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when you had agreed - because you, unlike grace, had something of a choice. you think you did. grace didn't talk much about how he ended up on the hail mary, but from the few details he's shared, you get the picture and you try not to think much about how much your 'no' might've meant as a result.
you agreed.
it was your choice and you choose to let that simple fact remain unexamined. you, at least, knew the last time you stood outside, looking up at that pretty blue sky that it would be the last time. seeing the sun and imaging the slight warmth of sun you used to feel. that you missed more with each passing day. that warmth that didn't reach all the down there on earth anymore. you knew it'd be the last time. you remember standing there, thinking it would be. saying goodbye to all the little details you'd never really cared for or thought too deeply about, every part you'd taken for granted that you could think of. just to yourself. just to pass the time, because the last few hours before being put on the hail mary were slower than you'd expected.
you're sure it was busier for everyone who wasn't about to be put into a decade and a half long coma. but for you, it was rather boring.
so you got to have that.
didn't expect to feel something like the sun again, when you woke up. late and sick. because you didn't wake up with grace. you stayed under, longer. barely hanging on stable, as mary repeated your vitals to grace for the thousandth time. repeated that you were alive, that you were due to wake up soon, even when you didn't. and when you finally did, disoriented and much stronger than someone who just woke up from a coma should be, flailing and fighting until your brain slowed down. you hadn't expected a singing rock to be the first person to greet you.
just wasn't part of orientation, you guess.
didn't expect to go home with them. or live in a bio-done with grace - the guy you distinctly remembered saying no to going on hail mary. the last person you expected to be there when you'd waken up.
you suppose none of that matters much now. not at this specific moment, on this little artifical beach because ryland prefers beaches. not when the imitation-sun brushes a very real warmth over your skin. one that feels just how you remember, like the eridians pulled it straight from your memory.
you know they didn't.
it's a fun thought, though. one rocky seemed pleased with. you hadn't needed grace's program to understand that. you couldn't catch the words, but from up the jocund chirping and ryland's soft, "yeah, adrian's awesome, rock," you got the idea.
you hear that melodic voice now, coming towards you with a few stray comments from grace.
leaning back, laying out against the sand, you watch them approach. and you call out, "he finally up?"
there's a quick "you left so early," from ryland before you hear that musical voice again. something soft and teasing about grace, you're pretty sure. you've been trying to learn rocky's language, trying to learn how to understand it, at least. it's one of the prettiest things you think you've ever heard.
fuck, you kinda wished humans sounded like that. you've told ryland that a few times. he never really agrees or disagrees, just listens you ramble about it for a bit.
"hey captain."
he smiles at that, and nods towards the water, stepping towards it. "changed your mind?"
which is a fair question. rocky had mentioned the water should be safe the other day. and, in response, you'd offhandedly said something about getting up one morning to swim. yet, you remain dry with your towel and shirt balled up next to you.
he doesn't really wait for your, "too hot to go in," before holding a hand, palm up, just above the sand at the shoreline, letting the water run over his hand before quickly pulling it back. tripping over himself and falling back in the process. "jesus."
"tried to warn ya'."
ryland just pulls himself to sit between you and rocky. choosing to answer rocky, trying to show them he's alright, and ignore you for the moment. those melodic notes picked up again, quicker and a bit louder than usual.
you watch how his hand moves, it's a bit red. but the color isn't stark and his natural color is taking back over quickly.
it's a silly thing to notice, but you do appreciate how he explains things.
you and him (but moreso grace) aren't as sturdy than eridians, just not as fragile as rocky seems to think. you've watched them have this conversation and listened to ryland complain about it after the times you weren't there (and after some of the ones you were). but he's always gentle in explaining it.
or anything really. you didn't come on the hail mary as a scientist, you can't say you fully understood everything he was supposed to be doing. still don't, but you feel like you have a better grasp on it. he was probably a really good teacher.
much better than you are. some of the first days you were on erid, before the bio-dome was built and safe, you'd tried explaining your jobs to each other a bit better. more indepth. got to know each other a bit better through all the little details either of you lit up at. the parts you liked the most, what drew you to your respective fields. grace was much better at explaining science to you than you were engineering to him.
it didn't hurt that you just liked listening to him talk. liked watching how his face moved and how he got a little more animated when he was itching to draw out what he was talking about.
it's a silly thing to brush your thumb over the back of his hand and you mouth a 'sorry' you don't know if he caught after he jumped a bit. but he doesn't pull away, just lets your hand rest over his. where the red is barely visible anymore. but still warm.
a different warmth than the one of from the sun. one you're slowly getting used to. that you think you might like a bit more than any other heat you've felt. that you miss every moment you don't have it.