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The sky was a heavy, dull gray and the rain fell in a steady, relentless rhythm. Usually, the lush green trees would look beautiful but today they seemed unnaturally bright against the solemn atmosphere. It felt wrong, almost as if nature was mocking them, staying vibrant and alive while they were all just drowning in their own helplessness and misery.
Giyuu let out a heavy sigh, shaking his head as if he could physically rattle the dark thoughts out of his mind. He kept his gaze fixed on the floor, his head bowed low in front of the Master.
It still didn't feel right that Kyojurou was gone, killed by Upper Moon Three only yesterday. Hearing that Tanjiro and the boys were mortally wounded but had survived brought a small flicker of relief to Giyuu's chest but it was quickly buried by the gloom of the meeting.
The Master had wasted no time calling them all together to discuss the events of the Mugen Train battle. It had been painful to watch Shinjuro, Kyojurou’s father, act as if his own son’s death was nothing more than a minor inconvenience. The man’s coldness had clearly set Sanemi off. Giyuu knew that if the Master hadn't stepped in to stop him, another life might have been lost right there in the courtyard.
After Shinjuro finally left, a suffocating silence settled over the Hashira while the Master went through the details of the battle. Mitsuri was sobbing quietly, her shoulders shaking, while Obanai sat close to comfort her. He was patting her back with a softness in his eyes that was so unlike his usual self. Even Tengen, who was always loud and bragging about being flashy, was as quiet as a mouse.
Gyomei was weeping as he usually did but you could tell his tears this time were different. They were heavy with a deep, hollow sorrow. Next to him, Muichiro looked like he was lost in the clouds again, completely detached while Sanemi remained surprisingly mellow, his usual explosive temper replaced by a gloomy quiet energy.
After looking around at everyone else, his gaze finally landed on the one person who caught his attention the most as usual.
Ah yes....The Insect Hashira, Kochou Shinobu who was still smiling and acting like nothing was wrong while the drizzling rain began to dampen her butterfly patterned haori.
Her behaviour was weird to him really, not because he expected her to cry but because he himself actually wasn't that sad over Rengoku's death and he knew this was the same for her. So he couldn't get why her smile looked like it was gonna break into pieces at any second? As far as he could remember, Shinobu hadn't been particularly close to Rengoku either so she shouldn't be affected at all like him.
Well, much to his dismay, even if Giyuu tried to tell himself that he wasn't bothered, he would be lying if he said that the solemn atmosphere wasn't getting to him.
The heavy silence and the gray sky were starting to drag up unwanted memories he usually kept locked away. He wondered if that was the real reason everyone looked so miserable. Maybe the death of a fellow comrade was just a reminder of all the people they had already lost. Perhaps, it was the same for her too.
"Now, my beloved children... I hope you all stay in good health. Let us conclude this meeting here. And if anyone wishes to visit Kyojurou's grave then they are welcome to do so."
The master's soothing voice was like a balm for everyone's hearts, snapping them out of their pessimistic thoughts. Just seeing his gentle smile made the world feel alittle more bearable. All of them nodded sincerely, watching as he slowly walked away with the help of his two children.
Sanemi was the first to leave and it was actually quite nice to see him walk away without storming off for once. Muichiro and Gyomei followed shortly after. Giyuu figured they were probably heading straight to the graveyard. Tengen didn't stay quiet for long, yelling something about bringing his wives along as he ran away "flashily," his loud voice echoing for a moment before fading.
Meanwhile, Mitsuri was still crying, leaning heavily on Obanai’s shoulder. He didn't say much but he stayed close, escorting her away as the rain started to intensify, turning the ground beneath them into a mess of slick mud.
Giyuu finally stood up, ready to leave but then he noticed that Shinobu hadn't moved an inch. She was just standing there, her eyes looking completely empty, devoid of any emotion. She almost... looked like a broken little butterfly. Her frame seemed even smaller than usual, and her butterfly-patterned haori which usually looked so light it could fly away was now sodden and heavy, weighed down by the rain and something else.
He hesitated, debating if he should go over and say something. But he knew he was a coward when it came to things like this. He had no idea how to comfort someone so he decided it was best to just walk away.
But as soon as he took his first step towards the exit, he saw Shinobu start to move in the opposite direction from everyone else.
'Maybe she isn't going to the grave?'
But that would be weird, why wouldn't she go there? She was smart enough to know how important it was to pay homage to a fallen comrade... even someone like him knew that.
To say that her actions were puzzling would be an understatement. He found himself following her quietly, kept hidden by the rhythm of the rain, mostly because he was confused and if he was being honest, a tad bit curious. As they walked, his confusion only grew. She wasn't heading toward the Butterfly Mansion at all... Just where exactly was she going?
After following her for a long time, Giyuu found himself in a graveyard... this was a graveyard for slayers too. However, this particular one had been filled already so another location had to be chosen to hold the rest of the fallen.
It was a sad thing to think about. Hundreds of slayers died every week and yet their loving Master made sure every one of them had a grave of their own. It was a daunting task but he did it anyway. Hell, he even remembered all of their names which was just out of this world. Giyuu couldn't wrap his head around how one person could carry that much responsibility and still smile so gently.
The sharp, cold sting of the rain droplets finally snapped Giyuu out of his thoughts. He shook his head, reminding himself that he was only here to see Shinobu's destination. He looked ahead and saw her standing perfectly still infront of a grave with her fists clenched tightly at her sides—
Oh
It was her sister's, Kochou Kanae's grave. Ofcourse it was hers, what else could he have possibly been thinking? He felt a sudden flash of embarassment, realizing that he had actually wondered if she had a secret partner who had died. Why did he even care in the first place? It didn't matter. No, it shouldn't matter. Well his mission here was done, regardless. Shinobu was just visiting her sister's grave so he should probably leave before she noticed him.
... But something about seeing her like that made him hesitate. She just looked so alone... just like him... just like how he was when her melodic voice wasn't anchoring him away from the worst of his own pain. He couldn't just turn his back on that, now could he?
Giyuu felt a sharp pain in his chest when he saw Shinobu's small hands twisting the fabric of her haori so tightly her knuckles were white. She looked like she was right on the edge of tears. Despite that, he kept telling himself to just leave. It didn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter. It wasn’t his place to help her and besides, he probably couldn't help her even if he tried. Nothing he did would ever be enough to change anything.
But then he saw her knees start to shake and his whole heart constricted. Her small, fragile frame was trembling violently now and the rain was falling relentlessly, soaking through everything.
She had no cover at all, not from the freezing rain and certainly not from the pain. Her breathing was quick and shallow and she looked so desperate to keep it together, fighting with everything she had to not let a single tear fall.
To tell you the truth,
He tried not to care.
He really did.
But it had been proving hard lately.
And so, his body moved on its own. His feet took him towards her before he could even think of a single word to say. He stopped just a few paces behind her, the heavy squelch of his boots finally giving him away. As soon as she noticed his presence, her trembling stopped instantly. It was as if she had pulled her cheerful mask back on the second she realized she wasn't alone.
They stood there for a long time, the only sound being the relentless drumming of the rain against the gravestones. Giyuu watched the water stream off the tips of his hair, his heart thumping against his ribs. He wanted to reach out but his hands felt like lead at his sides. He opened his mouth, closed it and swallowed hard several times.
Finally, when the silence surprisingly became too heavy to bear for him of all the people, Giyuu forced himself to speak.
"Kochou—"
"Just what are you doing here, Tomioka-san?"
Her smile was sharp and her words sounded strained, like she was forcing them through gritted teeth. She was definitely on edge. There was something intimidating about the way she looked at him which made Giyuu swallow hard. Mind you, it wasn't because he found it kind of attractive in a way... Definitely not.
"...I was just passing by..."
He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Great. She wasn’t ever going to buy an excuse like that. Why was he so stupid to begin with?
"Oh, really? Well, I guess this really is such an expected place for roaming around, huh?"
Her sarcastic reply stung and it was honestly kind of annoying. He stood there, frozen. What was he supposed to do now? He couldn't just tell her the truth that he had seen her almost breaking down, that he had watched her knees shake and her hands tremble. That would just make things even more awkward and he couldn’t afford that, no matter what.
In the end, Giyuu just decided to stand there awkwardly, like he always did, hoping that Shinobu would be the one to keep the conversation going as usual. But the silence just stretched on and on. Shinobu wasn't even looking at him, she was practically ignoring his existence entirely.
His mind was racing, trying to come up with something, anything, to say. Should he just turn around and leave? Or should he stay here and risk making everything ten times worse?
He told himself he could at least avoid bringing up Rengoku since that was clearly going to be a sore subject for everyone from now. But then he looked at the grave again. She was visiting her sister... maybe offering his condolences was the right move? Yeah, he should probably do that. It was the polite thing to do.
"Kochou, I'm sorry."
The air between them didn't just chill, it curdled. Shinobu didn't move but the gentle tilt of her head felt like the strike of a poisoned needle. Her expression was unreadable with her eyes sharpening into something dangerous. Just for a moment, Giyuu actually wondered if she was contemplating whether she should kill or poison him right there in the mud.
"Well, well, Tomioka-san, what exactly are you sorry for?"
Giyuu tensed, his heart sinking. Wasn't it obvious that he was sorry for her sister's death? Did she really want him to spell it out or something?
"Well for your sister's death. I was—"
"I remember you already offering your commiseration for that before, years ago." She interrupted, her voice cutting through the rain. "Besides, the one who died today is Rengoku-san, not my sister. How can you seriously be this stupid?"
Oh...right...that was incredibly stupid of him. Unable to find any words thanks to his total lack of social skills, Giyuu decided his best move was to just shut up. He stood there like a silent statue by Shinobu’s side, hoping that just being there would remind her that someone was in her corner.
However, Shinobu was less than happy with that. Just what was wrong with him? She clearly wanted to be left alone with her thoughts. Part of her wondered if he was trying to take some sort of revenge for all the times she never let him breathe peacefully.
But that didn't make sense. For all her teasing, Shinobu knew she wasn't actually cruel and she always gave him space when he really needed it so why couldn't he do the same for her? Perhaps he truly didn't realize that she wanted him gone? To her, that seemed like the most accurate deduction, given the Water Pillar's legendary social ineptitude.
Finally turning to face him fully, Shinobu smiled at him very sweetly... ah yes, that deceitful, perfect smile. It was the one that hid her monstrous, bubbling anger so well that most people didn't even notice the danger until it got to them.
"Tomioka-san, if you really were just passing by then why are you still here? Don't you have anything better to do?"
"...Is there something wrong with me visiting a fallen hashira's grave?
A small vein popped out on her forehead. She tried so hard to stay calm and not let her temper get the best of her but he was making it nearly impossible. Sighing, she reached out and gently pushed against Giyuu’s chest, forcing him to turn away from her.
"There's nothing wrong with it but you could always come back later, you know? Besides right now, I would quite enjoy being here alone."
"Why do you want me to leave?"
'I just said why, you annoying specimen of a man! No—calm down, it's alright, Shinobu. You can't kill someone infront of your sister's grave.'
"Well, Tomioka-san, it would be a shame for me to ignore you right?"
"What?"
"Hmm I'm just saying that if you stay then I will have to ignore you. I honestly wouldn't want to do that to you so you should leave right now."
Giyuu blinked.
Once.
Twice.
And then for a third time.
Her words barely made any sense to him. Honestly, he didn't mind the quiet, he was used to it but the thought of her actually ignoring him did bug him a little. Still, he really didn't want to leave her here like this. He had seen her sorrow earlier and even if he was bad at it, he wanted to help her in any way he could. He just couldn't understand why she wanted to get rid of him so badly. Wasn't she usually someone who enjoyed talking?
"I don't mind it, Kochou."
Shinobu let out a long, weary sigh, finally giving up on her attempt at being subtle and not blunt.. She had tried to be nice, she really had. She could see deep down that he might be trying to help in his own clumsy way but she didn't want his help and she certainly didn't need it. So, she did what she had to do.
"Tomioka-san, just leave. I want to be alone."
The harsh, commanding edge in her voice didn't go unnoticed by Giyuu. Her words did make him hesitate alittle. He knew he really should leave at this point. He knew he shouldn't keep bothering her when she was clearly at her limit... he really shouldn't. But something deep inside, some stubborn instinct he couldn't name, was telling him to stay right where he was.
"And I want to stay here."
'Oh for fucks sake.'
A small, dangerous twitch appeared at the corner of Shinobu’s eye. She looked like she was mentally counting to ten or perhaps counting how many ways she could make him suffer. After a moment, her rigid posture relaxed just a fraction and she tilted her head with a look of mock pity.
"Hmm I really feel bad for you, Tomioka-san."
"What? Why?"
"Well, it's almost interesting how you think your opinion holds any weight here, you know."
"That's—"
"I figure it must be comforting though," she continued, her voice dropping into a sugary-sweet tone that made him shiver slightly. "Thinking your opinion makes a difference when it actually doesn't. I really am sorry for taking that illusion away from you."
Giyuu couldn't find a single word to fire back. He just stood there, his mind completely blank and his posture defeated. What was he even supposed to do now? Once she got into that "oh so deadly mode with such a deceitful smile", there was simply no way to win the argument.
Due to his lack of options, he let out a heavy huff of breath, the mist of it disappearing into the gray air. As if on cue, the sky seemed to darken further and the light drizzle began to transition into something much more aggressive. Within seconds, the rain started to hammer down in heavy sheets, turning the graveyard into a blurry mess of gray and green.
Giyuu saw Shinobu visibly shiver against the frosty wind, her shoulders hunching as the cold finally started to seep into her bones. Suddenly, an idea popped into his head.
'Wait I could just use the rain as an excuse to leave... but then again, I can't just leave her here all alone, now can I?'
Sighing, he decided to commit to what was likely the stupidest thing he had ever done in his life.
He stepped forward, closing the distance between them until he was close enough to see the way her jaw was clamped shut, her entire body vibrating with the effort to suppress her shivers. The sight made his chest ache again.
Without overthinking it, he reached out, his fingers closing around her small, ice-cold hand. He intended to just lead her or drag her, if he had to, away from the freezing rain and the ghosts of the past that seemed to haunt her.
But the moment his skin touched hers, Shinobu reacted as if she had been burned. She swatted his hand away with a harsh, violent flick of her wrist, the sound of the slap echoing against the rain.
Giyuu froze, his hand hanging uselessly in the air. A sharp sting of surprise flared in his chest, the way she had pulled back made it feel like she was genuinely disgusted by his touch. He stood there, stung and confused, unable to understand why his attempt to help was being treated like an attack.
"Kochou, it’s raining so we should probably—"
"We?"
She cut him off, her voice dropping to a dangerous, low whisper that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. The sheer coldness in her tone made Giyuu pause, his hand still hovering mid-air, feeling awkward and out of place. His mind scrambled to process what had just happened. Did a simple attempt to lead her out of the rain really make her that angry? Or was it just him touching her that was the problem?
A familiar, dull ache began to settle in his chest. If he had crossed a line, he needed to fix it. He needed to say something to stop that look of pure venom from sharpening in her eyes. He didn't like how it made him feel so much worse.
"I'm sorry for trying to hol—"
"Tomioka-san, just get lost." The words were spat out with a sudden, jagged intensity that silenced him instantly. She wasn't just annoyed anymore, she looked genuinely repulsed. She took a step toward him, her small frame radiating a heatless, white-hot anger that seemed to push back against the freezing downpour.
"You're really getting on my nerves," she hissed, her voice trembling, not from the cold this time but from a surge of raw, unbridled irritation. "How many times do I have to tell you? No one, literally no one, cares about you and they certainly don't care about your hollow apologies. Your presence here is nothing but a nuisance. Do you atleast understand that much? Or is the simple task of processing information also abit too much for you to manage?"
Oh.
The words echoed in Giyuu’s mind, hollow and flat. He felt a sharp, sudden sting like a needle prick directly to his heart but his face remained a mask of stone. He didn't flinch, though he could feel his throat tightening. He looked down at his own hand, the one she had swatted away so angrily and watched as the rain washed over his skin, turning his knuckles blue from the cold.
He had heard her say these things before. She told him he was disliked almost every time they met. But here, in front of her sister's grave, with the rain hammering down and her voice sounding so fragile yet so cruel, it felt different. It felt like she actually meant it this time. Like his very existence standing next to her was an insult to her grief or to her sister's grave.
Confusion swirled in his head, mixing with a quiet, dull hurt. He only wanted to help. He only wanted to stay to make her feel better. But as he looked at her, really looked at her, he realized that to her, he wasn't an anchor. It was a simply truth he had been too dense to see until now.
He kept standing there, the water streaming down his face and soaking into his uniform until it felt like lead, weighing him down into the mud. He looked at her one last time, at the way she stood guarded and sharp, even in her grief and finally understood the distance between them.
To him, her melodic voice was the anchor that kept him from drifting away into his own darkness, it was the only thing that felt nice when everything else was fading. But as he watched her jaw tighten with a hatred he couldn't fix, he realized he didn't really matter at all. What he did would never matter.
Because unfortunately, even if her voice was a comfort for him, at the end of the day, he would always just be a nuisance for her. It made his chest tighten... he really was nothing more than a shadow she was desperate to step out of.
Giyuu had finally lost all his energy from this serious conversation. He couldn't speak anymore. He felt utterly drained and he really didn't want to try to understand the messy, painful emotions coursing through him right now. So, he did what he did best: he turned around and started walking away silently, shutting down his buzzing mind until it was as empty as his expression.
Every step felt like a massive effort. The graveyard felt twice as long as it had when he arrived and the weight of his soaked haori seemed to pull at his shoulders, dragging him down. He didn't look back, he just kept his eyes on the blurred, gray path ahead, moving like a ghost through the downpour.
Shinobu stood perfectly still, hearing the slow, heavy steps Giyuu took. The squelching of the mud beneath his feet was loud enough to cut through the roar of the rain, a steady, rhythmic sound that told her exactly how far away he was getting.
The rain kept pouring down in relentless sheets, making Shinobu clench her jaw until it ached. Her poor, exhausted form was desperately trying to remain firm but her wet haori clung to her like a cold, heavy skin, making her feel even more exposed.
She waited, her breath coming in shallow, jagged hitches. Once the heavy, wet suck of his boots finally faded into a distant, rhythmic squish and then into nothing but the sound of the storm, Shinobu let out a long, shaky sigh of relief. Her body relaxed a little, her shoulders finally dropping from their defensive stance. Now that he was gone, she didn't have to fight so hard to keep herself from breaking.
To tell you the truth, she kind of felt bad for being that rude. Deep down, a small part of her winced at the memory of his face but it was really his fault. He was the one who wouldn't leave her alone when she very clearly, repeatedly, wanted him to. He was the one who kept apologizing again and again so stupidly. And then, he had the nerve to act like he could just take her away, reaching out to hold her goddamn hand without even asking her in the first place!
It was just so infuriating.
Everything was just so damn infuriating lately. The air felt too heavy to breathe and the rain was just another thing trying to crush her. First, a Hashira dies, one of the strongest, brightest of them all and on top of that, the Upper Moon was actually able to run away? It just wasn't fair! None of this was ever fair.
They were supposed to be the ones standing between humanity and the demons but they couldn't even protect their own like this. What was worse that she was doing nothing but wasting her time here.
'I can't protect anyone like this, goddamn it!'
The negative thoughts were making everything worse. She stood there, her small fists shaking at her sides, the fabric of her uniform damp and cold against her skin. She felt so small in the middle of the graveyard, surrounded by names of people who were gone because they weren't fast enough, strong enough or lucky enough. She was a Hashira and yet, she felt like she was drowning in the middle of a war that only ever took and never gave back.
Shinobu's amethyst eyes blurred for a second as she looked at her beloved sister's grave, the cold stone shimmering through a veil of unshed tears. She thought of the promise they had made to each other, that they would always protect people, that they would save others from the same grief that had once shattered them. It was a beautiful, noble dream but it all felt like a lie now.
Perhaps if her sister was still here, there would be a chance of that happening but with just her, standing alone in the mud, nothing was ever going to change.
People were going to keep dying. No matter how hard she fought or how many poisons she perfected, it was a cycle without an end. Whether it was a parent, a spouse, a mentor, a sibling or a child, the demons would keep killing them all with a senseless, starving cruelty that didn't care about their dreams or promises.
Every life extinguished would keep feeling like another massive wave crashing over her, pulling her deeper into the dark. And all she could ever do was succumb to the tide, slowly drowning in a misery that promised to be her only companion until her own heart finally stopped beating. 'Which will happen soon, don't worry.'
She looked down at her weak hands, the same ones that had just swatted Giyuu away. They were so small, so incapable of cutting a demon's neck and so tired of holding onto a hope that kept slipping through her fingers. The rain continued to wash over her but it couldn't wash away the heavy, suffocating wish she had. At this point, she was just waiting for her turn to join the names carved in stone in the graveyard.
Shinobu didn't move from her place, the rain didn't really feel as cold as her heart did. She felt a wave of pure disgust directed at herself, at her own weakness and at the fact that she even dared to call herself a Hashira.
What right did she have to act so condescending towards Giyuu? She had stood there acting like she was better than him, yet here she was, crumbling into pieces over things she couldn't change while taking her frustration out on the only person who had bothered to stand in the rain with her.
Her lashing out wasn't strength, it was just another petty failure. She was supposed to be the composed, smiling Pillar of the Corps yet she had acted like a spiteful child. He was probably just trying to help even if it was in the worst, most awkward way imaginable. The more she thought about how she had treated him, the more she felt like she was becoming someone her sister wouldn't even recognize.
She couldn't fix the world and she certainly couldn't bring back the dead but she could at least stop being so cruel to the living. If she was going to be a failure of a Hashira, she didn't have to be a failure of a person too.
'Nee-san wouldn't want that.'
Kanae would want her to apologize so she should just go find him. She had to apologize, regardless of how much she just wanted to disappear.
After a few more moments of self-loathing, Shinobu finally turned around to go find Giyuu. Her shoes squished heavily against the mud as she made her way through the crowded graveyard, passing the rows of silent witnesses. The scent of wet grass and earth was thick in the air, providing a small, calming mercy against her racing thoughts.
When she finally stepped past the iron gates and left the graveyard behind, her body relaxed ever so slightly, the tension in her shoulders finally beginning to ebb.
'I'll see you soon, Nee-san.'
Walking ahead, she guessed that he would probably either be at Rengoku's grave, brooding at his own estate or—
'I hope he's not gone on a mission already.'
Finally, Shinobu turned and disappeared into the gray veil of the downpour, her footsteps eventually lost to the roar of the storm. She didn't look back. If she had, she might have seen a shadow lingering near the ancient cedar tree at the graveyard's edge.
Because little did she know, Giyuu never left.