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Although almost no sunlight drifted through the permanent dark state of the lighthouse, Flins was easily able to tell that the night had fallen and the morning was rising. Flins had made no attempt to even try to sleep that night, almost haunted by the three final words that Illuga had muttered last night, whether consciously or unconsciously. Flins did keep his eyes closed and his breathing steady to mimic the other man the entire night long, and it did prove to be worth it in the end. A shift in the bedsheets and small movements near Flins’ head indicated Illuga was rising and waking up from his sleep. A small yawn and sigh was heard, and the pressure of the body was lessened from Illuga from laying down to a more seated position. Flins kept his eyes closed still, wanting to remember this moment - forever - and indulge himself a little. He knew he was being selfish, but did it really matter that much? He wanted to cherish the moments he had with Illuga while he was still at the lighthouse, it made him feel whole. Flins felt the gaze from Illuga, knowing that his features were being studied.
“Flins?” Illuga managed to whisper out, cautious of the fact that Flins may still be asleep. Curiosity flitted through him remembering the fact he had learned sometime in the past, that fae did not technically need to rest like this. The giggle contained in Illuga’s throat from the passive thought ‘is he really asleep, or is he just being playful and pretending?’ nearly bubbled to the surface, but Illuga held it in regardless. Illuga took this precious time, and acting as if Flins was truly asleep, to study his face. Flins’ resting features could easily be described as soft in a definitive way. He looked nothing but beautiful, bangs now fell towards the side of the pillow where he was laying, revealing an unblemished forehead. Illuga’s eyes followed down the rest of Flins’ face. Eyebrows were at a resting calm position, just barely different from how they sat usually, but still easy enough for Illuga to tell the difference, eyes were closed completely, his long eyelashes visible. The slope of his nose and the tip of it now able to be viewed from the side, even though he had seen Flins’ side profile before, he had never seen it this close up, and was now able to perfectly see the bump on the bridge of his nose, a detail that Illuga hadn’t paid much attention to before was on display - and Illuga loved the sight. Eyes traveled downwards, to look at his lips. There was an ever slight upwards tilt to them, almost reminiscent of a smile, they looked full and soft, and much more of a ‘human’ tint compared to the vast expanse of pure white skin everywhere else. Flins’ hair was spread everywhere, most of it gathering around the back and crown of his head, almost imitating a halo of dark blue and light edges around him. Illuga started to feel a sense of shame in the way he was staring at an ‘unconscious’ man, even if it was the man he has secretly claimed as his closest, his own.
Embarrassment swirled around in his stomach, and began to pull away to try to make some distance between the two. He moved away too slow as he heard a small giggle and felt an arm extend and yank him back down into the mattress.
Piercing yellow eyes were now open, staring directly into pale blue and red. “Ah, was Young Master enjoying what he had seen?” A playful smirk dancing on his lips as he narrowed his eyes. He felt Illuga squirm slightly and watched as a slight pink encroached onto his cheeks.
“I- It wasn’t like that at all!” Illuga choked out, “I was simply… sitting up and surveying the surroundings… Yeah!”
Flins let out a satisfied hum, even though he wanted to tease the other, that could wait for later. Flins’ arm that was resting between the two was lifted up and set on the small of Illuga’s back, and pulled him in closer. They were now almost chest to chest, Illuga higher up to finally have his head at the same height for once. Illuga took the chance and let his forehead make contact with Flins, and looked endlessly into the depths of his pupilless eyes. They sat there for what felt like forever, before Illuga pulled back and silently mourning the loss of contact.
“Sir Flins? I’d like to quickly discuss something with you.” Illuga sat up, expecting Flins to do the same, however he kept his position laying down on the mattress, but he soon rolled over to lay on his back to maintain eye contact.
“Whatever could it be? I would do my absolute best to answer your questions or demands, Young Master, but only for you.”
Ignoring the warmth that returned to his face yet again, he cleared his throat and tried to get the words out, for nothing. His mouth opened and closed over and over. Flins eventually sat up to match him, a mildly concerned look sat on his face. With nothing but another mouth open and close, Flins quirked an eyebrow. “Is everything alright Illuga?” Dropping the title for once, opting for a more serious tone. He could audibly hear Illuga swallowing, and watched him nod.
Words started falling out of his mouth before he even had time to process what he was saying, “I just wanted to ask if you held the same feelings for me as I do for you, and I totally understand if you don’t I just felt like I had to ask. I know I’m putting you in such a tight and awkward situation right now, especially so early in the morning but it’s been plaguing my mind since last night. I feel so horrible and borderline incompetent for asking this, and I’m not just assuming but I really needed to ask this before I dwell on it much longer. I’ve held close feelings for you for a while now and I almost hate to admit that, but I need to admit that my feelings are romantic, and have been for quite some time now, and you do not need to reciprocate. I don’t want to bother you any further than I already have, so if you want me to leave immediately or-” Illuga was cut off quickly when a cold hand cupped his chin, forcing Illuga to return his gaze instead of rambling to the sight of a pillow.
“And why do you not believe your feelings are not reciprocated?” Flins tone was soft and comforting.
“Well I mean.. For a long time I thought they were. You have always talked to me with such a flirtatious and teasing tone, but I discovered it wasn’t just me you spoke to that way. So I slowly began to doubt it all and push the feeling under the surface.”
Silence fell among the two, this time an uncomfortable one. Flins’ gaze was cast downwards, appearing distant. Eyebrows furrowed and his lips pursed, as if trying to create a proper response for once, and not something he would usually jest about. Illuga was silent, tears threatening in the back of his eyes and an empty hollowness in his chest.
Flins sighed and his voice trembled uncannily. “Who else did I send that letter to? Who else have I ever gone out of my way to actually seek and find someone? Who else do I trust enough to keep, and hold, my lantern? Who else could I find that would listen endlessly to my stories and still have interest in more? This list could continue on forever Illuga…” All of what Illuga was used to hearing from Flins was completely discarded. It now held a completely new tone and demeanor, no sugarcoated words, no teasing. Not the eloquent and astonishingly polite, well-reserved Flins he was used to. Once again Illuga’s mouth had fallen open, not having the will to close it.
Without saying a single word, Illuga gently pushed Flins back into the mattress, and draped himself on top of Flins. Gripping his shoulder as if his life depended on it.
Flins was first to speak, “I heard you last night.”
Panic strangled Illuga, fearing that Flins heard the single thing that was hoped to never be heard. “What- What did you hear?” Illuga wanted to play dumb, wanted to imagine this was all just a nightmare he would wake from.
“I love you.” The movement of Flins’ head shifting down to look at Illuga who was still looking up at Flins after laying down.
Once again, the room became silent. Illuga felt uneasy, he felt sick. Nausea struck and he felt too hot. Tears that were still being held back silently trickled down his face. Illuga was horrified, he wanted to run away. ‘I knew I shouldn’t have said it, I knew it was a bad idea, why did I do that!’ His thoughts were cut off again with another cold hand tilting his chin up.
“I love you.” Flins repeated.
“I know I said that! I’m sorry!” Illuga tried turning away, trying to move, to attempt any possible escape, but Flins’ grip was firm.
“I know that. I love you.” With extra emphasis on the ‘I’ but still holding an almost comical soft tone of voice. Flins tilted his head to the side, gaze still cast straight into Illuga.
“What?”
“What?”
“What!
Flins’ eyebrows shot up in a questioning manner.
“Are you joking right now? Are you teasing me again? This is not the time for that!” Illuga could feel more tears fall, this time hot and heavy. Hearing his own ragged breath as he heaved in as much air he could get, only to be met with nothing.
Flins had sat up while Illuga looked like he was visibly losing his mind, silently dragging him closer to practically sit him in his lap. Illuga turned towards him now, frantic breathing and hands desperately flailing around in search of - nothing.
“No, Illuga. I am not.” The hold on his chin moved to cup his cheek and pull him closer, “Do you need something to prove it?”
Illuga went silent, muscles tightly coiled and tensed up like a spring threatening to be released. “What?”
In a second or less, Flins’ face had now come closer, leaving only an inch of space between them. Breaths mingled with each other in the proximity, tears temporarily subsiding. Illuga’s eyes went wide and pure terror filled him.
“Come here, my little light.” Flins’ hand now came back under Illuga’s chin, tilting his head up ever so slightly. Flins closed the distance between the two, his soft lips briefly met with chapped and split ones, before pulling away. His hand moved to twirl around gray hair, and shifted underneath to scratch at the roots of red-dyed hair. A whimper left Illuga’s mouth. He, himself, was unaware of what he wanted, unaware of what just happened, his brain having completely lost the ability to comprehend anything in the slightest.
“I love you too, Illuga.” Flins words were soft against the front of his face, pressing a soft kiss to the tip of his nose.
Illuga knew what he wanted now, he knew after all this time that Flins felt the same. Illuga shifted closer and kissed Flins again, filled with nothing but pure want. Flins’ hands now rested on Illuga’s back, pulling him impossibly closer until their bodies were flush. Illuga grabbed Flins’ hips, attempting to stabilize himself, and he could feel the salt of his own tears between their kissing, but paid no attention to it. Regardless, Flins licked it all up, and deepened the kiss. Illuga had to pull away, because he needed air, unlike the other man. He let himself press his full weight onto the other, which resulted in them both tumbling back onto the mattress. Flins let out a giggle, and Illuga let out a soft sigh. They sat there silent for a few minutes, both holding the other tight.
“I love you.” Illuga whispered directly into Flins’ ear.
Flins pulled him in tighter, “and I love you too.”
-
Bonus:
Illuga was once again standing at the table writing another letter for Aedon to bring to Nikita, apologizing once again that he would be out for a little longer. All the while a tall weight and long arms were lazily wrapped around him. Illuga signed and left a small note under it, ‘Flins and I are dealing with something important.’ Illuga set the quill down and sighed, knowing Nikita will know exactly what that meant, knowing he will be sat down and reminded to ‘stay safe’ and always ‘use protection’. After sending Aedon out, he turned and faced Flins, tucking his face into the broad expanse of chest. Flins let out a satisfied sound, and tilted his head down to press a kiss to Illuga’s crown. “I love you.” They both stated, in unison. Flins felt Illuga’s smile pressed against him, and Illuga felt Flins’ arms tighten around him.