it could've been a matter of time before he snapped or decided that he didn't like them anymore, but he sounded so happy to have someone to spend time with... Their words just got to you for a moment, but this made it all go away.
— “I don't think I have the energy for party games or anything like that... But I usually sleep better when someone's close to me” — You thought briefly before looking up at your flying companion. — “Shall we go now?” — That snapped Caine out of his thoughts and made him show a full on grin.
— “Of course, darling, off to your room we go!” — In a dizzying motion you were plopped down on your bed with Caine standing next to you like a hyperactive dog. You crossed your legs; this could've been an interesting opportunity. Just how advanced could this AI be? He ran large grounds and his physical manifestation all the time; even just from a technical point of view, he was fascinating. You were the first to talk this time, finding yourself drawn closer to him. — “You noticed me pretty quickly tonight... So you're not off brainstorming all the time. What do you do when you have some "me" time?” —
The question caught him off guard, visibly jumping on the spot. He shifted his gaze to the floor, tapping his fingers on the bed rhythmically while he thought of how to engage with... Yes, there's no point in denying it, his favorite human.
— “You see, my dear... I have hobbies I enjoy! I'd say drawing is at the top of my mind, and... I can't stop thinking about these.” — He got a few photos out of his pockets; they showcased an office of some sort... Not a place you recognized; to be honest, it looked like any old office. — “It's a peek into the Macroverse; I wish I had more photos to replicate the place! But sadly this is all I have of the location...” — He looked so invested in those pictures... So he was fascinated by the human world; this precious little thing had such a vibrant personality. So engaging, in fact... That you start talking about your hobbies too; you recount whatever you can remember from your personal life, if you've ever had any pets, explaining social concepts and how they happen, like school, jobs, life... Anything that comes to mind. Caine drinks in every word like it's pure, unfiltered honey.
A few hours go on like this with a decent level of deep conversation, and FINALLY you can feel a yawn emerge from the back of your throat. Caine was going off with some bad pun that was making you giggle before stopping dead in his tracks. — “Oh! Are you tired now?” — You nodded; fatigue was mounting fast in you. It even made you feel less embarrassed. You opened your arms, mumbling to him a — “Come here...” —
Something inside him felt... Like it was burning. So wrong and so beautifully right at the same time, yet he didn't know precisely what part of his code was buffering. He crawled next to you, trying to remain as small and as less invasive as possible while he nestled against your chest. His body was shaking even if he desperately tried to hold it in.
Your eyes, half-lidded, took in the scene with growing tenderness inside you. Even if he was composed of lines upon lines of code... If even he could crave such contact, what was wrong in indulging it? You both needed it, and you had an undeniable chemistry that was getting harder and harder to justify each day.
Such a bizarre thing, empathy, isn't it? Makes you feel for something that doesn't have a heart to share.
Caine's jaws slowly closed as it seemed like he was falling asleep, or at least going into "rest" mode. At first his body was cold, but it was slowly mimicking your warmth and radiating some of his own, which knocked you out faster than you realized.
...
After an hour or so, he opened his eyes to stare up at your sleeping form... He couldn't rest now; just how could he? Such a gentle soul decided to share a breath of life with him. His body kept shaking, his breath cut short as if he even had one. You really could work miracles, couldn't you? His hands gripped at your body, not too hard, of course, as he didn't want to risk hurting you or waking you up.
— “You... Just what are you doing to me? I know what my purpose is; I can't afford to play favorites. And yet...” — His hand traced your face, feeling somewhat ticklish as you exhaled on his fingers. — “You make me want to throw everything to hell and give you the world. Only you.” —
His form considerably grew in size. Not enough to be an issue, but enough to tower over you. His voice came out in glitched rasps; he was coming undone so fast, but you couldn't see this pesky, ugly side. No... Not yet, it was too soon; how could he risk scaring off his precious little mockingbird? — “You see it... don't you? That all I ever do is for you guys? You don't think I'm flawed; you know I'm just the same as you all!” —
Multiple pairs of hands popped from his body, either sustaining him or caressing your body, your face, and your hair. His chest was... Thumping. Yes, that's the word. Every second hurt more; it made him lose his mind... Is that the place where hearts can get poisoned by... Love? — “I'll grow a heart for you. Just for you! I'll love you as you want; I'll turn the world upside down. Whoever slept beside you... I want to burn them! They don't matter anymore! I'll love you so well that you will never feel homesick again! You can't... You can't abstract on me. I won't let you.” —
His eyes frantically went from top to bottom of your body; there were many things that he kept for himself or that he obfuscated in hopes that things wouldn't break more than they already had, but just how much could he hold himself back with his newfound reason to live?
And he has tried, desperately even, to keep things fair for everyone... But you managed to get the God of this world to fall for you, disarming him completely.
He carefully lay on top of you, cuddling your sleeping self near him; your heart sounded so calm compared to the erratic hole in his chest. He made sure his crazed rambling couldn't reach your ears; after all, his darling couldn't be disturbed now that you found peace.
This was the opening door for something amazing; he knew this for a fact.
Why would you abandon him? There was no reason to. You liked it here.
. . .
.
.
.
Please don't leave me...